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Loud Whispers With Joseph Edgar

Loud Whispers With Joseph Edgar

Alake, Onanuga: A Big Problem for Tinubu

If you ask me, I think Senator Bola Tinubu has surrounded himself with old, rusty and thin-brained goons this time around. Having  characters like  Dele Alake and Bayo Onanuga to run the communications of such an important campaign will definitely be the Achilles’ heel of his ambition if he doesn’t do something very urgently about it.

The Nigerians of today have different demands from their leaders and these old alligators cannot comprehend that, let alone engaging. Instead of understanding the fact that Nigeria is not the Vatican and as such not seeking to elect a Pope but a rough-hewn president who understands the skeletons and carnage that we have found ourselves, they continue fighting in the dustbin, engorging themselves in dirts and by extension dragging their candidate with them.

Please look at Sanwo-Olu’s campaign team on the other hand. His campaign is neat, engaging and trendy. This is because he is working with bright minds; people like Titi Oshodi whose BOSEKO continues to push inclusion, prosperity and far-thinking innovation. This is why Sanwo-olu has my full endorsement.

But Tinubu’s campaign is smelling, looking and feeling like a deep black hole simply because of people like these two who not understanding the issues, are relying on the only thing they are used to which is ‘bolekaja’ politics.

Why would Seyi Tinubu have a cleaner image than his father? That picture of him prostrating for President Muhammadu Buhari was ingenious. It was softening and heart rendering and will go as far as capturing the minds of the softer electorate – youths and women.

Alake and his brother do not have the capacity to understand that Nduka Obaigbena, Rufai Oseni and my brother, Reuben Abati are not on the ballot. All Nigerians want to see or hear are the issues and not trivialities.

The issue today is Tinubu, Atiku, Obi and any other person on the ballot. When Obaigbena decides to come on any ballot, we will deal with the issues these dragons have been trying to raise.

Parlaying beer parlour gists about these gentlemen especially about Mr. Obaigbena is desperate politics and diversionary. So, Mr. Obaigbena’s problem is inviting Tinubu to attend town hall meetings? You didn’t agree, but took your man on a meaningless jamboree to London where he ended up delegating all questions to the embarrassment of the country.

It can be very frustrating when you try to engage poorly-brained people, who need the positioning for self-survival, I tell you. At that point, there is no logic or rationality again. It must be turned to ‘roforofo’. Simple issues they cannot address and as such, they must start asking for whose mother is a prostitute and whose father is a eunuch.

My advice to Tinubu is to immediately flush out these old hags and replace them with sharp and bright young people who will build a veritable communications bridge between him and the new Nigeria. These ones – Bayo, Alake – have passed their sell by dates and are hanging in that campaign like expired drugs on the shelf of a quack chemist shop.

If there is no time to source and gather bright young minds, please ‘thief’ Seyi or Sanwo-Olu’s people. They understand the market. Can’t you see Sanwo-Olu’s messages all over the place? Are you not proud? Instead of your own that is shouting, ‘emilokan’ all over the place- whatever that means.

Bayo and Alake – clowns from the Republic of Bula ballu. Rubbish.

Atiku Abubakar, Kindly Move on

You don’t need a soothsayer to tell you that Atiku has lost this election. He has moved with uncharismatic sluggishness and has ceded so much ground that I am even beginning to wonder if this is the real Atiku or another ‘Jubril’ type person. It is no wonder in discussions with a top PDP operative recently, he used style to hint that Atiku’s team have started talking to APC on a possible inclusion in the incoming government because, “the problem of Nigeria cannot be solved by one person.”

His talk of waiting for Wike is not only annoying but irritating. The man has entered your house, raped your wife and daughters and you are writing him an apology letter. What else has Wike not done to you, since you made the grave error of picking the ‘lame’ Okowa as running mate.

Okowa, who today cannot deliver Delta State. Feelers from that state show that for the first time, APC will take the state. It’s almost as if  Atiku is a youth corper on this matter. The level of inexperience and goofing is astounding.

Wike has destroyed PDP; finished it in key states; taken five governors and rendered it lame and impotent and you are saying you are still waiting for him. Waiting for him for what? I don’t understand.

The man is standing on principles and in his own chaotic way is screaming for everybody to hear that it is a do-or-die for him and you are there saying you are waiting for him.

You don’t annoy such a volatile man. You not only annoy him, but give him a kind of legitimacy with the lopsided positioning of your party and that one in his ‘madness’ has forgotten about the big apple of the presidency and is busy fighting with his own testicles instead of facing the enemy.

Mbok, Atiku I hope you have citizenship in that your lovely Dubai because if they don’t let you enter, we will not let you come and retire in Uyo or Shomolu so that you will not come and disturb us with our young girls. Kai! Shocking.

Reuters, Please Go and Sit down

This foreign press can be so condescending. This one instead of them to come on the ground and see what is happening, it is busy sending out stupid reports about the Nigerian Army carrying out abortions in the North-east. I hear they said they interviewed about 33 women and how they reached 10,000 abortions continues to beat the imagination.

The myriad-headed issue of insecurity in the country cannot be this weakened with this hypocritical push for human rights. Banditry, terrorism and insurgency have taken thousands of lives including the lives of our uniformed men, so tying their left hands with the spurious claim of human rights is very wicked and unfair to Nigerians.

Useless Reuters, have you gone to ask Putin how many Ukrainian young children he has sodomised? It is here you have a mouth. Please go and sit down with your yellow faced journalistic banditry.

For Senator Demola Seriki, It’s a Calm Exit

I woke up on Thursday morning – I write on Thursdays – to see the news of his demise on my political Whatsapp group. It was Osa that dropped the official announcement by the family. So, I made two calls and confirmed.

Till his sad passing, he was our Ambassador to Spain where he conducted himself with so much panache. He was at some point our Minister of Defence among other elite political positions. He was astute, a gentleman with no wahala. When he lost elections, he took it with equanimity. Not for him, the gra gra of violence, rabble rousing in courts and all that.

I had met him like twice at social events and he carried himself with so much panache so it’s no wonder that the Buhari administration saw in him a perfect fit to represent us in such an important European outlook. May his soul rest in perfect peace. Amin.

…And Cornelius Oboh Too Died

We were still trying to understand what just happened with one of the most important investment bankers this century – Dr. Olaolu Mudasiru, when the news of another super influential investment banker, Mr. Cornelius Oboh hit.

Cornelius had chatted me up that Sunday afternoon. “Edgar, wetin do Laolu?”

Chuka Ezeka, Laolu’s partner at Vetiva was among the top three at BGL which made Vetiva and BGL staff kinda related. So, all of us at the BGL alumni were really concerned about Dr. Bob hence Cornelius’ query.

“Oga, they say na hit-and-run o. But I never get full details.”

 He screamed, “Edgar na wa o. Please let me know when you have details please.”

I said OK.

Then the next morning on the BGL Whatsapp group, Dafe, his son dropped a clinger. “Hi, my name is Dafe, Cornelius’ son and I am sad to announce that my father passed away last night.”

Aghhhh…. shock, disbelief and fear. Is there a culling of investment bankers? How can two major investment bankers pass in such colourful ways less than 24 hours apart?

I met Cornelius while he was working at the Bakare-owned Metropolitan Bank just before he emerged at BGL. He was a constant companion of the hurricane called Albert Okumagba and witnessed the phenomenal growth of BGL from a tiny institution to the behemoth that it was.

He came for my play ‘Sardauna’ in Abuja and was so happy that I gave him plenty VIP tickets. He came with his friends and hugged me and thanked me for giving him so much honour.

He was a dapper dresser and didn’t like trouble or wahala. At meetings, he spoke sparingly and was always the cool water beside Albert’s fire. We will miss him and only hoped we had done well for him while he was alive. Sleep well my Oga.

Femi Pedro, Are You Dodging Me?

Mr. Femi Pedro has been dodging me and I don’t know why. I once read his chronicle on the establishment of GTBank and his role in it. I also used to hear and read about the revolution that was his First Atlantic Bank or so and used to admire him from afar.

When he and Tinubu had issues and they gave him quit notice, I offered him councillorship in Shomolu, but he didn’t accept. I don’t think he even heard of the offer. Then I will be seeing him in different social gatherings. At times, he would wear a suit and black-tie. Other times, he would wear trad but no matter what he wore, he always used to have that ‘side pattern’ on his head with some powder on his face. A nice gentleman.

Well, fate brought us together when my sister, Alero, invited me into her Whatsapp group. When I checked the membership of the group, I saw so many big guns o. Fear come catch me o. I hope they will not disgrace me ooo, I said to myself. They have kicked me out of 15 Whatsapp groups. They have even removed me from the one I have found. It is usually not their fault. It is me that is always stubborn.

So, with people like Mr. Pedro, Mr. Peterside, His Excellency, Mr. Uduaghan and some very pretty ladies like Bunmi Lawson, Beatrice Abebe and Tilewa, among others, I swore to be of good behaviour.

I tried o. I lasted two weeks. They kicked me out o. My sister Alero kicked me out o. They said, I had used the word, ‘meaningless’ and that I should explain. I tried to explain and admin said I didn’t explain well. By this time, my ‘Gani Fawehnmi’ blood don enter my body.

 I refused to be evicted. She kicked me out. Wane Okafor called, plenty people called. The policeman, Fakorode called and I said ok, I go apologise.  They put me back, I dropped my naked picture and she committed permanently.

Let me apologise to my sister Alero. No be me do am, na lack of sex dey do me that period. All the time I was causing trouble on the group I had not had sex for some time and I was getting very touchy and irritable. Ask any Ibibio man, na so we dey do, nor be only me.

Anyway, His Excellency, seeing my real talent, invited me to another group and said, “you can be yourself here. You can be free to express yourself in any way you want.”

 Wow, I checked the membership and it was made up of almost the same people but this time with a relaxed mien.

I tried them. I put my lust for white garment church women, they laughed. I tried again, I talked about lack of erection in the morning, they laughed and even started to advise me. One baba said, I should be sleeping naked say the thing dey come for him at 3am. I found his advice brilliant.

I am enjoying myself in this group as there are no real limitations to expressing oneself, which is what a social media grouping is supposed to be. It is not a cantonment; I cannot voluntarily enter a group and subject myself to social media dictatorship or a virtual Decree 4.

So, My Dear Excellency, as you no want buy N20,000 VIP ticket to see Awo, I will help you and send two tickets to you as appreciation for your kind gesture of inviting me to this group, but before you win the tickets, kindly spell bulla ballu and tell us in the group the meaning. Thank you, sir.

Herbert Wigwe: A Pillar Well-grounded

Let me be naked. In the last one year, we have produced over eight major productions and have engaged over 1,000 actors and other such professionals in the space. We have played Lagos, Abuja and Warri just this 2022 oooo!

We have received support from so many institutions and individuals that it is now very overwhelming. But I would like to single out Mr. Wigwe for special thanks for his own style.

He no dey pick call. He no dey talk to me. He no dey even reply my message. I will just see that he has read and then radio silence. I will pace him knowing full well that he is a very busy man. The next week, I would try again and he will read and not reply. I will be looking and not panic.

This has been his style for three years. Then he would say, “come to my office.”

 I would go and see so many people wearing suits. They would be wondering wetin dis one wey no comb him hair and wear earring dey find here. Then Herbert will come out and walk straight to me and say, “Edgar, Amaechi and Abdul will sort you,” and I would say. “Thank you, sir.”

This time na the same thing. Shame was even catching me because during Emir Sanusi, Herbert and Access were the single largest supporters. So, this time, I go with fear. These people can disgrace me o. But I say make I still try.

This was important. Four major plays, 500 actors and the largest independent festival since FESTAC 77. I must go to my biggest benefactor. We started the dance, chat, read, no reply, chat, read, no reply and finally one very beautiful and extremely brilliant young lass called Ileri chatted. “Edgar, approval has come,” and I rushed straight to the toilet to piss.

Herbert remains a critical supporter of the Arts with his energetic support of our platform making us the biggest in the space by far. I thank him and his Access Bank for all they do for us. God bless you sir and your team.

Segun Awolowo is an ‘Egbon’ for Life

It was Ladi Soyode who introduced me. Ladi was my co-executive producer during the first showing of our very important play, ‘Awo’.

 I have watched Mr. Awolowo very carefully since almost from birth. I was enamored first by his pedigree. Sired by one of the most influential political dynasties and being a son through his mother, the ever beautiful and elegant Sisi Abah, to one of the wealthiest families in the land, Mr. Awolowo had from that initial start built an enduring career in public service.

Very unlike others with the same mold, he has been able to build a very serious outlook and a robust public persona that has given him phenomenal respect for his own standing. His work at the export promotion council attracted international accolades and he retired with very deep respect unlike what is usually the case.

This weekend, Egbon will join me once again as Co-executive Producer of ‘Awo’ and I will hug him once again and say – well-done sir. Well-done.

Francesca Chiejina Doing the Nation Proud

Francesca is a massively talented operatic singer. Her father, the very brilliant image maker of the Dangote Group, the veteran Tony Chiejina.

Something said I should go and hear her sing. My people, what I heard, gave me goose pimples. This girl can sing. Mbok, she was singing opera like she was born to do it. This now made me go and do more research on her. She is accomplished. She has played massive roles like ‘Lady in Waiting – Macbeth’, ‘Countess Ceprano’ among others. Let me stop here because there is no need since most of you will not know the names abeg.

After studying in some very great schools like the University of Michigan and also at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama, she is looking forward to exploding on the scene. I wish her well and God’s speed.

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