ALTERNATIVE By Reno Omokri
Many of my readers may have read the famous German fairy tale, The Pied Piper of Hamelin. Basically, it was about a pied (someone dressed in multi-coloured clothes), piper, who had been hired by the Saxon town of Hamelin to help them get rid of an infestation of rats.
He played his enchanted pipe, and all the rats in Hamelin followed him and the town was rid of its infestation.
And then the town’s people refused to pay him. And the piper did not make a fuss. He simply played his magical pipe, and all the children of the town followed him, never to be seen or heard from again.
We now have a parallel of the Hamelin piper in President Buhari. Oh yes.
First of all, let me say that we give God the glory over the reported release of the #KankaraBoys. I commend everyone involved in their release. I urge that lessons be learned by the #Buhari regime, and that all boarding schools are temporarily shut until 24-hour armed guards can be provided.
Having said that, let me say that Buhari was voted in by Nigerians in 2015 to bring in what he described as Change. And yes, he fulfilled his promise. He changed Nigeria from the third fastest growing economy in the world, according to CNNMoney (fourth fastest according to the World Bank), in 2015, to the world headquarters for extreme poverty today.
Buhari changed Nigeria from a country that made her best progress in Transparency International’s Corruption Perception Index in 2014, when we moved eight places forward, from 144 to 136, to a country that is now ‘endemically corrupt’ and thus moved back to 146, our worst ever position on the CPI.
He changed Nigeria from being the fourth most terrorised nation on Earth, according to the Global Terrorism Index, by making us more terrorised and insecure that we are now the third most terrorised nation.
Not done, Buhari, who met a total national debt of ₦12 trillion in 2015, has increased our indebtedness times three to ₦34 trillion today, without a commensurate improvement in our economy. In fact, we have had only two recessions in the last twenty years, and both have been under Buhari.
Finally, Buhari changed Nigeria by tithing our currency from the most stable currency in Africa in 2014, to the world’s fourth-worst performing currency today, moving the Naira from ₦199 to $1 to ₦500 to $1 (and rising).
So, having fulfilled his promise to change Nigeria, Buhari expected to be paid in the currency of unconditional support and national popularity. And not having gotten that, he has been sulking.
Faced with the aftermath of the #EndSARS protests, and the Zabarmari massacre of close to a hundred farmers (not the 43 that the government propagandists declared), and the killing of thirty villagers by bandits in Zamfara, and the outbreak of #COVID19 amongst his chief of Army staff and 27 of the nation’s top army Generals, he thought it was a fitting time to go on a ‘private visit’ to his cows in Katsina.
And off he went on Friday, December 11, 2020, where his presence may have led to bandits (we now know they are Boko Haram), attacking the town of Kankara in Katsina state and making away with hundreds of boys (initially thought to be as much as 600, now believed to be 333).
It is almost as if Buhari went to Katsina to exact revenge on his kith and kin for the ingratitude he believes Nigeria has shown him.
And those who thought that the President cared about the abduction, received the shock of their lives.
The abduction occurred on Friday the 11th. On Saturday, the President did two things. Both of which had no bearing on the crisis.
First of all, he visited his cows and allowed himself to be filmed inspecting and admiring them.
Secondly, he congratulated Anthony Joshua, the World Heavyweight Boxing Champion, on his victory over Kubrat Pulev.
Who does that? I mean, which President worth his salt, would do that? But the worst is yet to come.
The next day, despite being in Katsina, where Government Science Secondary School is located, you can imagine that this president could not even visit GSSS Kankara (he was 120 miles away from the town). He had to call Abuja to send a ‘high powered’ delegation to visit a state where he was present. At this juncture, even a statue would be a better leader than Buhari!
Even the President’s wife has relocated from Aso Rock Presidential Villa over ‘insecurity’. Maybe that is the same reason Buhari temporarily relocated to Daura. Tell me, if Aso Rock is not secure, where in Nigeria is secure?
And look at the response of the government. Absolutely shambolic. The President is like a deer caught in the headlights.
It is time to ask if Buhari has gone senile. For months he closed our borders. Now, five days after #KankaraStudents abduction, the Buhari administration announced the reopening of the Northwest border.
I thank God that the boys have been rescued (Governor Masari said herdsmen of the Miyyeti Allah Cattle Breeders Association of Nigeria helped secure their release. Hmm!). Anyway, the timing is suspicious. Very suspicious. Is Buhari working with Boko Haram?
Opening the border in the NW just days after 333 boys were abducted makes it look like the government is in cahoots with the terrorists. Is this the case? After Murtala was killed our borders were closed until Dimka was caught. This does not make sense! It may seem a moot point now that the boys have been recovered, but if there is no crime and punishment, this level of abduction will occur again. Those behind the abduction must be found and brought to book.
And to make matters worse, on Thursday, December 17, 2020, Buhari marked his 78 birthday, and his spokesman, Femi Adesina, rather unwisely chose to celebr
ate his boss and released a rather effusively sycophantic piece titled ‘If Only We Knew This President’.
Alas, Femi, we know this President, and he is an unmitigated disaster. He lacks the intellectual capacity to manage a McDonald’s Restaurant, much less a multi-ethnic nation like Nigeria.
And what is more, we watched a video, released by Boko Haram on the President’s birthday, which confirmed our worst fears, that some of the boys were killed. If what Boko Haram posted is true, then it even makes it imperative that those behind the abduction and subsequent murder must be brought to book.
The testimony by one of the abducted #KankaraStudents that some of his colleagues have been killed is heartbreaking. That this news is coming at the same time #Buhari is celebrating his birthday is even sadder. Right now, Buhari is more of a threat to Nigeria than Boko Haram.
As such, I am sending this message to the President on his birthday. Make of it what you will.
On your 78th birthday, I remind you of the 78 farmers whose throats were slit by Boko Haram and the 333 #KankaraStudents abducted by Boko Haram on your watch (even though most were recovered, some died. I remind you that you met Nigeria as the third fastest-growing economy in the world, but today, we are the world headquarters for extreme poverty. I also remind you that you met Nigeria at 136 on Transparency International’s Corruption Perception Index, but today we are so corrupt that we are at 146. Finally, I remind you that in 2015, Nigeria was the fourth most terrorised country in the world, according to the Global Terrorism Index, but today we are now the third most terrorised nation on Earth.
The truth is clear. At 78, you belong in a retirement home. Go there. I, Reno Omokri, will pay. That is my birthday present to you!
And finally, it is interesting that Governor Masari said herdsmen from Miyetti Allah Cattle Breeders rescued the #KankaraBoys. It is good that #OurBoysAreBack, but questions need to be answered. And what about the boys that were killed? Who will be held responsible? How do we prevent reoccurrence?
God is very jealous. God is very sensitive. When you wake up. Don’t:
* Bath, brush or dress
* Check your emails or take calls (even from your boss)
* Eat or cook
* Make your bed
Before you pray. The only thing you could do before you pray is use the toilet if you can’t hold it. Apart from that, go from bed to your knees. Never say you don’t have time. God created time. If you honour Him with time, you will just find out that value is being added to your time. God did not say you should seek Him only. He only wants you to seek Him FIRST!