OBJ and His Billionaires


Loud Whispers

My daddy has been counting. In a country of 170 million people, he produced only 25 billionaires and none from Akwa Ibom or even Shomolu. I used to like this Baba before o but this statement which he made with glee is beginning to make me rethink my opinion about him. So these 25 people have now reduced the infant mortality rate in our country, put more people in jobs or even put more people in school? What are we expected to do with this kind of announcement, jump up for joy and dance naked in full appreciation of this worthy action? Let me even ask sef, what criteria were used in choosing the blessed 25? I am sure the Federal Character principle was thrown out of the window sef. I even challenge my Lord to name these people so that we can truly see if the six geographical regions were represented in their choice. Daddy, this statement should not have been made, it only goes to expose the patronage and servitude that comes with governance in a Third-World country. How can sitting President ‘make’ billionaires. The policies and conducive operating environment, providing a level-playing field should ‘make’ billionaires or is it me that is not understanding this statement. If we continue like this, then we may not see a billionaire from Shomolu or Akwa Ibom becuase no President will look our way during the making process. You see the kind of country we live in? Please President Buhari, do I stand a chance to be made? What are the criteria for this making? It must be made public so that we can all strive to be made. I tire o.
Sex Scandal: Shame on
Anambra State Government
I am putting the blame for this scandal on the government and people of Anambra, period! My reason is simple; this young lady has been left alone to fight powerful forces of blackmail. She has shown uncommon courage by refusing to negotiate with her enemies and damning the consequences and having her dignity rubbished in the process. But she has stood firm, proclaimed her stupidity for allowing herself to fall victim due to her youthful curiosity; but in the same vein, would no longer stand the heat from her blackmailers. To date, I have not seen any attempt by the government which owns the so-called Anambra Broadcasting Service to either protect her, or themselves from the vestiges of blackmail which is a clear criminal matter. Our women groups, the Bring Back Our Girls people, the First Lady of Anambra, everybody is silent, watching this young girl battle with greedy men who would stop at nothing including, even taking her life, to get their pound of flesh. Shame on you all, Anambraians and Nigerians for allowing this to happen. Young girl, you have my support but I no go fit shout too much, me sef get video wey no go good if them release, so na emotional support you will get from me. But seriously, can’t we have these people arrested? The  last time I checked, blackmail was a criminal offence.
My late father In-law: appeal to the Nigerian Bar Association
Sir, I just want to inform you of the recent passing of my father in-law, Pa David Olude who died in his sleep in his Shomolu residence last month. We are in the middle of arrangements for his burial. He was 90 years old and an Egba chief. You know what that means with the kind of party and merriment that will go into this burial. As an Akwa Ibom man, these feverish celebrations of the dearly departed are all new to me and with the ongoing recession you will agree with me that I will need some kind of assistance. I have read in some places that some judges were supported in their own funeral expenses hence my plea for support. The fact that I am not a judge does not mean that I cannot be assisted. I read some kind of Law at the University of Lagos and I also presided over some cases in Shomolu. Like last week, I presided over a case that involved a married man who slept with his neighbour’s wife. I was the judge in the matter and declared the man innocent because of his God-given right to ‘go forth and multiply’. The case is on appeal now at the Baale’s court. So I believe that with my antecedents, I am over-qualified for some kind of “judges’ bailout”. Can I send my account number? Laugh wan kill me. This is Nigeria!
Dasukigate : Jonathan to appear in court
A meeting was held in the creeks of Bayelsa and in attendance was myself, President Jonathan’s pastor, Dasuki’s gateman and a powerful witch doctor known for his powerful exploits especially the role he played in getting Obasanjo aware of Jonathan’s shoeless youth thereby paving the way for the Jonathan presidency. The aim of this meeting was to discuss the implications of Jonathan appearing in court as a witness in the ongoing trial of Sambo Dasuki. The pastor was seriously against the appearance and hinged his position on the story of the virgins in the Bible. Till today, I still do not understand the link between the biblical virgins and our mission in this mosquito-infested creek. Well, the witch doctor after his many incantations came out to state his opposition. He cited the more credible Abiola saga as his backing. Abiola voluntarily gave himself up and was even on the phone to some foreign journalists on the way to the gulag, feeling like a Yoruba Mandela, he never came back o. For me, my position was clear. I just kept quiet, asking myself what concerns me and what brought me out here this late when I should be with some real-life virgins in Uyo instead of the fabled virgins this foolish pastor was talking about. Well, the meeting ended inconclusively as the pastor and the witch doctor could not agree on a common ground. Consequently, a communiqué was not issued. However, I have read that there is a strong possibility that President Jonathan will be appearing in court. Well, that is his own business even as I wish him well. But let me ask, is he still covered by immunity? He should check it well o before he enters that court o, I no fit cry o. See you.
Reverend Father Mathew Kukah: Long time no hear
I am just using this to send a shout out to you. Since you went to Sokoto, I have not been hearing much from you. I used to enjoy your postulations on national issues and the way you marshalled your points including its sequencing. Kai I have missed you o and this recent visit to the EFCC gave me the opportunity to relieve some of your past postulations on national issues. Let me use this opportunity to invite you to visit us at Shomolu since it is looking like you are on a national tour. We would like to listen to your take on the goings-on in the country; you have been quiet for too long. Just let me know the date and I will commence arrangements to perfectly host you. What kind of drink should we get for you and hope you still like goat head pepper soup? Ahhh Father Kukah baba re re na you biko.
And Victor Obire passed away
The BGL family has been hit once again by the passing away of our member, Victor Obire.  Obire’s demise last week has thrown his immediate family and the BGL into mourning. He was a strong member of the BGL fraternity and one of the most hard-working and loyal soldiers. I personally will miss him because he was the only one who came to Uyo for my father’s burial. He was a lovable giant and would be greatly missed by his family and the rest of us. Obire, you were a great man but hope say you go give me that our laptop for your will. Na only me and you know wetin we been dey use am do. Sleep well my bro.