Trapped in a world of ebbs and curves as a child, Dr. Omotola Bamigbaiye learnt to overcome her fears by embracing her imperfections and chasing her dreams unapologetically. Now, she is telling others to do the same through her new memoir, writes Vanessa Obioha
Dr Omotola Bamigbaiye was having a busy day recently on a Tuesday afternoon. Since I arrived at her residence on the Mainland, her phone has incessantly buzzed. Calls demanded attention, messages awaited replies. A delivery person sought directions, while an event planner eagerly outlined upcoming arrangements. With each ring and ping, the chaos intensified, leaving Bamigbaiye overwhelmed.
“Please, let me quickly respond to these messages so that you will have my undivided attention,” she pleaded, rapidly tapping on her phone.
Bamigbaiye’s bustling state was not solely driven by her career roles as a seasoned marketing professional or an adjunct lecturer at the University of Lagos. Instead, it was her birthday, coinciding with the launch of her new memoir titled ‘Imperfectly Awesome: Embracing and Becoming a Wholesome You.’
Therefore, amid the birthday wishes were calls from her dedicated team, finalizing the details of the memoir’s launch.
Over the past three years, Bamigbaiye has meticulously documented fragments of her life’s journey. Each challenge she faced and conquered was intentionally recorded.
“As a stutterer, I wasn’t talking a lot. I was rather writing. When I left my relationship, I wrote about how I felt. When I left my job, I did the same. When I started a new career, I did the same. So every time I encountered a challenge, I penned down my thoughts.”
As she reorganized her scribbled notes, they gradually coalesced into the narrative of a book.
Reflecting on her decision to share her story, Bamigbaiye remarked, “Why not tell the story?”
In her view, a memoir is a testament that should not be left untold. Despite questions from friends about why she chose to write a memoir at 46, Bamigbaiye saw no better time than the present.
“I don’t need a landmark birthday or a special occasion,” she affirmed. “I just want to tell my story at a time that seems right.”
While ‘Imperfectly Awesome: Embracing and Becoming a Wholesome You’ may not capture her entire life story, Bamigbaiye felt a compelling urgency to share her experiences thus far. According to her, one can never know who needs their light.
“Every chapter of this book is about an experience that had happened to me, and how I overcame it, a bit of advice to people who might also be in the same situation and how they can stand strong for themselves.”
The memoir chronicles Bamigbaiye’s journey of overcoming her stuttering disability from her early years, alongside navigating various challenges in her career and relationships. Written in the first-person narrative, she captivates readers with her simple yet elegant writing style, weaving vivid imagery of her experiences that will undoubtedly inspire. Each chapter opens with a compelling encounter, ranging from humorous to daring. For example, in the Introduction, she recounted attending a job interview while heavily pregnant, leaving the interviewers in a perplexed state as they wondered if she could endure the interview or if the baby would arrive before its conclusion.
“I got the job eventually,” she said amusingly.
In Chapter Five, she narrated a captivating encounter with a man she met at an event, where an instant connection led to the start of a seemingly fairy-tale relationship. Unfortunately, the initial allure did not lead to a lasting relationship, leaving Bamigbaiye grappling with self-doubt and insecurities, from her weight to her looks and parenting. Nevertheless, she found the courage to rise above her imperfections and pursue her dreams with renewed determination.
Each chapter in the memoir is complemented by a profound life lesson, inspiring readers to navigate their own challenges with resilience and perseverance.
As the only child among her siblings who experienced stuttering, Bamigbaiye found herself trapped in her own world of pauses and stumbles.
“I was the only stutterer I knew until I grew up and realised it was okay to be a stutterer.”
Her speech impediment was severe, leading her to refrain from expressing herself out of fear of ridicule and mockery from peers and siblings. Fortunately, her mother provided support, discouraging any jests directed at her disability and assisting her in completing sentences. During these moments of encouragement, Bamigbaiye found solace and did not feel as self-conscious about her stutter. However, there were occasions when the fear of interaction with others was overwhelming. Although her parents tried to protect her by limiting her social outings, whenever she did venture outside, the fear of her inability to communicate effectively loomed large.
“Asking for directions was a big deal,” she recalled. “Some words just get stuck. It was the fear of talking to someone new. That fear itself gripped me in my throat that the words wouldn’t come out. But if I talk with someone I’m familiar with, I wouldn’t feel anything.”
An entire chapter is dedicated to her journey of overcoming the fear of speaking to strangers when seeking directions. Her ability to conquer this fear was fueled by her tenacity and conviction that her stutter should not hinder her progress.
This resilience permeates throughout her memoir, serving as a recurring theme.
“Nothing should hold you back. You should not judge yourself before judging others,” she said, explaining why she introduced her book with her job interview encounter.
“I had two challenges: I was heavily pregnant and I was a stutterer but I went to the job interview all the same. It didn’t matter. So the book is about hope and inspiration; a book that tells you that you are enough, and no matter what the circumstances or situations are, you should have the courage to fight, and the strength to keep going as long as you don’t stop. So every chapter has an embodiment of courage, tenacity and hope.”
There were numerous instances where she had to confront her fears of stammering such as when she embarked on a career in lecturing.
“I lost my job for a few months and I needed to get a job. I met my old professor at the University of Lagos and told him I was seeking employment. He offered me a lecturing job at Ajayi Crowther University in Oyo.”
Despite not getting support from her husband at the time, Bamigbaiye still went ahead with the job.
“It was my first time lecturing. I just knew that I had to resume class that morning,” she said, recounting her first ordeal as a lecturer.
“I just started sweating and the pools of sweat accumulated on my chest and rolled down my armpits. The energy to talk was not there. And for the first time, I literally read through a textbook. My legs were shaking and I had to put my hands in my pockets to gain composure. By the time I had my second lecture, I was more confident. I was surprised that the students did not laugh or make jests at me.”
Over time, Bamigbaiye gradually conquered her fears of speaking in public settings, reaching a point where she confidently delivered keynote speeches. While occasional stumbles still occur, she has honed her ability to manage them effectively. Moreover, her journey with stammering has instilled in her a heightened sense of empathy towards others facing similar challenges.
Bamigbaiye also delved into the impact of her parents in her memoir, particularly her mother, who made the sacrifice of resigning from work to raise her. Witnessing her mother’s determination to provide for the family served as a powerful inspiration, encouraging her to pursue her dreams fearlessly, regardless of any obstacles.
Throughout the memoir, she vividly captured cherished moments that exemplified the values her parents imparted. For instance, she recounted a time when she got lost on a journey with her mother. In another, she reflected on her father’s approach to discipline, recalling how he kept them engaged indoors with multiple assignments while they awaited their respective returns.
“My parents gave me values. If I look at the generation of today I don’t see the same values in all honesty. We would kneel to greet, prostrate before our elders, get off the seats when an elderly person comes in, and stand up to shake an elderly person. Today’s children nod their heads to greet elders. And I’m constantly correcting my kids on the proper way to greet them. The values which they’ve instilled in us have helped us to become better parents today.”
The strict upbringing turned out
advantageous as it introduced Bamigbaiye to the world of literature. Even though there were no novels at home, she found solace in newspapers, devouring every publication with fervour. This early exposure to writing styles and diverse topics inspired her passion for literature and even sparked the consideration of a career in law. But she ended up studying Insurance and holds a doctorate in Marketing. She is currently the Marketing and Innovation Director of pladis Global.
Being a stutterer has also helped her to express herself openly.
“Whenever I’m in a class or a session, I say upfront that my speech is stuttered and that they will experience it at some point, that gives me a soft landing. It has made people accommodate my speech impediment.”
A single mother herself, Bamigbaiye addressed the stigmatisation usually placed on single mothers.
“Being a single mother and a career woman is challenging, especially when you are in the professional space. Some people feel that one is taking over the other. They think that you probably didn’t have time for your husband, that’s why your marriage broke down or time for your children, that’s why they turned out this way.
“Striking the balance between career and home is too challenging for a woman. And being a single mother, there was this stereotype that something had to give for me to be where I was. No, it didn’t have to be. The relationship didn’t work. That doesn’t mean that I was a bad wife or that I superseded my work over my husband.”
Through the process of writing her memoir, Bamigbaiye gained invaluable lessons in resilience and self-confidence.
“The book has taught me that I don’t need the validation of other people and to invite my guests to my own table. If you don’t get a seat at the table, create your own table. Don’t force yourself into where you are not invited. I have learned to create my own table, invite my own guests and manage who sits at the table.”
Certainly, Bamigbaiye’s table is full- with a buzzing phone as a constant reminder of her busy life. Why be idle when one can be busy impacting lives?
