GLITZ FOCUS

As St. Valentine’s Day is marked tomorrow, Vanessa Obioha reports on how the quest for riches and social media validation have altered the concept of love

Uche grew up with the notion that love is sacrificial and selfless. Her ideal love relationship is one that both partners commit to helping one another without entitlement.
That concept was eroded the moment she started seeing her friends post expensive gifts from their boyfriends on Instagram.

Her boyfriend is a nine-to-five worker whose take home pay is sufficient to meet family obligations and take her out to dinner twice a month. He buys gifts for her on special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas and Valentine’s Day. The gifts are not extravagant but she adores his gestures.

Yet, each time she came across a friend’s post that showed fancy gifts such as costly jewelry, a vacation to an expensive resort or a new car, she could not help but feel miserable about her love life. Her insecurity slowly crept into her relationship and the gestures she once enjoyed became annoying. It didn’t help that her friends advised her to get a ‘real man’ who can spoil her for good. It was only a matter of time before the relationship hit the rocks.
Uche’s scenario is so common in today’s world that one often wonders if love still exists.

Defining love in Nigeria today may be a herculean task but it is pertinent to seek the meaning in a month known for love.
By tomorrow, the Valentine’s Day craze will be in full gear. The town will be painted red by love-themed events and hotels offering a romantic getaway for couples.

Even if you live under a rock, the extravaganza of the day will reach your ears one way or the other because the level of materialism will be splashed all over the internet, and who knows, one anonymous post may land on your feet.
The time and effort spent in getting the perfect gift, perfect look, perfect setting for a perfect social media post is alarming such that one feels inadequate for not participating. People do the unimaginable, just to present a perfect lifestyle to online audience. They call it ‘Pepper Dem’.

Time was when simple acts of love fetched you compliments. Not anymore. Nowadays, love is mostly dependent on one’s financial status. It’s not as if this notion was non-existent but certainly not to this degree. Mr Right is no longer just a charming prince, he must equally be rich to find his damsel.

“Money can buy love nowadays, especially women’s love,” said Linda Okorie, a customer service representative. She argued that most people focus on money because they attribute success to money.

This quest for riches and fame has led many to a dangerous path. It is no news that there is a disturbing trend of young boys luring girls with fancy gifts only to end up using them for rituals. Stories about young boys using their girlfriends for rituals to make money faster abound in today’s news cycle and leaves a frightening trail. There is no assurance that the young man you are crushing on is not a ritualist. But how did love get so tainted?
“It’s all about the mindset,” explained Okorie. “With the advent of yahoo boys and ‘range rover girls’, nobody is questioning the source of money but assuming hard work and God’s grace.”
Jerry Olayinka, a media relations consultant shared similar sentiments.

“Based on the algorithm of today, materialism seems to be a huge prerequisite. And once that’s not available, the efforts become watered down which I think it’s why most relationships or marriages crumble at the slightest level of ‘stress’.”

He opined that the young generation does not understand the language of love. “Love as I understand it is a conscious effort but today, it is transactional.”

Many times, women are often accused of being too materialistic which explains why men go the extra mile to get rich, even if it’s a hellish journey. However, Lawrence Akande, a single parent feels men too are becoming avaricious.
“I know most women are materialistic when it comes to love. Men too are changing, considering what a women will bring to the table when it comes to a serious relationship, not just one night stand.”

What Okorie finds more irritating is the superficial validation people seek online. Just like the case of Uche who sought a kind of validation from her friends online.

“The whole paparazzi is annoying. It has made love so superficial. The idea of bringing your lovelife to social media for validation from people that don’t know you is quack.”
She continued: “We now have online in-laws. And we have given this set of people so much power that they now decide the value of your relationship.”

When asked if she would celebrate Valentine’s Day tomorrow, she replied in the affirmative.
“Of course I will. Just for the fun of it. We will probably have a kitchen date.”

While Valentine’s Day celebration is quite subjective, this year’s may provide an opportunity to re-evaluate love. What we consider the most important ingredient. Should it be based on selfless acts and romantic gestures or solely on money. And if we are to go by the true goal of the celebration, then we should show some humanity. With many killings and poverty stealing lives, why not extend help to someone in need. Maybe a homeless child or poverty-stricken family.

This season should be a time of deep reflection on the values we place on love.
Olayinka captured it succinctly.

“People should reflect on selflessness. More of whoever they are celebrating than themselves. Val’s Day is now more like a business transaction. I will go over and beyond to buy an expensive gift for my Val, I expect him or her to buy me more too. And if the Val doesn’t buy or return the gesture, questions start mounting. People should not make it transactional. Love should give without expecting in return.”

Valentine’s Day, also called the Feast of Saint Valentine, is celebrated annually on February 14.
It originated as a Christian feast to honour a Christian martyr named Saint Valentine.
Through later folk and traditions, the day has become a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and love in many regions of the world.

Nigeria is not left out, as the day is being interpreted and observed by many, as Lovers’ Day.
While families choose to see the feast as a day to share agape love to individuals and society, others take it as immoral love between a man and woman.
The colours red and white typically grace the environment on this day.

GLITZ FOCUS

As St. Valentine’s Day is marked tomorrow, Vanessa Obioha reports on how the quest for riches and social media validation have altered the concept of love

Uche grew up with the notion that love is sacrificial and selfless. Her ideal love relationship is one that both partners commit to helping one another without entitlement.
That concept was eroded the moment she started seeing her friends post expensive gifts from their boyfriends on Instagram.

Her boyfriend is a nine-to-five worker whose take home pay is sufficient to meet family obligations and take her out to dinner twice a month. He buys gifts for her on special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas and Valentine’s Day. The gifts are not extravagant but she adores his gestures.

Yet, each time she came across a friend’s post that showed fancy gifts such as costly jewelry, a vacation to an expensive resort or a new car, she could not help but feel miserable about her love life. Her insecurity slowly crept into her relationship and the gestures she once enjoyed became annoying. It didn’t help that her friends advised her to get a ‘real man’ who can spoil her for good. It was only a matter of time before the relationship hit the rocks.
Uche’s scenario is so common in today’s world that one often wonders if love still exists.

Defining love in Nigeria today may be a herculean task but it is pertinent to seek the meaning in a month known for love.
By tomorrow, the Valentine’s Day craze will be in full gear. The town will be painted red by love-themed events and hotels offering a romantic getaway for couples.

Even if you live under a rock, the extravaganza of the day will reach your ears one way or the other because the level of materialism will be splashed all over the internet, and who knows, one anonymous post may land on your feet.
The time and effort spent in getting the perfect gift, perfect look, perfect setting for a perfect social media post is alarming such that one feels inadequate for not participating. People do the unimaginable, just to present a perfect lifestyle to online audience. They call it ‘Pepper Dem’.

Time was when simple acts of love fetched you compliments. Not anymore. Nowadays, love is mostly dependent on one’s financial status. It’s not as if this notion was non-existent but certainly not to this degree. Mr Right is no longer just a charming prince, he must equally be rich to find his damsel.

“Money can buy love nowadays, especially women’s love,” said Linda Okorie, a customer service representative. She argued that most people focus on money because they attribute success to money.

This quest for riches and fame has led many to a dangerous path. It is no news that there is a disturbing trend of young boys luring girls with fancy gifts only to end up using them for rituals. Stories about young boys using their girlfriends for rituals to make money faster abound in today’s news cycle and leaves a frightening trail. There is no assurance that the young man you are crushing on is not a ritualist. But how did love get so tainted?
“It’s all about the mindset,” explained Okorie. “With the advent of yahoo boys and ‘range rover girls’, nobody is questioning the source of money but assuming hard work and God’s grace.”
Jerry Olayinka, a media relations consultant shared similar sentiments.

“Based on the algorithm of today, materialism seems to be a huge prerequisite. And once that’s not available, the efforts become watered down which I think it’s why most relationships or marriages crumble at the slightest level of ‘stress’.”

He opined that the young generation does not understand the language of love. “Love as I understand it is a conscious effort but today, it is transactional.”

Many times, women are often accused of being too materialistic which explains why men go the extra mile to get rich, even if it’s a hellish journey. However, Lawrence Akande, a single parent feels men too are becoming avaricious.
“I know most women are materialistic when it comes to love. Men too are changing, considering what a women will bring to the table when it comes to a serious relationship, not just one night stand.”

What Okorie finds more irritating is the superficial validation people seek online. Just like the case of Uche who sought a kind of validation from her friends online.

“The whole paparazzi is annoying. It has made love so superficial. The idea of bringing your lovelife to social media for validation from people that don’t know you is quack.”
She continued: “We now have online in-laws. And we have given this set of people so much power that they now decide the value of your relationship.”

When asked if she would celebrate Valentine’s Day tomorrow, she replied in the affirmative.
“Of course I will. Just for the fun of it. We will probably have a kitchen date.”

While Valentine’s Day celebration is quite subjective, this year’s may provide an opportunity to re-evaluate love. What we consider the most important ingredient. Should it be based on selfless acts and romantic gestures or solely on money. And if we are to go by the true goal of the celebration, then we should show some humanity. With many killings and poverty stealing lives, why not extend help to someone in need. Maybe a homeless child or poverty-stricken family.

This season should be a time of deep reflection on the values we place on love.
Olayinka captured it succinctly.

“People should reflect on selflessness. More of whoever they are celebrating than themselves. Val’s Day is now more like a business transaction. I will go over and beyond to buy an expensive gift for my Val, I expect him or her to buy me more too. And if the Val doesn’t buy or return the gesture, questions start mounting. People should not make it transactional. Love should give without expecting in return.”

Valentine’s Day, also called the Feast of Saint Valentine, is celebrated annually on February 14.
It originated as a Christian feast to honour a Christian martyr named Saint Valentine.
Through later folk and traditions, the day has become a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and love in many regions of the world.

Nigeria is not left out, as the day is being interpreted and observed by many, as Lovers’ Day.
While families choose to see the feast as a day to share agape love to individuals and society, others take it as immoral love between a man and woman.
The colours red and white typically grace the environment on this day.