Ikoyi Registry Saga: A Wonderful Opportunity
Look, let me quickly put out this advice: those of you who married at that place should quickly take advantage of the lacuna created by this judgment to go and enjoy yourself outside o.
Immediately I saw the report, I rushed to go and check if by any chance I married there. Na Shomolu Local Government I married in the year of our Lord 2000 so I cannot take advantage.
Anyway, the report has been debunked by the Ministry of Interior but the confusion persists. My own is that what the Federal Government is doing in this space is what Yoruba people call ‘agbaya’ things. Struggling with this one with the local government authorities just shows the continued confusion that pervades our system.
What concerns a whole Federal Government with issuing marriage licenses when they have not been able to hold down security, economy, infrastructure and the rest.
Let’s even leave that one and look at this Ikoyi registry. The place is a cesspool of corruption controlled by clusters of hoodlums who perpetrate all sorts of rackets.
Everything and anything can be obtained at the place from make-up artists, to suits, ties, to even brides. All you need to do is to walk in there and say, ‘I want to marry’ in minutes everything is provided and you are married.
My only sister, the great and legendary Dame Glory Edgar married there and that was my first real experience in the place. I stood aside and watched the massive rackets going on. Everything was procured, money changing hands faster than the Stock Exchange, things happening, officials turning from security men, to witnesses and from officiating ministers, to photographers, to purveyors of wedding rings; everything and anything is happening in that place. So, for me, this court case, no matter how it goes, has succeeded in throwing a huge spotlight on the madness going on in the place.
Meanwhile, please help me watch very closely my brother-in-law, Etim Ezekiel. He married my aforementioned sister in that place, I am sure it will be itching him now o. That advice I gave does not concern him o. If he tries it…
NYESOM WIKE: THE SAGA OF ‘COMMISSIONERSHIP’
The recent report that His Excellency Nyesom Wike sacked a commissioner for hosting an unauthorised visit by a group of medical professionals has strengthened my resolve never to accept any appointment as a commissioner anywhere in this country.
That ‘thing’ na just total waste of time. It is nothing more than unbridled servitude. You just go to work at the whim of your Oga, His Excellency. In my engagement with various state governments, I see the total ‘helplessness’ of a commissioner; they just help you fine tune your proposal; go and submit and be waiting for approval like you.
Both of you will be doing the same prayers, doing the same fasting and waiting for His Lordship to see reasons. In most cases, if the idea does not push the agenda of the Emperor or make him look good as long as it does not come from him or his immediate cronies, forget it.
Why people accept to serve under such conditions is beyond me. I watch them lose their self-esteem. I watch them run around like well-dressed domestics and I just squirm.
On top of that one, you will now be struggling with Permanent Secretary and career civil servants who are entrenched and, in some cases, laced with Juju. Mbok, commissioner work no be am, count me out. It’s thankless.
FEMI OTEDOLA: TRULY THE FIRST
It was my lord, Mr. Akin Kekere Ekun, who once said, “Edgar you now have a voice, do not always be in a hurry to rush to comment on issues.” I have taken that advice very seriously as the gains far outweigh the negatives.
It is in that context when all the noise surrounding the massive incursion into my favourite bank – First Bank Nigeria by my lord ephemeral, the quintessential Femi Otedola I decidedly stayed away from the fray.
Lord had once told me something and I quickly rushed to press and that did not sit well with him. Thus, my delayed response on this one.
During the week, it was announced that he had increased his stake holding by another 2.5%, driving it above the 7% mark and making him the single largest shareholder of the prestigious bank.
At this point, congratulations are in place not only for Mr. Otedola but also to First Bank for being able to attract such massive investments at this time. Knowing Mr. Otedola very well, what he would be bringing to the bank in terms of leadership and visionary speed cannot be quantified and this would certainly put the bank within the most influential financial institutions in the world.
Before I sign off, let me say the one that concerns me. First Bank through its First@ Arts have continued to empower the creative sector. Throwing such legendary and powerful minds like Folake Ani-Mummuney and ‘Abim’ into the fray with my brother Oze, you begin to feel its impact especially in areas of creating opportunities, infrastructure to deepen the space.
This December alone, First Bank at least from what I know are supporting over 10 different productions, putting thousands of creatives to work, expanding the scope and generally being a pillar. We thank them.
So, Mr. Otedola, whoever advised you on this move did you a whole lot of good. You owe the person a huge bowl of Afang and ‘ekwong’.
AYO SUBAIR: A GENTLE TAX GIANT
He is not only my friend but my egbon. He is the one running the Lagos State Internal Revenue Services and from the figures we are seeing, he is doing a damned good job.
The other day, just after my play ‘Awo’, I got a call from his people, “Can you bring back your play- Isale Eko for us in December?”
Unfortunately, we are off to Uyo already and will not be available. The beautiful lady Monsurat did not give up. “Duke,” she said, “we are hosting the Joint Tax Board and all of the chief tax officers in the country are coming and we want to show them the best of Lagos and your play ‘Isale Eko’ is just perfect.”
As I hear that one, I said oya. You see, no nation can attain basic developmental indices if it has a poor tax base like we have. So, the opportunity to encourage and inspire these tax people should not be taken lightly.
At the event, Mr. Subair took the podium and spoke very eloquently about the vision of the LIRS and the work of the JTB in partnering with the government as it struggles to meet its obligations to the people.
But as the event wore on into the night, I had to leave and as I was getting to the Mainland, I received a text from my other brother, ‘Nidu Inneh, the Tax Chief of Edo State. The message read “Duke are you here?”
I replied, “I just left.”
“They are doing your play o”
“Tell me what you think”
“It is too long”
“Na you know,” was my response to him.
It was a glorious evening, well packaged, well attended and everybody had fun but the most important thing was the fact that the mission of the JTB was not lost on anyone who attended.
KEMI OLUNLOYO: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN
This self-acclaimed investigative journalist is something else o. The way she enters issues like hurricane Katrina used to amaze me.
See what she has done with this sad and unfortunate case of the little boy who recently lost his innocent life in the hands of bullies. While the police and other authorities are still trying to unravel the matter, she just jumped in with a wild allegation and threw a lot of confusion into the system.
While at it, she goes into a fight with actress Ada Ameh pulling in that one’s late daughter. For Kemi, there are no holds barred once she is on a matter. It seems her stint in Port Harcourt Prison has not calmed her down or taught her a lesson.
This our only investigative journalist in Nigeria na wa o. Help us beg her to calm down o.
GERNOT ROHR: ANNOYING MUSICAL CHAIRS
So, they have finally sacked Mr Rohr and reappointed the serially sacked Eguavoen. The whole football infrastructure in Nigeria is a scam. Watch o, by Valentine’s day, they will sack Eguavoen and most likely bring back another previously sacked person and if we are not careful the circle will swirl back to Rohr by next Christmas.
This is why I no longer watch football. The magic is gone. The heydays of Keshi and Yekini are long far gone. The beauty of the game has gone, killed by infantile administrators who will be carrying white beards all over the place.
Me, I don’t know the details of why they sacked him or even the result of their last game, I just decided to put this story in today to complete quota. Nigerian football? Na ‘ten ten.’
FEMI FANI-KAYODE: THE LION OF APAPA
One thing you don’t do to a full-blooded Nigerian male is to question his integrity in the other room. Up until this time, Chief Kayode has been playing soft with his former wife in their on-going battle in courts.
Then she upped the ante by saying he cannot perform. Kai, that is like releasing nuclear bombs in a small fight. That must have hit the handsome chief in a very soft spot.
Instantly, a press statement was released calling that allegation a lie of the devil amongst other very strong words I cannot use in a family-oriented column like this.
As if that was not enough, one beauty came out to say that chief was a lion in bed. Kai, how she ‘know’ that one she didn’t say but that we should just take it from her that daddy is a lion and cannot be held down once revved.
Me I believe. But all these women, when they want to fight us, they should not be going to that level na. That is too low and immature.
My advice to both combatants, especially my egbon, is to think of the mental health of the children and the very real potential of exposing them to bullying when they are of age. The taunts will not be easy on them when their classmates start calling them names and alluding to the fact that their dad is a lion or a kitten in bed.
Please my Egbon, leave Precious alone. Just go to court and say, “This is the mother of my children, I used to love her but no longer do and whatever she has done to or for me, I forgive her. Give her all she wants. I just want peace.”
You will see that even the Precious sef will give you the opportunity to try your ‘Lionic’ skills on her once again.
Let peace reign sir. It’s in your hands.
TIWA SAVAGE: AN UNENDING CRUSH
When all of you were salivating and shouting over the sex tape, me I was hurting. You see I have never hidden the fact that I have a crush on this beauty. I would have loved to be that person on the sex tape with her and would not have minded to wear my APC t-shirt in the video.
Well that one has passed. Yesterday, out of nothing to do, I started going through all of her videos, especially her latest, the one she did with American songstress Brandy.
Mbok, if you have not seen it go and see it. It has garnered over 12 million views on YouTube. It is a creative bomb. Well curated and her talent with that of the mercurial Brandy shown through.
I have put it on permanent rotation. She is sultry, she knows her stuff and her brown skin with the well curvy body forms a complete surreal appeal as I stared with my mouth open.
The scene that has killed me finish is the one where she walks into a body of water with a very sweet waterfall cascading down from a hill and she, wearing a green two-piece bikini just wallowing in the warm waters.
Her beauty shines like a thousand jewels and she teases me, saying, “Duke leave Shomolu and come here.”
My people, many reasons dey that heaven go hard for me to enter o. This Tiwa girl is one of them, I need deliverance and no be that kind Oyedepo ‘pull am for leg’ deliverance; this one na real fire deliverance wey dem dey do for Mountain of Fire. Tiwa is a national goddess.
EMIR OF DAURA: MY HERO
I have seen the picture of the bride and I will not blame this 90-year-old traditional ruler if the reports we are seeing are anything to go by. Unconfirmed reports have said that the well-respected traditional ruler has taken as a new wife this very sweet looking beauty who could easily pass for his great great granddaughter.
This announcement sparked a very heated argument on the BGL Alumni Group. My sister Ada was strongly against it and started reminding us of past heroes who had lost their lives on top of these young and sexy females. Me on the other side countered that is it not better to die on top of these mountains than to be butchered by bandits or even decimated by Covid?
I think at the end of the day, these older women are kind of jealous of what is going on. They can no longer offer the services and comfort we need at these advanced ages and sit aside, watching their roles being taken over. Well too bad, nothing we can do about that.
Me, whether Duchess like am or not, if God give me a long life to Emir’s age, I will certainly go 20. I tell you. Even the ones we are experiencing now is like heaven o. Once you can buy data, phone and hair you will be seeing Angel Michael singing for you.
It’s not every time man will be battling with wahala that comes from our older women. We love them, we cherish them, we bless them, we will build our future with them, let them run our businesses, own our property and take charge of everything but in this particular area, they should sha accept that their skill set cannot play, they should then just morph into advisory capacity.
I tell you. My Dear Emir, you are doing well, we dey your side and we dey your back. When can I come for a visit, I am so impatient and cannot wait until I am 90. Let’s do this now.
Please, I know some wicked people will go and show Duchess this write up now o. Stop na.
PAUL ALABA LAWANI: A DIFFERENT BREED
Did you see the video? I saw it and admired his courage. This young man had gone to a road construction site and reported live on social media the shoddy job the contractor was doing. This caught the attention of the Edo State Government with the Deputy Governor Mr. Shuaibu visiting the site and the Governor His Excellency Obaseki promising to do something about it.
The prayer is for this type of citizen advocacy to catch on and then our leaders will begin to sit up. We should learn how not to take just anything. We should also take our leaders to task, especially on things like this.
Mr. Lawani is a hero and thankfully he has been receiving a lot of commendations from home and abroad. Well done bro.
KARIBI FUBARA: A MIDNIGHT SONG
He passed last Wednesday but before leaving us, he had sent in a lot of videos chronicling his fight with kidney/cancer. His videos were touching and deeply philosophical. I had watched some and wondered at his incredible talent and personality.
He was a strong Nollywood player with a good heart. I know God will open up the heavens to receive him giving the rest of us the comfort that he has truly gone home to rest.
I didn’t even know the relationship between him and my bosom friend, Dr. Ibiene Ogolo till I reached out to her for something else and met her in a state. She said they were extremely close family friends with the two families dating back over 20 years.
We are encouraged by the life he lived and we remain eternally thankful that he passed through. Sleep well bro.
