Prof. Yemi Osinbajo: I Really Do Dare You

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Yemi Osinbajo

Loud Whispers

Look, let’s not mince words. Me, I like a good fight and there is nothing that will be more exciting than a frontal push on the Presidency by Professor Osinbajo especially now that his mentor and baba have stuck out his wrinkled neck.

Look there should be no fear my dear Prof. This is a straight fight for the soul of the nation and whether the man pays your school fees or borrows you money to pay dowry should not be in consideration.

Asiwaju is eminently qualified. I like his candidacy. He has built structures and he is playing the game expertly. I am really impressed with his strategy, his engagement and his lock-in if you know what I mean. Anytime, the man is feeling poorly in the polls, he will just go to Kano and all those people will be shouting, ‘Asiwaju for President’. His mojo will rise and he will bounce back. That is what I like and that is how politics should be played.

So, you too, enter this ring na. I do not understand all this fear. The other day, they said they will suspend you from APC South-west, your boys, like Ojodu, are shouting and the rest of us are angling for your candidacy. What you are waiting for is what we do not understand.

My dear Prof, enter the matter. What will happen, last, last Asiwaju will trounce you but you would have given us an exciting and a very powerful electioneering period.

Imagine a debate between you two with Dr Abati as referee. It will make a very beautiful viewing.
So, my Lord, no need to fear. Just do like Asiwaju who went to Buhari and told him clearly that he wants to contest. That is a man. Me, I am beginning to like him o.

You too, find time and go to Asiwaju and sit him down and say, ‘ Daddy, ejo e ma bi nu. Dolapo lo ran mi. She says, I should tell you not to be angry, that I should try for the presidency.
If you are too worried, carry me along.

Me, I will talk o. Nothing dey fear me. Me, I will tell him and anything that wants to happen let it happen, man die but once as we say it in Shomolu. Simple.

President Olubukola Saraki?

This is the season so we must continue to push people out. Bukola Saraki is a man after my heart. What I am fighting for is a robust engagement that will put very serious minded people against each other. Not dem Orji Kalu type of people but very serious-minded leaders who will come and canvass very strenuously for our votes.

As I watched Saraki hobnob at the Ibori party last Sunday, I could see his boundary splitting personality. He had friends from all over the divide and when the MC didn’t call his name out at first, he didn’t flinch. Very presidential. He took his seat at the high table, waved at some people, ‘hi-fived’ the others and generally showed that he was a Nigerian for all people.
I want his candidacy out there on the streets and I thank God he is looking like he will or has jumped in. My own is to push as many credible people as possible into the ring.
Because from what I am seeing, it is looking like only Asiwaju is truly and truly ready and that will be sad.

200million people and we will now come and have a ‘walk over’? God forbid.

Bukyyyyyy, Bukkyyyyyyy, how many times have I called you? Stand up and enter that PDP ring and win the mandate and come and give Asiwaju a true fight for his Bullion van.

I trust you to put up a good fight. You that have nerves of steel. Abi, is it not you that sat there and was drinking Tuwo when DSS were climbing the fence and doing western rolling to come and catch you and you calmly carry your phone and call Bill Clinton to deal with them.
Mbok, enter this matter. Let’s fight for the soul of this country. If you dey fear, call mama GO and she will spiritually fortify you.

SENAMI IBORI: WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?

She is the extremely beautiful wife of my very good friend and champion, Chief James Ibori. She is also the daughter of philanthropist and my ‘lender of last resort,’ the elegant Caroline Sosu.
It was her 40th birthday and I got the invite courtesy of the aforementioned Caroline Sosu. She said, ‘Edgar, you know say you no dey dress well. This one if you wear a t-shirt, dem no go let you enter for gate o’. I say madam, no worry. I go dress well; I must come this one to come observe.

That is how I went to the salon to get ready. Pedicure everything, even the hair from my nostrils I pull am commot.

We entered the party o. It was gorgeous and everybody was there. I cannot mention names but just take it that everybody that went to that Mr. Waya party during the Obasanjo administration that led OBJ to yab them and call them one name like that was there.

The pretty celebrant came out looking like the Mona Lisa. Her beauty shone with pride seeing the quality attendance. She must have looked at Mr. Ibori and said to him after it all; ‘thank you my darling, oya come and take’ and that one would have said, ‘darling, let’s take it easy, I don’t want to break my back, you know elections are around the corner. Let’s just kiss, you hear no vex’.

Well-done, Chief Ibori and happy birthday my dear sister. You truly are well-deserving. But next time, try just serve Afang even if it’s only for me. Thanks.

HENRY IMASEKHA: LONG TIME NO SEE

You know this kind of Boss is the one that area boys used to see and just jump up, raise their hands in the air and be shouting, ‘ alright sir, your boy is loyal’.

I became an area boy the moment I say My lord Imasekha. I said to him, ‘I am loyal and he said, stand at ease’ and I said, ‘are you sure sir?’ and he said ‘Yea,meet my wife.

He went ahead to show me one of the most beautiful ladies I had seen in a bit. Don’t let me describe her before my Lord, ask Emma Nwachukwu, my brother who will be with me in Abeokuta to bundle me and put me in one of the Dangote trucks and dispatch me straight to Sambisa forest.

You guys may not understand my affection for daddy. I have met him like say only six times in my life, but people like this just inspire and make you want to be more of a human being.

Meetings with him are a tutorial. His kindness and love for me is very clear. I have never called him for anything that he will refuse. He is a well-known supporter of all of my causes but much more importantly, he is a very senior colleague in investment banking whose landmark transactions continue to form long stories for we, the younger ones.

I shook him and ran to my friend Mudi to say, ‘see Henry Imasekha o’ and he say, ‘Who he be, Na actor?

KHADIJAT OKUNNU LAMIDI: CANDLE IN THE WIND

The declaration hit social media with a thud. She was female and she looked quite well spoken. Strong family pedigree and perfect positioning.

Sadly, it is all just empty breeze. My enthusiasm waned immediately from the first interview. She was inspired during #EndSARS- a joke and the second one just killed it. ‘I am related to Tinubu’. Biggest joke.

Someone once said, why we are not getting it right in achieving a credible generational shift in leadership at the centre is because we are looking for perfection while the older generation are positioning candidates with nationwide name recognition.

So, you see the problem with this particular candidate is the lack of a defining conviction, inexperience and lack of depth which has made the announcement peter out like a badly lit ‘banger’.

I tried to reach out to her because I remembered that I had once spoken to her during my push for support for my play ‘Isale Eko’ and as such, I still had her numbers.

Sadly, she didn’t pick. I wanted to better understand her mission and to also hear her out very comprehensively. But as my father used to say, it is the sleep you know death. From the follow up statements that I have seen, this is just a flickering candle in the wind. Next…

NNAMDI KANU: ON THE ‘DESIGNER’ I STAND

I have seen the report from the federal government’s lawyer at this man’s trial that the man has decided to always wear his designer duds even though the thing has faded and is looking like something we used to wear when we are serving manual labour at Command Secondary School in Lagos.

You see, me I understand perfectly the sentiments behind that decision and the young man should not be blamed. I have some designer clothes too and the fit-no be for here-.

When you wear designer, the confidence the thing will give you, you will just be posing and carrying your head up in the air and be doing like nobody can touch you.
The one that Kanu is wearing is Fendi. Mbok, come and see the people that wear Fendi, they are not normal people o. My friend the Mogul, I call him that because the man used to borrow me money before. He loves Fendi o.

When he wears it. He will call me to come to his office and see it. Me sef, I will drive from Shomolu to Lekki. Not Lekki phase 1 oo, but the one that is after second roundabout and he will be pruning like a peacock and be saying, ‘Edgar, see Fendi’. Me sef will say, ‘kai, this na Fendi, make I touch? He will laugh.

So mbok, let’s leave Kanu with his Fendi and focus on the matter on the ground.

Let me use this opportunity to beg, Baba Buhari to kindly reconsider a plea for his release. Me sef, don tire. Let’s start afresh. This country needs all hands. We are all brothers. FREE KANU NOW.

AHMED KURU: A NIGHT OF LONG KNIVES

I have never seen a press release so carefully written. I saw on several platforms that the highly respected head of the AMCON has been a guest at the EFCC on some transactions which involve the undervaluation of some assets.

Reading the statement in about three platforms, I was really taken aback by the choice of words, care in the construction of the words and the fine line whoever authored the statement threaded as he tried to give us the information

At times like this, me I don’t use to waste time in taking a position. Me, I am stating here very boldly that I remain very confident on the integrity and person of Mallam Kuru.

This is how I stood in firm support of my sister Yewande Sadiku. That is how they said, they carried her and all sort where said. I stood o. I said very clearly that this one no be thief. This one will not thief and this one did not thief.

I used to know Mallam Kuru since his days at Habib Bank. I used to watch him from afar and even from those early days, he had shown a bright spot. No wonder he had such a brilliant career in the place.

I can vouch and will vouch and if they need surety that does not have any landed property but can stand surety by conviction please call me. I will STAND.Ahmed Kuru will come out of this one that is if it is true and that writer who wrote the statement was correct in choosing his words because this one no ‘be thief, he will not thief and has not thief.’

NYESOM WIKE: FIRE FOR FIRE

This one does not mince words and it is no wonder some were comparing him with my uncle Sanwo-Olu when that policeman was trying to give him a session on police procedure.
Some had said that by the time the policeman had finished talking, Wike would have given him headbutt and sent him back to police college.

From what we are seeing especially with the DPO who was running an illegal refinery you will not blame those who felt that Wike would have handled the Magodo thing differently.

The man call press conference and gave the police till ‘Monday’ to remove the DPO. He told them very clearly that he didn’t even want them within the state. He ended up reminding them that he was the landlord of their building and if you remember what he did to the hotel, you will guess what Wike will do to the police station that he is the landlord.
I just love this Wike.

AUGUSTINE EGWAVOEN: GOD BE WITH YOU

My brother, I am not watching any of your matches courtesy of my Doctor. My BP has been funny recently spiking and refusing to come down. The doctor says, I should come and take BP drug but I dodge because of the possible effect on my activities in the other room.

So, I have been doing lifestyle changes and one of my lifestyle changes is not to watch any of your matches before you come and send me to my early grave.

But I have been hearing of your exploits on the field. They say, you have been winning matches and at a party on Sunday, I heard the great Tony Elumelu ask your oga- Amaju where you got one boy like that.

Last night, I heard that you have won another match. Making my brother Ope ask me what exactly is Amaju doing by appointing a foreign coach when you are doing so well.

Well as a veteran of many sacks, you go don dey use to am by now. Just keep doing your best, God will help you win the Cup and if they sack you, no worry its part of the thrill of Nigerian football.

I wish you well, I will hear the results after everything. I cannot risk my life for you. Thank you.

EVANS JAKPA JOHNS: A WARRI MAN IN LAGOS

You guys will not know him. He is the son in law to the former Petroleum Minister Ibe Kachikwu. He is a fun-loving guy and very steeped in tradition.

He is working very closely with me on our new Play – Ogiame Erejuwa II. The Play will be written and directed by versatile William Benson who did a wonderful job on my last Play in Uyo-Ufok Ibaan.

The reason why I chose to work with Evans is simple. During the last coronation of the very well respected Olu of Warri, I saw Evans in every shot. He will jump in and out and dance and sing. His passion and energy were infectious. I loved him.

So, when I made up my mind, I went straight to him and said, let’s do this and he said, Oya. So in between preparations for his doctoral defense, he will be taking me through Itsekiri traditions and culture, opening me up to great Itsekiri sons and daughters and generally doing the groundwork to ensure a fitting showing of this colorful story. I am excited.