Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar
Cyril Ramaphosa: A Blight of a Statesman
I have refrained from commenting on the ongoing attacks on fellow Africans by South African citizens with the hope that his government would step in and do something. It however appears that waiting for that is like waiting for the proverbial “Godot.”
I don’t even know why they have branded what is happening in South Africa “xenophobia.” That big name does not even begin to describe what is happening in that land. What is happening there is a full blown crime against humanity – stealing, slaughtering, pillage, rape, all directed at a certain population within their enclave.
These are the same people who, a few years ago, were cowardly running all over Africa begging for alms, shamelessly being bullied, harassed and dehumanised by the white minority, only to turn around after “messing” up what was handed over to them on the plate of struggle and support by us to turn the country into a hellhole.
I am so happy that Tinubu has started the fight back. His move at his economic power is the first step; the next one should be a major imposition of full and comprehensive sanctions. Thank you.
Funny Side of Abdulsalami Abubakar’s Book
These are the kinds of accidental leaders we have been blessed with in this country. If you take a quick look at all of our leaders, you will see that apart from IBB and Obasanjo, in his second coming as civilian president and Bola Tinubu, the rest have been “sa re wa gba” leaders.
“Sa re wa gba” is a Yoruba slang that denotes “I just waka come,” and none of them epitomises this scenario more than General Abdulsalami. If you go back to history, you will see that Baba was just “wakaing” on his own when Abacha suddenly died, and the mantle fell on him. I even heard it was his juniors who made the decision. Daddy just collect baton with no plans, no vision and nothing.
It is with this opaque view towards leadership and nationhood that the reinvigorated Chief Obasanjo went to him for advice after being released from prison.
According to Gen Abdulsalami’s own admission in excerpts from his book, a book that I will never read, he mentioned that he had advised Chief Obasanjo to forget the presidency but instead push for compensation for his business that collapsed during his incarceration.
You see advice? Which kind of advice is this one? And he is still proud enough to put it in a book? This is the kind of “tumbo tumbo” advice that used to change destiny.
Thankfully, OBJ, who is very stubborn, did not take that kind of “kuru kere” advice and today, we now have a historic leader whose reign remains unbeaten. My prediction for that book is that it will soon surface at the CMS bus stop, where they will be using the pages to sell akara. Kai.
General Rabe Abubakar: A Heroic Return?
What else can we call it? This retired General was recently kidnapped with his wife, and as usual, we failed him. Despite his status and his painful video, we failed him.
He passed. They said it was because of complications from his blood pressure and diabetes. Whatever the reasons for his passing, he sha passed, joining the growing list of Nigerians and military generals that have passed through the process.
But tarry, why his own has now taken another dimension is that the “bandits” have been reported to have returned his body, and a few days later, our gallant soldiers were also reported to have “rescued” his widow.
My people, the only thing I will say at this point is that, when we are serious about resolving this problem, we will. For now, make we dey play “ten ten”. Thank you.
Seyi Makinde: Oyo is Chibok
If you ask me, Governor Seyi Makinde was starstruck and almost fearful when he made this statement. The Baba was standing beside the popular VDM, who looked as usual like he hadn’t taken a bath and could possibly be struggling with challenges in personal hygiene when he made this empty and obviously frivolous statement.
“Let me assure you that Oyo is not Chibok,” he rang free as he held on to the microphone, looking like he had just stood up from a hot bowl of Amala and Gbegiri.
After that statement, has there been any change in tactics, approach or even update? Nothing. How a man who is the chief security officer of a state only by name and with no legal platform of violence under his direct control will stand boldly and make that kind of statement continues to be the “efulefu” of our politics.
My Oga Seyi, Oyo is worse than Chibok. They have beheaded a teacher, they are still holding these children even as I write, and all you guys have done is to “rescue” the minister’s people – if we can call that a rescue – and you are here carrying microphone, wearing “okrika” shirt and proclaiming like you are in a Nollywood movie.
What we should be hearing from you is that if those children are not released or rescued in 30 days, you will resign. That is the kind of statement and boldness that true leaders make, but as we are in this Nigeria, there is not one, not even our president that will make this kind of statement under this kind of intense pressure. Instead, they will still be running around and sending their son on errand, and that one will be shouting “My father is…” Crap.
Reno Omokri: Trying Too Hard
Our ambassador-designate to Mexico is trying too hard, abeg. Simple question as to why he has not resumed, and he regales us with “fabu” – that’s because Mexico is hosting the World Cup. They have not had the time to receive him. Na wa. This one must really think that we are a country of “fufu heads.”
So, because the country is hosting the World Cup, everything has come to a standstill in the country. Mexican children have stopped going to school, traffic has stopped, the president has stopped having sex, and everything has come to a standstill abi?
This Baba should use this opportunity to go to the school of diplomacy and learn the etiquette of the profession, so he can have a small hope of being a fairly average diplomat.
I never see this kind of diplomat who is permanently on social media, exchanging barbs and the rest. Which other diplomat have you seen doing this anywhere in the world?
I don’t want to go heavy on Reno again before he goes and starts reporting me to the whole world, but let me just say this at this juncture – leave social media.
Oga, you are now an ambassador designate, and that positioning comes with a desired carriage and comportment. All these roforofo on social media should end, please. Mbok, in that Ministry of Foreign Affairs,shebi they have protocols and hierarchy. Can someone please just give this one, a query so that he can go and concentrate and do what is expected of him? Mbok, I tire for him.
Soni Irabor: On My Knees
Please, everybody, come and help me beg Uncle Soni Irabor, the veteran broadcaster and elder statesman, to put me back on his influential WhatsApp group.
Uncle Soni runs one of the most powerful WhatsApp groups in the country. Its members, over 200 of them, are drawn from academia, media, diplomacy, religion, entertainment and governance.
See, it was Area Fada that annoyed me, and in anger, I left with the hope that they would come and beg me. This is three months later, and nobody has come to beg me. Imagine! I know that all that my talks about masturbation, nudity and marrying too many wives have been making them uncomfortable. You know the average age in the group is 70, so when I am talking about my virility, they will be envying me. Now the opportunity came, and they seized it. They have refused to come and beg me.
Please, Nigerians, and especially those of you who know Uncle Soni, use style to go to him and beg on my behalf that he should put me back. Don’t let him know that I am the one who sent you o, you know that I have small pride. Thank you, and God bless.
Olanrewaju Omiyinka: Another Kind of Prison Reforms
This gentleman is Baba Ijesha, the Nollywood actor who was sent to prison for sexual crimes. Well, he dutifully served his term and was released, and seven months later, a beautiful fashion designer gave him a baby.
Agh, Nigerians who mostly failed mathematics in GCE have carried calculators o. Those of us who also got an F9 in Biology have also joined the frenzy.
Simple Biology states that you must carry to term, and to term means nine months, and mathematics also says that from the date Baba Ijesha was released to when this baby dropped is seven months.
Nigerians have remained confused, seeking answers to this very obvious question.
Well, my only possible answer after giving this whole scenario careful thought is the prison reforms that our dear Bobrisky was talking about.
You know he was the one that told us that you can go to prison without going to prison. He even took us through the process and showed us very clearly how you can go to prison with a smile.
It is looking like this Baba Ijesha was a member of that Prison Reform Committee, and as such, was granted express permission to be the first beneficiary of the reforms.
In Nigeria, nothing is impossible, I tell you.
Adebayo Osinowo: The ‘Pepper’ We Never Knew
Pepper was an APC strongman when he was alive. Sadly, I never got to meet him, but you could not be interested in Lagos politics without reckoning with him. He was so influential and a key pillar in things happening.
But there was one aspect of him that was not well known to the public. Recently, I stumbled on a report that suggests that as a taxi driver, he was the one who spirited some of MKO Abiola’s children to safety during the heat unleashed by the dreaded Abacha regime.
If you lived in that era in Nigeria and were unfortunately labelled pro-June 12 or a NADECO enthusiast, you were certainly living on very slippery soil. But this Pepper’s story was somewhat more remarkable.
From the story I read, he didn’t seem to be tied to any organisation or platform; he was just a cab driver moved by undying love for the Abiolas and what they stood for, hence his decision to take that kind of risk.
No wonder when he came back from that journey, he was picked up and forgotten in jail. When a new regime came and those ones released all political detainees, they forgot him.
Thankfully, he was fished out after some years and was released. From there, he built a remarkable political career that saw him rise till he passed.
I can see this story as a Nollywood movie, and I would suggest Desmond Elliot to be the lead character. It will be explosive, I tell you.
Tope Sadiq: Gone With the Wind
If you are a frequent attendee of the literati circuit in Lagos, you would have met Tope or seen him. He was that tall, big-bellied, bearded guy who would just saunter in and head straight to the Master of the Ceremony and beg for just five minutes to recite a poem. If you refuse, he will grab the mic and go into a beautiful soliloquy, which used to eventually “catch” the audience, making them beg for more.
Tope was present at almost all events, invited or not. He would come to my plays and do the same. Then one day he said, “Edgar, I want to act,” and I told him to come for an audition. Like play, like play, he did so well and got a role in my play ‘Gowon.’
He was a beautiful soul, a clever wanderer and a loner. He slept where he got tired and woke up the next morning to continue with his wandering, and then last week it ended.
He didn’t wake up. He was said to have slept and not woken up. As at the time of writing, I have not been able to confirm the cause of death, but what is painfully true is that the wanderer-in-chief of Nigeria is no more. Sad.
Effiong Akan-Uruan: A Different Kind of People
It was Larry Ettah, that very influential former Managing Director at UACN, who extended the invitation. Edgar, my mentor, Effiong Akan, is presenting his book on Uruan, and I would like you to come.
Who will not go ooo? Uruan is a huge and very pivotal tribe within the Akwa Ibom and Cross River axis. Their culture is so strong and pervasive that it influences all other tribes very powerfully.
It is said that they originated from the fearful and colourful “Ekpe” masquerade. The rest of Nigeria defines the Akwa Ibom/Calabar axis with the “Ojuju Calabar” prefix, and this is because of the popularity of the Ekpe masquerade.
Every December, Larry and others would do a huge carnival where all of these masquerades come out in their glory. Kai, if you see the colours, the beauty is super mesmerising. I pray he brings it to Lagos one day.
Anyways, that was how I dropped by the NIIA venue. The event was already in full swing. I saw some dignitaries like the SO&U head honcho Udeme Ufot, and retired Admiral Francis Akpan with Larry Ettah in the hall. What opened my eyes was the preview of the book by Mr. Okon of the ADC Airline. Wow! I opened my mouth o, these were the aviation pioneers in the country o.
Sadly, I had to rush out before the author, who was a principal mover at the NNPC, where he delivered a sterling performance and was well regarded, came on the dais.
I have, however, sent for the book, as the reviews I have read shows that it is a must read for anyone interested in culture and history. Well done, sir.
