Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi: Kindergarten Presidential Aspirants
Every election cycle, they come out in droves like termites in season. They declare ambitions, join some weak political platforms and rabble-rousing in Lagos and maybe Abuja. After that, they calm down and go back to whichever hole they crawled from.

This is kind of irritating and thankfully they do not gather moss so their activities do not even register on scale let alone distract us from the very serious job of looking for credible leadership in this our nation.
This cycle, they are out again. Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi says she wants to be President and was inspired by the #EndSARS movement. I snigger.

But one other person has caught my interest- Chukwuka Monye. He is actually taking himself very seriously as I hear he walks around with bodyguards and bouncers. I saw his picture beside the Nigerian flag and apart from his handsome face, he really has nothing to contribute to these discussions.

I reached out to him and asked to have a session. He has agreed and the session will be held this evening. Unfortunately, you would be reading this by that time.

I took a cursory look at his background and found nothing to support this ambition. He calls himself Social Innovator among other high-sounding and meaningless phrases that can charm the undies of a very beautiful lady but not dent the hardened voter or party leader in faraway Kebbi.

Nigeria is too serious to be toyed with like this even on an extended ego trip. Sadly, these people – Chukwuka and Khadijat have the brainpower, clarity of thought and strong exposure to play credibly well at the grassroots where the work really is. But no, na presidency dey hungry dem.
Do they even understand how the security network works? Do they understand the dizzying turn in the economy? Do they understand the shifting tables that is the warped federalism we practise?

This is why I call them ‘kindergarten” in every true sense of the word including derogatory. Their king, Fela Durotoye, drove himself with ‘sweet nothings’ in the run-up to the last elections and suffered a national embarrassment when his understanding of simple issues relating to the economy and other sectors exposed his intellectual nudity.

Please let us go and fight for positions at the MDAs, build from there and work up the system, learning and garnering experiences. When you are ready, we will know.
The Nigerian presidency is not a Reality TV show, it is the most important and most powerful office in Africa. Not for termites. Thank you.

EMMANUEL UDOM: STILL ON THE MATTER
It was my Oga, Mr Kekere-Ekun that told me to “never be in a hurry to comment always. Listen and watch carefully before taking a position. You now have a voice so be reticent in speaking.”
Another Oga advised me “I have seen things… so I use my mouth less and let my eyes and ears do the work.”
Shebi it is someone who is normal you will be telling this one to. Me, I no normal o and I no gree, especially on this matter. We had expected a divergence from the past. We had expected that with the pedigree that came from years in corporate Nigeria that worst-case scenario, we would see a balancing that would shift us a little bit away from the sad part of selective candidacy.

But what we even saw this time was even crasser than what had hitherto been obtained. So, this time around, “God’ was pulled in. We were waiting for God and he came in a dream sequence to deliver the messiah Governor. Kai, we have suffered. The least he could have done was to have allowed internal primaries and work to the answer.
Anyways, we now have a preferred candidate and we all have been ‘instructed’ to push the candidacy. What else can we do? Don’t we all belong to Animal Farm? It is well. We will keep watching. No problem.

BABAJIDE SANWO-OLU: A LITTLE WORD OF SUPPORT
I walked into an office in Ikeja the other day and saw an old rickety Range Rover covered with campaign memorabilia for Governor Sanwo-Olu. The driver was very energetic and hyper. I told him “please, no jam my car o.” He replied, “No vex, we dey campaign,” and zoomed off with thick black smoke coming out from its exhaust.
I smiled and shook my head; I really do hope that this ramshackle Range Rover does not represent the state of Oga’s reelection bid.

Anyways, this is not the aim of this write-up. The aim is to send in a little word of support. Mr. Sanwo-Olu has tried. I have moved from deep apathy towards him to restrained respect. His vigour, energy and strong will to deliver are not lost on Lagosians.

Although we still see a few glitches here and there, the genuineness of the actions smoothens that up. The issue of the schoolgirls should never have come out because of the millions more in the state in the same situation without any real hope. Abi, should we all go and line up our out-of-school children on His Excellency’s footpath so we can get recourse?

Would I like to see a Sanwo-Olu second term? I’ll say yes. Simply because of his strong engagement of his people, his policies especially in transport, tourism and infrastructure and much more importantly his willingness to sha jump in – #EndSARS, Covid, Magodo and many more.
Anyways, let’s keep him in prayers.

AKAN UDOFIA: THE RENAISSANCE Man
By now, you will know that I have taken sides in the politics of Akwa Ibom. I am standing very firmly behind the man I call Renaissance Man, Mr Akan Udofia. I first heard of him through my lord Chike Ogeah. Chike said, “Edgar, you mean you don’t know AK 47?”

“Mbok, who be that?”
“He is someone you should meet, you guys have the same outlook towards some of these issues.”
Then, I met my sister, the eternally beautiful Eno Udoh. Kai, I used to have a mad crush there o. She told me to meet Akan and actually facilitated the meeting. Akan called and invited me to his house in Uyo.

The meeting that was meant to be just a whistling stop lasted four hours. Discussions were varied, deep and intellectually stimulating. His views on the economy, federalism, infrastructural development and socio-economic policy thrusts all hit the mark. His position on empowerment of the people through private and entrepreneurial positioning as against the current run where we all wait cap in hand for federal allocation hit the mark with me and stayed there.

That got me. I simply just relaxed and decided to work in my own little way for his victory.
Anyways, the Pastor now knelt and got his anointing from his Deacon and the whole place went mad. I haven’t seen Akan since that declaration although we have been chatting. I had asked for his response, he said calm down. When I asked if he was still in the race, he gave me a resounding “definitely.”
Then he called.

“Meet me at my house in Ikoyi and let’s have lunch.
“Don’t come and give me rice o’ I warned him o.
“Duke, no fall my hand. Come and eat Afang.”
With Afang, me no get principles o. Even if Pastor Eno offered me Afang, now Akan fit lose me o.
The table was laid well. The Afang sat there majestically, rich and arrogant. It was posing beside one ‘draw’ soup like that and the fufu was very white and refreshing. The meal needed my immediate attention so I told him:
“Bro, make us chop first, leave Akwa Ibom politics, make we chop before the food cold.’ He said ok. My sister and everlasting crush Eno was there. She used her immortal beauty to scatter the room.

Mbok, the Afang was melodious. It was green, it had periwinkles and ekwong. It was smooth and went down so glibly that against doctors’ orders, I had four plates. Done and satisfied, I turned to Akan and said, “Your Excellency, I cannot discuss politics again, I need to sleep. I am sorry.”
Eno fell into deep laughter as I walked away, holding my tummy and reminding myself to take Andrew Liver Salt. I had over-indulged.
My brother, next time we want to talk about Akwa Ibom politics, no bring Afang. Too distracting.

BODE OLANIPEKUN: SOMETHING ABOUT HIM
Bode Olanipekun is a SAN. I heard he made it before 40. He is the son of the almost mythical Wole Olanipekun whose strides in the profession continues to amaze.
Now, Bode is my friend and we are up to something quite huge and powerful. I do not know if I am at liberty to mention it because it is still in its early days. The size and implication on national cohesion continue to rankle me, making my mouth shake o. Should I talk?

Before I even talk, let me note something here. Discussions with Bode always leaves me with goose pimples. His clarity of thought and obvious passion for the rule of law as the very strong basis for our democracy leaves no one in doubt as to his intentions and love for Nigeria.

This project will pull in the president and almost all state governors during the National Day celebrations in a bold attempt to pull all of their ears as to the need to work a little bit harder to achieve better national cohesion.
I am really trying not to leak the secret but let’s be rest assured that come this October, Bode will be making a major statement through some very powerful storytelling and the whole nation will tune in to listen to him and The Duke of Shomolu would be right in the middle, directing affairs.
God will keep us all alive.

DOUYE DIRI: ANOTHER SAD SONG
When we talk about visionary leadership, we do not even come to this bus stop. The other day, I watched as His Excellency was weeping like a child. Regurgitating the same old story that has been our lot since prehistoric times.
“Ohhh, the federal allocation is too small. It has made us poor; how can we own the land and the resources underneath are owned by the federal government” he wailed.

I just looked at him with pity. Pray, when he was contesting what exactly did he tell the Bayelsans before those ones voted for him? Did he tell them, he will single-handedly increase the allocation or what, because me I don’t understand these tears.

Waiting for constitutional reforms to provide the basics for his people is really sad. This is a man lining up the perfect blame for a lame time in government. Everything is the federal government’s fault. Everything o.
As the allocation is dwindling, what are you putting in place to shore it up? What IGR initiatives are you pushing? What opportunities are you opening up?

This is an oil-rich place o. Even if the federal government has seized everything, what exactly is your recourse? Please stop all these tears, they just sadden us.
If they increase the allocation by 1,000%, it is still the same tears that we will be seeing because all expenditures will go up at the same rate.
You see why we have to be very circumspect as we go to the polls. Nigerians should look beyond the usual crop of leaders and seek those who know what time it is.

CAPTAIN OKOROCHA: LET’S ABORT THE FLIGHT
I watched Chief try his very best Martin Luther King impression and I must say he really tried. Maybe when I get to do my play on Nnamdi Azikiwe, I would cast him in the title role.
That part where he said, ‘I am Captain Rochas, relax and enjoy the flight’ was brilliant but it ends there.
Bro, enough of the games. Please go and concentrate on other matters and stop disturbing us with the chicanery of your efforts.

Me, I have decided to be a one-man, ‘chase them away’ army. I will be yabbing and abusing all these kinds of candidates from my little corner until they have sense and go and be watching Big Brother Africa so that we can concentrate and look for credible leaders to take us home.

This generation and indeed the ones behind us have this 2023 and at best 2027 to put credible leadership in place. My generation after allowing this ‘tsunami’ to be fostered on us since 2015 will now come and be listening to Captain Okorocha? That shows there is something really wrong with our collective heads.
Captain, if becoming a pilot is what is hungrying you, please go to your brother in Air Peace and let him look for a job for you. They can let you fly the Owerri route, that is if your brother Uzo will let you land.

PROF YEMI OSINBAJO: STORYTELLER OF LIFE
I love listening to him. His stories and anecdotes are always so well delivered. His diction, his pacing and his punch lines are usually the best. He is a master storyteller.
I have just read one where he talked about typists at UNILAG. Chief typist, middle typist and junior typist. He told us the junior was the most hardworking and that gave him a position at the Hague as against his senior colleagues who were quite lazy. Lovely story.

But the one in focus today is the one on his N620 salary while being a lecturer in UNILAG. No wonder those lecturers will be frowning every time. I was in UNILAG in the 90s and I used to sha wonder why the lecturers used to be doing one kain. Didn’t know they were earning that kind of money, no wonder they can go on strike.
Well, I have seen the calculations done by ASUU on this salary, adding inflation and exchange rate and arrived at about N420,000 at today’s money. They have now used this to strengthen their agitation.

Well, me, I have no pity for them. I see them as tunnel-visioned and lazy in strategy. They know how it works in better climes but will not want it here because they don’t have the pulling power.
Instead, they will come and be waiting for federal government subvention and when that one does not come, they will be threatening us with a strike. Mbok, keep striking, that is your lot.

It is not even their fault. It is the government’s that is still pretending it can afford this thing. The Government cannot afford tertiary education, at least not at the scale we now have it in the country. It is that simple. They should sell everything and turn to regulators to protect the lower end of the population who would not be able to afford the thing at the privatised level.

Where they cannot sell, they can adopt phased commercialization where departments and courses cover their cost and the government just supports and ensures standards. The lecturers know this, the government knows that they are both just playing chicken and egg with themselves for selfish purposes.
See, if you are a learned professor people will register for your course, you will attract grants and the school will do everything to keep you. It’s a simple demand and supply thing.
My daughter got her course cancelled because enough people did not register for it. Guess what happened to the lecturer? Labour market. No sentiment.

This one that lecturer will still be using a handout he used to teach Azikiwe before independence to teach millennials who are building software and taking over the world cannot work.
Government should look at streamlining the universities, scrapping meaningless courses and putting a firm demand and supply mechanism that allows for lecturers to cover their costs and that of the school while it regulates
If you don’t have the mind, appoint me. I will do it in one week and this perennial ASUU wahala will end. What are they even teaching? I listened in on an MBA class in a first-generation University and I almost cried. The lecturer didn’t even understand the first thing about listing a company and then the next thing, he will go on strike. Privatize, commercialize, streamline. Those are the buzzwords. One week max. We solve this problem once and for all.

AYO SUBAIR: A BELATED GREETING
I have just heard of my egbon’s confirmation at the Lagos State Internal Revenue Service (LIRS). This hardworking Lord truly more than deserves all of the accolades and commendations.
The other day, I was in his office on a visit and witnessed very pragmatically the buzz. There is work in that place o and I begin to ask him how he comes out looking as cool as a cucumber all the time.
Kindly accept my apologies for not sending my wishes earlier than now, there has been fuel scarcity that is why.
Anyways, you truly deserve this and more. God will keep you for us. Well done sir, well done.

Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi: Kindergarten Presidential Aspirants
Every election cycle, they come out in droves like termites in season. They declare ambitions, join some weak political platforms and rabble-rousing in Lagos and maybe Abuja. After that, they calm down and go back to whichever hole they crawled from.

This is kind of irritating and thankfully they do not gather moss so their activities do not even register on scale let alone distract us from the very serious job of looking for credible leadership in this our nation.
This cycle, they are out again. Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi says she wants to be President and was inspired by the #EndSARS movement. I snigger.

But one other person has caught my interest- Chukwuka Monye. He is actually taking himself very seriously as I hear he walks around with bodyguards and bouncers. I saw his picture beside the Nigerian flag and apart from his handsome face, he really has nothing to contribute to these discussions.

I reached out to him and asked to have a session. He has agreed and the session will be held this evening. Unfortunately, you would be reading this by that time.

I took a cursory look at his background and found nothing to support this ambition. He calls himself Social Innovator among other high-sounding and meaningless phrases that can charm the undies of a very beautiful lady but not dent the hardened voter or party leader in faraway Kebbi.

Nigeria is too serious to be toyed with like this even on an extended ego trip. Sadly, these people – Chukwuka and Khadijat have the brainpower, clarity of thought and strong exposure to play credibly well at the grassroots where the work really is. But no, na presidency dey hungry dem.
Do they even understand how the security network works? Do they understand the dizzying turn in the economy? Do they understand the shifting tables that is the warped federalism we practise?

This is why I call them ‘kindergarten” in every true sense of the word including derogatory. Their king, Fela Durotoye, drove himself with ‘sweet nothings’ in the run-up to the last elections and suffered a national embarrassment when his understanding of simple issues relating to the economy and other sectors exposed his intellectual nudity.

Please let us go and fight for positions at the MDAs, build from there and work up the system, learning and garnering experiences. When you are ready, we will know.
The Nigerian presidency is not a Reality TV show, it is the most important and most powerful office in Africa. Not for termites. Thank you.

EMMANUEL UDOM: STILL ON THE MATTER
It was my Oga, Mr Kekere-Ekun that told me to “never be in a hurry to comment always. Listen and watch carefully before taking a position. You now have a voice so be reticent in speaking.”
Another Oga advised me “I have seen things… so I use my mouth less and let my eyes and ears do the work.”
Shebi it is someone who is normal you will be telling this one to. Me, I no normal o and I no gree, especially on this matter. We had expected a divergence from the past. We had expected that with the pedigree that came from years in corporate Nigeria that worst-case scenario, we would see a balancing that would shift us a little bit away from the sad part of selective candidacy.

But what we even saw this time was even crasser than what had hitherto been obtained. So, this time around, “God’ was pulled in. We were waiting for God and he came in a dream sequence to deliver the messiah Governor. Kai, we have suffered. The least he could have done was to have allowed internal primaries and work to the answer.
Anyways, we now have a preferred candidate and we all have been ‘instructed’ to push the candidacy. What else can we do? Don’t we all belong to Animal Farm? It is well. We will keep watching. No problem.

BABAJIDE SANWO-OLU: A LITTLE WORD OF SUPPORT
I walked into an office in Ikeja the other day and saw an old rickety Range Rover covered with campaign memorabilia for Governor Sanwo-Olu. The driver was very energetic and hyper. I told him “please, no jam my car o.” He replied, “No vex, we dey campaign,” and zoomed off with thick black smoke coming out from its exhaust.
I smiled and shook my head; I really do hope that this ramshackle Range Rover does not represent the state of Oga’s reelection bid.

Anyways, this is not the aim of this write-up. The aim is to send in a little word of support. Mr. Sanwo-Olu has tried. I have moved from deep apathy towards him to restrained respect. His vigour, energy and strong will to deliver are not lost on Lagosians.

Although we still see a few glitches here and there, the genuineness of the actions smoothens that up. The issue of the schoolgirls should never have come out because of the millions more in the state in the same situation without any real hope. Abi, should we all go and line up our out-of-school children on His Excellency’s footpath so we can get recourse?

Would I like to see a Sanwo-Olu second term? I’ll say yes. Simply because of his strong engagement of his people, his policies especially in transport, tourism and infrastructure and much more importantly his willingness to sha jump in – #EndSARS, Covid, Magodo and many more.
Anyways, let’s keep him in prayers.

AKAN UDOFIA: THE RENAISSANCE Man
By now, you will know that I have taken sides in the politics of Akwa Ibom. I am standing very firmly behind the man I call Renaissance Man, Mr Akan Udofia. I first heard of him through my lord Chike Ogeah. Chike said, “Edgar, you mean you don’t know AK 47?”

“Mbok, who be that?”
“He is someone you should meet, you guys have the same outlook towards some of these issues.”
Then, I met my sister, the eternally beautiful Eno Udoh. Kai, I used to have a mad crush there o. She told me to meet Akan and actually facilitated the meeting. Akan called and invited me to his house in Uyo.

The meeting that was meant to be just a whistling stop lasted four hours. Discussions were varied, deep and intellectually stimulating. His views on the economy, federalism, infrastructural development and socio-economic policy thrusts all hit the mark. His position on empowerment of the people through private and entrepreneurial positioning as against the current run where we all wait cap in hand for federal allocation hit the mark with me and stayed there.

That got me. I simply just relaxed and decided to work in my own little way for his victory.
Anyways, the Pastor now knelt and got his anointing from his Deacon and the whole place went mad. I haven’t seen Akan since that declaration although we have been chatting. I had asked for his response, he said calm down. When I asked if he was still in the race, he gave me a resounding “definitely.”
Then he called.

“Meet me at my house in Ikoyi and let’s have lunch.
“Don’t come and give me rice o’ I warned him o.
“Duke, no fall my hand. Come and eat Afang.”
With Afang, me no get principles o. Even if Pastor Eno offered me Afang, now Akan fit lose me o.
The table was laid well. The Afang sat there majestically, rich and arrogant. It was posing beside one ‘draw’ soup like that and the fufu was very white and refreshing. The meal needed my immediate attention so I told him:
“Bro, make us chop first, leave Akwa Ibom politics, make we chop before the food cold.’ He said ok. My sister and everlasting crush Eno was there. She used her immortal beauty to scatter the room.

Mbok, the Afang was melodious. It was green, it had periwinkles and ekwong. It was smooth and went down so glibly that against doctors’ orders, I had four plates. Done and satisfied, I turned to Akan and said, “Your Excellency, I cannot discuss politics again, I need to sleep. I am sorry.”
Eno fell into deep laughter as I walked away, holding my tummy and reminding myself to take Andrew Liver Salt. I had over-indulged.
My brother, next time we want to talk about Akwa Ibom politics, no bring Afang. Too distracting.

BODE OLANIPEKUN: SOMETHING ABOUT HIM
Bode Olanipekun is a SAN. I heard he made it before 40. He is the son of the almost mythical Wole Olanipekun whose strides in the profession continues to amaze.
Now, Bode is my friend and we are up to something quite huge and powerful. I do not know if I am at liberty to mention it because it is still in its early days. The size and implication on national cohesion continue to rankle me, making my mouth shake o. Should I talk?

Before I even talk, let me note something here. Discussions with Bode always leaves me with goose pimples. His clarity of thought and obvious passion for the rule of law as the very strong basis for our democracy leaves no one in doubt as to his intentions and love for Nigeria.

This project will pull in the president and almost all state governors during the National Day celebrations in a bold attempt to pull all of their ears as to the need to work a little bit harder to achieve better national cohesion.
I am really trying not to leak the secret but let’s be rest assured that come this October, Bode will be making a major statement through some very powerful storytelling and the whole nation will tune in to listen to him and The Duke of Shomolu would be right in the middle, directing affairs.
God will keep us all alive.

DOUYE DIRI: ANOTHER SAD SONG
When we talk about visionary leadership, we do not even come to this bus stop. The other day, I watched as His Excellency was weeping like a child. Regurgitating the same old story that has been our lot since prehistoric times.
“Ohhh, the federal allocation is too small. It has made us poor; how can we own the land and the resources underneath are owned by the federal government” he wailed.

I just looked at him with pity. Pray, when he was contesting what exactly did he tell the Bayelsans before those ones voted for him? Did he tell them, he will single-handedly increase the allocation or what, because me I don’t understand these tears.

Waiting for constitutional reforms to provide the basics for his people is really sad. This is a man lining up the perfect blame for a lame time in government. Everything is the federal government’s fault. Everything o.
As the allocation is dwindling, what are you putting in place to shore it up? What IGR initiatives are you pushing? What opportunities are you opening up?

This is an oil-rich place o. Even if the federal government has seized everything, what exactly is your recourse? Please stop all these tears, they just sadden us.
If they increase the allocation by 1,000%, it is still the same tears that we will be seeing because all expenditures will go up at the same rate.
You see why we have to be very circumspect as we go to the polls. Nigerians should look beyond the usual crop of leaders and seek those who know what time it is.

CAPTAIN OKOROCHA: LET’S ABORT THE FLIGHT
I watched Chief try his very best Martin Luther King impression and I must say he really tried. Maybe when I get to do my play on Nnamdi Azikiwe, I would cast him in the title role.
That part where he said, ‘I am Captain Rochas, relax and enjoy the flight’ was brilliant but it ends there.
Bro, enough of the games. Please go and concentrate on other matters and stop disturbing us with the chicanery of your efforts.

Me, I have decided to be a one-man, ‘chase them away’ army. I will be yabbing and abusing all these kinds of candidates from my little corner until they have sense and go and be watching Big Brother Africa so that we can concentrate and look for credible leaders to take us home.

This generation and indeed the ones behind us have this 2023 and at best 2027 to put credible leadership in place. My generation after allowing this ‘tsunami’ to be fostered on us since 2015 will now come and be listening to Captain Okorocha? That shows there is something really wrong with our collective heads.
Captain, if becoming a pilot is what is hungrying you, please go to your brother in Air Peace and let him look for a job for you. They can let you fly the Owerri route, that is if your brother Uzo will let you land.

PROF YEMI OSINBAJO: STORYTELLER OF LIFE
I love listening to him. His stories and anecdotes are always so well delivered. His diction, his pacing and his punch lines are usually the best. He is a master storyteller.
I have just read one where he talked about typists at UNILAG. Chief typist, middle typist and junior typist. He told us the junior was the most hardworking and that gave him a position at the Hague as against his senior colleagues who were quite lazy. Lovely story.

But the one in focus today is the one on his N620 salary while being a lecturer in UNILAG. No wonder those lecturers will be frowning every time. I was in UNILAG in the 90s and I used to sha wonder why the lecturers used to be doing one kain. Didn’t know they were earning that kind of money, no wonder they can go on strike.
Well, I have seen the calculations done by ASUU on this salary, adding inflation and exchange rate and arrived at about N420,000 at today’s money. They have now used this to strengthen their agitation.

Well, me, I have no pity for them. I see them as tunnel-visioned and lazy in strategy. They know how it works in better climes but will not want it here because they don’t have the pulling power.
Instead, they will come and be waiting for federal government subvention and when that one does not come, they will be threatening us with a strike. Mbok, keep striking, that is your lot.

It is not even their fault. It is the government’s that is still pretending it can afford this thing. The Government cannot afford tertiary education, at least not at the scale we now have it in the country. It is that simple. They should sell everything and turn to regulators to protect the lower end of the population who would not be able to afford the thing at the privatised level.

Where they cannot sell, they can adopt phased commercialization where departments and courses cover their cost and the government just supports and ensures standards. The lecturers know this, the government knows that they are both just playing chicken and egg with themselves for selfish purposes.
See, if you are a learned professor people will register for your course, you will attract grants and the school will do everything to keep you. It’s a simple demand and supply thing.
My daughter got her course cancelled because enough people did not register for it. Guess what happened to the lecturer? Labour market. No sentiment.

This one that lecturer will still be using a handout he used to teach Azikiwe before independence to teach millennials who are building software and taking over the world cannot work.
Government should look at streamlining the universities, scrapping meaningless courses and putting a firm demand and supply mechanism that allows for lecturers to cover their costs and that of the school while it regulates
If you don’t have the mind, appoint me. I will do it in one week and this perennial ASUU wahala will end. What are they even teaching? I listened in on an MBA class in a first-generation University and I almost cried. The lecturer didn’t even understand the first thing about listing a company and then the next thing, he will go on strike. Privatize, commercialize, streamline. Those are the buzzwords. One week max. We solve this problem once and for all.

AYO SUBAIR: A BELATED GREETING
I have just heard of my egbon’s confirmation at the Lagos State Internal Revenue Service (LIRS). This hardworking Lord truly more than deserves all of the accolades and commendations.
The other day, I was in his office on a visit and witnessed very pragmatically the buzz. There is work in that place o and I begin to ask him how he comes out looking as cool as a cucumber all the time.
Kindly accept my apologies for not sending my wishes earlier than now, there has been fuel scarcity that is why.
Anyways, you truly deserve this and more. God will keep you for us. Well done sir, well done.

Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi: Kindergarten Presidential Aspirants
Every election cycle, they come out in droves like termites in season. They declare ambitions, join some weak political platforms and rabble-rousing in Lagos and maybe Abuja. After that, they calm down and go back to whichever hole they crawled from.

This is kind of irritating and thankfully they do not gather moss so their activities do not even register on scale let alone distract us from the very serious job of looking for credible leadership in this our nation.
This cycle, they are out again. Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi says she wants to be President and was inspired by the #EndSARS movement. I snigger.

But one other person has caught my interest- Chukwuka Monye. He is actually taking himself very seriously as I hear he walks around with bodyguards and bouncers. I saw his picture beside the Nigerian flag and apart from his handsome face, he really has nothing to contribute to these discussions.

I reached out to him and asked to have a session. He has agreed and the session will be held this evening. Unfortunately, you would be reading this by that time.

I took a cursory look at his background and found nothing to support this ambition. He calls himself Social Innovator among other high-sounding and meaningless phrases that can charm the undies of a very beautiful lady but not dent the hardened voter or party leader in faraway Kebbi.

Nigeria is too serious to be toyed with like this even on an extended ego trip. Sadly, these people – Chukwuka and Khadijat have the brainpower, clarity of thought and strong exposure to play credibly well at the grassroots where the work really is. But no, na presidency dey hungry dem.
Do they even understand how the security network works? Do they understand the dizzying turn in the economy? Do they understand the shifting tables that is the warped federalism we practise?

This is why I call them ‘kindergarten” in every true sense of the word including derogatory. Their king, Fela Durotoye, drove himself with ‘sweet nothings’ in the run-up to the last elections and suffered a national embarrassment when his understanding of simple issues relating to the economy and other sectors exposed his intellectual nudity.

Please let us go and fight for positions at the MDAs, build from there and work up the system, learning and garnering experiences. When you are ready, we will know.
The Nigerian presidency is not a Reality TV show, it is the most important and most powerful office in Africa. Not for termites. Thank you.

EMMANUEL UDOM: STILL ON THE MATTER
It was my Oga, Mr Kekere-Ekun that told me to “never be in a hurry to comment always. Listen and watch carefully before taking a position. You now have a voice so be reticent in speaking.”
Another Oga advised me “I have seen things… so I use my mouth less and let my eyes and ears do the work.”
Shebi it is someone who is normal you will be telling this one to. Me, I no normal o and I no gree, especially on this matter. We had expected a divergence from the past. We had expected that with the pedigree that came from years in corporate Nigeria that worst-case scenario, we would see a balancing that would shift us a little bit away from the sad part of selective candidacy.

But what we even saw this time was even crasser than what had hitherto been obtained. So, this time around, “God’ was pulled in. We were waiting for God and he came in a dream sequence to deliver the messiah Governor. Kai, we have suffered. The least he could have done was to have allowed internal primaries and work to the answer.
Anyways, we now have a preferred candidate and we all have been ‘instructed’ to push the candidacy. What else can we do? Don’t we all belong to Animal Farm? It is well. We will keep watching. No problem.

BABAJIDE SANWO-OLU: A LITTLE WORD OF SUPPORT
I walked into an office in Ikeja the other day and saw an old rickety Range Rover covered with campaign memorabilia for Governor Sanwo-Olu. The driver was very energetic and hyper. I told him “please, no jam my car o.” He replied, “No vex, we dey campaign,” and zoomed off with thick black smoke coming out from its exhaust.
I smiled and shook my head; I really do hope that this ramshackle Range Rover does not represent the state of Oga’s reelection bid.

Anyways, this is not the aim of this write-up. The aim is to send in a little word of support. Mr. Sanwo-Olu has tried. I have moved from deep apathy towards him to restrained respect. His vigour, energy and strong will to deliver are not lost on Lagosians.

Although we still see a few glitches here and there, the genuineness of the actions smoothens that up. The issue of the schoolgirls should never have come out because of the millions more in the state in the same situation without any real hope. Abi, should we all go and line up our out-of-school children on His Excellency’s footpath so we can get recourse?

Would I like to see a Sanwo-Olu second term? I’ll say yes. Simply because of his strong engagement of his people, his policies especially in transport, tourism and infrastructure and much more importantly his willingness to sha jump in – #EndSARS, Covid, Magodo and many more.
Anyways, let’s keep him in prayers.

AKAN UDOFIA: THE RENAISSANCE Man
By now, you will know that I have taken sides in the politics of Akwa Ibom. I am standing very firmly behind the man I call Renaissance Man, Mr Akan Udofia. I first heard of him through my lord Chike Ogeah. Chike said, “Edgar, you mean you don’t know AK 47?”

“Mbok, who be that?”
“He is someone you should meet, you guys have the same outlook towards some of these issues.”
Then, I met my sister, the eternally beautiful Eno Udoh. Kai, I used to have a mad crush there o. She told me to meet Akan and actually facilitated the meeting. Akan called and invited me to his house in Uyo.

The meeting that was meant to be just a whistling stop lasted four hours. Discussions were varied, deep and intellectually stimulating. His views on the economy, federalism, infrastructural development and socio-economic policy thrusts all hit the mark. His position on empowerment of the people through private and entrepreneurial positioning as against the current run where we all wait cap in hand for federal allocation hit the mark with me and stayed there.

That got me. I simply just relaxed and decided to work in my own little way for his victory.
Anyways, the Pastor now knelt and got his anointing from his Deacon and the whole place went mad. I haven’t seen Akan since that declaration although we have been chatting. I had asked for his response, he said calm down. When I asked if he was still in the race, he gave me a resounding “definitely.”
Then he called.

“Meet me at my house in Ikoyi and let’s have lunch.
“Don’t come and give me rice o’ I warned him o.
“Duke, no fall my hand. Come and eat Afang.”
With Afang, me no get principles o. Even if Pastor Eno offered me Afang, now Akan fit lose me o.
The table was laid well. The Afang sat there majestically, rich and arrogant. It was posing beside one ‘draw’ soup like that and the fufu was very white and refreshing. The meal needed my immediate attention so I told him:
“Bro, make us chop first, leave Akwa Ibom politics, make we chop before the food cold.’ He said ok. My sister and everlasting crush Eno was there. She used her immortal beauty to scatter the room.

Mbok, the Afang was melodious. It was green, it had periwinkles and ekwong. It was smooth and went down so glibly that against doctors’ orders, I had four plates. Done and satisfied, I turned to Akan and said, “Your Excellency, I cannot discuss politics again, I need to sleep. I am sorry.”
Eno fell into deep laughter as I walked away, holding my tummy and reminding myself to take Andrew Liver Salt. I had over-indulged.
My brother, next time we want to talk about Akwa Ibom politics, no bring Afang. Too distracting.

BODE OLANIPEKUN: SOMETHING ABOUT HIM
Bode Olanipekun is a SAN. I heard he made it before 40. He is the son of the almost mythical Wole Olanipekun whose strides in the profession continues to amaze.
Now, Bode is my friend and we are up to something quite huge and powerful. I do not know if I am at liberty to mention it because it is still in its early days. The size and implication on national cohesion continue to rankle me, making my mouth shake o. Should I talk?

Before I even talk, let me note something here. Discussions with Bode always leaves me with goose pimples. His clarity of thought and obvious passion for the rule of law as the very strong basis for our democracy leaves no one in doubt as to his intentions and love for Nigeria.

This project will pull in the president and almost all state governors during the National Day celebrations in a bold attempt to pull all of their ears as to the need to work a little bit harder to achieve better national cohesion.
I am really trying not to leak the secret but let’s be rest assured that come this October, Bode will be making a major statement through some very powerful storytelling and the whole nation will tune in to listen to him and The Duke of Shomolu would be right in the middle, directing affairs.
God will keep us all alive.

DOUYE DIRI: ANOTHER SAD SONG
When we talk about visionary leadership, we do not even come to this bus stop. The other day, I watched as His Excellency was weeping like a child. Regurgitating the same old story that has been our lot since prehistoric times.
“Ohhh, the federal allocation is too small. It has made us poor; how can we own the land and the resources underneath are owned by the federal government” he wailed.

I just looked at him with pity. Pray, when he was contesting what exactly did he tell the Bayelsans before those ones voted for him? Did he tell them, he will single-handedly increase the allocation or what, because me I don’t understand these tears.

Waiting for constitutional reforms to provide the basics for his people is really sad. This is a man lining up the perfect blame for a lame time in government. Everything is the federal government’s fault. Everything o.
As the allocation is dwindling, what are you putting in place to shore it up? What IGR initiatives are you pushing? What opportunities are you opening up?

This is an oil-rich place o. Even if the federal government has seized everything, what exactly is your recourse? Please stop all these tears, they just sadden us.
If they increase the allocation by 1,000%, it is still the same tears that we will be seeing because all expenditures will go up at the same rate.
You see why we have to be very circumspect as we go to the polls. Nigerians should look beyond the usual crop of leaders and seek those who know what time it is.

CAPTAIN OKOROCHA: LET’S ABORT THE FLIGHT
I watched Chief try his very best Martin Luther King impression and I must say he really tried. Maybe when I get to do my play on Nnamdi Azikiwe, I would cast him in the title role.
That part where he said, ‘I am Captain Rochas, relax and enjoy the flight’ was brilliant but it ends there.
Bro, enough of the games. Please go and concentrate on other matters and stop disturbing us with the chicanery of your efforts.

Me, I have decided to be a one-man, ‘chase them away’ army. I will be yabbing and abusing all these kinds of candidates from my little corner until they have sense and go and be watching Big Brother Africa so that we can concentrate and look for credible leaders to take us home.

This generation and indeed the ones behind us have this 2023 and at best 2027 to put credible leadership in place. My generation after allowing this ‘tsunami’ to be fostered on us since 2015 will now come and be listening to Captain Okorocha? That shows there is something really wrong with our collective heads.
Captain, if becoming a pilot is what is hungrying you, please go to your brother in Air Peace and let him look for a job for you. They can let you fly the Owerri route, that is if your brother Uzo will let you land.

PROF YEMI OSINBAJO: STORYTELLER OF LIFE
I love listening to him. His stories and anecdotes are always so well delivered. His diction, his pacing and his punch lines are usually the best. He is a master storyteller.
I have just read one where he talked about typists at UNILAG. Chief typist, middle typist and junior typist. He told us the junior was the most hardworking and that gave him a position at the Hague as against his senior colleagues who were quite lazy. Lovely story.

But the one in focus today is the one on his N620 salary while being a lecturer in UNILAG. No wonder those lecturers will be frowning every time. I was in UNILAG in the 90s and I used to sha wonder why the lecturers used to be doing one kain. Didn’t know they were earning that kind of money, no wonder they can go on strike.
Well, I have seen the calculations done by ASUU on this salary, adding inflation and exchange rate and arrived at about N420,000 at today’s money. They have now used this to strengthen their agitation.

Well, me, I have no pity for them. I see them as tunnel-visioned and lazy in strategy. They know how it works in better climes but will not want it here because they don’t have the pulling power.
Instead, they will come and be waiting for federal government subvention and when that one does not come, they will be threatening us with a strike. Mbok, keep striking, that is your lot.

It is not even their fault. It is the government’s that is still pretending it can afford this thing. The Government cannot afford tertiary education, at least not at the scale we now have it in the country. It is that simple. They should sell everything and turn to regulators to protect the lower end of the population who would not be able to afford the thing at the privatised level.

Where they cannot sell, they can adopt phased commercialization where departments and courses cover their cost and the government just supports and ensures standards. The lecturers know this, the government knows that they are both just playing chicken and egg with themselves for selfish purposes.
See, if you are a learned professor people will register for your course, you will attract grants and the school will do everything to keep you. It’s a simple demand and supply thing.
My daughter got her course cancelled because enough people did not register for it. Guess what happened to the lecturer? Labour market. No sentiment.

This one that lecturer will still be using a handout he used to teach Azikiwe before independence to teach millennials who are building software and taking over the world cannot work.
Government should look at streamlining the universities, scrapping meaningless courses and putting a firm demand and supply mechanism that allows for lecturers to cover their costs and that of the school while it regulates
If you don’t have the mind, appoint me. I will do it in one week and this perennial ASUU wahala will end. What are they even teaching? I listened in on an MBA class in a first-generation University and I almost cried. The lecturer didn’t even understand the first thing about listing a company and then the next thing, he will go on strike. Privatize, commercialize, streamline. Those are the buzzwords. One week max. We solve this problem once and for all.

AYO SUBAIR: A BELATED GREETING
I have just heard of my egbon’s confirmation at the Lagos State Internal Revenue Service (LIRS). This hardworking Lord truly more than deserves all of the accolades and commendations.
The other day, I was in his office on a visit and witnessed very pragmatically the buzz. There is work in that place o and I begin to ask him how he comes out looking as cool as a cucumber all the time.
Kindly accept my apologies for not sending my wishes earlier than now, there has been fuel scarcity that is why.
Anyways, you truly deserve this and more. God will keep you for us. Well done sir, well done.

Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi: Kindergarten Presidential Aspirants
Every election cycle, they come out in droves like termites in season. They declare ambitions, join some weak political platforms and rabble-rousing in Lagos and maybe Abuja. After that, they calm down and go back to whichever hole they crawled from.

This is kind of irritating and thankfully they do not gather moss so their activities do not even register on scale let alone distract us from the very serious job of looking for credible leadership in this our nation.
This cycle, they are out again. Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi says she wants to be President and was inspired by the #EndSARS movement. I snigger.

But one other person has caught my interest- Chukwuka Monye. He is actually taking himself very seriously as I hear he walks around with bodyguards and bouncers. I saw his picture beside the Nigerian flag and apart from his handsome face, he really has nothing to contribute to these discussions.

I reached out to him and asked to have a session. He has agreed and the session will be held this evening. Unfortunately, you would be reading this by that time.

I took a cursory look at his background and found nothing to support this ambition. He calls himself Social Innovator among other high-sounding and meaningless phrases that can charm the undies of a very beautiful lady but not dent the hardened voter or party leader in faraway Kebbi.

Nigeria is too serious to be toyed with like this even on an extended ego trip. Sadly, these people – Chukwuka and Khadijat have the brainpower, clarity of thought and strong exposure to play credibly well at the grassroots where the work really is. But no, na presidency dey hungry dem.
Do they even understand how the security network works? Do they understand the dizzying turn in the economy? Do they understand the shifting tables that is the warped federalism we practise?

This is why I call them ‘kindergarten” in every true sense of the word including derogatory. Their king, Fela Durotoye, drove himself with ‘sweet nothings’ in the run-up to the last elections and suffered a national embarrassment when his understanding of simple issues relating to the economy and other sectors exposed his intellectual nudity.

Please let us go and fight for positions at the MDAs, build from there and work up the system, learning and garnering experiences. When you are ready, we will know.
The Nigerian presidency is not a Reality TV show, it is the most important and most powerful office in Africa. Not for termites. Thank you.

EMMANUEL UDOM: STILL ON THE MATTER
It was my Oga, Mr Kekere-Ekun that told me to “never be in a hurry to comment always. Listen and watch carefully before taking a position. You now have a voice so be reticent in speaking.”
Another Oga advised me “I have seen things… so I use my mouth less and let my eyes and ears do the work.”
Shebi it is someone who is normal you will be telling this one to. Me, I no normal o and I no gree, especially on this matter. We had expected a divergence from the past. We had expected that with the pedigree that came from years in corporate Nigeria that worst-case scenario, we would see a balancing that would shift us a little bit away from the sad part of selective candidacy.

But what we even saw this time was even crasser than what had hitherto been obtained. So, this time around, “God’ was pulled in. We were waiting for God and he came in a dream sequence to deliver the messiah Governor. Kai, we have suffered. The least he could have done was to have allowed internal primaries and work to the answer.
Anyways, we now have a preferred candidate and we all have been ‘instructed’ to push the candidacy. What else can we do? Don’t we all belong to Animal Farm? It is well. We will keep watching. No problem.

BABAJIDE SANWO-OLU: A LITTLE WORD OF SUPPORT
I walked into an office in Ikeja the other day and saw an old rickety Range Rover covered with campaign memorabilia for Governor Sanwo-Olu. The driver was very energetic and hyper. I told him “please, no jam my car o.” He replied, “No vex, we dey campaign,” and zoomed off with thick black smoke coming out from its exhaust.
I smiled and shook my head; I really do hope that this ramshackle Range Rover does not represent the state of Oga’s reelection bid.

Anyways, this is not the aim of this write-up. The aim is to send in a little word of support. Mr. Sanwo-Olu has tried. I have moved from deep apathy towards him to restrained respect. His vigour, energy and strong will to deliver are not lost on Lagosians.

Although we still see a few glitches here and there, the genuineness of the actions smoothens that up. The issue of the schoolgirls should never have come out because of the millions more in the state in the same situation without any real hope. Abi, should we all go and line up our out-of-school children on His Excellency’s footpath so we can get recourse?

Would I like to see a Sanwo-Olu second term? I’ll say yes. Simply because of his strong engagement of his people, his policies especially in transport, tourism and infrastructure and much more importantly his willingness to sha jump in – #EndSARS, Covid, Magodo and many more.
Anyways, let’s keep him in prayers.

AKAN UDOFIA: THE RENAISSANCE Man
By now, you will know that I have taken sides in the politics of Akwa Ibom. I am standing very firmly behind the man I call Renaissance Man, Mr Akan Udofia. I first heard of him through my lord Chike Ogeah. Chike said, “Edgar, you mean you don’t know AK 47?”

“Mbok, who be that?”
“He is someone you should meet, you guys have the same outlook towards some of these issues.”
Then, I met my sister, the eternally beautiful Eno Udoh. Kai, I used to have a mad crush there o. She told me to meet Akan and actually facilitated the meeting. Akan called and invited me to his house in Uyo.

The meeting that was meant to be just a whistling stop lasted four hours. Discussions were varied, deep and intellectually stimulating. His views on the economy, federalism, infrastructural development and socio-economic policy thrusts all hit the mark. His position on empowerment of the people through private and entrepreneurial positioning as against the current run where we all wait cap in hand for federal allocation hit the mark with me and stayed there.

That got me. I simply just relaxed and decided to work in my own little way for his victory.
Anyways, the Pastor now knelt and got his anointing from his Deacon and the whole place went mad. I haven’t seen Akan since that declaration although we have been chatting. I had asked for his response, he said calm down. When I asked if he was still in the race, he gave me a resounding “definitely.”
Then he called.

“Meet me at my house in Ikoyi and let’s have lunch.
“Don’t come and give me rice o’ I warned him o.
“Duke, no fall my hand. Come and eat Afang.”
With Afang, me no get principles o. Even if Pastor Eno offered me Afang, now Akan fit lose me o.
The table was laid well. The Afang sat there majestically, rich and arrogant. It was posing beside one ‘draw’ soup like that and the fufu was very white and refreshing. The meal needed my immediate attention so I told him:
“Bro, make us chop first, leave Akwa Ibom politics, make we chop before the food cold.’ He said ok. My sister and everlasting crush Eno was there. She used her immortal beauty to scatter the room.

Mbok, the Afang was melodious. It was green, it had periwinkles and ekwong. It was smooth and went down so glibly that against doctors’ orders, I had four plates. Done and satisfied, I turned to Akan and said, “Your Excellency, I cannot discuss politics again, I need to sleep. I am sorry.”
Eno fell into deep laughter as I walked away, holding my tummy and reminding myself to take Andrew Liver Salt. I had over-indulged.
My brother, next time we want to talk about Akwa Ibom politics, no bring Afang. Too distracting.

BODE OLANIPEKUN: SOMETHING ABOUT HIM
Bode Olanipekun is a SAN. I heard he made it before 40. He is the son of the almost mythical Wole Olanipekun whose strides in the profession continues to amaze.
Now, Bode is my friend and we are up to something quite huge and powerful. I do not know if I am at liberty to mention it because it is still in its early days. The size and implication on national cohesion continue to rankle me, making my mouth shake o. Should I talk?

Before I even talk, let me note something here. Discussions with Bode always leaves me with goose pimples. His clarity of thought and obvious passion for the rule of law as the very strong basis for our democracy leaves no one in doubt as to his intentions and love for Nigeria.

This project will pull in the president and almost all state governors during the National Day celebrations in a bold attempt to pull all of their ears as to the need to work a little bit harder to achieve better national cohesion.
I am really trying not to leak the secret but let’s be rest assured that come this October, Bode will be making a major statement through some very powerful storytelling and the whole nation will tune in to listen to him and The Duke of Shomolu would be right in the middle, directing affairs.
God will keep us all alive.

DOUYE DIRI: ANOTHER SAD SONG
When we talk about visionary leadership, we do not even come to this bus stop. The other day, I watched as His Excellency was weeping like a child. Regurgitating the same old story that has been our lot since prehistoric times.
“Ohhh, the federal allocation is too small. It has made us poor; how can we own the land and the resources underneath are owned by the federal government” he wailed.

I just looked at him with pity. Pray, when he was contesting what exactly did he tell the Bayelsans before those ones voted for him? Did he tell them, he will single-handedly increase the allocation or what, because me I don’t understand these tears.

Waiting for constitutional reforms to provide the basics for his people is really sad. This is a man lining up the perfect blame for a lame time in government. Everything is the federal government’s fault. Everything o.
As the allocation is dwindling, what are you putting in place to shore it up? What IGR initiatives are you pushing? What opportunities are you opening up?

This is an oil-rich place o. Even if the federal government has seized everything, what exactly is your recourse? Please stop all these tears, they just sadden us.
If they increase the allocation by 1,000%, it is still the same tears that we will be seeing because all expenditures will go up at the same rate.
You see why we have to be very circumspect as we go to the polls. Nigerians should look beyond the usual crop of leaders and seek those who know what time it is.

CAPTAIN OKOROCHA: LET’S ABORT THE FLIGHT
I watched Chief try his very best Martin Luther King impression and I must say he really tried. Maybe when I get to do my play on Nnamdi Azikiwe, I would cast him in the title role.
That part where he said, ‘I am Captain Rochas, relax and enjoy the flight’ was brilliant but it ends there.
Bro, enough of the games. Please go and concentrate on other matters and stop disturbing us with the chicanery of your efforts.

Me, I have decided to be a one-man, ‘chase them away’ army. I will be yabbing and abusing all these kinds of candidates from my little corner until they have sense and go and be watching Big Brother Africa so that we can concentrate and look for credible leaders to take us home.

This generation and indeed the ones behind us have this 2023 and at best 2027 to put credible leadership in place. My generation after allowing this ‘tsunami’ to be fostered on us since 2015 will now come and be listening to Captain Okorocha? That shows there is something really wrong with our collective heads.
Captain, if becoming a pilot is what is hungrying you, please go to your brother in Air Peace and let him look for a job for you. They can let you fly the Owerri route, that is if your brother Uzo will let you land.

PROF YEMI OSINBAJO: STORYTELLER OF LIFE
I love listening to him. His stories and anecdotes are always so well delivered. His diction, his pacing and his punch lines are usually the best. He is a master storyteller.
I have just read one where he talked about typists at UNILAG. Chief typist, middle typist and junior typist. He told us the junior was the most hardworking and that gave him a position at the Hague as against his senior colleagues who were quite lazy. Lovely story.

But the one in focus today is the one on his N620 salary while being a lecturer in UNILAG. No wonder those lecturers will be frowning every time. I was in UNILAG in the 90s and I used to sha wonder why the lecturers used to be doing one kain. Didn’t know they were earning that kind of money, no wonder they can go on strike.
Well, I have seen the calculations done by ASUU on this salary, adding inflation and exchange rate and arrived at about N420,000 at today’s money. They have now used this to strengthen their agitation.

Well, me, I have no pity for them. I see them as tunnel-visioned and lazy in strategy. They know how it works in better climes but will not want it here because they don’t have the pulling power.
Instead, they will come and be waiting for federal government subvention and when that one does not come, they will be threatening us with a strike. Mbok, keep striking, that is your lot.

It is not even their fault. It is the government’s that is still pretending it can afford this thing. The Government cannot afford tertiary education, at least not at the scale we now have it in the country. It is that simple. They should sell everything and turn to regulators to protect the lower end of the population who would not be able to afford the thing at the privatised level.

Where they cannot sell, they can adopt phased commercialization where departments and courses cover their cost and the government just supports and ensures standards. The lecturers know this, the government knows that they are both just playing chicken and egg with themselves for selfish purposes.
See, if you are a learned professor people will register for your course, you will attract grants and the school will do everything to keep you. It’s a simple demand and supply thing.
My daughter got her course cancelled because enough people did not register for it. Guess what happened to the lecturer? Labour market. No sentiment.

This one that lecturer will still be using a handout he used to teach Azikiwe before independence to teach millennials who are building software and taking over the world cannot work.
Government should look at streamlining the universities, scrapping meaningless courses and putting a firm demand and supply mechanism that allows for lecturers to cover their costs and that of the school while it regulates
If you don’t have the mind, appoint me. I will do it in one week and this perennial ASUU wahala will end. What are they even teaching? I listened in on an MBA class in a first-generation University and I almost cried. The lecturer didn’t even understand the first thing about listing a company and then the next thing, he will go on strike. Privatize, commercialize, streamline. Those are the buzzwords. One week max. We solve this problem once and for all.

AYO SUBAIR: A BELATED GREETING
I have just heard of my egbon’s confirmation at the Lagos State Internal Revenue Service (LIRS). This hardworking Lord truly more than deserves all of the accolades and commendations.
The other day, I was in his office on a visit and witnessed very pragmatically the buzz. There is work in that place o and I begin to ask him how he comes out looking as cool as a cucumber all the time.
Kindly accept my apologies for not sending my wishes earlier than now, there has been fuel scarcity that is why.
Anyways, you truly deserve this and more. God will keep you for us. Well done sir, well done.

Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi: Kindergarten Presidential Aspirants
Every election cycle, they come out in droves like termites in season. They declare ambitions, join some weak political platforms and rabble-rousing in Lagos and maybe Abuja. After that, they calm down and go back to whichever hole they crawled from.

This is kind of irritating and thankfully they do not gather moss so their activities do not even register on scale let alone distract us from the very serious job of looking for credible leadership in this our nation.
This cycle, they are out again. Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi says she wants to be President and was inspired by the #EndSARS movement. I snigger.

But one other person has caught my interest- Chukwuka Monye. He is actually taking himself very seriously as I hear he walks around with bodyguards and bouncers. I saw his picture beside the Nigerian flag and apart from his handsome face, he really has nothing to contribute to these discussions.

I reached out to him and asked to have a session. He has agreed and the session will be held this evening. Unfortunately, you would be reading this by that time.

I took a cursory look at his background and found nothing to support this ambition. He calls himself Social Innovator among other high-sounding and meaningless phrases that can charm the undies of a very beautiful lady but not dent the hardened voter or party leader in faraway Kebbi.

Nigeria is too serious to be toyed with like this even on an extended ego trip. Sadly, these people – Chukwuka and Khadijat have the brainpower, clarity of thought and strong exposure to play credibly well at the grassroots where the work really is. But no, na presidency dey hungry dem.
Do they even understand how the security network works? Do they understand the dizzying turn in the economy? Do they understand the shifting tables that is the warped federalism we practise?

This is why I call them ‘kindergarten” in every true sense of the word including derogatory. Their king, Fela Durotoye, drove himself with ‘sweet nothings’ in the run-up to the last elections and suffered a national embarrassment when his understanding of simple issues relating to the economy and other sectors exposed his intellectual nudity.

Please let us go and fight for positions at the MDAs, build from there and work up the system, learning and garnering experiences. When you are ready, we will know.
The Nigerian presidency is not a Reality TV show, it is the most important and most powerful office in Africa. Not for termites. Thank you.

EMMANUEL UDOM: STILL ON THE MATTER
It was my Oga, Mr Kekere-Ekun that told me to “never be in a hurry to comment always. Listen and watch carefully before taking a position. You now have a voice so be reticent in speaking.”
Another Oga advised me “I have seen things… so I use my mouth less and let my eyes and ears do the work.”
Shebi it is someone who is normal you will be telling this one to. Me, I no normal o and I no gree, especially on this matter. We had expected a divergence from the past. We had expected that with the pedigree that came from years in corporate Nigeria that worst-case scenario, we would see a balancing that would shift us a little bit away from the sad part of selective candidacy.

But what we even saw this time was even crasser than what had hitherto been obtained. So, this time around, “God’ was pulled in. We were waiting for God and he came in a dream sequence to deliver the messiah Governor. Kai, we have suffered. The least he could have done was to have allowed internal primaries and work to the answer.
Anyways, we now have a preferred candidate and we all have been ‘instructed’ to push the candidacy. What else can we do? Don’t we all belong to Animal Farm? It is well. We will keep watching. No problem.

BABAJIDE SANWO-OLU: A LITTLE WORD OF SUPPORT
I walked into an office in Ikeja the other day and saw an old rickety Range Rover covered with campaign memorabilia for Governor Sanwo-Olu. The driver was very energetic and hyper. I told him “please, no jam my car o.” He replied, “No vex, we dey campaign,” and zoomed off with thick black smoke coming out from its exhaust.
I smiled and shook my head; I really do hope that this ramshackle Range Rover does not represent the state of Oga’s reelection bid.

Anyways, this is not the aim of this write-up. The aim is to send in a little word of support. Mr. Sanwo-Olu has tried. I have moved from deep apathy towards him to restrained respect. His vigour, energy and strong will to deliver are not lost on Lagosians.

Although we still see a few glitches here and there, the genuineness of the actions smoothens that up. The issue of the schoolgirls should never have come out because of the millions more in the state in the same situation without any real hope. Abi, should we all go and line up our out-of-school children on His Excellency’s footpath so we can get recourse?

Would I like to see a Sanwo-Olu second term? I’ll say yes. Simply because of his strong engagement of his people, his policies especially in transport, tourism and infrastructure and much more importantly his willingness to sha jump in – #EndSARS, Covid, Magodo and many more.
Anyways, let’s keep him in prayers.

AKAN UDOFIA: THE RENAISSANCE Man
By now, you will know that I have taken sides in the politics of Akwa Ibom. I am standing very firmly behind the man I call Renaissance Man, Mr Akan Udofia. I first heard of him through my lord Chike Ogeah. Chike said, “Edgar, you mean you don’t know AK 47?”

“Mbok, who be that?”
“He is someone you should meet, you guys have the same outlook towards some of these issues.”
Then, I met my sister, the eternally beautiful Eno Udoh. Kai, I used to have a mad crush there o. She told me to meet Akan and actually facilitated the meeting. Akan called and invited me to his house in Uyo.

The meeting that was meant to be just a whistling stop lasted four hours. Discussions were varied, deep and intellectually stimulating. His views on the economy, federalism, infrastructural development and socio-economic policy thrusts all hit the mark. His position on empowerment of the people through private and entrepreneurial positioning as against the current run where we all wait cap in hand for federal allocation hit the mark with me and stayed there.

That got me. I simply just relaxed and decided to work in my own little way for his victory.
Anyways, the Pastor now knelt and got his anointing from his Deacon and the whole place went mad. I haven’t seen Akan since that declaration although we have been chatting. I had asked for his response, he said calm down. When I asked if he was still in the race, he gave me a resounding “definitely.”
Then he called.

“Meet me at my house in Ikoyi and let’s have lunch.
“Don’t come and give me rice o’ I warned him o.
“Duke, no fall my hand. Come and eat Afang.”
With Afang, me no get principles o. Even if Pastor Eno offered me Afang, now Akan fit lose me o.
The table was laid well. The Afang sat there majestically, rich and arrogant. It was posing beside one ‘draw’ soup like that and the fufu was very white and refreshing. The meal needed my immediate attention so I told him:
“Bro, make us chop first, leave Akwa Ibom politics, make we chop before the food cold.’ He said ok. My sister and everlasting crush Eno was there. She used her immortal beauty to scatter the room.

Mbok, the Afang was melodious. It was green, it had periwinkles and ekwong. It was smooth and went down so glibly that against doctors’ orders, I had four plates. Done and satisfied, I turned to Akan and said, “Your Excellency, I cannot discuss politics again, I need to sleep. I am sorry.”
Eno fell into deep laughter as I walked away, holding my tummy and reminding myself to take Andrew Liver Salt. I had over-indulged.
My brother, next time we want to talk about Akwa Ibom politics, no bring Afang. Too distracting.

BODE OLANIPEKUN: SOMETHING ABOUT HIM
Bode Olanipekun is a SAN. I heard he made it before 40. He is the son of the almost mythical Wole Olanipekun whose strides in the profession continues to amaze.
Now, Bode is my friend and we are up to something quite huge and powerful. I do not know if I am at liberty to mention it because it is still in its early days. The size and implication on national cohesion continue to rankle me, making my mouth shake o. Should I talk?

Before I even talk, let me note something here. Discussions with Bode always leaves me with goose pimples. His clarity of thought and obvious passion for the rule of law as the very strong basis for our democracy leaves no one in doubt as to his intentions and love for Nigeria.

This project will pull in the president and almost all state governors during the National Day celebrations in a bold attempt to pull all of their ears as to the need to work a little bit harder to achieve better national cohesion.
I am really trying not to leak the secret but let’s be rest assured that come this October, Bode will be making a major statement through some very powerful storytelling and the whole nation will tune in to listen to him and The Duke of Shomolu would be right in the middle, directing affairs.
God will keep us all alive.

DOUYE DIRI: ANOTHER SAD SONG
When we talk about visionary leadership, we do not even come to this bus stop. The other day, I watched as His Excellency was weeping like a child. Regurgitating the same old story that has been our lot since prehistoric times.
“Ohhh, the federal allocation is too small. It has made us poor; how can we own the land and the resources underneath are owned by the federal government” he wailed.

I just looked at him with pity. Pray, when he was contesting what exactly did he tell the Bayelsans before those ones voted for him? Did he tell them, he will single-handedly increase the allocation or what, because me I don’t understand these tears.

Waiting for constitutional reforms to provide the basics for his people is really sad. This is a man lining up the perfect blame for a lame time in government. Everything is the federal government’s fault. Everything o.
As the allocation is dwindling, what are you putting in place to shore it up? What IGR initiatives are you pushing? What opportunities are you opening up?

This is an oil-rich place o. Even if the federal government has seized everything, what exactly is your recourse? Please stop all these tears, they just sadden us.
If they increase the allocation by 1,000%, it is still the same tears that we will be seeing because all expenditures will go up at the same rate.
You see why we have to be very circumspect as we go to the polls. Nigerians should look beyond the usual crop of leaders and seek those who know what time it is.

CAPTAIN OKOROCHA: LET’S ABORT THE FLIGHT
I watched Chief try his very best Martin Luther King impression and I must say he really tried. Maybe when I get to do my play on Nnamdi Azikiwe, I would cast him in the title role.
That part where he said, ‘I am Captain Rochas, relax and enjoy the flight’ was brilliant but it ends there.
Bro, enough of the games. Please go and concentrate on other matters and stop disturbing us with the chicanery of your efforts.

Me, I have decided to be a one-man, ‘chase them away’ army. I will be yabbing and abusing all these kinds of candidates from my little corner until they have sense and go and be watching Big Brother Africa so that we can concentrate and look for credible leaders to take us home.

This generation and indeed the ones behind us have this 2023 and at best 2027 to put credible leadership in place. My generation after allowing this ‘tsunami’ to be fostered on us since 2015 will now come and be listening to Captain Okorocha? That shows there is something really wrong with our collective heads.
Captain, if becoming a pilot is what is hungrying you, please go to your brother in Air Peace and let him look for a job for you. They can let you fly the Owerri route, that is if your brother Uzo will let you land.

PROF YEMI OSINBAJO: STORYTELLER OF LIFE
I love listening to him. His stories and anecdotes are always so well delivered. His diction, his pacing and his punch lines are usually the best. He is a master storyteller.
I have just read one where he talked about typists at UNILAG. Chief typist, middle typist and junior typist. He told us the junior was the most hardworking and that gave him a position at the Hague as against his senior colleagues who were quite lazy. Lovely story.

But the one in focus today is the one on his N620 salary while being a lecturer in UNILAG. No wonder those lecturers will be frowning every time. I was in UNILAG in the 90s and I used to sha wonder why the lecturers used to be doing one kain. Didn’t know they were earning that kind of money, no wonder they can go on strike.
Well, I have seen the calculations done by ASUU on this salary, adding inflation and exchange rate and arrived at about N420,000 at today’s money. They have now used this to strengthen their agitation.

Well, me, I have no pity for them. I see them as tunnel-visioned and lazy in strategy. They know how it works in better climes but will not want it here because they don’t have the pulling power.
Instead, they will come and be waiting for federal government subvention and when that one does not come, they will be threatening us with a strike. Mbok, keep striking, that is your lot.

It is not even their fault. It is the government’s that is still pretending it can afford this thing. The Government cannot afford tertiary education, at least not at the scale we now have it in the country. It is that simple. They should sell everything and turn to regulators to protect the lower end of the population who would not be able to afford the thing at the privatised level.

Where they cannot sell, they can adopt phased commercialization where departments and courses cover their cost and the government just supports and ensures standards. The lecturers know this, the government knows that they are both just playing chicken and egg with themselves for selfish purposes.
See, if you are a learned professor people will register for your course, you will attract grants and the school will do everything to keep you. It’s a simple demand and supply thing.
My daughter got her course cancelled because enough people did not register for it. Guess what happened to the lecturer? Labour market. No sentiment.

This one that lecturer will still be using a handout he used to teach Azikiwe before independence to teach millennials who are building software and taking over the world cannot work.
Government should look at streamlining the universities, scrapping meaningless courses and putting a firm demand and supply mechanism that allows for lecturers to cover their costs and that of the school while it regulates
If you don’t have the mind, appoint me. I will do it in one week and this perennial ASUU wahala will end. What are they even teaching? I listened in on an MBA class in a first-generation University and I almost cried. The lecturer didn’t even understand the first thing about listing a company and then the next thing, he will go on strike. Privatize, commercialize, streamline. Those are the buzzwords. One week max. We solve this problem once and for all.

AYO SUBAIR: A BELATED GREETING
I have just heard of my egbon’s confirmation at the Lagos State Internal Revenue Service (LIRS). This hardworking Lord truly more than deserves all of the accolades and commendations.
The other day, I was in his office on a visit and witnessed very pragmatically the buzz. There is work in that place o and I begin to ask him how he comes out looking as cool as a cucumber all the time.
Kindly accept my apologies for not sending my wishes earlier than now, there has been fuel scarcity that is why.
Anyways, you truly deserve this and more. God will keep you for us. Well done sir, well done.

Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi: Kindergarten Presidential Aspirants
Every election cycle, they come out in droves like termites in season. They declare ambitions, join some weak political platforms and rabble-rousing in Lagos and maybe Abuja. After that, they calm down and go back to whichever hole they crawled from.

This is kind of irritating and thankfully they do not gather moss so their activities do not even register on scale let alone distract us from the very serious job of looking for credible leadership in this our nation.
This cycle, they are out again. Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi says she wants to be President and was inspired by the #EndSARS movement. I snigger.

But one other person has caught my interest- Chukwuka Monye. He is actually taking himself very seriously as I hear he walks around with bodyguards and bouncers. I saw his picture beside the Nigerian flag and apart from his handsome face, he really has nothing to contribute to these discussions.

I reached out to him and asked to have a session. He has agreed and the session will be held this evening. Unfortunately, you would be reading this by that time.

I took a cursory look at his background and found nothing to support this ambition. He calls himself Social Innovator among other high-sounding and meaningless phrases that can charm the undies of a very beautiful lady but not dent the hardened voter or party leader in faraway Kebbi.

Nigeria is too serious to be toyed with like this even on an extended ego trip. Sadly, these people – Chukwuka and Khadijat have the brainpower, clarity of thought and strong exposure to play credibly well at the grassroots where the work really is. But no, na presidency dey hungry dem.
Do they even understand how the security network works? Do they understand the dizzying turn in the economy? Do they understand the shifting tables that is the warped federalism we practise?

This is why I call them ‘kindergarten” in every true sense of the word including derogatory. Their king, Fela Durotoye, drove himself with ‘sweet nothings’ in the run-up to the last elections and suffered a national embarrassment when his understanding of simple issues relating to the economy and other sectors exposed his intellectual nudity.

Please let us go and fight for positions at the MDAs, build from there and work up the system, learning and garnering experiences. When you are ready, we will know.
The Nigerian presidency is not a Reality TV show, it is the most important and most powerful office in Africa. Not for termites. Thank you.

EMMANUEL UDOM: STILL ON THE MATTER
It was my Oga, Mr Kekere-Ekun that told me to “never be in a hurry to comment always. Listen and watch carefully before taking a position. You now have a voice so be reticent in speaking.”
Another Oga advised me “I have seen things… so I use my mouth less and let my eyes and ears do the work.”
Shebi it is someone who is normal you will be telling this one to. Me, I no normal o and I no gree, especially on this matter. We had expected a divergence from the past. We had expected that with the pedigree that came from years in corporate Nigeria that worst-case scenario, we would see a balancing that would shift us a little bit away from the sad part of selective candidacy.

But what we even saw this time was even crasser than what had hitherto been obtained. So, this time around, “God’ was pulled in. We were waiting for God and he came in a dream sequence to deliver the messiah Governor. Kai, we have suffered. The least he could have done was to have allowed internal primaries and work to the answer.
Anyways, we now have a preferred candidate and we all have been ‘instructed’ to push the candidacy. What else can we do? Don’t we all belong to Animal Farm? It is well. We will keep watching. No problem.

BABAJIDE SANWO-OLU: A LITTLE WORD OF SUPPORT
I walked into an office in Ikeja the other day and saw an old rickety Range Rover covered with campaign memorabilia for Governor Sanwo-Olu. The driver was very energetic and hyper. I told him “please, no jam my car o.” He replied, “No vex, we dey campaign,” and zoomed off with thick black smoke coming out from its exhaust.
I smiled and shook my head; I really do hope that this ramshackle Range Rover does not represent the state of Oga’s reelection bid.

Anyways, this is not the aim of this write-up. The aim is to send in a little word of support. Mr. Sanwo-Olu has tried. I have moved from deep apathy towards him to restrained respect. His vigour, energy and strong will to deliver are not lost on Lagosians.

Although we still see a few glitches here and there, the genuineness of the actions smoothens that up. The issue of the schoolgirls should never have come out because of the millions more in the state in the same situation without any real hope. Abi, should we all go and line up our out-of-school children on His Excellency’s footpath so we can get recourse?

Would I like to see a Sanwo-Olu second term? I’ll say yes. Simply because of his strong engagement of his people, his policies especially in transport, tourism and infrastructure and much more importantly his willingness to sha jump in – #EndSARS, Covid, Magodo and many more.
Anyways, let’s keep him in prayers.

AKAN UDOFIA: THE RENAISSANCE Man
By now, you will know that I have taken sides in the politics of Akwa Ibom. I am standing very firmly behind the man I call Renaissance Man, Mr Akan Udofia. I first heard of him through my lord Chike Ogeah. Chike said, “Edgar, you mean you don’t know AK 47?”

“Mbok, who be that?”
“He is someone you should meet, you guys have the same outlook towards some of these issues.”
Then, I met my sister, the eternally beautiful Eno Udoh. Kai, I used to have a mad crush there o. She told me to meet Akan and actually facilitated the meeting. Akan called and invited me to his house in Uyo.

The meeting that was meant to be just a whistling stop lasted four hours. Discussions were varied, deep and intellectually stimulating. His views on the economy, federalism, infrastructural development and socio-economic policy thrusts all hit the mark. His position on empowerment of the people through private and entrepreneurial positioning as against the current run where we all wait cap in hand for federal allocation hit the mark with me and stayed there.

That got me. I simply just relaxed and decided to work in my own little way for his victory.
Anyways, the Pastor now knelt and got his anointing from his Deacon and the whole place went mad. I haven’t seen Akan since that declaration although we have been chatting. I had asked for his response, he said calm down. When I asked if he was still in the race, he gave me a resounding “definitely.”
Then he called.

“Meet me at my house in Ikoyi and let’s have lunch.
“Don’t come and give me rice o’ I warned him o.
“Duke, no fall my hand. Come and eat Afang.”
With Afang, me no get principles o. Even if Pastor Eno offered me Afang, now Akan fit lose me o.
The table was laid well. The Afang sat there majestically, rich and arrogant. It was posing beside one ‘draw’ soup like that and the fufu was very white and refreshing. The meal needed my immediate attention so I told him:
“Bro, make us chop first, leave Akwa Ibom politics, make we chop before the food cold.’ He said ok. My sister and everlasting crush Eno was there. She used her immortal beauty to scatter the room.

Mbok, the Afang was melodious. It was green, it had periwinkles and ekwong. It was smooth and went down so glibly that against doctors’ orders, I had four plates. Done and satisfied, I turned to Akan and said, “Your Excellency, I cannot discuss politics again, I need to sleep. I am sorry.”
Eno fell into deep laughter as I walked away, holding my tummy and reminding myself to take Andrew Liver Salt. I had over-indulged.
My brother, next time we want to talk about Akwa Ibom politics, no bring Afang. Too distracting.

BODE OLANIPEKUN: SOMETHING ABOUT HIM
Bode Olanipekun is a SAN. I heard he made it before 40. He is the son of the almost mythical Wole Olanipekun whose strides in the profession continues to amaze.
Now, Bode is my friend and we are up to something quite huge and powerful. I do not know if I am at liberty to mention it because it is still in its early days. The size and implication on national cohesion continue to rankle me, making my mouth shake o. Should I talk?

Before I even talk, let me note something here. Discussions with Bode always leaves me with goose pimples. His clarity of thought and obvious passion for the rule of law as the very strong basis for our democracy leaves no one in doubt as to his intentions and love for Nigeria.

This project will pull in the president and almost all state governors during the National Day celebrations in a bold attempt to pull all of their ears as to the need to work a little bit harder to achieve better national cohesion.
I am really trying not to leak the secret but let’s be rest assured that come this October, Bode will be making a major statement through some very powerful storytelling and the whole nation will tune in to listen to him and The Duke of Shomolu would be right in the middle, directing affairs.
God will keep us all alive.

DOUYE DIRI: ANOTHER SAD SONG
When we talk about visionary leadership, we do not even come to this bus stop. The other day, I watched as His Excellency was weeping like a child. Regurgitating the same old story that has been our lot since prehistoric times.
“Ohhh, the federal allocation is too small. It has made us poor; how can we own the land and the resources underneath are owned by the federal government” he wailed.

I just looked at him with pity. Pray, when he was contesting what exactly did he tell the Bayelsans before those ones voted for him? Did he tell them, he will single-handedly increase the allocation or what, because me I don’t understand these tears.

Waiting for constitutional reforms to provide the basics for his people is really sad. This is a man lining up the perfect blame for a lame time in government. Everything is the federal government’s fault. Everything o.
As the allocation is dwindling, what are you putting in place to shore it up? What IGR initiatives are you pushing? What opportunities are you opening up?

This is an oil-rich place o. Even if the federal government has seized everything, what exactly is your recourse? Please stop all these tears, they just sadden us.
If they increase the allocation by 1,000%, it is still the same tears that we will be seeing because all expenditures will go up at the same rate.
You see why we have to be very circumspect as we go to the polls. Nigerians should look beyond the usual crop of leaders and seek those who know what time it is.

CAPTAIN OKOROCHA: LET’S ABORT THE FLIGHT
I watched Chief try his very best Martin Luther King impression and I must say he really tried. Maybe when I get to do my play on Nnamdi Azikiwe, I would cast him in the title role.
That part where he said, ‘I am Captain Rochas, relax and enjoy the flight’ was brilliant but it ends there.
Bro, enough of the games. Please go and concentrate on other matters and stop disturbing us with the chicanery of your efforts.

Me, I have decided to be a one-man, ‘chase them away’ army. I will be yabbing and abusing all these kinds of candidates from my little corner until they have sense and go and be watching Big Brother Africa so that we can concentrate and look for credible leaders to take us home.

This generation and indeed the ones behind us have this 2023 and at best 2027 to put credible leadership in place. My generation after allowing this ‘tsunami’ to be fostered on us since 2015 will now come and be listening to Captain Okorocha? That shows there is something really wrong with our collective heads.
Captain, if becoming a pilot is what is hungrying you, please go to your brother in Air Peace and let him look for a job for you. They can let you fly the Owerri route, that is if your brother Uzo will let you land.

PROF YEMI OSINBAJO: STORYTELLER OF LIFE
I love listening to him. His stories and anecdotes are always so well delivered. His diction, his pacing and his punch lines are usually the best. He is a master storyteller.
I have just read one where he talked about typists at UNILAG. Chief typist, middle typist and junior typist. He told us the junior was the most hardworking and that gave him a position at the Hague as against his senior colleagues who were quite lazy. Lovely story.

But the one in focus today is the one on his N620 salary while being a lecturer in UNILAG. No wonder those lecturers will be frowning every time. I was in UNILAG in the 90s and I used to sha wonder why the lecturers used to be doing one kain. Didn’t know they were earning that kind of money, no wonder they can go on strike.
Well, I have seen the calculations done by ASUU on this salary, adding inflation and exchange rate and arrived at about N420,000 at today’s money. They have now used this to strengthen their agitation.

Well, me, I have no pity for them. I see them as tunnel-visioned and lazy in strategy. They know how it works in better climes but will not want it here because they don’t have the pulling power.
Instead, they will come and be waiting for federal government subvention and when that one does not come, they will be threatening us with a strike. Mbok, keep striking, that is your lot.

It is not even their fault. It is the government’s that is still pretending it can afford this thing. The Government cannot afford tertiary education, at least not at the scale we now have it in the country. It is that simple. They should sell everything and turn to regulators to protect the lower end of the population who would not be able to afford the thing at the privatised level.

Where they cannot sell, they can adopt phased commercialization where departments and courses cover their cost and the government just supports and ensures standards. The lecturers know this, the government knows that they are both just playing chicken and egg with themselves for selfish purposes.
See, if you are a learned professor people will register for your course, you will attract grants and the school will do everything to keep you. It’s a simple demand and supply thing.
My daughter got her course cancelled because enough people did not register for it. Guess what happened to the lecturer? Labour market. No sentiment.

This one that lecturer will still be using a handout he used to teach Azikiwe before independence to teach millennials who are building software and taking over the world cannot work.
Government should look at streamlining the universities, scrapping meaningless courses and putting a firm demand and supply mechanism that allows for lecturers to cover their costs and that of the school while it regulates
If you don’t have the mind, appoint me. I will do it in one week and this perennial ASUU wahala will end. What are they even teaching? I listened in on an MBA class in a first-generation University and I almost cried. The lecturer didn’t even understand the first thing about listing a company and then the next thing, he will go on strike. Privatize, commercialize, streamline. Those are the buzzwords. One week max. We solve this problem once and for all.

AYO SUBAIR: A BELATED GREETING
I have just heard of my egbon’s confirmation at the Lagos State Internal Revenue Service (LIRS). This hardworking Lord truly more than deserves all of the accolades and commendations.
The other day, I was in his office on a visit and witnessed very pragmatically the buzz. There is work in that place o and I begin to ask him how he comes out looking as cool as a cucumber all the time.
Kindly accept my apologies for not sending my wishes earlier than now, there has been fuel scarcity that is why.
Anyways, you truly deserve this and more. God will keep you for us. Well done sir, well done.

Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi: Kindergarten Presidential Aspirants
Every election cycle, they come out in droves like termites in season. They declare ambitions, join some weak political platforms and rabble-rousing in Lagos and maybe Abuja. After that, they calm down and go back to whichever hole they crawled from.

This is kind of irritating and thankfully they do not gather moss so their activities do not even register on scale let alone distract us from the very serious job of looking for credible leadership in this our nation.
This cycle, they are out again. Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi says she wants to be President and was inspired by the #EndSARS movement. I snigger.

But one other person has caught my interest- Chukwuka Monye. He is actually taking himself very seriously as I hear he walks around with bodyguards and bouncers. I saw his picture beside the Nigerian flag and apart from his handsome face, he really has nothing to contribute to these discussions.

I reached out to him and asked to have a session. He has agreed and the session will be held this evening. Unfortunately, you would be reading this by that time.

I took a cursory look at his background and found nothing to support this ambition. He calls himself Social Innovator among other high-sounding and meaningless phrases that can charm the undies of a very beautiful lady but not dent the hardened voter or party leader in faraway Kebbi.

Nigeria is too serious to be toyed with like this even on an extended ego trip. Sadly, these people – Chukwuka and Khadijat have the brainpower, clarity of thought and strong exposure to play credibly well at the grassroots where the work really is. But no, na presidency dey hungry dem.
Do they even understand how the security network works? Do they understand the dizzying turn in the economy? Do they understand the shifting tables that is the warped federalism we practise?

This is why I call them ‘kindergarten” in every true sense of the word including derogatory. Their king, Fela Durotoye, drove himself with ‘sweet nothings’ in the run-up to the last elections and suffered a national embarrassment when his understanding of simple issues relating to the economy and other sectors exposed his intellectual nudity.

Please let us go and fight for positions at the MDAs, build from there and work up the system, learning and garnering experiences. When you are ready, we will know.
The Nigerian presidency is not a Reality TV show, it is the most important and most powerful office in Africa. Not for termites. Thank you.

EMMANUEL UDOM: STILL ON THE MATTER
It was my Oga, Mr Kekere-Ekun that told me to “never be in a hurry to comment always. Listen and watch carefully before taking a position. You now have a voice so be reticent in speaking.”
Another Oga advised me “I have seen things… so I use my mouth less and let my eyes and ears do the work.”
Shebi it is someone who is normal you will be telling this one to. Me, I no normal o and I no gree, especially on this matter. We had expected a divergence from the past. We had expected that with the pedigree that came from years in corporate Nigeria that worst-case scenario, we would see a balancing that would shift us a little bit away from the sad part of selective candidacy.

But what we even saw this time was even crasser than what had hitherto been obtained. So, this time around, “God’ was pulled in. We were waiting for God and he came in a dream sequence to deliver the messiah Governor. Kai, we have suffered. The least he could have done was to have allowed internal primaries and work to the answer.
Anyways, we now have a preferred candidate and we all have been ‘instructed’ to push the candidacy. What else can we do? Don’t we all belong to Animal Farm? It is well. We will keep watching. No problem.

BABAJIDE SANWO-OLU: A LITTLE WORD OF SUPPORT
I walked into an office in Ikeja the other day and saw an old rickety Range Rover covered with campaign memorabilia for Governor Sanwo-Olu. The driver was very energetic and hyper. I told him “please, no jam my car o.” He replied, “No vex, we dey campaign,” and zoomed off with thick black smoke coming out from its exhaust.
I smiled and shook my head; I really do hope that this ramshackle Range Rover does not represent the state of Oga’s reelection bid.

Anyways, this is not the aim of this write-up. The aim is to send in a little word of support. Mr. Sanwo-Olu has tried. I have moved from deep apathy towards him to restrained respect. His vigour, energy and strong will to deliver are not lost on Lagosians.

Although we still see a few glitches here and there, the genuineness of the actions smoothens that up. The issue of the schoolgirls should never have come out because of the millions more in the state in the same situation without any real hope. Abi, should we all go and line up our out-of-school children on His Excellency’s footpath so we can get recourse?

Would I like to see a Sanwo-Olu second term? I’ll say yes. Simply because of his strong engagement of his people, his policies especially in transport, tourism and infrastructure and much more importantly his willingness to sha jump in – #EndSARS, Covid, Magodo and many more.
Anyways, let’s keep him in prayers.

AKAN UDOFIA: THE RENAISSANCE Man
By now, you will know that I have taken sides in the politics of Akwa Ibom. I am standing very firmly behind the man I call Renaissance Man, Mr Akan Udofia. I first heard of him through my lord Chike Ogeah. Chike said, “Edgar, you mean you don’t know AK 47?”

“Mbok, who be that?”
“He is someone you should meet, you guys have the same outlook towards some of these issues.”
Then, I met my sister, the eternally beautiful Eno Udoh. Kai, I used to have a mad crush there o. She told me to meet Akan and actually facilitated the meeting. Akan called and invited me to his house in Uyo.

The meeting that was meant to be just a whistling stop lasted four hours. Discussions were varied, deep and intellectually stimulating. His views on the economy, federalism, infrastructural development and socio-economic policy thrusts all hit the mark. His position on empowerment of the people through private and entrepreneurial positioning as against the current run where we all wait cap in hand for federal allocation hit the mark with me and stayed there.

That got me. I simply just relaxed and decided to work in my own little way for his victory.
Anyways, the Pastor now knelt and got his anointing from his Deacon and the whole place went mad. I haven’t seen Akan since that declaration although we have been chatting. I had asked for his response, he said calm down. When I asked if he was still in the race, he gave me a resounding “definitely.”
Then he called.

“Meet me at my house in Ikoyi and let’s have lunch.
“Don’t come and give me rice o’ I warned him o.
“Duke, no fall my hand. Come and eat Afang.”
With Afang, me no get principles o. Even if Pastor Eno offered me Afang, now Akan fit lose me o.
The table was laid well. The Afang sat there majestically, rich and arrogant. It was posing beside one ‘draw’ soup like that and the fufu was very white and refreshing. The meal needed my immediate attention so I told him:
“Bro, make us chop first, leave Akwa Ibom politics, make we chop before the food cold.’ He said ok. My sister and everlasting crush Eno was there. She used her immortal beauty to scatter the room.

Mbok, the Afang was melodious. It was green, it had periwinkles and ekwong. It was smooth and went down so glibly that against doctors’ orders, I had four plates. Done and satisfied, I turned to Akan and said, “Your Excellency, I cannot discuss politics again, I need to sleep. I am sorry.”
Eno fell into deep laughter as I walked away, holding my tummy and reminding myself to take Andrew Liver Salt. I had over-indulged.
My brother, next time we want to talk about Akwa Ibom politics, no bring Afang. Too distracting.

BODE OLANIPEKUN: SOMETHING ABOUT HIM
Bode Olanipekun is a SAN. I heard he made it before 40. He is the son of the almost mythical Wole Olanipekun whose strides in the profession continues to amaze.
Now, Bode is my friend and we are up to something quite huge and powerful. I do not know if I am at liberty to mention it because it is still in its early days. The size and implication on national cohesion continue to rankle me, making my mouth shake o. Should I talk?

Before I even talk, let me note something here. Discussions with Bode always leaves me with goose pimples. His clarity of thought and obvious passion for the rule of law as the very strong basis for our democracy leaves no one in doubt as to his intentions and love for Nigeria.

This project will pull in the president and almost all state governors during the National Day celebrations in a bold attempt to pull all of their ears as to the need to work a little bit harder to achieve better national cohesion.
I am really trying not to leak the secret but let’s be rest assured that come this October, Bode will be making a major statement through some very powerful storytelling and the whole nation will tune in to listen to him and The Duke of Shomolu would be right in the middle, directing affairs.
God will keep us all alive.

DOUYE DIRI: ANOTHER SAD SONG
When we talk about visionary leadership, we do not even come to this bus stop. The other day, I watched as His Excellency was weeping like a child. Regurgitating the same old story that has been our lot since prehistoric times.
“Ohhh, the federal allocation is too small. It has made us poor; how can we own the land and the resources underneath are owned by the federal government” he wailed.

I just looked at him with pity. Pray, when he was contesting what exactly did he tell the Bayelsans before those ones voted for him? Did he tell them, he will single-handedly increase the allocation or what, because me I don’t understand these tears.

Waiting for constitutional reforms to provide the basics for his people is really sad. This is a man lining up the perfect blame for a lame time in government. Everything is the federal government’s fault. Everything o.
As the allocation is dwindling, what are you putting in place to shore it up? What IGR initiatives are you pushing? What opportunities are you opening up?

This is an oil-rich place o. Even if the federal government has seized everything, what exactly is your recourse? Please stop all these tears, they just sadden us.
If they increase the allocation by 1,000%, it is still the same tears that we will be seeing because all expenditures will go up at the same rate.
You see why we have to be very circumspect as we go to the polls. Nigerians should look beyond the usual crop of leaders and seek those who know what time it is.

CAPTAIN OKOROCHA: LET’S ABORT THE FLIGHT
I watched Chief try his very best Martin Luther King impression and I must say he really tried. Maybe when I get to do my play on Nnamdi Azikiwe, I would cast him in the title role.
That part where he said, ‘I am Captain Rochas, relax and enjoy the flight’ was brilliant but it ends there.
Bro, enough of the games. Please go and concentrate on other matters and stop disturbing us with the chicanery of your efforts.

Me, I have decided to be a one-man, ‘chase them away’ army. I will be yabbing and abusing all these kinds of candidates from my little corner until they have sense and go and be watching Big Brother Africa so that we can concentrate and look for credible leaders to take us home.

This generation and indeed the ones behind us have this 2023 and at best 2027 to put credible leadership in place. My generation after allowing this ‘tsunami’ to be fostered on us since 2015 will now come and be listening to Captain Okorocha? That shows there is something really wrong with our collective heads.
Captain, if becoming a pilot is what is hungrying you, please go to your brother in Air Peace and let him look for a job for you. They can let you fly the Owerri route, that is if your brother Uzo will let you land.

PROF YEMI OSINBAJO: STORYTELLER OF LIFE
I love listening to him. His stories and anecdotes are always so well delivered. His diction, his pacing and his punch lines are usually the best. He is a master storyteller.
I have just read one where he talked about typists at UNILAG. Chief typist, middle typist and junior typist. He told us the junior was the most hardworking and that gave him a position at the Hague as against his senior colleagues who were quite lazy. Lovely story.

But the one in focus today is the one on his N620 salary while being a lecturer in UNILAG. No wonder those lecturers will be frowning every time. I was in UNILAG in the 90s and I used to sha wonder why the lecturers used to be doing one kain. Didn’t know they were earning that kind of money, no wonder they can go on strike.
Well, I have seen the calculations done by ASUU on this salary, adding inflation and exchange rate and arrived at about N420,000 at today’s money. They have now used this to strengthen their agitation.

Well, me, I have no pity for them. I see them as tunnel-visioned and lazy in strategy. They know how it works in better climes but will not want it here because they don’t have the pulling power.
Instead, they will come and be waiting for federal government subvention and when that one does not come, they will be threatening us with a strike. Mbok, keep striking, that is your lot.

It is not even their fault. It is the government’s that is still pretending it can afford this thing. The Government cannot afford tertiary education, at least not at the scale we now have it in the country. It is that simple. They should sell everything and turn to regulators to protect the lower end of the population who would not be able to afford the thing at the privatised level.

Where they cannot sell, they can adopt phased commercialization where departments and courses cover their cost and the government just supports and ensures standards. The lecturers know this, the government knows that they are both just playing chicken and egg with themselves for selfish purposes.
See, if you are a learned professor people will register for your course, you will attract grants and the school will do everything to keep you. It’s a simple demand and supply thing.
My daughter got her course cancelled because enough people did not register for it. Guess what happened to the lecturer? Labour market. No sentiment.

This one that lecturer will still be using a handout he used to teach Azikiwe before independence to teach millennials who are building software and taking over the world cannot work.
Government should look at streamlining the universities, scrapping meaningless courses and putting a firm demand and supply mechanism that allows for lecturers to cover their costs and that of the school while it regulates
If you don’t have the mind, appoint me. I will do it in one week and this perennial ASUU wahala will end. What are they even teaching? I listened in on an MBA class in a first-generation University and I almost cried. The lecturer didn’t even understand the first thing about listing a company and then the next thing, he will go on strike. Privatize, commercialize, streamline. Those are the buzzwords. One week max. We solve this problem once and for all.

AYO SUBAIR: A BELATED GREETING
I have just heard of my egbon’s confirmation at the Lagos State Internal Revenue Service (LIRS). This hardworking Lord truly more than deserves all of the accolades and commendations.
The other day, I was in his office on a visit and witnessed very pragmatically the buzz. There is work in that place o and I begin to ask him how he comes out looking as cool as a cucumber all the time.
Kindly accept my apologies for not sending my wishes earlier than now, there has been fuel scarcity that is why.
Anyways, you truly deserve this and more. God will keep you for us. Well done sir, well done.

Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi: Kindergarten Presidential Aspirants
Every election cycle, they come out in droves like termites in season. They declare ambitions, join some weak political platforms and rabble-rousing in Lagos and maybe Abuja. After that, they calm down and go back to whichever hole they crawled from.

This is kind of irritating and thankfully they do not gather moss so their activities do not even register on scale let alone distract us from the very serious job of looking for credible leadership in this our nation.
This cycle, they are out again. Khadija Okunnu-Lamidi says she wants to be President and was inspired by the #EndSARS movement. I snigger.

But one other person has caught my interest- Chukwuka Monye. He is actually taking himself very seriously as I hear he walks around with bodyguards and bouncers. I saw his picture beside the Nigerian flag and apart from his handsome face, he really has nothing to contribute to these discussions.

I reached out to him and asked to have a session. He has agreed and the session will be held this evening. Unfortunately, you would be reading this by that time.

I took a cursory look at his background and found nothing to support this ambition. He calls himself Social Innovator among other high-sounding and meaningless phrases that can charm the undies of a very beautiful lady but not dent the hardened voter or party leader in faraway Kebbi.

Nigeria is too serious to be toyed with like this even on an extended ego trip. Sadly, these people – Chukwuka and Khadijat have the brainpower, clarity of thought and strong exposure to play credibly well at the grassroots where the work really is. But no, na presidency dey hungry dem.
Do they even understand how the security network works? Do they understand the dizzying turn in the economy? Do they understand the shifting tables that is the warped federalism we practise?

This is why I call them ‘kindergarten” in every true sense of the word including derogatory. Their king, Fela Durotoye, drove himself with ‘sweet nothings’ in the run-up to the last elections and suffered a national embarrassment when his understanding of simple issues relating to the economy and other sectors exposed his intellectual nudity.

Please let us go and fight for positions at the MDAs, build from there and work up the system, learning and garnering experiences. When you are ready, we will know.
The Nigerian presidency is not a Reality TV show, it is the most important and most powerful office in Africa. Not for termites. Thank you.

EMMANUEL UDOM: STILL ON THE MATTER
It was my Oga, Mr Kekere-Ekun that told me to “never be in a hurry to comment always. Listen and watch carefully before taking a position. You now have a voice so be reticent in speaking.”
Another Oga advised me “I have seen things… so I use my mouth less and let my eyes and ears do the work.”
Shebi it is someone who is normal you will be telling this one to. Me, I no normal o and I no gree, especially on this matter. We had expected a divergence from the past. We had expected that with the pedigree that came from years in corporate Nigeria that worst-case scenario, we would see a balancing that would shift us a little bit away from the sad part of selective candidacy.

But what we even saw this time was even crasser than what had hitherto been obtained. So, this time around, “God’ was pulled in. We were waiting for God and he came in a dream sequence to deliver the messiah Governor. Kai, we have suffered. The least he could have done was to have allowed internal primaries and work to the answer.
Anyways, we now have a preferred candidate and we all have been ‘instructed’ to push the candidacy. What else can we do? Don’t we all belong to Animal Farm? It is well. We will keep watching. No problem.

BABAJIDE SANWO-OLU: A LITTLE WORD OF SUPPORT
I walked into an office in Ikeja the other day and saw an old rickety Range Rover covered with campaign memorabilia for Governor Sanwo-Olu. The driver was very energetic and hyper. I told him “please, no jam my car o.” He replied, “No vex, we dey campaign,” and zoomed off with thick black smoke coming out from its exhaust.
I smiled and shook my head; I really do hope that this ramshackle Range Rover does not represent the state of Oga’s reelection bid.

Anyways, this is not the aim of this write-up. The aim is to send in a little word of support. Mr. Sanwo-Olu has tried. I have moved from deep apathy towards him to restrained respect. His vigour, energy and strong will to deliver are not lost on Lagosians.

Although we still see a few glitches here and there, the genuineness of the actions smoothens that up. The issue of the schoolgirls should never have come out because of the millions more in the state in the same situation without any real hope. Abi, should we all go and line up our out-of-school children on His Excellency’s footpath so we can get recourse?

Would I like to see a Sanwo-Olu second term? I’ll say yes. Simply because of his strong engagement of his people, his policies especially in transport, tourism and infrastructure and much more importantly his willingness to sha jump in – #EndSARS, Covid, Magodo and many more.
Anyways, let’s keep him in prayers.

AKAN UDOFIA: THE RENAISSANCE Man
By now, you will know that I have taken sides in the politics of Akwa Ibom. I am standing very firmly behind the man I call Renaissance Man, Mr Akan Udofia. I first heard of him through my lord Chike Ogeah. Chike said, “Edgar, you mean you don’t know AK 47?”

“Mbok, who be that?”
“He is someone you should meet, you guys have the same outlook towards some of these issues.”
Then, I met my sister, the eternally beautiful Eno Udoh. Kai, I used to have a mad crush there o. She told me to meet Akan and actually facilitated the meeting. Akan called and invited me to his house in Uyo.

The meeting that was meant to be just a whistling stop lasted four hours. Discussions were varied, deep and intellectually stimulating. His views on the economy, federalism, infrastructural development and socio-economic policy thrusts all hit the mark. His position on empowerment of the people through private and entrepreneurial positioning as against the current run where we all wait cap in hand for federal allocation hit the mark with me and stayed there.

That got me. I simply just relaxed and decided to work in my own little way for his victory.
Anyways, the Pastor now knelt and got his anointing from his Deacon and the whole place went mad. I haven’t seen Akan since that declaration although we have been chatting. I had asked for his response, he said calm down. When I asked if he was still in the race, he gave me a resounding “definitely.”
Then he called.

“Meet me at my house in Ikoyi and let’s have lunch.
“Don’t come and give me rice o’ I warned him o.
“Duke, no fall my hand. Come and eat Afang.”
With Afang, me no get principles o. Even if Pastor Eno offered me Afang, now Akan fit lose me o.
The table was laid well. The Afang sat there majestically, rich and arrogant. It was posing beside one ‘draw’ soup like that and the fufu was very white and refreshing. The meal needed my immediate attention so I told him:
“Bro, make us chop first, leave Akwa Ibom politics, make we chop before the food cold.’ He said ok. My sister and everlasting crush Eno was there. She used her immortal beauty to scatter the room.

Mbok, the Afang was melodious. It was green, it had periwinkles and ekwong. It was smooth and went down so glibly that against doctors’ orders, I had four plates. Done and satisfied, I turned to Akan and said, “Your Excellency, I cannot discuss politics again, I need to sleep. I am sorry.”
Eno fell into deep laughter as I walked away, holding my tummy and reminding myself to take Andrew Liver Salt. I had over-indulged.
My brother, next time we want to talk about Akwa Ibom politics, no bring Afang. Too distracting.

BODE OLANIPEKUN: SOMETHING ABOUT HIM
Bode Olanipekun is a SAN. I heard he made it before 40. He is the son of the almost mythical Wole Olanipekun whose strides in the profession continues to amaze.
Now, Bode is my friend and we are up to something quite huge and powerful. I do not know if I am at liberty to mention it because it is still in its early days. The size and implication on national cohesion continue to rankle me, making my mouth shake o. Should I talk?

Before I even talk, let me note something here. Discussions with Bode always leaves me with goose pimples. His clarity of thought and obvious passion for the rule of law as the very strong basis for our democracy leaves no one in doubt as to his intentions and love for Nigeria.

This project will pull in the president and almost all state governors during the National Day celebrations in a bold attempt to pull all of their ears as to the need to work a little bit harder to achieve better national cohesion.
I am really trying not to leak the secret but let’s be rest assured that come this October, Bode will be making a major statement through some very powerful storytelling and the whole nation will tune in to listen to him and The Duke of Shomolu would be right in the middle, directing affairs.
God will keep us all alive.

DOUYE DIRI: ANOTHER SAD SONG
When we talk about visionary leadership, we do not even come to this bus stop. The other day, I watched as His Excellency was weeping like a child. Regurgitating the same old story that has been our lot since prehistoric times.
“Ohhh, the federal allocation is too small. It has made us poor; how can we own the land and the resources underneath are owned by the federal government” he wailed.

I just looked at him with pity. Pray, when he was contesting what exactly did he tell the Bayelsans before those ones voted for him? Did he tell them, he will single-handedly increase the allocation or what, because me I don’t understand these tears.

Waiting for constitutional reforms to provide the basics for his people is really sad. This is a man lining up the perfect blame for a lame time in government. Everything is the federal government’s fault. Everything o.
As the allocation is dwindling, what are you putting in place to shore it up? What IGR initiatives are you pushing? What opportunities are you opening up?

This is an oil-rich place o. Even if the federal government has seized everything, what exactly is your recourse? Please stop all these tears, they just sadden us.
If they increase the allocation by 1,000%, it is still the same tears that we will be seeing because all expenditures will go up at the same rate.
You see why we have to be very circumspect as we go to the polls. Nigerians should look beyond the usual crop of leaders and seek those who know what time it is.

CAPTAIN OKOROCHA: LET’S ABORT THE FLIGHT
I watched Chief try his very best Martin Luther King impression and I must say he really tried. Maybe when I get to do my play on Nnamdi Azikiwe, I would cast him in the title role.
That part where he said, ‘I am Captain Rochas, relax and enjoy the flight’ was brilliant but it ends there.
Bro, enough of the games. Please go and concentrate on other matters and stop disturbing us with the chicanery of your efforts.

Me, I have decided to be a one-man, ‘chase them away’ army. I will be yabbing and abusing all these kinds of candidates from my little corner until they have sense and go and be watching Big Brother Africa so that we can concentrate and look for credible leaders to take us home.

This generation and indeed the ones behind us have this 2023 and at best 2027 to put credible leadership in place. My generation after allowing this ‘tsunami’ to be fostered on us since 2015 will now come and be listening to Captain Okorocha? That shows there is something really wrong with our collective heads.
Captain, if becoming a pilot is what is hungrying you, please go to your brother in Air Peace and let him look for a job for you. They can let you fly the Owerri route, that is if your brother Uzo will let you land.

PROF YEMI OSINBAJO: STORYTELLER OF LIFE
I love listening to him. His stories and anecdotes are always so well delivered. His diction, his pacing and his punch lines are usually the best. He is a master storyteller.
I have just read one where he talked about typists at UNILAG. Chief typist, middle typist and junior typist. He told us the junior was the most hardworking and that gave him a position at the Hague as against his senior colleagues who were quite lazy. Lovely story.

But the one in focus today is the one on his N620 salary while being a lecturer in UNILAG. No wonder those lecturers will be frowning every time. I was in UNILAG in the 90s and I used to sha wonder why the lecturers used to be doing one kain. Didn’t know they were earning that kind of money, no wonder they can go on strike.
Well, I have seen the calculations done by ASUU on this salary, adding inflation and exchange rate and arrived at about N420,000 at today’s money. They have now used this to strengthen their agitation.

Well, me, I have no pity for them. I see them as tunnel-visioned and lazy in strategy. They know how it works in better climes but will not want it here because they don’t have the pulling power.
Instead, they will come and be waiting for federal government subvention and when that one does not come, they will be threatening us with a strike. Mbok, keep striking, that is your lot.

It is not even their fault. It is the government’s that is still pretending it can afford this thing. The Government cannot afford tertiary education, at least not at the scale we now have it in the country. It is that simple. They should sell everything and turn to regulators to protect the lower end of the population who would not be able to afford the thing at the privatised level.

Where they cannot sell, they can adopt phased commercialization where departments and courses cover their cost and the government just supports and ensures standards. The lecturers know this, the government knows that they are both just playing chicken and egg with themselves for selfish purposes.
See, if you are a learned professor people will register for your course, you will attract grants and the school will do everything to keep you. It’s a simple demand and supply thing.
My daughter got her course cancelled because enough people did not register for it. Guess what happened to the lecturer? Labour market. No sentiment.

This one that lecturer will still be using a handout he used to teach Azikiwe before independence to teach millennials who are building software and taking over the world cannot work.
Government should look at streamlining the universities, scrapping meaningless courses and putting a firm demand and supply mechanism that allows for lecturers to cover their costs and that of the school while it regulates
If you don’t have the mind, appoint me. I will do it in one week and this perennial ASUU wahala will end. What are they even teaching? I listened in on an MBA class in a first-generation University and I almost cried. The lecturer didn’t even understand the first thing about listing a company and then the next thing, he will go on strike. Privatize, commercialize, streamline. Those are the buzzwords. One week max. We solve this problem once and for all.

AYO SUBAIR: A BELATED GREETING
I have just heard of my egbon’s confirmation at the Lagos State Internal Revenue Service (LIRS). This hardworking Lord truly more than deserves all of the accolades and commendations.
The other day, I was in his office on a visit and witnessed very pragmatically the buzz. There is work in that place o and I begin to ask him how he comes out looking as cool as a cucumber all the time.
Kindly accept my apologies for not sending my wishes earlier than now, there has been fuel scarcity that is why.
Anyways, you truly deserve this and more. God will keep you for us. Well done sir, well done.