Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar

From Cola Wars to Dangote Wars

You must have heard of the Cola Wars.  Well, we are firmly into what I will call the Dangote Wars. Since Alhaji berthed his $20billion refinery, he has known no peace. It is one wahala or the other.  From the Lagos State Government land issue, to employment of only Indians, to the NLC protest, and so much more.

Last week, however, he went in for the last fight. He called a press conference and announced that one Farouk has been paying over $5million as school fees for his five children in one European country.

He did not stop at that o, he went ahead to submit a petition to that effect to the ICPC, daring the man to face him. While at it, he slashed the pump price of fuel, leaving competitors grappling with losses estimated at over N100 billion, and threatened to double his fleet of trucks from 4,000 to 8,000, promising “fire for fire.”

Me, I don’t like that truck own sha, because that would mean total “capture” of the sector as distribution would be firmly in his hands. It would seem as if we just created another godfather in Nigeria, which will not be too good, as we are still wrestling with the “agbado” godfather in Aso Rock.

Anyway, we Nigerians in the short term are deriving benefits from this struggle – fuel price is coming down, scarcity has disappeared and this should impact transport and food costs. No wonder inflation has dropped to about 14%.

While we were still grappling with all of these, the sudden resignation of Farouk and one other person hit the airwaves showing that Alhaji has won round one. For me, I am not quite as elated with all of these as would be expected. Rather,  I see an ominous dark cloud on the horizon. I do not really need that prophet that used to ask for N150million trumpets to see that, although in the short to mid-term, we would be basking in the dividends of his struggle. The spectre that we just may be exchanging task masters in the long run is refusing to leave me.

Make we still dey watch – as we say it in Shomolu. The game just began.  Thank you.

A Legacy in Total Chaos

Muhammadu Buhari prophetically was reported to have warned his aides to be careful as they move, because they will be answerable for their actions after their term. They apparently did not listen.

As I write, his ministers and other aides are facing over N3 trillion in cumulated fraud and money laundering charges. These people just went to town on the back of the man’s seeming lack of capacity to grapple with the expectations of his high office. His eight years were in fact, the years of the locust. He was standing there blindfolded, proclaiming his integrity while his people were busy just stealing us dry.

Allegations following Malami are so mind-numbing that one would be tempted to ask if Buhari was under a spell that he could not see these things.

His famous “I belong to nobody” statement was just a vacuous attestation to his simple-mindedness and lack of qualification for the huge responsibility that he was saddled with. That was why he just turned our Treasury into an HMO for his medical health, while his people took the other side to just carve out large portions of the cake for themselves, cronies and families.

We say we don’t talk ill of the dead, so I will not say much on this Buhari person, but let me just quickly state that the man no try at all. Kai.

Aisha Buhari: A No Nonsense Being

More bad news is coming out of the Buhari camp for Nigerians. I have just seen a report on the exquisitely beautiful widow of the late former President Buhari, saying that she plans not to remarry. This news hit me like a bolt out of the blue, making me reel.

Mbok, just when someone was considering mapping out a very detailed proposal that would include plans for Middle East vacations, spa trips, afang exploration jaunts to Uyo and building of statues in her favour, she now throws this kind of cold water on my parade.

Mummy has reportedly said that she will focus on her grandchildren and also do more of her philanthropy and travel more. I am asking from my base in Shomolu: what kind of boring plans are those when we can do a lot more exciting things together?

Well, the truth of the matter is that what will be will be and if destiny has a hand, there is nothing anybody, not even her, can do.

Aisha Buhari was a very independent-minded First Lady who brooked no nonsense. She made appropriate noises and today, with what is happening at the EFCC, she appears to have been vindicated. She had shouted that a cabal had held her hubby to ransom and that he did not even know these people. These are the same people today that we are hearing of these mind blogging “theft” that they had carried out under his watch.

Today, Nigerians are just waking up to the reality of her cry, and it is her beauty and boldness that has made me develop a – you know what- for her.

We remain hopeful and in prayers on this, my – you know what – as we never can tell because as long as the sea never dries, anything can happen. Thanks.

Chris Okafor: Stung By a Frustrated Bee

Our women have cast shame into the dustbin. This actress with big lips called Doris went on social media, barely covered, to lament about this Pastor. According to her, they were in an amorous relationship while she was married; they had several bouts of sex which she refused to have with her husband. They did things together, leading to the death of her only brother, and she lost pregnancies for him. Now, he wants to marry a new wife.

Over her dead body, she wailed o. “Chris, after all the sex?” she shouted. “You now want to leave me to marry another woman? I will kill myself.”

Of course the man went ahead to marry his bride, adorning the ugliest wedding suit that I have ever seen in my life. The suit looked like a cross between their bridesmaid’s gown and tablecloth that my mama used to cover the dining table before we dived into her well-made Afang soups.

My people, this is very confusing, especially how this adult female could not see the very wrong lines that she crossed with her wailings.

First, you admit to cheating on your husband with another; you admit to having phone sex and sending your nude to another while married; you allude to the unwholly passing of your brother in the process and now believe that sex, being the only value you bring to the table should now be the only determining factor in the man choosing his life partner.

The man sef with his ugly suit and face like I don’t know what, as a so-called man of God, carrying along with these kinds of activities, if true, should be very, very ashamed of himself. So, he went along with the debauchery while grooming a simpler, more beautiful woman to marry.

Mbok, all I can say at this point is, who no fear pastor and actress no fear anything. In the last 20 years, these two groupings have really shown Nigerians. They have so lost our respect that today, if you say you are a pastor, no matter the denomination, people would look at you with one kain eye.

Same for actresses. Once you identify as one, people would instinctively keep their children away from you. This episode has not helped either of their reputations.

The only advice I can give the actress is to take heart, even as I offer myself as a temporary healer pending when she really gets herself back. Abi, what else can I do to assist as a patriotic citizen with a kind heart?

Mbok Nma Doris, please reach out and let’s start the healing therapy, no time to waste. Lol!

Ibrahim Traore and 11 Nigerian Soldiers

God just saved this one for eventually releasing the 11 Nigerian soldiers he was keeping. Reports, as I write, show that he has finally released our soldiers who were on their way to Portugal. Something happened to their plane and they made an emergency landing in his country.

You see, when a strong man has been shamed, every “tambolo” would now be trying themselves. Shebi this one has seen the way bandits have been using us to play Ludo, he too with his ugly red beret and dirty brown uniform now wanted to try us by holding down our soldiers.

He is very lucky that he has done the needful; if not, President Tinubu would have just taken Prof Soyinka’s advice and sent just half of Seyi Tinubu’s bodyguards to go and scatter his country, which is not as big as Shomolu.  Because kidnappers and other miscreants are using our army to do “tumbo, tumbo,” he too wants to start.

He did not see how we entered Benin Republic and in less than four hours, quelled that insurrection.

Our army’s problem is internal; it is clearly not the one that a Boy Scout would be walking around with camouflage and daring us.

If he had kept those soldiers for another two days, nothing would have saved that his poverty-stricken country, not even Russia or any superpower that would have run to his aid.

God just gave him sense abi he did not hear that we just bought 24 fighter jets from Italy? We would have just used him to test-run the planes.

Mbok, let this be a warning to any other tiny African country being ruled by Boy Scouts that Nigeria is still the main African superpower and that they should not try themselves because bandits are giving us a wallop. We still have the most powerful fighting force on the continent and have full capacity in modern warfare. It is just the tactics to fight bandits that we are lacking, but face-to-face combat capability, we will scatter any country in Africa ooo.

Abi, Bola, let’s just send one bomb to his capital just to show him what we can do so that next time, if he sees any Nigerian plane, he will quickly return it o. This finger he put in our eye is paining me too much. Kai.

Abaribe: A Tree Trying to Make a Forest

This man has always been very courageous. During the Buhari era, when we had a very stern president who would frown when he heard Nnamdi Kanu’s name, this senator was bold enough to go and stand surety for Kanu.

Mbok, when EFCC caught me, it took me almost a whole day to get surety.  I am not a separatist nor did I call President Buhari a monkey and a Jubril.

When nobody was bold enough, this man went to sign for Kanu who thanked him by escaping. Luckily, Buhari captured him back, and the rest is history.

Senator has come out again as the only person standing against this our mandate. Almost everybody has moved to APC and is standing on a mandate that was received at the gates of Bourdillon, Ikoyi. Senator Abaribe, in his characteristic manner, has decided to stand away from that mandate, stating that “this is not how a democracy is done.”

To come out like this takes courage in today’s Nigeria, considering his political stature. This is a country where even second-term governors with no elections ahead of them have run for cover in the APC; where almost the entire National Assembly has defected; where all but three governors have crossed over; and where nearly every politician of means has followed suit. Yet, one man now chooses to stand apart, determined to make a forest on his own.

I salute not only this senator but the six other politicians, namely Atiku Abubakar, Seyi Makinde, Peter Obi and the two other governors who have refused to stand on that mandate.

I really do respect and admire you guys, let’s see how this tree will now make a forest. Kai. Sad.

Peller: Fame, Wealth and the Intrigues

Those of you above 50 may not have heard of this young boy. Peller is a TikTok multi-millionaire with a huge followership. He is one of those youths who have made good on the opportunities that the internet and social media have thrown up. He is so wealthy and popular that he is courted by all and lives a very gilded life.

With the fame now comes the baggage. He is not lettered, a dropout out and in a relationship with a 24-year-old who is older than he is but is said to be a lawyer. The relationship is played out in our very eyes, and we see them almost 24 hours a day as they post almost everything about their lives for all to see.

Me at 56, must say that I am ashamed to say that I follow his antics and that I enjoy most of them.

Anyway, he had one more fight with his girlfriend, who is known as Javis, which led to him attempting to take his life by crashing his very expensive car. All of it was beamed live for Nigerians to see. Thank God he did not die but I hear he got arrested for his efforts.

Now read my bad belle analysis. Too much fame and wealth too early has its major drawbacks, and one of them is why God did not do this for me, too. All my life, I have been struggling, writing columns, working like Jackie and this small boy will now set up a camera and speak bad English, and millions will be pouring in.

Is this life fair at all?  I did not pity him when his girlfriend broke up with him, even though I did not like the attempted suicide part, but my envy is not letting me write this column the way I should write it. For now, let me just state that this boy and the many like him need some form of mentorship and guidance if we are going to stem the tide of drugs, violence and possible premature deaths like the one we just avoided. Thank you.

Nixon Iwedi: Showing Visionary Leadership

A quick shout-out to this brilliant banker. Nixon is the Managing Director of the newly formed Signature Bank. With over 25 years of cognate experience, working both locally and internationally in such stellar institutions as GTBank and Access Bank.

Today, he runs Signature Bank that has left the start-up tracks with a bang and a strong intent of hitting market leadership in no time.

I met with him the other day and I must state that his reputation as a fast thinker and visionary leader had preceded him. He left me feeling intellectually humbled and very few people leave me in that state. Well done, my guy. We will meet you at the top.

Thanks.