Loud Whispers
Abdulrasheed Bawa and His Fairytale
This one sef has written a book. I just saw a report that this guy who used to head the EFCC has written an “explosive” book detailing the shenanigans that were the fuel subsidy scam.
Mbok, the only thing explosive about the book is the irony it portends. So this guy spent his days in the office researching a crime that he was appointed to fight. Na wa for some people sha! So as EFCC chairman, how many of these people did he catch? Instead of catching them, you were busy interviewing them, collecting data, researching to write this ‘wonderful’ book.
This is another scam, I tell you. So what are we supposed to do with this book when you were in a position to catch these people but instead you were writing books like Wole Soyinka? The next thing we will hear soon is that you want to turn the book into a movie and we will all go and rest.
Oga, common go and sit down with your book. You sat down there watching the economy being destroyed by unscrupulous people as EFCC chairman and you did little or nothing and now you are coming to write a book. Which kind of “yamayama” book? If I catch you ehn, you will write the real book Nigerians want to read – your failure as EFCC chairman. Yes, that is the real book we want to read.
Asue Ighodalo: We Stand Up
Morning guys, you all know that when it comes to AsueIghodalo, I am compromised. I cannot be neutral when his matter comes. I am ‘too’ on his side. So when they are offering him political amnesty, whatever that means, I just shrug and keep hope alive.
Let me tell Nigerians that team “AI” as we are known, remains highly optimistic about our prospects of redeeming the mandate freely given to us by the great people of Edo State.
Forget about the Appeal Court judgment, those are hiccups on the way. Asue is still very very positive at his prospects, his confidence in the judiciary remains strong and much more importantly, his resolve to stand on the side of truth and justice remain unshakable.
Kai, you see that I will make a very powerful media aide. You see how I write this statement with so much class and elegance, not that thing that them Onanuga used to write or that one they call Lere that will be annoying people all over the place. Mbok, anybody that is looking for media aide that has sense, come and take me o.Asue is our future. He is erudite, engaging and very clear as to the issues, and much clearer about perceived solutions and this is why powerful right-thinking “Edolites” are standing with him and not with that one that still needs to attend adult education. Anyways, na here we dey and God is on the throne, we await with hope. Come and beat me.
Rauf Aregbesola: A Dark Knight Lingers
This one has had his Saul of Tarsus moment. For those of you “wey no dey go church,” let me remind you. In the book of Habakkuk Chapter 4 vs 1, Saul was going to persecute Christians and the light blinded him and he fell from his “kekeMarwa” and something happened to him and he now started preaching.
It is looking like this Baba has had his own moments as he seems to have moved full circle from most likely being the “babakekere” to Tinubu to a full grown amala eating Judas Iscariot.
It appears his own Saul of Tarsus moment wasn’t about falling from a Donkey; it must have been a very powerful slap from “Esu” that must have woken him up and pointed him out of the cocoon.
Baba is reported to have contributed very significantly to the APC loss in Lagos during the last presidential election and the loss of his former Oga’s nephew in Osun State, and now he is fraternising with Atiku and maybe Obi.
My people, this is a movie we must see to the end especially as they are all regrouping, aligning and realigning for 2027. Na here we all dey. We are watching, grab your popcorns. Thank you.
Oba Elegushi and Oba Lawal: Pelted in the Rain
Mbok, I don’t want to laugh before these two turn me into a cockroach. Did you guys see the recent pictures of the duo with our President? They had disrobed and went to see our Lord and then took pictures looking like two people that rain had removed the roof from their houses and pelted them with a hailstorm.
Mbok, everybody in Lagos has heard the story. It’s all over and being discussed in not such hushed tones. The talk is about the role they have played in recent upheavals in Lagos and the seeming punishment that has been thrown their way.
Mbok, as wise kings, they did what they needed to do – disrobed and went to “beg.” My only issue with this is the fact that they did not carry me with them. I had sent the signal to them that when the inevitable was about to occur that I would like to be in the team but did they answer me? They went in the night while I was sleeping and pronto, what did I see? Photos of very handsome Elegushi and not-so-handsome Oniru standing beside – aside the greatest politician since Nelson Mandela – the marvellously appointed President Bola Tinubu.
You know, a wise man in Shomolu once told me that when power pass power, any attempt not to recognise that is like standing in front of a moving train, and we all know what happens with that.
Our Obas have taken wise counsel and have jumped out of the path of a moving train and me wey the whole thing no concern will still be standing? I don run away oooooo. Kai.
Ahmed Yerima: How Do We Tell This Asaba Story?
Prof is one of the most erudite in this country and when he came up with the idea of telling the story on Asaba, I jumped on it. Immediately I announced that we now have a credible script after he had spent very rich time in Asaba discussing with elders and custodians, the storm started.
Edgar, you don’t want to tell this story- it will turn some heroes into villains, better walk away. Edgar, we will mobilise against you, you cannot use our pain to profit from the federal government, another said. Edgar, you need to talk to one oga, he is the only person who understands Asaba and if you don’t, he will sue you. Edgar, this is Nigeria’s best-kept secret, leave it. Edgar, our king is one of the most brilliant lawyers in the world, be careful.
All these wahala are exciting me and I am asking, who owns the rights to history? Why can’t this story be told so that we get closure and teach present day leaders the pain of misgovernance? Why can’t we use this story to pull the strings of national unity.
Who is this person that will fight me with juju and the courts if I don’t go through him? Mbok, am I afraid? God, no, as long as he does not give me erectile dysfunction, any other thing he or they throw at me, I am ready.
Asaba is a critical part of our national history. The people are beautiful, the culture is rich, and their monarchy is one of the most revered in the world. It is the capital of the third largest movie industry in the world, its heritage is one of the richest in Africa and it is very strategically placed as a bridge town between the East and the rest of Southern Nigeria. I simply am in love with Asaba and its people and as such, we will tell this story as powerfully as we can. Nigerians get ready for Asaba which will be my most poignant, emotional, historic and powerful stage play ever. Prof, are you standing, are you ready? Let’s jump in. Wow.
Umo Eno: A Terrifying Experience
I had seen the clip months ago. Someone had shown me in Abuja and I was shocked and amazed. In the clip, the governor’s daughter had made some scary allegations. I first thought it was AI-generated but the person who showed me was an AkwaIbom insider.
I was weak with pity. I didn’t believe the allegations, I still don’t and must say that the governor’s reaction claiming that it was a result of the trauma of losing such a powerful figure in their lives remains plausible and engaging.
This once, I stand with His Excellency because I have gone through the same. When my lovely and eternally beautiful wife, Mena Joseph Edgar, passed, I was accused of many things o. I was told that I killed her, that I was wicked to her, all sorts.
Me people, the trauma of such a loss is indescribable. It can make you run mad, I swear. When I rush to report to those who have influence – they will say, “Edgar, don’t worry, it’s people dealing with the trauma of loss.”
The issue with us in Nigeria is that when we experience such damning loss, we the survivors “rough” it. We don’t seek help. We don’t go into grief management. We will just be saying it is well and be preparing for a “befitting,” burial not minding the psychological blow we just suffered.
To the UmoEno family, I say please take heart and continue to grow in strength and please, please, please go into therapy NOW. Very important. Please do accept by condolences once again.
Kate Henshaw: You Cannot Bully Me
This eternal beauty came to this fight to cheat. Yes, the mercurially influential Ruth Osime had invited both of us to her very-well-watched programme to discuss the Macron debacle. Apparently, Bridgette had shoved her husband who happens to be the President of France and Ruth wanted a male and female perspective.
This was going to be a real war. Everybody knows how screen goddess Kate behaves when it comes to women issues, she is a champion and everybody knows how I also behave when it comes to men issues. I no deygree.
So, the battle was well anticipated and it was going to be explosive and the studio was being refitted just in case anybody was thrown to the wall.
Mbok, that was how Kate entered with hazel eyes o, her skin glowing like the River Euphrates. Her sensual lips gravitating ever so slowly and her aquiline nose doing things to me.
My brothers, I fail una o. I weak. I was shaking and to make matters worse, when she attacked – men can sleep with dogs – she will lightly touch me and goose pimples will flow all over my body and I will just smile and not be able to marshal out my points.
I am very ashamed to say that Kate won, not with the strength of her arguments but with the sensuously demurred classic beauty and elegance she deployed. It was really an unfair battle. Thanks.
Rihanna: Lift Me in Tears
Mbok, let me detour small. Rihanna is a global star that I don’t really like. In fact, I think the noise around her is too much abeg, wetin she dey sing and then I stumbled on “Lift me Up” the song she did for the massive film “Wakanda.”
Mbok, I play this song every morning when I wake up and every night before I sleep. The thing gives me chills. I am prone to anxiety attacks and my mornings are especially very sad. I wake up in panic and fear. I fear death, fear police, fear for my health, fear for everything and then there is a chat that soothes me. But when the chat comes late, I die in fear.
Rihanna’s “Lift Me Up” is soul-lifting. Her strong vocals, her emotionally-packed delivery, the acoustic nature of the sound and the beautiful video that accompanies it, comforts me.
“Keep me safe and sound,” she sings. “Hold me when you go to sleep, give me life, give me hope. I need love, I need love- hold me, hold me” – these are some of the lyrics that hold me.
I will now be playing it over and over again to scare away the demons. Just like King David abina Saul in the Bible who needed music to keep him sane. Na wetin this song dey do for me be that.
Mental health is very key and most of us don’t recognise when there is a problem and will be roughing it. I no dey rough anything, I dey shout. From hypochondria to anxiety and panic attacks and loss of confidence and fear of the unknown, I wrestle with these and nobody should come and tell me to read the Bible or take it to the Lord, Rihanna is not doing too badly. Thank you.
Babajide Sanwo-Olu: Hold on to Hope
“Edgar, shebi you are supporting Sanwo-Olu, wait until they stop taking your calls in Ekiti.” That was my neighbour who was reacting to my essay on the Tinubu-Sanwo-Olu wahala. As you all would have known, President Tinubu gave Sanwo-Olu “isho” the other day by ignoring him, signposting the depth of their issue.
The clip went viral and Nigerians rallied round with comments. I chimed in as usual with a very powerful essay on Whatsapp which found its way to so many platforms.
My oga, Sir KayodeOtitoju forwarded it back to me that a retired High Court judge sent it to him and so many other very strong APC and PDP people called either in support or against it.
My people, I really don’t like being bullied and when I see someone being bullied, my first recourse is to jump to his side. I have no real official position as to what Sanwo-Olu would have done to annoy daddy like this, but from what we have been hearing, the “beating” is too much.
Shebi we have been begging, by now the begging should have shifted ground but from what I am hearing, it’s like the more we beg, the more the thing is getting worse.
That is why we advised Sanwo-Olu to stand up as a man and take whatever treatment that is being meted to him with dignity and realise that man cannot die twice.
But then again, if for political expediency he needs to continue with the begging, I am ready to follow because I have experience in begging these people. Come and see the way I begged Chief AfeBabalola when I offended him.
By the time I finished grovelling and rolling on the ground and reciting poems, he not only forgave me, he dashed me money. So, bros, I am ready o whenever you are.
Let’s go and beg joor.
