Loud Whispers With JOSEPH EDGAR

Chief Femi Fani-Kayode: Fanny Power

All I can say is that this man get mind o. Come and see the level of abuse. For one man to stand up on a stage and call on Nigerians to pelt him with tomatoes and he takes it with so much pride and gusto needs to be studied. My brother Chief Fani-Kayode is a different specie. The man ‘no send’, na him own concern am. If him mind tell am say, Buhari is no longer a vulture, so be it.

The other day on Channels TV, the man asked him if there was any kind of financial inducement, he look the short guy with one kain eye and say, ‘I am wealthy, I come from strong pedigree’ My father…. My father…. My Father…. Who no get father na wahala o. The wealth me I no see o but not a problem, that no be the issue.
Chief Fanny has shown the very strong resolve he is made off. His inconsistencies show the kind of consistent ‘embolism’. Mbok my people, I just put that one there. No bother look for the meaning even me I no know.

For the Fanny Power wey I know, he go don carry tooth pick dey read this my article looking for one word o. Just one word wey he go take abuse me. But me, that I be cunny man, I put word wey despite all him big talk about pedigree no go understand before he start to call me ‘stupid and insulting and a man of low pedigree whose father was but a lowly postmaster at the Ebute Metta Post Office and as such does not have the family standing to look at me and talk.’

One wonders if Chief would even allow us be walking or breathing if he was Prince Charles. I just tire. Please, you have decamped and finally landed in APC, your plate for PDP is still waiting, we know na, less than six months when person annoy you or your meat no complete for plate you will come back again and Buhari will resume his life as a vulture and agent of the devil. Abi no be so you call am. Ignore this one abeg.

NASIR EL –RUFAI: STOP THAT BREAKDANCE

It was the late maestro, Ras Kimono, who popularised this phrase. It is used for someone who is dancing against the tune. This is what my brother and soon- would-be friend Nasir El-Rufai is doing. Look, this open grazing had been established to be the main source of desertification in the northern part of the country almost 30 years ago.

I saw a report in which Prof Pat Utomi was quoting one big Northern politician who as commissioner had commissioned a report on desert encroachment and it was established that one of the main causes of encroachment was this open grazing and you know Prof no dey lie.

By the way Mallam, do you know how to dance soapy? Let me explain, it is that boy, Naira Marley, that started it. That is when you put your right hand out and hold your palms as if you are holding your ‘you know what’ and be moving the hand back and forth and be jumping like fire brigade using their hose to quench fire.

That is what it looks like you are doing because you seem to be dancing soapy with this matter in a desperate attempt to quench this fire.
The southern state governors have taken a position, they have signed it into law; the best we can do at this time is to obey the law and look for more modern ways of continuing with the business.

If you ask me, I will advise that you invite all herdsmen to Kaduna so we can have the largest open grazing enclave in the world. The benefits are humongous. Let’s do this and stop the soapy and breakdancing. I am an orphan oooo.

ABDULFATAH AHMED: THIS IS ‘BLUE FILM’

Abi what else can we use to describe this one. One lawyer- I will not even dignify him by calling his name- instead of doing the work they send him, started to shoot video. He turns himself to my brother Frank Olize gleefully, announcing the occupation of His Excellency’s mansion on behalf of AMCON.

Lawyer turned Reporter in his almost bad English informed us that instead of oga to come and negotiate, he was ‘posing’ and as such since the law is no respecter of persons, he has come to take over. At some point, he shouted ‘Oya everybody, come out of this house now oooo, come out o or my 35 policemen will move in. The video showed two who were looking quite confused and starved.

Be like this lawyer suffer during oga’s 8 years’ rule in Ilorin. Be like during that time nothing drop for him table as you could not miss his bad belle. No professionalism at all in this one. Which kind lawyer is this one sounding and looking like a bus tout? Real agbero lawyer.

Come and see the shouting as he recorded himself – I am Barrister ………. Come out o, everybody come out oooo, I have come to seize this house, Nigeria must move forward, he screamed. I wonder if he has even done his covid test.

Anyway, I have seen a saner response from oga’s team who have said they were still in negotiations with AMCON on the matter; and that the whole thing was a mix up with co-mingling of the liabilities with others they knew nothing about. They went ahead to state that the shares that were used as collateralization for the facility was not sold down to pay off but talks were still ongoing.

Looks like at this point, only my brother, Olumide Akpata, the President of NBA can pull this his colleague back o. Meanwhile check, the man fit never pay him dues sef and na the commission on this matter he is waiting for to offset 20 years unpaid due. Leave me abeg, make I yab am.

HAKEEM BABA AHMED: A MOUTH ‘RUNNETH’
This person is the spokesperson of the Northern Elders Forum and he can talk anyhow. I don’t even know him sef but the recent comment ascribed to the baba that his ‘North will not play second fiddle’ made me look him up.

It is not today this person has been running mouth o. As I google the name all sort of inciting and very provocative statements were attaching to his name and I begin to wonder what is really wrong with this person.
The sad thing in all of these is the fact that very inconsequential people who cannot even win one vote on their street will now be posturing as if they are speaking for the whole region.

Mbok which one is second fiddle, which one is population. Is it population they are still using to brag in this day and age? He should not allow me to be asking him what ‘they’ have done with the so-called huge population. What are the socio-economic developmental indices saying about his population?

This man has a problem and his problem cannot be solved by engaging him at this low level of thinking. The best is to ignore these provocative statements and leave them at the level where they belong – mere sound bites and continue to work for the cohesive reclaiming of Nigeria by all Nigerians.

This man should be taken into the Big Brother House so we can all watch him have his bath. We do not need this type nor his sentiments in the new Nigeria we are building. Kai.

DONALD DUKE, PAT UTOMI: NOT AGAIN
Every time, these same people will be forming one movement or the other. They will call big press conference carry themselves in front of camera and be speaking big English and after two days it will fizzle out. It’s like na career now for them.

Four days ago, they have formed new one again o. They call this one Rescue Nigeria Project and their man and AMCON ‘inmate’ former Governor of Kwara State in his remarks was quoted as saying that because of the non-inclusiveness of the administration, insecurity and the rest is our lot. He went on to say that they want to rescue the nation and give back to us.

Be watching by next week everybody go go back to them ‘side chicks’ and we go rest. No be today, they have been forming this thing since Abacha died.
The first time we were all excited. We all run around looking for office to register after all the noise everything end. Be like they have done this like three times, mbok I have stopped counting.
Come and collect my N5,000 if by next week we are still talking about this their RNP. Na joke. Me, I don run o.

BIMBO OLASHORE: LET’S GO THERE
You know I am an investment banker. Real one o. People will be calling me a former investment banker because I no dey comb my hair. I am a qualified stockbroker licensed to deal on the Nigerian Stock Exchange. Now whether I know the price of First Bank shares or not is neither here nor there. The most important thing is that I pass the exam.

Anyways that is how I heard small information that one of our icons, Prince Bimbo Olashore was up to something. That is how I call him to come and thank him for supporting Awo and Aremu. You know I have sense. I be real sense man. Daddy say come and I went and stumbled on the project.

Three of the most iconic works on Investment Banking in the works. He opened up two manuscripts for me to go through and what I saw was pure Gold. Mad Gold. The first was a book on Corporate Finance and the second his autobiography.

I read through the Corporate Finance Handbook and was just screaming. If I had something like this beside me starting out as a rookie investment banker, shey I would have been making the kind of billions that would have put me in Forbes and Nicholas Nyamali would not have sacked me claiming that me I don’t have GTB culture- mbok see culture o.

His autobiography was madddd! The little I read threw me off my feet. I didn’t even know that at some point he was even a Director at Ecobank. I saw it there o and so many other things that would show that this silver spoon really fought and worked hard to achieve his iconic positioning in the industry.

I swore myself to secrecy. I begged to be allowed to review the works when they were out and he agreed. I pledged not to say a word about the books and left his office in a hurry to go and eat afang at Valevin- mbok the afang in that place is mad and distracting.

Well, I no sure say Prince dey read my column, people like that na business page he dey read so there is a very high chance that he will not see this piece except some busy body go and tell him o. You people had better keep this to yourself. If this thing leak, I will cross carpet and join Fani Kayode in APC and you don’t want that.

IS ALBERT OKUMAGBA REINCARNATING?
You see when something wants to happen, that is how things will be falling into place like that o. That is how my brother Kayode Fadahunsi reaches out and says, ‘Edgar, can we see? I say what does this bear bear man want from me na. He saw me at Cactus and Mike Adenuga and allowed me to pay N15,000 for one sandwich. Me I am still vexing with him so what does he want. I say ok let me honour him and go.

Just as I was about going, Nonso Okpalla the indefatigable- I also don’t know the meaning of this word, but I hear Soni Irabor use it a lot at events when he wants to introduce mercurial figures like Obi Cubana. So, my brother Nonso if you google it and the meaning you no like no vex – called and said, ‘Edgar, I hear you are working with Kayode on the BGL Book? I say which book Kayode say I should come and see him o. He said ok.

Kayode is a great man. He talked me through our days at BGL and the culture that drove that institution to become the biggest independently run investment banking franchise in all of Africa. He talked about the culture and the energy that drove people to super human endeavours.

My people, I was there. I felt it. Albert made us believe we could do mighty things. He would come and say, ‘Edgar, where is my N5bn we are taking over the market? I will just jump up and be running like a crazed man plucking cash, closing deals and creating tremors. BGL made people work for five days non-stop, BGL created champions, giants and industry makers. It was a massive revolution with Albert at the core.

Kayode wants to bottle that energy in a book so that it can be replicated nationwide, forming an engine room for the renaissance of the Economy. Nonso is sold and so many other people are sold.
Challenge is, who will write it? Me? Make I go baf first. Water has not touched me in the last five days. Kai.

OLADAPO OJO: LOOKING FOR NIMO
You see yourselves? Those of you that will not be watching cartoon will now not know who Nimo is. Well, Nimo has nothing to do with this write up I just put am there because I don tire small.
Anyhow this young man, Oladapo Ojo who runs one of the biggest Production Studios in West Africa is on a quest to find mathematical genius on the continent. That this is a brilliant counterfoil to the ‘soddomfest’ that is the Big Brother Africa show which daily assails us with all sort of inanities.

The CruxDeals is in search of the greatest mathematical talents in Africa and would pay $10,000 and would also come with the title the mathematical champion of Africa.
18 students from all over Africa are being sought after through a very challenging and robust solution process after which they will converge in Lagos Africa for another exciting mix of Quiz show format and Reality House thingy for 28 days.

Why any sane person will not support this one beats me. I support this wholeheartedly as the need to wean our youths away from the other intoxicating one where they will be doing one kain has become imperative. Welldone bro.

SUBOMI SUJIMOTO: CONTRADICTION IN SALES
This ‘bobo’ can make noise. I just tire. His latest noise is the one about 1% of something and the rest of us who do not belong to that one should look away.
Such a brilliant concept. I love it. Arrogance in sales. It’s very bewitching and attractive. The campaign targets a very niche market and deliberately snubs those who are not in that category. It does not mince words; it just asks the rest of us to go away.

But the problem here now, is that this bobo now goes to put the advert on ‘Linda Ikeji blog’ where the remaining 99% of us are there gossiping and talking about fried plantain.
I just laugh at the tardiness. You are professing a niche market and arrogant positioning and you jump into a whirlpool of the retail market. Over 2m people are there daily looking for Bobrisky’s hairy buttocks and seeing who Tontoh Dike will be dating next and who Jim Iyke is threatening to beat.

As if that was not enough, one day, I was in my office thinking of what to do when some scraggy looking youths bounced in. Sorry sir, they echoed, we are from Sujimoto and we are selling real estate. I said which one, the 1% of the 1%? They said yes. Can we brief you?
I just laugh. This Sujimoto na ‘chinese film”. So, I come be 1% of the 1%? I say to them ‘Please, I am amongst those people on your billboard. You are asking to look away ooo.
The leader of the team, one young skinny but very beautiful lady who looked like she was just coming from Choir Practice at the Methodist Eleja Church in Oke Metta, replied and said- Bro no mind that one, you go buy house? Piss catch me.
Suji bobo hustle is real mennnnnn!!!!!

OBADIAH MALAIHA: SAD!!, SAD!!!, SAD!!!!
Kai, the news of this passing really pain me o. Now we get news real time online and once it hits you, you will be praying that it is fake news. The news will first filter through all these gutter blogs and then slowly more respectable platforms will be announcing it. Finally, ARISE TV will drop it and you will shout, ‘It has finished.’
That is how this one came and then it was confirmed. This man was fighting a different battle for truth. He was fearless and was the equivalent of that Chinese grocery shopper who happened on the Tiananmen Square in Beijing and saw a tanker rolling towards unarmed students and jumped in front.

Wetin concern the man. That is the question I almost would have asked him if I had met him before he passed. From his background, he was an elitist bourgeois rising to become the enviable Deputy Governor of the CBN. He for just jejely keep quiet and be swigging whiskey with his colleagues and be enjoying the rest of his life.

But no, his passion for Nigeria and justice would not let him sleep at night. He started crying and wailing for Nigeria. Making statements that was making people fear for his safety. Did he care? No o. He just went on till he finally passed.
One less hero in the struggle, but for him we will continue the fight. He would be remembered, mark my words.

OLUMIDE AKINSAYA: A WORTHY OPPOSITION
Let me tell you guys one small story about this brilliant gentleman who is making waves building beautiful malls including the wonder they call Tropicana Mall in Uyo.
So I said, I wanted to be President of the Command School Alumni and some powers that be say, I cannot be President. They wanted Taiwo, a brilliant young well-articulated lady, as president.

The choice was clear, sheer class as against my gruff Shomolu devil may care self and the alumni was divided. Come and see argument, struggle and pushing.
I pushed o; caused trouble, shouted and moved mountains to be president. The more I struggled, the more I wasn’t making a headway. This Taiwo was beating me in all areas of the elections and she was getting very strong support.
So I decided to go coy. I called my brother Olumide Ohunayo – we repeated together. You know me I do form 4 three times and Olumide do am twice. But he fail before me and he form the bedrock of all the ‘olodos’ wey dey support me.

I say, ‘Bro, who dey behind Taiwo. Why are we not moving forward? By now we suppose don take out this girl make I form government na. Olumide was to be my Chief of Staff and had already prepared my acceptance speech.
Olumide who unknown to me had already done a Fani Kayode on me said, na Olumide Akinsanya. I say which Olumide, the one with big head wey no dey see well? He say, you don start, na so you go loose election dey yab people.
I say ok make we go see am. My Chief of Staff say no worry. Olumide is firmly on Taiwo’s side and they form the 85 set and they are determined.

I say but no be that set wey me and you repeat go join? Me sef na the same set. The fact say you don repeat before me no mean say dem go don indoctrinate you, common set up the meeting.
That is how we met Olumide Akinsanya with his people. Gbenga Ismail, Binebi and one or two other people. They were frowning because I don abuse dem tire-the kind abuse wey Fani abuse Buhari before he see the light. But these once were not as welcoming as Buhari especially Binebi who was just frowning.

I say, ‘My people I am part of you. If not that I pass common entrance early enter Secondary School before all of una, we for don start school the same day. But you cannot beat destiny, you see that I failed and now we are mates and before I fail, I have already sent Olumide Ohunayo to you who failed a year before me. Please edakun, awon egbe ati awon aburo mi ema je ki omo girl taiwo yi pa mi na. (meaning: my age mates and younger ones, don’t let Taiwo kill me) I break am to Nolly-Yoruba make dem understand am well.
Olumide smiled and said, ‘Edgar, drink Hennessey make we gist better leave election, that has already been concluded. The Jagaban of Command had spoken. I withdrew from the election when I saw the kind of defeat Jonathan suffered in his last election coming towards me. Me, I no dey shame I withdraw and run away. Come and see junior girls crying.

Anyways, today Olumide Akinsanya is creating waves. Apart from building and managing the very best malls in the country, he just recently started working with the Oyo State Government to revamp its healthcare sector through some very stupendous infrastructural developments. Great guy, well done my brother. Let’s meet in Uyo, abeg. I owe you.

OGHOGHO OSULA: A BELATED BIRTHDAY GIFT
Ok guys, if you have not met her, you have not met the essence of beauty and intelligence. You see Madam was Managing Director at Afribank Trustees or something like that. I used to go there to beg for deposits when I was working at Magnum Trust Bank. My then Oga, Segun Oluyori will say, ‘Edgar is my champion oya go and get the deposits.’ Me sef, I will carry okada and run towards madam’s Broad Street office and will collect better deposits.
She was kindhearted and was a good listener. Sessions with her were empowering and sweet. Then I used to see someone’s picture in his office and he will say that is my oga. I never used to connect because from the picture it was looking like Prophet Elijah because of the gray beards.

Then we lost touch and I think she surfaced at Coronation Trustees at some point and disappeared.
Then I met my lord Julian Osula through my forever lord Chike Ogeah. He was so nice to me. We were trying to sell a transaction to him and wanted him to invest. He asked for a meeting and said, ‘Don’t worry, let me pass it through my madam. You know she too is an investment banker and understands these things.’

I didn’t link it that the madam he was talking about was Oghogho. Then one day, I went to his office and lo and behold, I saw madams picture and screamed, ‘this is your madam? Small world.
Happy birthday my dear Sister and God’s blessing and protection to you and your lovely family. Welldone