By Adegboyega LABIRAN
Conjugal bliss is a package that comes with marriage. Expectations are very high because of anticipations from the couple, members of their families and the societies in which we all grew up. Conjugal bliss is expected to be seamless, however, this is not always the case. In view of a disappointment, which could give rise to altercations, if not resolved, may lead to a denial of conjugal bliss. Some of the times, men imagine their wives are delivered to them as virgins, which is not true in many cases. Hence, our male folks are advised to stop this imagination because curiosity of toddlers about how to experiment their organs with the opposite sex has grown beyond human comprehension before the receipt of a sex education.
A woman, who had better sex education than her husband, if she displays different sex positions in the bid to satisfy her spouse in bed, stands the risk of being labeled a prostitute. Consequently, for fear of being called “names” she would rather lie beside her husband allowing him to direct proceedings. This is a cultural issue that may affect conjugal bliss. The use of a condom between couples may be disregarded as an abomination by one of the two parties. The man may argue it is against his religious belief to waste the “seed” otherwise known as sperm, while the woman may disagree on the altar of her professional calling. If she is a career woman, she may insist she is not quite ready to have a baby.
Financial capacity, the mother of all excuses is another ground for a denial of conjugal bliss. The woman may suggest a reordering of priorities such as starting a new business in the bid to boost the family income or securing a car for a better mobility before getting pregnant, while her husband may not share the same view. A man who hails from a background where there are twelve children or more would experience issues with a woman from a background where there is a record of birth control. She may not consent to anything beyond two or more children especially if she had her children through caesarian operations.
When a woman suspects her husband sleeps with another woman, trust between them has gone on a sabbatical and hence she would put up an attitude which expectedly could deny her husband a conjugal bliss. A husband in retaliation may also refuse to shoulder primary responsibilities in the home. These are altercations giving rise to denials. There are understandable grounds that could lead to abstinence from conjugal bliss. One of such is either of the couple is currently experiencing a health challenge, has embarked on a spiritual exercise or has agreed to abstain for the purpose of achieving an objective, such as having a baby at a defined moment. Otherwise, conjugal bliss is expected to be a free for all transaction between the couple at any point in time.
In this connection, cultural orientation had poorly situated male and female organs as what should not be celebrated or a taboo meant only for the darkest room in the house and also for the late and early hours of the day. This wrong perception was carried into marital relationship and had since hindered conjugal bliss.Our female folks are advised to recognize their husbands’ private organs as their portion and hence should give it a special treat whenever the opportunity presents itself. A treat in the context of handling, if the organ rises to the national call, she should engage and reengage it to different gear positions until her husband rises to give the royal treat and deliver the anticipated “seed” before getting out of bed.
Consequently, your spouse’s organ should be personalized and given the all-important treat, you would not only have redeemed your husband to yourself, but you would also have conquered cultural issues that hitherto took your husband away from you.
Lack of courage to intellectually connect your spouse is a sure way to hinder conjugal bliss. He had constantly grabbed you in the bedroom and hence you cannot perceive a big deal about sex. May be you should summon the courage to re -orientate him or her to relocate to some other parts of the house not primarily designed for that purpose.
The refusal of a couple to embark on holidays and rediscover themselves is an obvious denial of a newer opportunity for conjugal bliss. Calling off or rescheduling an official engagement to resolve issues or have an unscheduled sex is a positive development for conjugal bliss. Refusal to recognize your spouse as your best friend and seeking a third party opinion is one of the many ways to ruin your marriage and a denial of a conjugal bliss.
Inability to stand up to your spouse and engage him or her in an intellectual conversation is a denial of a conjugal bliss. Not coming to terms with what your spouse likes or suggest a better alternative is a denial of a conjugal bliss. Your inability to listen, evaluate and situate your spouse’s opinion within a reasonable context before replying is a denial of a conjugal bliss. A refusal to shift ground from a hitherto unproductive position and come to terms with a new suggestion by your spouse is a denial of a conjugal bliss.
Your refusal to respect your spouse, recognize him or her as your own catch of a Gold is a denial of Conjugal bliss. A wife who retires to bed, dressed like a member of a national Football team has a preconceived opinion to deny her husband of a conjugal bliss. Expectedly, she should have retired with her natural skin, absolutely nothing on her as she slips her body under the bed sheet beside her husband. Not resolving an unpleasant issue that occurred earlier in the day before retiring to bed is a denial of conjugal bliss.
Not accepting an apology and consequently stretching an issue is a denial of conjugal bliss. Not coming to terms with a family planning methodology when the need arises is a denial of conjugal bliss. Refusal to work and support the family is a denial of a happy economy for the home.
Depending on only one source of income is an invitation to poverty and consequently an obvious denial of poverty. Refusal to have a long term plan for the arrival of the children or their education is a deceit of the primary motive for running a home. Refusal to listen and understand the point of view of your spouse is way of situating yourself as a dictator. Spending productive time watching a movie when you should be at work is an invitation to hunger in the future. Refusal not to embark on a small project that could ultimately employ you and others is your refusal to be dynamic.
You were raised by two parents who had a career as government officials hence your hatred for embarking on a commercial venture is not coming to terms with the economic reality in the country today. Allowing your wife do all the chores is a denial of your support most especially if she is pregnant. Not discussing your housing project early enough in your marriage is an avoidable dependence on someone else’s accommodation.
Not encouraging your spouse to study for another degree is a way of denying an important variable for promotion in the future. Not investing in a Health Insurance is deliberately postponing a day when running cap in hand should have been avoided.