Recession: The Blame Game is On

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with Joseph Edgar (09095325791)

This reminds me of primary school. When something goes wrong and the class teacher walks in to find out exactly who the culprit is. Everybody jumps up accusing everybody and then there is so much cacophony and confusion that at the end of the day the whole class gets punished since the culprit could not be found out in the midst of the hullabaloo. That is exactly what is going on in our country today. Everybody is blaming everybody for the recession, Infact the only person that has not been blamed so far is Klint d drunk. Even him, the moment he makes a public statement he would be dragged into the wahala. PDP says it is APC, APC says it is PDP.

I was with an APC stalwart during this week and he was adamant in the official party line that PDP is the main cause of this problem. According to him, they did not handover and as such APC went into government blind. But the question I was too afraid to ask him, less he changed his mind about giving me breakfast, should we then now call back PDP to come and give a proper handover and will that now return us to the growth levels we saw during their time? . For me the issue goes beyond whose fault but what exactly are we going to do to resolve this problem. I am beginning to rethink my support for the economic emergency but only if the Federal Government can build a bi- partisan all inclusive team that would seriously tackle this thing. The rain is falling on every roof both PDP and APC and we really do not have time to continue with this blame game. People are really dying.

‘I Hate My Job’
One hapless fellow during the week twitted this obscenity and actually lost his job. I hear he worked for one of the financial institutions in Lagos and must have really been bored silly with his job. So off to Twitter to catch some fun and finally lost the job he hated so much. I should think that he would be relieved right now since he did not have the courage to resign but instead continued daily on a job that could have led to his death. Do I pity him? I think not. People are daily losing their jobs and millions more are looking for jobs.

I just saw a news report on how people are being asked to pay a whooping N150,000 for teaching jobs in one of the south-eastern states. So the best thing that could have happened to this young man and to his institution is his being given the sack. For he would have just been warming the seat lazily that someone else could have gladly and dutifully occupied. So my thanks goes to Twitter for exposing this person and my thanks also goes to that institution for taking the right step. Please have you filled the vacancy? I have like 50 cousins looking for jobs.

Funke Akindele: A Big Congratulations
Let me use this medium to say congratulations to this screen goddess on her recent marriage. I pray that this time she has finally found true happiness and it is in the spirit of this joy that I will hold my fire on her television series, Jenifa’s Dairy which is currently running on cable. Let m know when the honeymoon is over so that I can release fire, till then have fun, be a good wife and spoil your new husband with good cooking and tender, loving care. Congrats my darling.

Gani Fawehinmi : What would He have Done?
What would the late Gani Fawehinmi have done about the current economic situation in the country? He would have gone to court, led a thousand matches, granted so many press interviews and generally become very irritable to the government. This week is anniversary of his death and although as the years progress, his memory continues to dwindle with little and little events set up to mark this great leader of thought. I once met him when I went for a job interview. I did not know that it was a job to be his personal assistant, so I found my way to his office in that sleepy part of Anthony Village.

I was young and innocent, fresh from school holding my master’s degree in Politcial Science. When they ushered me in and I saw the baba seated with Beko Ransome-Kuti, my legs gave way. I stood there shaking like a zombie and tongue tied like a teenager in love. They both looked at me with pity and started asking questions. Fear did not let me answer the questions as I looked at these icons of national struggles knowing full well that I was not in the least interested in spending most of my youthful life in various gulags. As they talked, I looked around for the famous bag which was said to be always packed and ready for his various trips. I did not see anything like that o but the newspaper cuttings and clips were everywhere. The office was cluttered and extremely busy.

After little deliberations in hushed tones, they asked me to leave that they would get back to me. They never did. But let me guess what they must have said to themselves while considering my candidacy, ‘ Gani, see his skinny legs, this one will not be able to run when they fire tear gas. He is from Akwa Ibom, he will disturb all our female staff, but could be useful if we need to distract female police officers. He looks like someone that talks too much, once police catch us he will just sing. He is fine sha but we need haggard people for the struggle. He is too young, let’s pity his mama. Let’s not take him.’ That is how I lost the opportunity to be Gani Fawehinmi’s personal assistant . I thank God though, as I am not built for suffering for the masses, let them suffer alone. Abeg life is too sweet.

Mark Zukerberg and the Lekki Bridge
I have always known that this Lekki bridge would soon hit international prominence and my hunch came through when the Facebook boss came jogging. The first time I went to watch the things on that bridge I did not leave for two hours. The kind of women and ladies who jog on that bridge with different body-hugging outfits and confusing motorists remain confounding. The scene there is usually chaotic with things bumbling and shaking and throwing things around. All sizes, shapes and colours Kai, if we harness this thing very well it can be a veritable forex earner for the country. Leave all that talk about internet penetration, he must have come and seen things for himself. Remember his closest aide is a Nigerian, who had come much earlier. He must have gone back with stories of these natural endowments Nigerian women have been displaying on the bridge. So to his private jet he went and landed straight on the bridge, did the jogging and actually saw things for himself. He went back smiling and I am sure the Nigerian guy who made this discovery would be getting lined up for promotion. Lekki bridge is the place to be, to lift your spirits in this recession.

Rotimi Akeredolu : Kudos
Anytime I see his gray beard I will smile. I always knew he would emerge simply because his beard reminded me of the Cele prophet down my street. That to me was a good sign. So my egbon I say congratulations even as I remind you not to overlook some powers that be. The fact that you won against the grain of thought does not mean that you should ignore the forces. I really want you to emerge as the governor or else you will have to shave the beard and that will not augur well.