Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar

Aliko Dangote: More Than One Third

Alhaji’s daughter has just announced that he would be donating about one third of his fabulous wealth to charity. In a report monitored in Lagos, the daughter was quoted by a foreign journal as saying that about $11.7billion, which represents exactly one third of his net worth of about $35billion, will go into a foundation, with a focus solely on health and education.

You see, this is what I was saying the other time when an Ekiti man went to donate billions to a foreign university. I had said that at the level of certain kinds of wealth, society expects a different kind of responsibility, as the wealth will no longer be seen as “private”. For my efforts, na police they used to pursue me. I ended up being dragged to the man to beg.

My brother Alhaji seems to understand this principle with this very fantastic move. He not only ceded the amount, but has built a brilliant structure that would see to the efficient and transparent use of the funds. Sometimes, someone will be thinking that this Alhaji is not even African in the way he does his things. The man is not only blessed with extra excellent “trader sense,” but he is also gifted with the humility to not only surround himself with the best of advisers, but he is also imbued with the commonsense of listening to better advice. This explains why he is where he is today.

No Nigerian man get this kind of sense, I tell you. Normally, it is to flaunt it,  build mansions like the one an Imo State Senator went to build and disturb us like the “Igbo billionaires” used to shout “money na water” all over the place.

Alhaji has shown the responsible way to utilise true wealth, and this has inspired me to do the same.

I have calculated my total net worth, and I have arrived at the tidy sum of N12.6m. This figure is significantly more, just that I cannot add one three-bedroom flat in Ogba because I have used it as collateral to collect a loan from one Micro Finance Bank to publish my Maddtimes Coffee table book.

Now I have called a meeting of my immediate family to discuss the possibility of reserving 30% like Dangote for philanthropy and to appoint my daughter Chantal as the executor, exactly as Dangote has done. But unlike Dangote’s daughter, Chantal has blocked me and has stopped taking my calls the moment she heard of the plans. My other children, when I call, they will be doing “hello, hello, hello,” like the network is not letting me hear them.

Mbok, Alhaji, can you send me your advisers, because I must do this thing by fire, by force? Thank you.

Tyla: What an Insult

This South African copycat has not rested in stealing our afrobeat and winning global awards; she now wants to come to the source to rub insult on our injury. In this heat of xenophobic attacks, she now wants to come to Lagos to do a show in December.

You know some things just amaze you. Like when you see a rat calling out an elephant to a fight. The elephant would be very foolish to rush at the rat considering its size against its opponent. The best thing for the elephant to do is to first calm down, sit back and ask a very simple question – what is giving this rat the confidence?

We should be asking what exactly is the purpose of this show in Lagos and what is giving her this confidence before we react?

After years of increasingly alarming murder, harassment, rape and injustice to our people, all with the alleged complicity of its citizens and authorities, this person now wakes up and decides to come and sing in this country. If this is not adding pepper to our injury, me I don’t know.

There should be no confusion about this one; the concert should be banned.

President Tinubu has finally fired a very strong salvo by refusing to meet any official from that country, and that should direct our national response to that rogue nation. All they have are women with big bums, and that is the only reason why I am still looking at them with one eye. But even at that, what do they have that we don’t have in Shomolu? They should just “getat.” Thank you.

Colonel Abdussalam Ude: Courage Under Fire

I have received this report of the assassination of this gallant officer with mixed feelings. First, they said the man died “fighting.” The fact that he was outnumbered did not stop him from fighting to the end. We have been told that this officer ran into an ambush on his way from work and that he resisted very forcefully the attempt to kidnap him, fighting for dear life and country and in the end, he was shot.

My mixed feelings come from the fact that I was excited that, for once, one soldier gave the “idiots” a true fight, showing them what it is to be a soldier in the true sense of the word, but then again, my sorrow for the loss of life of this very gallant and obviously super patriotic Nigerian.

We are at war o. Anyone who is not open to that is in a huge dose of denial. This war is not like the civil war that killed millions of people. This war is on the streets, on our farms, in our villages, in our homes, and the enemy has infiltrated our very core to the point we are no longer sure who to trust anymore. From our drivers, lovers, neighbours, colleagues, even our leaders, we are no longer sure who can suddenly turn against us and hit us badly. Nobody is safe; from school children to soldiers, teachers, men of God, fathers, mothers, etc.

Thankfully, this present government has started recording some victories like the Oyo own and we must build on that and also on the sacrifices of patriots like Col. Ude to land decisive blows on our enemies. We must not fall into despair and fear. We must fight like Ude and push back very aggressively against the enemy. Nigeria is our country, and it will not be brought to its knees by the enemy. It will not.

Julian Osula: With Love from Rome

A lot of people do not know that this luxury merchant, Julian, is the great-great-grandson of an Oba of Benin and also the great-great-great-grandson of an Olu of Itsekiri. This is why he moves in a regal form and carries himself with positive aristocracy.

During the week, he sent me a signal for his 60th all the way from Rome, where he had gone to celebrate his children’s wedding. His son, after a superlative traditional marriage, flew all the way to Rome to solemnise the union. Come and see the wedding pictures in the Vatican, the pomp and pageantry and the fact that I think the Pope even sent a message to the young couple.

Julian continues to be a corner post in Nigeria’s luxury market, purveying exquisite brands to the well-heeled. His passion for his business and zest for life and his wholesome philanthropy give him a unique perch in national consciousness. 

Happy birthday, my egbon, and God will continue to bless you so, so much.

Dr. Alimi Abdul-Razaq Superlative Life

I would like to send a 70th birthday celebration to another great Nigerian. Dr. Alimi Abdul-Razaq is the elder brother of my favourite Governor. Dr. Alimi Abdul-Razaq of Kwara State, who has done well in life.

A quick look at his profile shows a truly distinguished Nigerian. Well read and a prominent legal practitioner who has argued cases and contributed powerfully to national jurisprudence.

Currently, he is a member of the body of benchers who has had over four decades of post–call experience. He holds a PhD in Law and is a Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators.

His accomplishments and milestones are just too much to mention in this piece. Let me just wish Oga a happy 70th and also wish him many more fruitful years in service to the nation and humanity. Thanks.

Omowunmi Isaac: I’m Not His Mummy

This one is funny as hell. Apparently, the Ondo State Commissioner for Finance has taken over 30 APC leaders to court for inferring that she is the mother of the governor because of her alleged overbearing influence over His Excellency.

Let me risk being added to the suit and just say that even from Shomolu, I can see where that inference is coming from. Immediately I saw the report, I went searching for “mummy” picture; I saw it, and I could tell where the interference was coming from.

The mummy looked very matronly with a no-nonsense look. Kai, we all have dealt with these types in school, offices, churches and the rest. They are usually very strict, fearless and controlling. They even have more power than Oga o. In some cases, when you go and meet Oga, he will say, “oya, you sef know wetin dey, go see her. If she gree, I will gree.” Kai.

I have met plenty like this – overbearing, intolerant and sometimes overtly principled and imbued with self-importance, that passing through them can be very herculean.

So I understand where this whole issue is coming from. Well, the case is in court, and I cannot really comment on it, but to use it as a trigger to discuss the issue in very general terms as it applies to many institutions and organisations in this country.

Well, Mummy, in true form, has also not taken kindly to that aversion and has sued for defamation even though I don’t see the defamation. But I am not a lawyer so I cannot really say. Whatever the case is, I think His Excellency, if he can under the circumstances, wade in before Mummy decimates a whole generation of APC leaders in his state because of a touched ego. Na wa.

Kayode Fadahunsi: A Date with History

With over N500 billion in closed transactions and a valuation that continues to impress, this my brother Kayode Fadahunsi is listing by introducing his phenomenally successful investment banking institution. According to a report the firm AVA Capital just released, they are doing this to ramp up corporate governance, deepen engagement with stakeholders and allow Nigerians to also participate in what they have built.

So, by the time you read this, Kayode would have rung the bell at the super brilliant NGX and his firm, which started as a dream and powerful vision, would have been listed on the main bourse of the NGX.

Sitting with Kayode the other day in his Oniru office – which even looks like one of those campuses in Silicon Valley – I could see the glint of achievement in his eyes as he announced that this is just the beginning. “Edgar, I want to list six companies on the exchange. I want to create wealth for this nation, intervene in business and guide others to the same economic fulfilment.”

Kayode will do it o. This 50-year-old has a date with history and don’t joke with him o, he will do it oooo, I swear. Kai.

Primate Ayodele: Seer on Rampage

This one is hewn from a dodgy pedigree. Nigerians, since the 70s, have been dogged by all these kinds of people who parley intelligent guesses and give out predictions from the Lord. Some of the prophecies hit the bull’s eye while plenty just miss the mark and flounder away like Saddam Hussein’s Scud missiles.

Thankfully, we have been relieved of most of these prophecies, but this present Primate seems to have the monopoly of the national stage, and he is not calming down as he continues to throw out the prophecies like ejaculation from a starved sailor.

From Oyo State where he ran into turbulence, being accused of seeking millions for prayers – don’t even know how that one ended – through national issues, his love and dislike for President Tinubu, to global issues, this Primate is really enjoying his stay in the sun.

I am usually afraid of these people, especially the ones that say “This year, five governors will die, one person in Shomolu will die, and three stockbrokers will have gonorrhea.” The thing used to fear me ehnn.

One had stopped me in Shomolu and said I would not live to the end of that year. My mother arrested him and got him to sign an undertaking that nothing would happen to me that year. Thankfully for him, the only thing that happened was me escaping death by whiskers when the popular brothel, Juliet Hotel in Shomolu, collapsed and killed a lot of people just after I had left the place.

Anyway, this job of prophesying does no good to anyone. When it is fatal leads to fear; when it is positive drives laziness, but most of the time, it’s all just hogwash and intelligent guesses.

Mbok, it is my friend Theo that asked me to write this one o, so if there is any repercussion like a fatal prophecy, it should be directed to him and not me o. Na beg.

Magnus Onyibe: State Police on His Mind

This restless intellectual has come again o. Now, now, now, he has quickly written a book on the imperatives of state police, an issue that I have not taken a position on just yet. He sent me a blurb on the book and said very succinctly: “Edgar, this book will better dimension the issues, especially on the back of the growing insecurity in the country.” He said that the Oyo kidnapping has more than brought home the need for state police.

The book will be launched in Abuja, and the former AIG of Police, Tunji Alapini, who wrote the foreword, would be there, and the Vice President of Nigeria, Kashim Shettima, would launch the Book.

Magnus is becoming more and more engaged in contemporary Nigerian issues with his books, analyses and essays, positioning him as a main arrowhead of the emerging intellectual framework of our country.

I have asked for a copy of the book, and the bobo sent me a soft copy. I just dey look am. Me, that will give him my 538-paged coffee-table book, e come dey send me soft copy, imagine.