The Gift of Goodbye

With Koko Kalango

This is the last week of the first month of the New Year, a good time for personal evaluation and adjustments. As we settle into the New Year, one of the things we may need to do will be to let go of the old and embrace the new. I hope Orpah’s story will give you the courage to say good bye when and where you need to. Here goes…

Once upon a time, three women set out on a journey. They had a lot in common; they bore the same surname, they were widows and they were all sad. They also had some differences. One of them was old and the other two were young. One of them was Hebrew and the other two were foreigners to Israel; the older woman was Naomi, wife of Elimelech and mother of Mahlon and Chilion. The two younger women were Orpah and Ruth, wives of Mahlon and Chilion, respectively.

Naomi, Elimelech and the boys had moved to Moab because there was famine in Bethlehem. Then Elimelech died and later the boys married Moabite women. Some ten years down the line, Mahlom and Chilion also died. Naomi became childless while Orpah and Ruth joined her in the company of widows. The trio were united in grief.

As Naomi sorrowed, news came to her that the famine in Bethlehem was over, God had visited his people and blessed them. Naomi decided to return home and her daughters-in-law choose to accompany her. Consequently, the three women set off towards Judah. But Naomi turned and blessed her fellow travellers saying “Go, return each to her mother’s house. The Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. The Lord grant that you may find rest, each in the house of her husband” (Ruth 1:8). It was an emotion-laden farewell that gives us an insight into the type of women Orpah and Ruth were. We can assume they were kind to their husbands and their mother-in-law. That is how come Naomi could pray that they would re-marry, and be happy in their new homes. I think they were also caring and devoted, which is why they insisted on following Naomi.

Naomi then took the young women through an objective assessment of the situation in which they now found themselves. She made them see that there was no apparent future for them with her. She was too old to have children and even if she had children immediately, they could not replace the husbands the Orpah and Ruth had lost. This was the turning point in the lives of the three women. “Then they lifted up their voices and wept again; and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her”. (Ruth 1:14) They reached a valley of decision; both women assessed their situation. While Ruth chose to stick to her mother-in-law, Orpah chose to say goodbye.

Whereas Ruth has been applauded by history for her choice, Orpah has been stigmatised and marginalized. If Orpah went back to the gods of Moab as her mother-in-law suspected, then that would be sad. We have no proof that she did. But, we can sure learn something from Orpah’s decision. As a matter of fact we can learn a great deal. In addition to the qualities Orpah had going for her, she also had the grace to draw the curtain on a phase of her life and move on; she had the gift of goodbye. I appreciate Orpah’s choice particularly because the gift of goodbye does not come easily to me. I find it difficult to leave my yesterdays (be it experiences or people) behind me. So, I hold on to past friendships, past memories, and souvenirs of the past. This could seem like a harmless trait until it hinders ones progress. I heard someone put it aptly “your greatest obstacle to progress may be your last success”. When you get to the point where the past stands in the way of your future, you need the gift of goodbye – the ability to bring closure to the past.

Here, two young women had lost their husbands. They were wounded and grief-sticken. While Ruth’s way of dealing with her grief was to throw herself into the culture of her late husband, Orpah’s way out was to shut the door on the past. So, when they reached this cross road of life, Ruth chose to go with her mother-in-law, but Orpah had the courage and strength of character to walk away. She did not succumb to the pressure to please people against the leaning of her heart. She did not mind the controversy that would surround the news of her departure. She did not care that history may ignore her for taking the road less travelled. She went ahead to be true to herself. She bade Naomi and Ruth goodbye, and closed the door on her yesterday.

Every now and then life brings us to a junction like it did Ruth and Orpah. In the context of this message, we are required to take the path that leads away from our past; it will turn out to be the key to our future. Some of us need to find closure on relationships that tie us to the past and therefore hinder us from fully enjoying new ones. There are people amongst us who have to mentally disengage from some projects of the past. Some parents and children need to say goodbye to each other to enable the latter enjoy their matrimonial homes. A number of us have to let go of people we have lost in death and allow them ‘rest in peace’. Those holding people in un-forgiveness need to say goodbye to the memories of the pain they have experienced. There are yet those who need to bid sin farewell and embrace God’s forgiveness.

Have you reached a point in your life where you must say goodbye? Could your decision cost you your reputation, your friends and even cause you to be misunderstood? The most important thing is to ascertain that your choice aligns with God’s word and it gives you peace and joy then follow your heart, irrespective of the cost.

If you have the grace to say goodbye easily then go ahead and exercise it. If, on the other hand, like me, it is an uphill task, ask God’s help. Whatever it takes, let go of yesterday and embrace tomorrow.

––Koko Kalango is the author of Colours of Life devotional