Fela Lives: Was He a Fraud?

Loud Whispers

My people, I tasted the venom of social media this week. I don’t know who or what even pushed me. You know once in a while I will be doing like a Nobel prize-winning academician trying to postulate theories and writing seminal articles and be posting on social media.

That is how at the heat of Felabration, which is a celebration of the life of the musical genius and maverick, I attempted a very deep and incisive look at his legacy in an attempt to measure his contributions to society holistically. Feeling like a Harvard scholar, I began to posit that Fela had hoodwinked society with his claim of social activism being a smokescreen to cover and justify a limitless hedonistic lifestyle which damaged society especially the youth. I continued by saying that although through his music, he created a new and globally accepted genre; that for me, was no justification for his socially negative vices which corrupted our youths, pushed the boundaries of polygamy, poked a finger on other such delicate societal issues like torture in domestic settings, drug addiction, prostitution amongst others which characterised the Kalakuta Republic.

I ended the treatise by saying that he had set out to challenge the system by campaigning against corruption, riling against poor governance and military dictatorship thereby giving a voice against the tyranny that was military government which was characterised by arbitrariness and a lack of respect for human rights, society still had to pay a heavy price socially with his endorsement and open practice of all these vices. I based my assertion on the fact that he was rejected in the polls with the flop at his attempt at party politics. Finally his denial of the dreaded Aids which eventually led to his unfortunate demise also led to a reluctance of the general populace to accept a scourge that almost ravaged the population if not for the timely announcement by his elder brother, Professor Olikoye Ransome Kuti of the cause of his death, his refusal to accept the diagnosis would have done systematic damage to government’s efforts at curbing the crippling disease. My people, as soon as I posted the article, come and see the avalanche of abuses that befell your brother o.

The insults came in torrents and the editor of the website had to call me to see if I could do another article as a damage control. I told him I was in hiding that fear no let me go near my laptop. Come and see the names they called me o, even my wife who has never seen ‘’ígbo’’ in her life joined o.  These people did not connect with the fact that I hailed the man o, na the other side, they all connected with. Kai, if you have faced trolls on social media, you will understand what I am talking about. Threats, abuses of all sorts were thrown my way. The thing got to me o especially the ones who called me ‘short and ugly’’. One person even wished leprosy on me. All this for an attempt at trying to look at the other side? Well, I have retired as a researcher o. My people let me state here categorically that Fela was great in everything. He was God’s gift to Nigeria and if he were alive, I would have gone to his shrine with a live chicken, cut off its head like the Abami eda used to do and drink its blood in trembling apology. Kai, the abuse was too much o. I am still shaking. Please I am off social media till next year. I no do again. ‘’’ as they say in Warri. Meanwhile you can kindly go to www. ripplesnigeria.com and read the article for yourself and see if I even abuse the Abami Eda. I was hailing him o, see as him people come scatter me. See life.

Umaru Kwairanga of Gombe
Umaru Kwairanga is my friend o and I hear he wants to become the next governor of Gombe, his state using the APC platform. You know you have achieved something in life when your contemporaries are beginning to aspire to actually achieve some of these things. This is what we in Shomolu call indirect achievement. It gives you one more story to tell at the beer parlour. Umaru and I have history from our early heady days as young stockbrokers under the tutelage of the very brilliant Dr. Chukwujama. Umaru although did not work in our firm was a client and he used to come in almost on a daily basis.

At that time as poor young upstarts, we used to indulge in Agege bread and akara and Umaru used to work in and scream Edgar and I would scream Kwairangaaaaaaaa and we would hug and laugh and scream again. All these happened when Dr. Chukwujama was not in his office o. When he was around you would not dare breathe talk less of screaming. Doctor, as we used to call him, was very fond of Umaru. Each time he left, he would come to the outer office where we all sat in our little chairs shaking with fear and say in his American accent, ‘’ that Umaru chap is going places, he is brilliant’. We could not envy Umaru for he was very humble and likeable as each time he came to the office, he would come with roasted plantain and groundnut and that was why I particularly liked him. Today, Umaru is not only a board room titan but a budding governor of his state. I met up with him at his Intercontinental Hotel suite with my longsuffering partner, Lami, who was just staring with mouth wide open when he for the first time, witnessed our unusual greeting. Umaru was praying when we walked into the suite and immediately he finished, he jumped up in our usual way and screamed in the loudest voice possible, Edgar and I reciprocated.

You know me na,  while hopping like a monkey and hugged him. He is a great guy and I feel he will make a great governor of Gombe State. I am sure some of you will say it is the years of boli and groundnut that is making me endorse him like this but I tell you, I know him very well. He is a very honest, deeply religious and respectful person. Ask those who have shared board rooms with him and they too will tell you. His understanding of both economic and political issues are quite impressive, completely detribalised and a symbol of a  new Nigeria; a Nigeria where we are all one striving for the socio-economic development of the country from one state to the other. He also represents a generational change and hope for the youth. Well, Umaru, I don talk my own and would continue to support your candidacy for I know you very well and I believe that you will be headlining a fresh wave of developmental ideas not only in Gombe but nationally. Umaru has inspired me, Governor Udom, make I try you?

Akwa Ibom: The Land of Witches
I write today with a heavy heart. I have just finished screening a documentary shot by a foreign TV station where the issue of child witches in Akwa Ibom was the subject. If you watch this video, you will be sad for my people. Ohhh Akwa Ibom, the land of afang soup and beautiful robust and curvy women is now a desolate den of primitive savages who have nothing to do daily but to label their own children witches and wizards and then immediately start to torture and even kill them. This documentary hit home with me because I have personally witnessed the practise even in my family. My father despite his exposure as a banker did not really believe his diabetes and high blood pressure was a lifestyle illness.

He believed like most of our people would that his problem was ‘’Anefiok’’ Anefiok was his estranged stepbrother who was the source of all my father’s problems in life. Anefiok made me fail in school repeating Form 4 three times; Anefiok was the one that gave me cerebro spinal meningitis in my first year in secondary school at the Command School in Ipaja where conditions at that time were dismal. I remember my mother who was then a soldier with the Nigerian Army dragging the hapless Anefiok to the Military Hospital in Ikoyi where I was hospitalised and asking him to make sure I recovered or he would be skinned alive. My people, it is safe to say that every Akwa Ibom family has a witch and that is why we are all afraid to go back home. The way the churches full the area na so witches full the place. But you, see if we limit our quest to destroy all witches both those who can fly and the ones who cannot fly to adults, I would not be writing this article, but the search has come down to little children. Come and see the carnage unleashed on these children simply because an adult has labelled them witches. Are we going to wake up Mary Slessor again to come and save these children? I am today ashamed of my people even as I bow in tears as I watch this shame of a people on screen. Shame on you Akwa Ibom people and may shame continue to be your lot until this barbaric acts cease to be our lot.

Aisha Ahmad – You Have My Vote
I have really tried to ignore this issue since her appointment was announced. But this morning as I have no other story to write to complete the six stories I owe my editor, my very strict editor, I say make I use this one complete the story abeg. You see, I have realised that those opposed to this very brilliant appointment can be divided into two: the faux anti-corruption agitators who quickly point to her automatic promotion on the eve of her appointment and also her pedigree as a business development person not being a core ‘’banker’’ whatever that means as reasons for their opposition. The second one are the religious zealots who see her mode of dressing not being a symbol of the pious Muslim woman. Well, for me, she has all the requirements of not being only the deputy governor but the substantive governor and if need be sef the Minister of Finance.

Did you see the woman’s looks? Kai, she is beautiful o. Her skin is something else. I have been studying her pictures and I am yet to see any flaw in her looks. She is very beautiful and I would really be upset if she dares to cover her head. What purpose would that achieve? Would it stabilise the exchange rate or bring down the inflationary rate to the single digit Jonathan kept it? Please, Madam, you have my support and I am sure you will be a success in this your new appointment. Please, are you on Instagram so that I can be following you? If not, kindly send me your WhatsApp number, the idea is that I need your pictures on a daily basis. Abeg, we are not a serious people, we have asked for a generational change, more positions for women and now Buhari has given us the best candidate, go and see her eyes abeg. They are almond-shaped and she is tall. Yet we are screaming. You can never win with Nigerians and that is why Femi Adeshina, the presidential spokesman, once said that he wouldn’t respond to wailers. Me too.

Professor Ayade and the Bakassi Play
I am hoping to make history by having for the very first time a sitting executive governor come on stage to perform. Someone has already put our former great President OBJ in a skit, but this would be an hour stage extravaganza that already has Senator Ita-Gwa playing a major role. So my plan is to have the good Prof play the role of ‘’abasi ette’’ who will be guiding the young Ita-Giwa through her travails in life as she meanders through hardship, seeking love and her eventual triumph. Now my problem is the fact that I would not be able to pay the governor his fees as I would be hoping he would be doing this as his further contribution to the arts and also the selling of the Efik culture to the rest of the world. Remember that not all of us can afford to make the annual pilgrimage to the carnival which is world acclaimed. So, next week, I will pack my bags and head for Calabar with a bag of salt, kolanut and bottles of Schnapps to go beg for his involvement. Fingers crossed. I hear he is a great guy and should not give me a problem. So make we dey see.