Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR
Chief Bola Ige: Tears for His Father
I woke up suddenly a few nights ago and checked the time, it was 2am. I grumbled because I needed my eight hours of sleep. Why am I waking up at this time?
Then Bola Ige came to mind. The Cicero of Esa-Oke hit my sub-consciousness. Why not do a play on him? I thought and at that moment I called Yemi Shodimu. “Edgar, I am still sleeping,” he replied. I called William Benson, the maverick director and he didn’t pick. So, I sent a message to Muyiwa Ige, the scion of the late great philosopher. The text was delivered but he did not read it. At about 8am, I saw his reply, “Edgar, let’s talk in the evening,” and we talked.
Muyiwa speaks like a member of the British Royal family, his English is clean and sweet. “Edgar, did you watch my interview with my father?” I answered yes – I hadn’t watched it. “My father deserves a GCON,” and I responded, “I agree.”
Yes, I truly agree. Chief Bola Ige was a giant. A scholar, a brilliant advocate of Nigeria, a poet, a man that they no longer build. People like him no longer come to Nigeria from heaven. God has changed the criteria of those that should be born in Nigeria. Instead of intellectual giants, it is people like Wike and Reno that are being mass-produced for us.
Chief Ige continues to be on my mind since that fateful night and for very right reasons. When you see the crop of leaders that now rule us and you compare them with the likes of Chief Ige, you will just be weeping like a man who just saw his wife step out of a brothel.
His “siddon look” categorisation of things that were happening at the tail end of his life still resonates today as the very few good men that we have today can only “siddon look” as barbarians ravage our sensibilities almost on a daily basis.
Muyiwa, yes Muyiwa, you are not alone in this call but will the Atilla, the Jagaban listen?
Tajudeen Olusi and the Frailty in Power
If you are very conversant with Lagos politics, this name would not be strange to you. The well-respected prince is the Chairman of the powerful GAC. The GAC is the Governor’s Advisory Council and it is a body that was originally set up to provide advisory counsel to the governor in Lagos. This body has however morphed into a powerful body that works very closely with the oga to keep things in check.
Now after the wahala between Sanwo-Olu and his ‘Daddy’ and the role the GAC under Prince Olusi played, I am not very sure they still have that influence. But again, politics is about permanent interest and not permanent friendships.
Anyways, that was how I went to look for this legendary mythical figure in Ebute Metta. I got his number from someone and gave him a call and he told me to come around last Monday and I went.
I was kept waiting for four hours while people with better connections were coming and going. I just sat there, chewing my nails. His people had looked at my earrings and my dreadlocks and must have concluded that, this one na musician wey never blow, make he wait small.
When I was finally ushered in, I met a very frail-looking old man. I hear he is in his 80s and it showed. He must have been very handsome in his youth as I could still see the fine lines on his face. He had grey scraggly beards, the type Gbaja has and he is very tall. A simple man who looked very kind but well respected by the way his aides fawned over him.
He liked me instantly. I gave him a bottle of schnapps, knelt down and said, “I am Duke of Shomolu,” and he looked at me with curiosity and asked “Which Shomolu” and I told him that it was the one near Bariga.
We talked very briefly about politics, ethnicity and support for the arts and then I said – Baba, abeg command someone to give me money make I go Ekiti. Then he asked if I knew Teslim, that I should call him…
As I walked away, the nagging question on my mind was where are these frail old men getting all of these powers from? Mbok, he looked so delicate and sweet and reminded me of my grandfather but unlike that one who quickly went to join his ancestors, this one is still in Ebute Metta and making things happen.
I truly do like him, may not like what he represents – pseudo monarchical hold on power. I still like him the way you would like your sweet old grandpa.
The ‘Surulere’ in Jide Benson
After being born and bred in Shomolu, my Yoruba is still a little bit shaky but at least I know that the word ‘patience’ resonates in the Yoruba word ‘surulere.’ Yes, that is what my homeboy Jide Benson needs to have as he vies for the chairmanship of that local government.
By the time you read this, the inevitable would have happened. By this, I mean that the elections would have happened, winner from APC announced and the whole of the “boys” in Surulere will converge under the various bridges drinking and smoking whatever they are smoking in celebration, and Desmond Elliot will lead caravans around the place, distributing chin chin and boli to their people.
Sadly, Surulere will not benefit from the brilliance of Jide who is a thorough bred intellectual and visioner. Surulere will not benefit from his wealth of corporate experience, his ideals and ideas and very positive things his euphoric thought processes will throw on the table. Instead it will eagerly remain in absolute captivity, wallow in its infrastructural decay and remain by standing as the rest of Lagos drives through it on the brilliant Western Avenue Express Road.
A sad plot, but its inevitability throws me into a giddy ironic excitement as the pain of Jide’s inevitable loss will mix with the painful sadism of our helplessness. Make I rest.
Dele Farotimi as a ‘Yoruba’ Shakespeare
I don’t know what they put in the beans they gave my brother to eat inside that place they put him for 21 days o. Since he came out, his English has been at Shakespearean levels. He is even blowing the thing much more than that Bini former politician who used to scatter walls with his gargantuan English.
Oya, let me quote Dele on his take on Wike: “Poster boy of ruin, cacophonous, parasitic, narcissistic, Lilliputian, gluttonous, myopic, and completely untouched by any desire for immortality.”
My people, I am telling you very succinctly that before he went on that journey, his English was not this very robust o. But since he came out, the thing has become very colourful and clear. There must be something inside that place that must have affected his vocab.
He talks more now like a philosopher. His words are much more fearless and punchier and even his demeanour is now more Mandela-like. I tell you something positive came out from that journey.
My advice to him is that any time he feels like the vocab is reducing, he should just rush back to the Ekiti Commissioner of Police for another 21-day retreat so that he can regain the power of the words because me I am really liking this o. Kai, my brother, see as you just finish son of a GM. Na wa.
Babachir Lawal: Low, Down and Dirty
Who is this man again sef? Is it not the one that was mired in a grass-cutting scandal the other day or am I mistaken? Shebi the walls of decency have totally collapsed and we have now imposed a revolving door that allows various characters to come in and out of our sensibilities without any morals or shame.
If not the kind of society we run, will this one even have the face to appear at a bus stop talkless of coming on live TV and be telling someone to shut up for asking a simple question.
I tell you there are some jobs that I cannot do. I used to think it is only the role of a university lecturer that I cannot take. Kai, the other day I went to UNILAG. Come and see the things that I saw. I swear, if I am a lecturer, I will enter jail so I just respected myself and avoided that job.
The other job that I cannot do is TV presenter. As that Baba is telling me to shut up, I go tell am shut up too. Make everything scatter abeg.
What arrogance! If you have nothing to say, why not just stay in your hamlet and judge matters in your harem, instead of coming out to publicly embarrass yourself like this?
Lucky him, I for show am Shomolu style, I swear.
Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan: On the March Again
This soap opera has started a new series. The whole thing is much more exciting than Big Brother Africa. This series comes with all of that and more – sex, lies, fashion, drama and suspense. It is definitely 18+ rated as it comes with adult themes.
Well, in this new season, Natasha has won in court. The court has declared that the suspension was too harsh. It annulled it and asked for Madam to go back even though it still gave her a fine to pay.
The Senate has, however, given conditions for her to come back and Madam has sent her veils and “abaya” to dry cleaners in preparation for a grand entry.
Her oga is on standby to walk her in and they have rented a donkey for it.
The Senate is showing signs that they are not too eager to have Madam back. Her perfume used to irritate their noses and she may now start attacking their oga again who has been uncommonly dragged in this matter.
Well for me, na to siddon look as our papa Bola Ige don talk. Abi what else can we do since we cannot even hold her hand in support because if you try, na sexual harassment case will jump at you. Na just to laugh, Nigeria my country.
Primate Ayodele: Latter Day Prophet
This is a major problem the way I see it because if this prophet sees vision for me, that will be it o. I woke up around 4am to write this column and I have been writing and cancelling this Baba own o. Fear and courage is just cascading through my body but the urge to yab him is so strong that I have decided to take this risk.
Some of us held tight to one of his prophecies before the last election where he was quoted to have said that if Tinubu wins, that we will suffer o. That prophecy was one of the things we held on to as we prayed for a different outcome for the elections. My people Tinubu “won” and we truly suffered o.
From the day Tinubu uttered “subsidy is gone,” everything scattered. We started to eat grass and the prophet was now looking like a perfect replacement to Godspower Oyewole.
But his recent prophecies and proclamations are giving us his fans a cause of worry. For some time now, he has been linking Tinubu with such great biblical Kings like Nebuchadnezzar and Melchizedek. Tinubu has somehow found his way into the prophet’s good books. How he did that remains a mystery that only Professor Peller, the famed late magician can assist us to unravel.
Well, my dear Prophet, whatever makes you happy makes me happy. Let the support and prophecies in favour of Tinubu continue o. It is not a problem o abi is it me, a tiny orphan form Shomolu that will now come and be querying your mighty words? Tinubu forever, my lord, Tinubu forever. God bless you sir, please if I annoy you, don’t vex o.
If there is any need to send a prophecy down here, please do for the Editor, his head is bigger than my own. Thank you.
Laide Agboola’s Journey in Courage and Empathy
Laide is a serial entrepreneur. A young visionary and a “doer.” He and his partner Obinna delivered the iconic Purple Lekki Mall. If you know what these people went through to deliver that iconic building, you will marvel. Covid, FX volatility, rapid rise in cost of material and the likes.
They went through all of that and more and delivered on a spectacular project that today shimmies the skyline and has served as a major pull to Lagosians.
Then tragedy. A young and very vivacious Nigerian lad got involved in a sad accident on the fifth floor and lost his life. This event shocked all stakeholders. He was the only son of his very beautiful mother and this really shook all stakeholders to the core.
Laide mostly was more shocked. He reached out: “Edgar, I need you on this and my mandate was very clear. We need to reach out to the family at this point and not only extend our condolences but must support them throughout this ordeal.”
Throughout the matter, I listened intently as Laide was only concerned about the welfare of the family – what of the mother, how do we reach her, how is she feeling? Oh, what of the father, what of the other members of the family? What can we do to support? She is in London, do I fly there to meet with her?
This was compassion at the height. The fact that this sad occurrence was hitting his bottom-line like a Tsunami was not his issue but the thought of the immediate family was uppermost in his mind, and that to me is leadership at its very core.
May Obinna’s soul rest in peace and may God continue to give his family, especially his very distraught mother, the strength to pass through this period. Sad and very touching.
Magnus Onyibe: A Proud Father
“Edgar, you must help me hail my daughter so that we can both push her to go for her doctorate.” The pride in his voice was unmistaken, there is nothing sweeter in this world than to have achieving children, especially with the kind of world that we live in.
Magnus and Helen are so proud that they have flooded all of us with pictures of their stupendously brilliant and pretty daughter.
Here I am sending my own congratulations even as I also join your proud parents in begging you to go for that Doctorate. Do it my girl, we are all rooting for you. Do it. Love yo
