Sonnie Ekwowusi pays tribute to a sister, mother and a friend
What came flooding my memory after the sad news of the death of my sister, Mrs. Veronica Obijiofor (Nee Ekwowusi) broke, were the words of the third Beatitude: “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth”. Veronica (who answered to the sobriquet ”Egondu Nwanyi”) was distinguished by her meekness and humility. St. Augustine regarded humility as central to the Christian faith and foundation of other human virtues. That was why he said, ‘If you should ask me what are the ways of God, I would tell you that the first is humility, the second is humility, and the third is humility….” So, Christians should be recognised by their meekness and humility. In his Apostolic Exhortation, Gaudete et Exultate, Pope Francis writes that in a world in which pride and vanity are wielded in order to dominate others, Jesus Christ proposes a different way of doing things: the way of humility and meekness. Pope Francis is right. Jesus lived an exemplary life of meekness and humility. And he expects us to imitate him in living these virtues. For instance, He came to serve not to be served. Prior to his public life, he spent a gargantuan 30 years in obscurity working as a carpenter with St. Joseph, his foster father. Finally, he allowed himself to experience suffering, want and deprivation culminating in his death on the Cross where he wrought our salvation.
My most vivid recollections of my sister Veronica are her living humbly and peaceably with everyone without wanting to shine out or make others unhappy. She was always unwilling to call attention to herself. She liked to pass unnoticed. She regarded the weaknesses and failings of others with tenderness and meekness, without an air of superiority. If humility means coming to know the truth about oneself with equanimity, Veronica was humility personified. In an age in which individualism has been arrogated to a statecraft and in which authority is abused and used to indulge in personal vanity and greed, it is irresistible not to be enamoured by Veronica’s self-effacement and large-heartedness. Being an introvert, Nma rarely quarrelled with anyone. She was a peace-loving mother. She was a peace maker who rarely antagonised anybody. I have never heard anybody complaining that she offended him or her. I think Veronica (fondly called “Nma” by her children and grandchildren) will be most remembered for her charity towards her neighbours: her readiness to forget and forgive injuries and offences committed against her.
The traditional family made up of a husband and a wife and their children is the base unit of social and economic organization of every society. Mothers are the heroines of the family, and, by extension the society. In Igbo cosmology, motherhood is celebrated, not despised. Of course, children are treasures in Igbo land. Every normal married woman, every normal wife looks forward to giving birth to children in her marriage. Veronica was very generous. She was a proud mother of 10 children, all well-bred and well-educated. Thus she was an embodiment of true Igbo mother. The outpouring of glowing tributes from her children, grandchildren, siblings and friends since her passing attests that she was simply a sweet mother. Even though her name did not hit the headlines, Nma heroically spent the greater part of her life loving and bringing joy to her children at all times passing unnoticed to the endearment of her neighbours and all the people around her.
This, for me, is what matters in this passing world. Success is different from fulfillment. Fulfillment is what many crave for. A fulfilled mother is one who spent her life loving and bringing up her children responsibly. Veronica, like many married women, encountered pains and challenges in her marriage and bringing up her children, but she never succumbed to any of the pains and challenges. She was always patient, calm and recollected in the face of family problems. She did not allow family challenges to become the obstacles in her bid and disposition to bring up her children to become responsible citizens. Every well-formed child holds his mother in high esteem. Every child with his head in the right place is ever grateful to his mother for bringing him to life in the first place. A mother is a mother. The late high-life music maestro, Prince Nico Mbarga, calls her sweet mother. Nothing can replace a mother in a home. A mother’s soup tastes better than the hotel soup or soup prepared by house-helps. A mother’s affection, a mother’s caress heals all wounds.
Yes, Egondu Nwanyi will also be remembered as a sweet mother. She never shirked her motherly responsibilities. Neither did she develop hostility to motherhood nor denigrated home-keeping. She would have chosen to become a “liberated woman” who dressed in fine apparel and walked the streets but, as I earlier said, she was humility personified. She perceived motherhood as a precious gift which should be celebrated and rewarded because humanity owes its survival to that gift. I think all her children would attest that she truly looked after them very well. She imparted to her children the essential family values which determine the way in which they relate with others in the society today.
Nma stood out for her strong Catholic faith and unpretentious Christian piety. Hardy any day passed without her praying the Rosary. In fact, she was always wearing the finger Rosary, and, she wore it until she breathed her last. Veronica was a simple and peaceful-loving woman. She was simply a virtuous woman. Whenever we met after I had travelled she always asked me for a Rosary or a Missal on the assumption that I had bought either of them for her during my trip. She deserved the name Christian not only because of her Christian piety but because she loved her husband, her children, her grandchildren, her neigbours and humanity. Veronica was downright moderate, unassuming and urbane.
In St. John’s Gospel, Jesus tells Martha “ Your brother will rise again”. In response, Martha said to Jesus: “I know that he will rise at the resurrection, on the last day”. Then Jesus turned to Martha and said to her: “I am the Resurrection and the Life; he who believes in me even if he dies, shall live; and whoever lives and believes in me shall never die”. Writing to Philemon, St. Paul stresses that our true home is in heaven and Jesus Christ whose return we await will come from heaven to save us. And in his Second Letter to Timothy, St. Paul says that if we die with Christ, we shall live with him, and if we preserve we shall also reign with him. The Resurrection of Christ is the efficient cause of our resurrection. As we mourn our sister, wife, mother, grandmother and friend Veronica, we take consolation in these words of Our Lord and trust that our sister Veronica has encountered her resurrection in Christ. Only the aforesaid divine words can permit us to live with joy and hope and optimism amid the sorrows and anguish of life.
