Zaynab George Akume: An Unexpected Union

Now I know why madam did not give me her phone numbers. She was most likely already betrothed to Egbon George. I saw her at a party in Ikoyi a few months ago. Kai, she was beautiful.  Her skin, the smoothness of alabaster, and her eyes were like green rubies from the Mediterranean. I immediately made my move. “Hello, Princess, my name is Joseph Edgar, and I am the Duke of Shomolu.”

She looked up, smiled at me and said, “Oh, nice to meet you.” Her smile gave me goose pimples and confidence.

“I once wrote about you in my column in THISDAY during your wahala with the tall one that used to wear a white bathrobe and carry one long stick and have some people with shaven hair walk around him, blow, trumpet as he arrives.”

She smiled again.  “Oh, thank you so much. Even though I didn’t see it, still, thank you.”

By this time, my confidence was now 100%. I told myself, Kai, she likes me. She is even looking me up and down. Then I continued.

“I am also a theatre producer, and I have done so many plays. In fact, Chief Obasanjo and Prof Osinbajo are my personal friends. Let me show you pictures.”

She laughed some more, and I died. Kai, I was going to bag the most beautiful woman in my life, so I moved for the kill “Can I have your numbers so that I can call you later during the week so we can go for drinks?”

 “NO.”

I didn’t hear it the first time. I thought maybe she was responding to the waiter who was beside me with cocktails. So, I asked the second time, mbok, give me your number and she responded: “Mr. Duke or whatever you call yourself, no, I’m not giving you my number.”

I did not know how I walked back to my table with Duchess eyeing me. I blamed Duchess; maybe it was her jealousy that made the princess say no. You know how women can be territorial,

Anyway, I have just seen reports of her new wedding — after hooking up with a rich pedigree of billionaires — to the SGF, George Akume, and it dawned on me that it was not Duchess’s juju but that I was very far from her criteria of a partner – if you get what I mean.

I wish the happy couple a long and very healthy marital life. Thank you.