GENERAL BURATAI – NOT ENTIRELY TRUE

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Chief of Army Staff, Lt. General Tukur Buratai

You see as you have retired now, I can tell you some home truths. You really did not try, so that your statement that you left the Nigerian Army better than you saw it almost choked me in the toilet. Sir, you see for some days now, I have not been able to stool and I started checking the symptoms for COVID-19 to see if constipation dey on the list. So, Duchess say, I should try oranges and drink a lot of water which I did.

All of a sudden the ‘runs’ came and I rushed to the loo with my favourite newspaper – guess which? I saw this your statement and did not know when I poo on the floor and all over my pants. I say see this Buratai man o, see as this man want disgrace me. Why he no just do like Trump go back to him village if Boko Haram never finish am quietly instead to come make this kind statement making me poo on my pants?

Now these my little daughters – Chantal and Zara who are getting tired of cleaning my room will now come and see that daddy has pooped on the floor. Do they even know Buratai for me to come and say it was his fault? This level of self-denial is toxic, it can kill as it almost killed me. How for the life of me would you make that kind statement when we are seeing things that are happening in the Army and also in the theatre of war? Make I leave you bro, to enjoy your retirement as an ambassador.

That time don pass, let us face the new people and support them with prayer with the hope that at the end of their tour of duty, they can stand boldly and make this statement without me having to poo on my pants. Kai.