COVID-19 VACCINE BLUES

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Me I can fear. My greatest fear in this world is dual. Loss of erection and prison. These two things I dread. Nothing must do my erection o. You can do anything to me as long baba is still working we are good. I tell you. It is the worst thing that can happen to any man. Imagine yourself after you have suffered to secure the interest of a mermaid, she enter room, lay down, open leg, and you come dey look am like clown of Ikot Ekpene.

The girl will now be saying daddy hope no problem. You will say, wait, I am coming, and you disappear. Mbok, God forbid. The second one na prison. Even when I drive past Ikoyi Prison, I dey get headache talk less of being forced to live there for a number of years. The Lord of Hosts, the one who saved the children of Israel from Egypt and the patron saint of Akwa Ibom, will never allow that be my fate in this life, in Jesus mighty name. When this vaccine comes, my fear is side effect; not any side effect but any possible link to the erection.

At 51, you will agree that I am a rare specimen who can get it up at any time, place or situation simply by my thought process. Most of my mates will need to start getting ready by Monday if they are shagging on Saturday so that by Friday night, they would have succeeded in getting a partial erection, and then Saturday, they rush in very quickly two minutes, they are done.

They will now jump up in praise to the Most High. So for me, because of covid wey na just fever and cough and wey we dey use agbo knock am out to now go and take a vaccine that will now come and redefine my true worth and the main reason that I am in this world, dey hard o. People, you see my dilemma. As all my people dey go take the vaccine take picture, I dey fear. Uncle Soni Irabor take, send picture. Many people take and send pictures.

I ask them any effect on the erection, you know Nigerians, they will not answer o. I even ask my sister Ife Fashola wey tell me say her husband don take. I say any effect, she say come on shut up. Please, can someone tell me, I cannot go and be asking Buhari or Osinbajo this kind question. Can the health minister sign an invocable letter of guarantee that I will not lose my libido if I take this vaccine? Because if I don’t get that document, he be like say we go face the covid and continue to fight am with ginger and garlic. Make una no mind me o. Go, take the vaccine o. You know I can be crazy like that. Take the vaccine, guys.