Agnes Idawani Abanum: An Ecumenical Spirit

Allison Abanum

 With deep reverence, gratitude, and a profound sense of loss, I celebrate the remarkable life of Mama Agnes Idawani Abanum—a woman whose existence was a shining testament to strength, wisdom, love, and unwavering family devotion.

Born over ninety years ago in Emonu-Orogun, Ughelli North Local Government Area of Delta State, Mama Idawani embodied the very essence of the African woman. She grew up within the simplicity and values of village life and entered into marriage at a young age, around eighteen.

Through grace and resilience, she nurtured a large and blessed family, giving birth to fourteen children—two daughters and twelve sons. Her lineage flourished across generations, and she became a great-great-grandmother in her early eighties, even living to cradle her great-great-grandchild in good health—a rare and divine privilege.

Mama Idawani was more than a matriarch; she was a pillar, a rock, and a stabilizing force whose presence commanded respect and admiration. She was strength magnified and wisdom personified—an epitome of African beauty, not just in form but in character. Her life was a model to emulate, defined by sacrifice, discipline, and an unshakable commitment to family unity.

Her bond with her first son—my father—was extraordinary and deeply unique. Their relationship transcended conventional understanding; they were companions, confidants, and kindred spirits who communicated effortlessly, often without words. Their connection was pure, unbreakable, and profoundly admired. My father’s love and devotion to his mother were unmatched, just as Mama Idawani’ affection and trust in him were unwavering.

The passing of my father in 1998 marked a turning point in her life, as she bore the weight of that loss with quiet strength, even though it deeply affected her. She had placed immense hope and investment in him, and his absence left a void that was never fully replaced.

As a young man shaped by a different environment and perspective, I admittedly struggled to align with Mama Idawani’ worldview. Our relationship was marked by disagreements and distance, especially during my years at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. For a time, communication ceased, and the gap between us widened. However, maturity brought clarity, and I came to recognize the error in allowing such a divide to persist.

Understanding her pivotal role in the success of my father—and by extension, my own life—I made the conscious decision to seek reconciliation. Though I may not have fully understood our differences, I chose the path of humility and asked for her forgiveness. True to her nature as a loving grandmother, she forgave me wholeheartedly, but not without guiding and correcting me.

 She became a moral compass in my life, instructing me in the values of peace, charity, and responsibility. Out of deep respect and love for her, I followed her counsel, and in doing so, our relationship blossomed beautifully over the last twelve years.

Mama Idawani became my adviser, my guide, and a source of wisdom. She named my children and played an integral role in shaping my sense of duty to family and humanity.

I was privileged to be her last visitor before her passing. Though she lay on life support and could not speak, I knew in my heart that she saw and heard me. In that solemn moment, I reaffirmed my commitment to uphold the promises I made to her—promises rooted in peace, charity, and unity.

Today, I honour her legacy with a symbolic 94-gun salute, celebrating a life well-lived and a soul well-served.

Mama Agnes Idawani Abanum, may your gentle and powerful soul continue to rest in perfect peace. Your legacy lives on in all of us.

Allison Abanum Writes from Abuja