LOUD WHISPERS WITH JOSEPH EDGAR

When I first heard the news, I got carried away and eulogised the Anambra people for choosing such an intellectual. Then I saw a post comparing the Governors of Anambra with that of their brother Imo, I weak. Anambra had always been a sophisticated state and that is why when they went to abduct their governor, tied and locked him in a toilet, the world was amazed.

Anyways, they have done it again. They have stood firm behind their heritage of quality by voting massively for the erudite professor. My candidate was Valentine and I came out very strongly in his support. He did well, but the wave was too strong in favour of the eventual winner. He still has youthful vigour on his side and should be ready to come out again.

For Soludo, as I say well done, I would want you to realise that you are on the cusp of history. We would be expecting that you would ride this wave and provide firm direction in cascading this new energy across the whole country.

Anambra people rose up in unison to fight against the shadowy construct that has bedeviled the Nigerian political landscape. Instead of taking loaves of bread and pittance, they stood by their conscience and voted.
For this, I say well done people. For Prof, work just started. A lot still has to be done, I will need you to hit the street running. Oya resume immediately.

GABRIEL OGBECHIE, I AM NOT HAPPY
You know me, I don’t like to keep my mouth shut. I am presently not happy with my brother, Gabriel Ogbechie. That is how he and I were chatting the other night and he didn’t deem it fit to tell me about his latest acquisition. His firm, using its investment vehicle, has acquired the largest shareholding in Eterna Oil.

This is a massive transaction; the kind of transaction that will continue to deepen engagements in the economy, create more jobs and much more importantly send a very strong signal to the naysayers that this economy can be vibrant.
The reason he didn’t tell me is simple. He knows I am a powerful investment banker but he will be telling me, ‘Duke, you are a writer and entertainment man. Stand there’ and I will say, ‘No, na you pay my school fees.’

So that is how he invited me to party in his house one day. As I enter, I see Wale Agbeyangi and Kayode Fadahunsi. Two respectable and highly intelligent investment bankers. I know something want to happen. When you see lion for night you know something want to happen.

You cannot see Wale and Kayode, two Yoruba men for Delta man house and be thinking it is coke dey came to drink. I rush to Godrey in the kitchen and ask, ‘Abeg, what are those two people doing here?’ She says, ‘Which?’ I say that gorimapa and that black one. She say she nor know.

You know when you are planning a coup, you cannot tell your wife. So, I believe Godrey. She cannot lie to me. We used to eat Afang together in many places in Lagos.
So, I keep quiet. But me I know that something’s about to happen. Every vein in my blood is telling me that. I have been in investment banking for over 25 years and I can smell a deal. Then Femi Ademola, my brother who works with Wale will call me and say, I am trying to reach Gabriel. Can you help? I will say what is happening? That one will say ‘Nothing.’ I will soon release his nude.
Then I heard yesterday and the thing is paining me o. See my deal. This Gabriel no even like this Wale o. See my deal o. I call my partner Lami and say you will be wearing bow tie everywhere and be speaking Queen’s English o. See deal o.
This deal is massive. It is the kind of deal that makes every stockbroker’s mouth water with pride. I really do congratulate my colleagues Wale and Kayode for this. They deserve it. Brilliant and hardworking guys.
To my brother Gabriel, I say well done, a very brilliant move. And to my sister Godrey, let’s keep eating our Afang, don’t mind them. Shebi it is Afang I came to eat in Lagos. There is God. Well done bro.

FIDELIS ANOSIKE: BIDDING HER FAREWELL
As you read this, my brother Fidelis Anosike would have just finished the burial rites of his hugely influential mother. I had almost forgotten until I saw his partner, the vivaciously beautiful screen goddess, Rita Dominic at my brother, Tobe Okigbo’s party the other day.

Fidelis has been a good brother, although we have tried to do a lot of things wey no just dey happen. His passion for Nigeria, his network, his reach all endear me to him. His contributions on the Duke Summit remain deep and engaging.
Let me use this opportunity to wish him and the larger Anosike Family a befitting passage for their well-loved mother and God’s continued strength to see them through this obviously draining period. Well-done my brother, see you soon.

BIKIYA GRAHAM DOUGLAS: A FESTIVAL FOR THE GODS
This is one beautiful lady I wished was not my sister. Over the years, the relationship between me and Bikiya has grown from initial crush, to full blown love the kind only biological siblings could have to a roaring partnership.
She is so talented and passionately engaging with the Arts. She will walk up to me, give me a suffocating hug and say, ‘This my crazy brother’ and you will see all the men around envying me and drooling.
This weekend, she is organising a Festival of Arts in Abuja. I am supposed to be there but I am in the thick of plans for my new play in Uyo – Ufok Ibaan.

That is how I saw my poster on the festival started trending, so I called her and said, ‘Bikiya adiagha, what is this festival all about o? And she said in that her sweet voice, it is a convergence of the Arts. We really do not interact that much so this festival brings together the various branches of the Art in a brilliant interactive space.’
You see why she is my sister? Theatre, movies, Arts, Music all mixing up in a kaleidoscope of engagements with a view to better understanding each other and forming a much more virile bond as it pushes towards societal reawakening.
What else can I add but to say ‘Well-done sis’ and may the gods keep smiling at you.

FEMI ADESINA: A PROPHET FORETOLD
Bro Adesina says he has stopped attending a particular church because the pastor used to yab his principal so much that the thing pained him. From what I have gleaned, it looks like he has attended the church for over 30 years and because of the yabis especially the one about the abducted girls, he decided to move to another church on the next street hoping that this new pastor will get sense and be yabing only PDP.

Well, my people you see where Buhari problem dey plenty; the man no dey get better feedback. You see this Adesina, instead of engaging the pastor, asking him for better feedback or setting up a meeting between this pastor and relevant authority so that the engagement would be mutually benefiting, he run away from the church.
You can be sure even as he dey attend that church, he will not have the liver to go to his principal with the feedback. Then, that one will now sit up and know exactly how his people feel about him.

He will just come back from church, tuck his bible in the container where he usually keeps it and continue with his usual praise singing and when they ask him, ‘How was church today?’, he’ll say fine and keep quiet.
The problem of leadership in Nigeria is plenty. It is multi-challenging in its full dimension. How do our leaders get credible feedback when they are surrounded by grasshoppers?
So, for brother Femi, it is to change the church that will convince that ‘errant’ Pastor that Buhari is working? Is it to change the church that will show Buhari that his policies are being well received?
I just tire for this particular Oga and na my friend o. At least, he don attend one of my plays, but I just dey weak for the paddy on a regular.
Please, don’t come to my own church o; you will not only change church, you will wait for the pastor on the road, pull your shirt and begin to slap as dem don yab your Papa Buhari. Abeg go and bathe my brother.

NNAMDI KANU: FENDI FIEND
Before I use the word ‘fiend’, I go check the meaning o. You know anything around this paddy is very emotive and sensitive. The other day, actor wear cloth, he chop beans for days. If you are not careful, if it is not the men in black chasing you on the bridge, it will be his own people looking for your head.
‘Why do I even bother sef? Why not just ignore the guy and continue with my beauty sleep,’ I ask myself.
I cannot o. He never ceases to amaze me. These days, his court appearances na in all white Fendi. He no dey hear o. Na designer wear o. Complete with appropriate footwear making him come out looking dashing and dandy.

He will now come and be posing, walking like Nollywood star. I am sure when all these is over and they want to do his movie, he will not agree anybody to act as him. He will want to act as himself; the shakara is too much.
Such a gifted and mercurial character. I only wish he would just believe in one Nigeria and train his passion towards rebuilding our great country with him playing a great role in it.
Sadly, this is not the case. We can only just pray for a befitting end to all of these where one strong and non-divisive Nigeria will emerge.

SOLAPE AKINDELE: A WOMAN OF COLOUR
This young girl is doing things o. She has just set up HERVEST. Hervest is a gender facing fintech that supports female farmers in challenged zones. Already, she has over 4,000 female subscribers and growing astronomically. In fact, she is targeting to hit the 20,000 mark by first quarter next year and has already set her sights on Kenya.
Sitting next to her in meetings as her financial adviser, I cannot help but admire her clarity and tenacity of purpose.
She resigned from one of the biggest independent investment banking firms to set up this structure which remains her evolving passion.
Taking advantage of the economies of scale that comes with the Yaba technology ecosystem, she continues to rev and attain a cult followership amongst her chosen public.

Major international franchises like Standard Chartered Bank and others have supported this vision with huge grants which she has deployed, strategically.
‘Edgar, we are supporting over 500 female farmers in the Jos area. We are sending seedlings, taking the produce and finding markets and this pool is growing astronomically’.
Is this not what we are saying about this country? The opportunities abound for those who want to see o.

HERBERT WIGWE: HIGHLY APPRECIATIVE
Please, let me crave the indulgence of my readers and all of Nigerians to all stop for a bit, go on your knees and point a finger towards Herbert Wigwe’s toilet where he is at this right moment and say, ‘God Bless you, Mr Herbert Wigwe.’
You will really not understand my effusiveness this morning. In my life, people have touched me with their kindness but this one is too much.

When Abdul Imoyo, one of the most brilliant media people this country is blessed with, called and said, ‘Edgar, we will deal’ and he told me the amount, I fell down on the street and wept.
I had approached Access Bank through Herbert for kind support for our new play. My pitch was straightforward. ‘Sir’, I said: ‘We are engaging over 500 youths in Akwa Ibom, putting them on a major theatrical platform that would open and expose them to the very best of theatre.

An opportunity that would be really impossible for them to have.’ Sir, we are flying in the very best in theatre to engage, teach and mentor these youths and for three days over 8,000 Akwa Ibomites will watch this extravaganza for free. We are not charging anything and another 500,000 will watch globally through our digital platforms.
We are trying to create jobs, push talent and much more importantly give back hope to not only the people of Akwa Ibom but also the whole nation. Over 100,000 people have seen our plays and we have engaged more than 1,000 people.

When I finish, the man just stand up say, ‘Edgar we will reach you, I have to go and see Alhaji’.
I say in my mind, ‘Wetin dey do this one o? So, all the talk I have talked see what he just say to me. I should have known. So, when Abdul now called and I saw his number, ‘I say what is this one looking for again o?’
Then he uttered the immortal words, ‘Herbert sends his wishes, he has approved the sum of …….’ Bro, I weak o.
Theatre is such an important tool for social mobilisation, job creation and cohesion in the society that if effectively harnessed, could serve as an immediate elixir to some of the societal challenges we face especially with the growing rate of unemployment.
I thank him. I really thank him.

TOBE OKIGBO: MANY HAPPY RETURNS
Tobe is one of the top Nigerians at communications giants MTN. He is such a hardworking and passionate Nigerian which makes me so proud to be associated with him.
It was his birthday the other day and his very beautiful wife, my sister Chioma threw a major soiree for him. As usual the place was filled up with quality people and she said, ‘Edgar, bring the Afang’.
Tobe is mercurial in his brilliance, let me finish all the accolades on him cos the food I ate in his house that night despite the fact that there was no Afang and I didn’t bring the afang was also mercurial.

It is for this reason that he pulls in the very best in quality attendance at his gigs. This is where we meet the intelligentsia, Nollywood, Captains of Industry and debutants. At his gigs, there’s no dancing o but engagements, networking and very compulsive interactions.
I always come out of them enriched. This time I went into mortal combat with Chioma’s friends led by the very elegant Ndali and my sister Etim Inyang the expansive daughter of the late Inspector General of Police Mr. Etim Inyang and the exotic Ijaw beauty known internationally as Ibiene.

I had stupidly run into turbulence when I told the gathering of about six very elegant ladies that my father of blessed memory had told me that I should be ‘emotionally detached’ from women I have dealings with whether wife or anything.
Mbok, these women finish me o. Some men like my brother, Tino sat far, pitying me. When I attempted to run for cover with the men, from the women, they pushed me back into the furnace.

They tore me apart o. Our women can be sensitive. Even my other sister Ivie just walked past and pretended like she didn’t know me and Tobe also stood very far, not wanting to be sucked in.
My people, I try but the fight was bad. I was bloodied and fell in a slump until my sister Etim Inyang came and sat on my legs. That gave me momentary relief.
Happy birthday my brother. Well done.