Saraki is the Third Force

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Loud Whispers

Ever since the legendary OBJ made his proclamation on the need to create a third force that would steer the nation’s polity away from the geriatric-led structures, all sorts of characters have emerged forming comedic associations that have only served to distract us.

As a celebrated political scientist, I have taken a deep look at this issue and have come to the conclusion that to make any serious inroad with this vision, Bukola Saraki must be immediately drafted into this emerging third leg. Before I am led to the gallows to be hung or burnt on the stake, let me explain myself. You see, if and when the incumbent declares his intention to seek re-election, you will agree with me that Buhari is not a Jonathan but a rabidly popular candidate especially in the North where he can muster mighty votes. He has around him up to this morning as I write, very strategic and influential people. People like Tinubu, El Rufai and the like who understand how to secure votes and garner support, not just paper Tigers.  Finally he has the power of incumbency with all that comes with it. So you see all these other small small names being bandied around who do not have electoral value beyond the pages of newspapers will only serve to offer Buhari a dainty walk in the park towards re-election; forget all the letter writing and statements by our forever leaders OBJ and IBB. I have not seen any serious candidate  that the third force will be throwing into the ring.

And here comes Olubukola Saraki. Apart from his clean shave, I am really not in his corner, but fact is this: our Senate President ticks all the boxes right now to give the President a good run. Me, I can die for a robust competition. Not that I think he can defeat the incumbent, but I know for a fact that today, he presents the only force that can take the fight to the President. What we need as a nation at this point is not a measly re-election process that does not have the incumbent sweat and fight for his seat. We need real competition, debate for debate, strategy for strategy, real sweat so that when he emerges, he will know that he worked for it and did not get it on a platter of Gold. This I believe would slip into his policies for he would have learnt how not to take the people for granted. The only problem is if Saraki himself is interested. Let me tick some boxes: he is relatively young, comes from the North central where he has considerable influence and I believe is holding a  possible consensus leverage in the struggle between the North and South if we eventually meet a gridlock. He also has a firm grip on the Senate thereby can very easily fan out his soldiers across the country for mobilisation.  As a past two-time governor and Chairman of the Governors’ Forum, he can also leverage that.

Also, we are  yet to see a more experienced and intelligent politician  in this emerging third force o. So you see a Buhari/Saraki contest will generate the kind of frenzy that would keep Nigerians on the edge of their seats, biting their nails, giddy with excitement as the gladiators battle it out in the trenches, creating excitement and strengthening the political process as they criss-cross the nation legitimately seeking our votes. I tell you guys, remember I read Political Science in the great University of Ibadan and I attended all classes o, except the ones that held on Thursdays because I was usually on my way to Lagos to come chase this my wife that has today kicked me out of the other room, so I know what I am talking about, it is not all these Nollywood-type posters and sound bites on social media.  This is a game for the big boys, real gladiators. Nigeria and Nigerians need this battle, our democracy needs it, let’s get it on.

Jamb, Its Spokesman and the Snake
I really do not like being harsh on this page, but this JAMB spokesman, Fabian Benjamin has really annoyed me. While Nigerians are trying their best to understand this more-than-ridiculous tale, he has come out to tell us while receiving a cache of anti-snake venom from Senator Shehu Sani, who is on a small break from his continued ‘’fight’’ with my lord in Kaduna, that we should stop trivialising the incident. The action of the senator obviously lost on him did not show this our spokesman of all time that Nigerians can only show their frustration with his highly inept organisation by cracking jokes and attempting to laugh off this incident, or what else can we do? What he also has failed to realise is the fact that when you are faced with something this incredulous, you immediately surpass the highest level of anger and can only laugh or cry. When your anger has surpassed the highest level you can only laugh na. Or what else can you do? This coming on the back of all the public adulation JAMB has received with the kind of revenues they have been generating is only just sad. This spokesperson should cover his face with his boxers Note: The alleged case happened years ago. Shame on JAMB, shame on the system that condones this and may the sorrow of the very poor candidates, who had to beg and borrow to buy forms only for a snake to come and ‘’chop’ the money be the lot of this inept and obviously corrupt officials. By the way, Mr. Benjamin did you pass JAMB?

Adenuga Is My Paddy
If you have not read the well-written journal recently released by this chap on his attempt to buy Chevron in the Netherlands then something must be wrong with you o. You see, Nigerians do not read and that is why we are being taken over by snakes. By the way, do we remember the late Tunji Braithwaite when he was contesting in the Second Republic and was talking about rodents and cockroaches? We were all laughing. Paddy came out with a smooth flowing description of his attempt to acquire this huge asset without the knowledge and support of his legendary father. I connected to this story very powerfully and have run to my friend Lanre Alfred to see how he can give me access to Paddy. That was not a story of failure, that was a visionary struggling to make an independent mark when he could have just relaxed on the lap of luxury he was fortunate to be born into. Ever since his story came out, he has been pilloried by lower people. People with no real intellect and who surf the dark corridors of the social media to carry out their cyberbullying. For me, this is a story of courage, determination and self-actualisation that should be celebrated. This is another bobsleigh story and Nigerians should embrace such heroics. Paddy, you now has my respect and God bless you. Keep the fire burning, some of us are looking up to you. Pele, next time come and try to buy Oando, you just might succeed.

Big Brother Nigeria: Of What Use?
So on Sunday, my children as usual seized the remote control thereby forcing me to sit through a very boring session of the Big Brother House. It was what they have called in-house party. What I saw made me sad. Our young people revelling in uncensored debauchery egged on by corporate Nigeria and dancing to the music of the devil. You see this Big Brother phenomenon really does not contribute to anything meaningful in our society. There is in an urgent need for a recalibration. So taking a group of youths into a sequestered environment, with hormones raging what you get is sexual tension and abrasive behaviour which at times get aggressive and violent  leading to the misguiding of the millions watching and following their every hedonistic debauchery. This is sad. Daily we are assailed by stories of body parts being violated, drunken revelations and a total loss of sense and sensibilities. The corporate sponsors and even the platform promoting this evil should have a rethink and I really do not understand why the NBC keeps encouraging this year in, year out. The question on my mind and that of millions of parents all over the nation is: of what use is this Big Brother show? Please SHUT IT DOWN NOW!

Bola Tinubu’’s Reconciliation Team – My Advice
If you had asked my advice before accepting this onerous task I would have asked you not to accept it. But as usual, you switched off your phone and sneaked into Abuja to go receive the hemlock. This is the issue I always have with you sir ever since I appointed myself  your unofficial adviser, you never take my calls. How am I going to perform my task when you almost never speak to me?  Anyway the deed has been done and all we can do now is to try to make the best of the situation. You have a lot of work ahead of you, from Rivers to Kaduna to Oyo State.  If you are not careful, this work will distract you from the main battle which is 2019. My advice is for you to first start with Oyo, those ones are easy to control since they are within your immediate sphere of influence. The Minister of Communication can be summoned to Bourdilon and given a real talk  after all, if he is going to achieve anything in Oyo he will need your structure. This Oyo own will boost your morale as you head up to Kaduna. This one na fight of the intellectuals no be Amala talk o. So you will need professors of Political Science to accompany you to Kaduna because the English you will hear can give you headache. This is an ideological fight mixed with egoistic posturing that will serve a very hard nut to crack. But don’t worry, you can do it, are you not the Jagaban. The Rivers own na roforofo. This one na motorpark fight and you will need all of your wits with bulletproof vests around you to even dent it. These people no dey gree o and Amaechi comes as stubborn as they can possibly come. This his re appointment as the DG or Buhari’s campaign organisation would further fuel his ego to the point I see you guys still struggling to resolve the matter beyond 2019. Anyway, I wish you luck, there is nothing prayers cannot solve. I truly wish you luck, you for just refuse the appointment, Buhari no see easier appointments like leader of the bobsleigh team to the winter Olympics give you. My lord, the Jagaban of all time, God will continue to be with you.

Mudi of Morocco
Since this Warri boy came back from Morocco where he was guest to the King of Morocco, we can no longer touch him o. Before this trip, the only Morocco Mudi knew was the one at Shomolu near the Army sports camp that leads to Bajulaiye Road. Mudi, the influential cultural ambassador with his own mouth has told us of how he was received by the King’s protocol team and proceeded to be given the very best in royal treatment involving rides in stretch limousines, stay in exquisite hotels and royal tours across the wonderful historic sites that litter Rabat and Casablanca. Now Mudi is untouchable, does not even greet people on his street again and will be walking around speaking Arabic. Kai, this was enjoyment for my brother. Please my advice to anybody trying to visit him is to go with an Arabic translator otherwise you will not be communicating as Mudi now talks in Arabic, forgetting his native Urhobo dialect. Mudi don go o. Welcome back bro.