Uloma Jide-Afonja: My Husband’s Death Encouraged Me to Always Assist other Widows

On November 7, 1996, a Boeing 727 operated by Aviation Development Company – ADC – Airlines from Port Harcourt to Lagos crashed at Itoikin River, in Ejirin, near Lagos, killing all 144 passengers and crew on board. The aircraft crashed after it lost control during an evasive maneuver to avoid a mid-air collision. “The untidy traffic separation by the radar controller” was given as the immediate cause of the crash. Well it’s been 25-years after that ill-fated flight that claimed lives and left loved ones bereaved, Uloma Jide-Afonja, wife to First Officer Babajide Afolabi Afonja, Co-Pilot of the ADC Airlines plane is planning a memorial anniversary. In this interview with Ferdinand Ekechukwu, Mrs. Jide-Afonja who was barely two years into her marriage when the incident happened, shares her plans, and travails following that incident. She further shares her love story, recalling memorable moments spent with her beloved husband

You have planned a memorial on this anniversary of that tragic incident of 1996 involving an ADC plane crash which sadly claimed the lives of 144 persons, including your husband Captain Jide Afonja, who was the co-pilot. Can you tell us about it?

Usually every 7th November, I privately visit the memorial arcade at Itoikin, or have memorial mass and visit orphanages. However, for this 25th anniversary, I wanted something different and shared with my husband’s best friend (Lai Are) my idea of renovating the Flight 086 Memorial Arcade and have prayers etc. there with family and friends. Lai and I renovated the memorial arcade. So I have gone ahead to arrange for prayers to take place at the cenotaph on November 7, 2021 by 10:30am for my husband, Jide and the 143 passengers and crew who died with him. The programme will include singing of hymns, prayers, laying of wreaths, reciting of a poem written by Imaobong Udoeyop, one of the cabin crew, who died that day as well as brief speeches by colleagues, family members and friends of some of the victims.

25years after since that devastating event that changed the course of your family life, how have you been keeping up and with your children?

Well! It has not been easy at all…but I thank God for life and for always showing up whenever it appears helpless and hopeless. It is not easy being a young widow without a job in society like ours. I was in my early twenties, pregnant too for my daughter and with a son who was barely a year old when the incident occurred. I thought that was the end of my life. I mean, if Jide and I could make all the plans we did and he goes away just like that, what is there in life? I just concluded NYSC and of course, Jide had no plans for me to get a job then. I suddenly found myself in a breadwinner’s position and though in deep grief, I had to look for a job to support my young family. I was posted to Jos, Plateau state as a trainee banker after the recruitment processes. Getting the job enhanced my confidence level. Being in Jos provided an opportunity to raise my children in a less expensive location unlike Lagos and Abuja. My in-laws wanted me to leave my children with them and my mum requested same but I declined. They felt it would be easier for me to “move on” with my life and concentrate on my new job but I could not. My children are my life and parting gifts from Jide. Raising them up myself gave me a deep sense of purpose and fulfilment. Indeed, it has not been easy being a widow in our society but I thank God for his grace and mercy.

Reading through the tribute pieces you have written in remembrance of your dearly beloved husband since his passing one could connect with the depth of emotions and feelings you expressed. Can you share with us your mood penning those heartfelt tributes and how does it make you feel writing in his memory?

People mourn in different ways. I mourn by talking and writing about my husband. It helps me manage the constant dull ache. Though our life together was very brief, I enjoy talking about him and things we did. I feel a kind of joy when I do that, anything to keep his memory alive. Jide was very special and I feel blessed to have known him. I see him in our children.

There are particular things one believes you do remember or missed about him as your husband and father of your children who are now grown into young adults? Those beautiful memories being that it was barely two years into marriage and he left… Would you like to share?

Every time I board any flight, I remember the first day I met Jide. You see, Jide told me that he saw me for the first time when I was boarding an ADC flight from Lagos to Calabar. I was in University of Calabar at that time. He told me he was looking at the passengers from the cockpit window and noticed me and said to his captain “Capt., that’s my wife”. They both laughed about it, (and) then he requested a cabin crew to get my name which of course, I refused to give her. As we were leaving the aircraft, he obstructed my way, and took me aside to briefly introduce himself and get my name and hostel number. That was the beginning of his visits to me whenever he had a night stop in Calabar.

We looked forward to those visits. He first became my trusted friend and confidant before we started dating. We could talk all day and not get tired. The connection was deep. Jide wooed me with flowers, chocolates, beautiful music, teddy bears and the most amazing cards from Hallmark Cards. He was a hopeless romantic! Whenever I queue up to board an aircraft, I always remember that’s how Jide saw me. I always look at the cockpit thinking about how he first saw me. I remember Jide whenever I see any pilot in uniform. Sometimes I buy flight magazines at WH Smith at the duty free shop in his memory. It was a whirlwind romance.

Can you recall for us your marital journey with him being from two different tribes but bound by love and fondness for each other? Like having to come all the way from Yoruba land to ask for your hand in marriage in Igbo land… What kind of man was he?

Jide was one of a kind… and he loved me deeply. Initially we hid our relationship from our parents because we felt they might not approve being from two different cultures. However, as I was planning to travel abroad for my masters after my NYSC, I got pregnant and he proposed. It was a confusing time for both of us being very young but we picked up the courage to inform our parents about our decision to marry. Imagine how shocked his parents were when he informed them he had a girlfriend who is Igbo, pregnant and he decided to marry her. My mum was shaken when I informed her that I had a boyfriend who was Yoruba, a pilot and I was pregnant for him and plan to marry him. However, my family fell in love with Jide when they met him.

He was quiet but very witty when he is at ease with friends and family. Jide loved beautiful music and good food. He was a great cook. With our parents’ consent, we had a quiet marriage ceremony and traditional wedding thereafter. He travelled to my village Acha in Isuikwuato Local Government Area of Abia state with all his family members including his best friend (Lai Are) for the traditional wedding. It was a joyous and interesting merger of two cultures. My bride price which was N23.00 was a pleasant surprise to my in-laws who were expecting to pay a huge sum. My late dad Sir J.U. Madukwe requested that whenever his daughters got married, the bride price would be according to their ages, just a token. My family honoured my dad’s wishes and demanded for N23.00. I was happy my family did not put any financial stress on Jide since we were just starting our young lives together.

How supportive has his family, friends, loved ones been throughout this period?

My in-laws have been very supportive, especially my mother in law and my husband’s Uncle Professor Biyi Afonja, his wife Mummy Ibadan, Mrs. Yewande Afonja, Uncle Rasheed etc. The children always looked forward to my mother in-law’s visits to Jos Plateau state. Also, the children and I visit Abeokuta and Joga Orile for milestone events. My children are fond of their grandparents, Dr. Dapo and Mrs. Yewande Afonja. My old friends have always been there as well as my new friends who have also become family to me. I lost contact with some of my husband’s friends when I relocated to Jos. I am glad I have recently reconnected with some of them since I relocated to Abuja.

What life lesson has his death taught you?

Jide’s death has taught me that life is too short to fuss over inconsequential matters. His death has taught me to celebrate people I care about while they are alive. His death has taught me to always have faith and trust in God Almighty and be intentionally happy. Jide’s death has enabled me resolve to assist other widows who may have passed and are passing through difficult situations like I did. I work with some Not-for-Profit organizations to bring hope to the hopeless and share my life experiences to these disadvantaged women to let them know that there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. My work in the Not-For-Profit sector has given me much joy.

Do you think you will ever fill the emptiness his demise created in your life? Any chances of remarrying?

Jide was my one true love. It has been very difficult to replace him. I will continue to look up to God for his guidance in my life and keep praying to God Almighty for preserve my life and that of my children.

How much have you discussed about him with your children?

It’s usually my favourite past time to talk about their father to my children, Jide (jnr) and Mayowa. It used to be like bedtime stories for them. Luckily I am an amateur photographer and took many photographs of my husband. His photographs are everywhere in the house. Every photo of his has a story behind it which I love to tell them. It has been easier for my kids to visualize him. My children know most of the songs their dad used to woo me… and have especially fallen in love with Yanni which my husband’s mentor and former chief pilot Capt. Fola Akinkuotu introduced him to. It gives me joy talking about my life with their dad and how special he was. They read some of his letters and notes to me. The children see him as their guardian angel.

If given the opportunity, what would you change to favourably befit his passing and the circumstance given the way the incident was handled by the authorities concerned?

I sincerely hope the government has implemented all the recommendations by the investigation committee bearing in mind that it was in the process of avoiding a collision with another aircraft that they lost control and crashed. I will continue to preach for safer skies and pray that such an incident does not occur again in Nigeria.

What do you currently do?

I am an experienced banker with focus on wealth management and MSME. I have over 21 years banking experience. I am especially delighted about my involvement in the Not-For-Profit sector with emphasis on vulnerable women and children in the society. It gives me much satisfaction. I sit on the board of Centre For Women Studies and Intervention (CWSI). I am also a member of Scottish Council For Voluntary Organisations (SCVO), UK. I am currently a consultant/accredited trainer based in Abuja. I have an MBA from The University of Strathclyde Business School, UK where I was selected to represent my business school for the Association of MBAs (AMBA) Student of the Year award. I have attended senior management programmes at The Harvard Business School, Boston and Retail Banking Academy, UK. (RBA 1). I think my husband will be very proud of the woman I have become.