MALABU: I’m Kind of Confused

Loud Whispers
I have tried to follow this matter but it seems that the more I read materials on it, the more confused I get. The piece done by the legendary Rueben Abati this week on matters relating to this episode went further to confuse me. What is the issue with this particular Oil Block that seems to have defied all logic? I hear the matter has passed through three Attorneys General and also three successive governments and at some point, Obasanjo had revoked the licence but a court reawarded it. But still the issue is still ongoing. I have heard so much about this particular matter, I have heard there is ethnic colouration, I have heard that Abacha is fighting from his grave, I have heard money laundering, I have heard Shell is prosecuting their staff because of the matter. They even said that the UK government cleared some payments through their office for something. This just gets me more and more confused. Then finally the courts just cleared Adoke. What was his own in the matter in the first place? Please can someone just sit me down and kindly  explain to me word for word and in simple layman’s English this matter? I need to understand.

Festus Keymo – A Coup
There is no other way to describe this appointment. The Director General of the Buhari Campaign Group has signed a letter appointing this my brother something on the campaign organisation. This is the work of a master strategist and this determines the direction of the campaign. This appointment shows that the Buhari re-election train would be more of strategy, logic and debate. I like this for that is the basis of democracy. Festus who is my egbon has in his long career relied heavily on the rule of law and on superior logic to mark out his stance on issues. He has also been on the forefront of the protection of the basic human rights of the ordinary man and you see why I am saying that this appointment is strategic. In fact, it is a coup because it would divide opinion amongst the common man. I really do like this and I can begin to feel the excitement that finally there would be someone from Buhari’’s camp who would be able to return Reno’s strong arguments with powerful arguments laced with big English and also clarity. Well, as I told him last night when we spoke, this would not be easy because Sowore will really abuse him o. He must not lose his temper o and he has promised me that this would be a gentlemanly campaign. I believe him. Let the debates begin.

Happy Birthday Sir – David Mark
This officer and a gentleman recently marked his 70th birthday. How time flies! I still remember him in his heyday as a spritely young soldier who was the governor of Niger State. I believe at some point. I used to really like him because of the scarves he used to wear in his uniform. The scarves marked him out and made me see him as my hero. Well, until as Minister of Communications he was reported to have made that immortal statement that the telephone was not meant for the poor and promptly became one of the most unpopular Nigerians. Well, as of that time I believed him o, because we used to only see phones in Ikoyi and these top military men’s homes. If we wanted to make calls we would all go and queue waiting for our turns and after hours of waiting you will be praying to God that you will get ring tone. So after all the suffering, that statement was all we needed to respect ourselves and keep ourselves within the ambits of our place in society. The moment we were reminded, we went back to letter writing and witchcraft to send important messages. Well, what else can we say today but to thank God for long life? Our lord has lived a long and fulfilled life growing from the scarves-wearing sharp soldier, all through to the Senate Presidency and now his much-deserved elder statesman status and guess what? Telephone now is for everybody. I wish I had his numbers I would have called him to wish him happy birthday. Anyway, I hope he sees this. Happy birthday sir and may God keep you for us o. Bye.

IBB’s Biography
Let me confess, I did not watch the TV programme but they said it was on Channels TV. Our former military president was said to have explained why he would not write his biography because according to him, nobody would be interested in reading it. I beg to disagree o. We are plenty waiting for the book.  Sir, we need explanations on so many things. So many issues that have divided our society, and continue to dog us to date are ascribed to your regime. Let me even tell you now that I dedicated my long essay at the University of Ibadan simply because when you came on a state visit, you smiled at me. Yes o, you may not remember but that smile electrified me and I became your foot soldier, well, until June 12, 1993. So my lord, you have to write the book, you really need to write the book so that we can perfectly understand your mindset. If it is to sit down and write it that is the problem, you can dictate it to that your spokesman, the one that issued that statement the other day which put him in trouble. I think he has enough time in his hands. Let’s do this, we are waiting sir.

Senator Adeleke – It’s Dancing Time
It’s dancing time in Osun State. Our senator who has given Nigeria two very versatile artistes in his son and nephew, the wonderfully talented Davido has suddenly thrown his hat into the ring and it is dancing time all over Osun State. You see, the thing there is that with all that we have gone through as poor people, a little bit of slapstick will go a long way to soothe frayed nerves. So the dancing senator would take his wonderful steps all over Osun and in song and dance, asks the people for their votes. I hear he is very popular in the state and has some credible projects ongoing and if you now add this to his prestigious pedigree, we just might see a wonderfully talented governor emerge in Osun. Then you can now imagine his first Council of State meeting how he would weave and bop down the aisle as he approaches the president for a handshake. He will mesmerise the president with his turns and backflips spreading joy and happiness all over the dour chambers. Well, let’s wish him luck. We really do need this kind of happiness around us, things have been tough.