Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar

Aisha Buhari: On Whose Mandate?

This my favourite person, Aisha Buhari, is back in the news again. When everyone is going left, she will go right and stand straightforward, and like me, and she would say, “Come and beat me.”

I have just seen a report and footage showing her on a visit to Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, her late husband’s best friend’s opponent in the coming presidential election.

You see why this is a ‘come and beat me’ moment?

Her late husband, former President Muhammadu Buhari was a founding member of the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC), the President and Commander-in-Chief, President Bola Tinubu, who claims he was the one that put him there after he ‘lu le’ four times is running under APC, her son just won a ticket under APC, and here she goes complete with her family to visit the man who wants to chase Tinubu out of the Presidential Villa.

I don’t understand this Aisha, I swear. The way she thinks needs to be studied.

The optics are really positive for Atiku because this was the same woman who was shouting against so much during her husband’s tenure; a woman who spoke her mind and was later vindicated from what we have heard or seen since the end of that regime. She even cried out that Tinubu was being marginalized in her late husband’s government.

Well, what else is there to say than to say that, ‘dem no dey see Lion for Afternoon’. What has gone wrong?

Something is about to get down. So get your popcorn or agbado – which one catches your fancy, because it’s about to hit the fan, guys.

Don’t say I didn’t tell you. Kai!   

Obafemi Hamzat: A Moment in Translation

 I spent about one hour with this gentleman. In case you don’t know him, he is the governorship candidate of the All Progressives Congress (APC) in Lagos State. He is the current deputy governor and the politician with the largest heart. His “patience” is out of this world.

I have learnt that he has been waiting for this moment since Babatunde Fashola finished his tenure. Some said he was asked to step down for Ambode to balance the Muslim-Christian ratio in the state, and the same rule was also used to make him wait till the end of Sanwo-Olu’s tenure. And in all of this, there was no rebellion.

This was the first thing I asked him as soon as I was ushered in to see him. “Why did you not spark?” I asked, and he smiled and said something about leaving it all to God. Again, I asked that during the wait, were there moments of frustration when he almost lost his cool. He smiled again and said, yes na. That once he had approached President Tinubu with his frustration, but the president calmed him down. Generally, he had left everything to God and played his role as a loyal party man because he believed very strongly in the doctrine of party supremacy.

Anyway, the chances of him being the next governor remain super bright, as we cannot see opposition anywhere and, as such, the scrutiny of his preparedness must be at its highest so that complacency will not step in.

Well, from what I saw and heard, the man seems to be ever prepared, and with his long experience, depth and clarity, I see no reason why he won’t be a brilliant governor. See you at the swearing-in, bro.

AbdulRahman AbdulRasaq: The Sultan of Wike

This is a two-in-one story. First, let me congratulate the extremely calm Governor of Kwara State, AbdulRahman AbdulRasaq, on his turbanning as the Sultan of Ilorin. The event was held during the week, and I am sure it was a success. Got the invite, and as I am naira-challenged, I attended virtually.

Nyesom Wike has been all over the media on AbdulRasaq. Apparently, APC governors led by him and Hope Uzodimma had poo-pooed Wike’s so-called Rainbow Coalition, claiming that the APC will not work with them nor recognise them. Wike, not one to take such a blow without attempting to fight back, went on air to launch a blistering attack on them.

He said all sorts and has received only silence from AbdulRasaq. Don’t know about Uzodimma, as I do not have any respect for that one.

As for AbdulRasaq, he has told me that he will not reply to Wike. “I will not exchange banter with him in the media. Will not dignify him.”

I agree, but I don’t have that kind of dignity, so I will respond. Brother Wike, that Rainbow Coalition is an aberration; a platform you have built to pursue your ambitions ahead of 2031, and everybody is seeing through the confusion that it is bringing. Hence, the resolve of the APC governors to kick it to the gutter, where it truly belongs.

As I have said in the past, I think the end of your very colourful career is nigh, and if I were in your shoes, you should start opening communications on amnesty because the way this thing is, there will surely be weeping and gnashing of teeth post-election. Pray; a very strong prayer is needed. I have spoken; come and beat me.

Aliko Dangote: The Parody of an Offer

On the first day of the offer, we heard that investors have put in N1.5 trillion. Even my driver has bought, and na only me remain o. Seventy-five per cent of the offer has been taken up as at the time of writing, and this is nothing but remarkable.

But then again, Nigerians have spooled another angle to the whole thing. Clips all over social media show Nigerians walking to Dangote trucks on the highway to inspect and make sure the drivers are doing well, claiming that – we are now part owners, etc. It’s just such brilliant, healthy fun that I cannot stop laughing. One very funny one showed someone trying to reach Dangote on the phone – Alhaji, when is the meeting ooo, I need to protect my 5,000 shares.

It’s all been fun and uniting. This IPO has achieved so much apart from the monetary angle. It has united us, thrown up patriotism, relaxed us and given us a different kind of unity.

It has even thrown up another matter entirely – succession. Some Nigerians, having seen Alhaji’s two daughters, are asking if he regrets not having a son as an heir. The man quickly looks at his investor list and must have seen that the majority are women; he quickly says, “I don’t miss not having a son.”

Anyway, son or daughter, this man is the most important African of this century, and this is the truth. He can pretend to be humble all he wants; me, I will be “proud” for him, abeg. He is a very significant force whose power and influence have eclipsed all of our Presidents and Heads of State, including the agbado chewing variant. Simple. Come and beat me. Well done, sir.

Peter Obi’s Inexcusable Dilemma

As a Sunday School teacher, I used to know the story of Jezebel very well, and immediately I heard of the story of the N200m bag; that story came to mind. Now, Oga, who has been going around in one black shoe and black trad, acting like he is the most frugal human being since the Garden of Eden, suddenly finds himself in turbulence caused by none other than his incredibly beautiful wife.

Apparently, she was photographed carrying a Hermes bag with a street value of about N200m, and all hell broke loose. If this were Obi Cubana’s wife, we would not bother, but this is the other Obi’s wife. This same Obi who has been preaching frugality and all of that. In defence, he says that his wife has her own money and is free to spend it anyhow. Fa, fa, fa, fowl, as Chief Zebrudaya will scream. You cannot be doing us – do as I say and not do as I do.

Your wife living and strutting like a peacock all over the place is not good for campaign optics. It also throws up control issues. It shows that you are not in control of your home, as you are sending different signals, which means that you may not be able to control her as First Lady. If, as a “common” aspirant wife, she is doing all these, then as First Lady we will be having another Imelda Marcus in our hands.

Obi, rein in your madam; let her even pretend at this time and don’t be giving us all that feeble excuse of her having her own money. Duchess has her own money; does that mean she should be doing anyhow? My brother, this look is not helping your case; sit her down and read the riot act – that is, if you can.

Gov Charles Soludo’s Petty Politics

This one is just doing like “dodoyo.” Dodoyo is another way of saying “mumu” in Shomolu. It is a much deeper problem than mumu, and we use it when someone who is expected to be extremely brilliant now starts doing “one kind.”

This is exactly how I feel with the so-called release of debt that Peter Obi was alleged to have left behind as Anambra Governor. Mbok, since when did debt become a crime? Abi is it because that one is all over the place, saying that he did not leave any debt, that is making this one fall on his dodoyo sword to play petty?

One would have thought that the guy would come up with criminal allegations of fraud and use EFCC to chase him the way Kaduna have done with Nasir El-Rufai. Who does not owe? Is the federal government not owing the Guinness Book of World Records debt? Are you not a so-called Professor of Economics abi wetin you even read sef – don’t you know that debt is part of economic growth? If the man leaves debt nko? Did he steal it? If he stole it, do the needful and let us hear word, abeg.

If you don’t have anything serious to do, better go and join your son in his pantomime and dance bare-chested and beg Obi’s wife to lend you one of her bags to carry all over the place, as your son does. Thank you.

Olu Jacobs: Rest Well, Senior Man

Eya, we have received this news with humility. God has finally taken Uncle Olu Jacobs, the screen legend and icon. Uncle has been ill for a bit and has remained fragile, but the love and care of Aunty Joke and the family have kept him going.

I remember seeing him at my play ‘AWO’ at the Glover Hall, which the family manages. I walked up to him and stared into his eyes, and he smiled. I held his hands and said, “Well done, sir.”

Aunty Joke and I had been on a TV panel to discuss the age gap between husband and wife – their own is over 30 years – and her love and full dedication to him were shown brightly at that event.

Olu Jacobs was a beacon, having built a career that spanned the international scene and ended up being squarely rooted locally with his punchy roles in many Nollywood epics.

Brilliant actor, beautiful gentleman and a huge teddy bear who simply was fun to be with; simply a great guy.

Sleep well, sir

Pastor Tobi Adegboyega: No Stain Yet

Pastor Tobi is a flamboyant Pastor based out of London. He is so flashy that our Afrobeats stars and other such celebrities flock around him. I like him o, especially his “baffs”. The man can dress up, and this is the only reason I like him.

You people can be calling him the devil, accusing him of all sorts; that is your business because the way the man dresses is just killing me.

Anyway, I don’t understand why Nigerian bloggers are after his blood. They are calling him all sorts, but till date, the British authorities have not found anything beyond his immigration status to hold him down. Even that one sef, nothing has stuck.

So accusing him of a lavish display of wealth, appointing 19-year-olds as pastors, or running a cult? Me, I don’t see all of these things o.

The man is just living his life, enjoying it and building “communities” of extremely beautiful women, and lazy bloggers are calling him a cult.

This is the kind of cult I want to join o. A cult where they will be dressing like GQ models, a cult where extremely beautiful women converge, a cult where they will be brimming with confidence and be marching boldly on the streets of London straight to the Prime Minister’s office. Mbok, where is the application form? I want to join o. Help me join ooo.

Ifiokobong Akan: Straight Out of Uyo

Ifiok’s House of Borah Fashion has, over the years, distinctly stood apart in the Nigerian fashion ecosystem. The Uyo-based fashion powerhouse has since 2013 defined a separate trajectory for itself.

 It has boldly and distinctly shown up for its very essence in a way that belies its humble beginnings.

It recently had a three-day pop-up event in Uyo, which brought the ancient city to a standstill.

Ifiok believes that her brand is much more than the clothes, but sees it as a vehicle for storytelling, identity, enterprise and cultural expression.

Stubbornly remaining in the sleepy Akwa Ibom capital, instead of relocating to the feverish, fast-paced Lagos, the fashion capital of Africa, Ifiok’s House of Borah stands very tall like a sphinx as it pushes its story of creative firmness from the lush grassy plains of Uyo. A beautiful story, and one that I must say that I remain very, very proud of. Well done, adiagha.

Olu Akpata: A Kings’ Move

This matter of King’s College, I must put mouth o, and since it’s only Olu Akpata that I know in the matter, as he was the one that went on ARISE TV, I will use his name.

Now the Old Boys have secured a concession to run the school on behalf of the federal government. They have announced that they are ready to put N100m into the school and run it credibly well.

Now come and see mumu ooo. Teachers and other forces are saying NO. Mbok, they even barricaded the school, preventing the old boy’s access. See this Nigeria can run someone mad.

Teachers? Principal? Officials? Civil servants, standing in revolt? And the federal government is even listening to them and giving a two-week lag time instead of clearing them once and for all.

You see, corruption and self-interest are the bane of the matter. I know for a fact that the KCOBA has done so much for that school, and the people there have been “chopping” the place dry, leaving the place to ferment like a disused cemetery. Now the Old Boys have stepped in, asking for a concession, and the vultures are there shouting because their “egunje” will not flow anymore.

It’s just good that I am not the Minister of Education or any person with any iota of authority. Otherwise, I would have flogged and swept all of them into the lagoon. What rubbish! I am so angry, you cannot imagine.