Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar

Wole Soyinka: That’s the Way It is

Prof. reportedly said that they have cancelled his visa. Welcome to the club. They had cancelled my own too, almost five years now. Just like Prof, I got an email from them saying they had come into possession of new information and, as such, were cancelling my visa and that I should reapply. Of course, I respected myself and did not go back. Five years later, I went back, and it was “gbas gbos” that I met from the beautiful American who attended to me.

Well, I am not a Nobel laureate, and the thousands who have experienced such humiliating acts are not of international stature either, like the Prof who called a press conference to express his surprise at the turn of events.

Well, my dear Papa Kongi, you should not be surprised at your own o.

It is my own and the thousands of Nigerians who did not tear their green card that should be surprised over.

You’re thinking those ones are like our government, who will fall on their backs like puppies, letting you nibble their nipples while they squirm from hypocritical pleasure. But those ones don’t joke.

When Trump won his first term, you were reported to have torn your green card over something that did not concern you. Are you an American? Did you vote? Are you paying their taxes? Those ones voted for the person they wanted, and you siddon for Abeokuta, tear their Green card, and you expect that one day that action will not come and bite you?

Why are you now acting surprised? Shebi you called the man all sorts of names the first time he came, and now you’ve gone to collect a visa to go to his backyard.

To do what, exactly? The man just bit you, and you’re shouting “surprise!”

You know I am your fan, but on this one, I will not stand with you. Your case is not genuine because it is self-inflicted. It’s like that time you took your Nobel Prize status too seriously and behaved like you were Ban Ki-moon, the former UN Secretary-General, and went to tear up your Green card. Mbok, for what purpose and to achieve what? Abi, you think those elections are like these ones that have ushered in your co-compatriots, who are now using “agbado” to show us pepper?

Mbok, redirect your energies and show surprise in the right place – Nigeria, where we are being beaten black and blue by your fellow co-refugee.

This is where your surprise should be directed, master. Come and beat me.

An Interesting Viewpoint by Frank Tietie

If you sit beside this my brother on a TV panel, you will have to sit very far away, otherwise the power of his evocation will blow you away o. Just as I was wondering what exactly is wrong with the people who are recommending this prerogative of mercy to the president, with the way the whole thing is doing like “jangrova”, my brother smashed all the tables on ARISE NEWS TV while still pouring plenty of spit.

So, the Presidency or whoever has reviewed the list after a barrage of public angst. The first list looked like a “who’s who” in crime in Nigeria.  So, as a listening government, they went back to look at the list, reviewed it, and came up with what looks like a saner list, but Frank no gree o.

He came out blistering that the president, by this action, is arrogating to himself powers that he did not have. Only the judiciary can reverse a pardon once it has been signed.

I am not a lawyer and cannot really put my mouth in this matter, so let me just ask questions. Mbok, when the list was announced, was it already signed off on or just recommendations that made the press? Because if it were just a recommendation, then the president has not done anything wrong.

Secondly, even if it was already signed and delivered, why can’t the president reverse himself na, like so many other policies, where he can and always reverses himself? Why can’t he reverse himself on this matter? Abi according to Mr. Tietie, is the president now supposed to go to court and say – ema gba mi, Kekere-Ekun, I mistakenly gave pardon to Duke of Shomolu. I want to catch him again. Please help me reverse my own decision, because I do not have the power, according to Mr. Spitfire Tietie, to reverse myself, and I have already signed the paper.

I just tire for this man’s position o. So the president cannot sign something, then the next day look at the paper and tear the “yama yama” thing because of a typo, and say, “Mbok, Gbaja, help me retype this thing?” He must rush to court to seek permission to tear the paper with a mistake?

Me na illiterate in these things; please, those who know should put mouth and explain these things better. Thanks.

Emir Muhammad Sanusi: Let the Beat Go on

My favourite traditional ruler has come to decry sycophancy in government. In a speech, he expressed his disgust at government officials who have turned themselves into praise singers, saying this is worsening the leadership crisis we face in the country. I agree 100%.

Did you guys see a video of some top people praising the Governor of Edo State? Mbok, you will pardon me, because I find it difficult to spell his name. As he was moving towards his vehicle, two hecklers appeared. They were well-dressed, and the ease with which they got very close to the governor, despite the tight security cordon, suggests they were part of either the government or the political inner circles.

“Monday, you are angel Gabriel,” they shouted, “Monday, without you, no Edo, Monday, you are the best thing since Afang.”

As they hailed him, the governor looked visibly shaken, bowed his head, and ran to his car, wondering what he had done to warrant all these high praises.

Even he himself is an offender with his childish declaration that all his commissioners must wear Asiwaju caps or be kicked out of exco meetings.

My dear Emir, we are in an Owambe government, and praise-singing is a critical part of this type of governance, abi you have not watched Wike’s band – Pepper Dem Band?

Babajide Sanwo-Olu: Who is the Father?

The Lagos State Government has enacted a one-sided law. What I have learnt is that a law has been promulgated that stipulates that once a man impregnates a woman and refuses to take care of the woman and child, he can be convicted or something to that effect.

In the face of it, this would be a very positive development if only they added the caveat that the pregnancy must be variably tagged to the man in question.

With the way people are failing DNA tests and the low morale quotient in society, it will really be very unfair to convict a man who is still scratching his head and doing the maths- this pregnancy is three weeks old. By that time, my pardon had not been signed by President Tinubu, and since they no longer allow conjugal visits after the Bobrisky wahala, how can I now be responsible?

So, while the man is still struggling with that, Sanwo-Olu will now send LASTMA to arrest me for abandoning a woman.

Mbok, if the law has not been balanced with the need to verify ownership scientifically, it will not be accepted by men.

I will lead a protest, and not that kind of Sowore own that will see rubber bullets and run into a brothel, but real-life “agidi” protest to Alausa to make sure that the clause for verification of ownership, complete with certificate of ownership issued by relevant authorities, is promulgated before you come for me.

Good direction by the Lagos State Government in its bid to protect vulnerable women, and this must be commended, but to secure our support, it must be robust in its entirety, covering all bases. Thanks.

This is a Problem for Mudashiru Obasa

Not sure how this one is Obasa’s problem, but the report I saw said that the report of the profligacy at the local government levels in Lagos was submitted to him.

With the very commendable third tier of government reforms fostered by President Tinubu’s administration, local government authorities in Nigeria are now awash with funds, as they receive their allocations directly from the federation account.

But ever since, it has been a nightmare for Nigerians as Local Government Chairmen and their people have embarked on an orgy of profligacy. The case of one in Osun stands out. The madam reportedly spent over N400m of the excess N500m allocated to the local government just a few days before her departure, leaving only N20m for her successor.

Another report shows that over 700 local governments in Nigeria do not even have websites, despite the deluge of funds.

I think two things have to happen very immediately – EFCC should start opening offices in these councils so they can move in and ensure the “capture” of these thieves masquerading as LG chairpersons and councillors – not sure there is immunity at that level.

Secondly, stringent capacity-building initiatives should be carried out for them by the top tier of government and other non-governmental organisations, such as Aigboje’s own.

You know that at that level, there is a dearth in capacity, and when the kinds of funds that are being thrown at them arrive, it is a feeding frenzy.

Kunle Soname: A Day With the Man

Kunle is decidedly quiet. He wants to be silent —not to be seen —but for his work to walk the talk. It was Kwam 1, the plane catcher, who now wanted to expose all of that when he went to attempt to stop one of Kunle’s planes physically.

In the midst of all that wahala came a phone conversation from the aviation ambassador, shouting that he would deal with Kunle Soname. It was at that point that those who didn’t know began to ask, “Who is Kunle Soname?”

Kunle is the chief promoter of many multi-trillion naira brands. From Bet Naija to ValueJet and Optimum Bank, the man is quietly forging a revolution in the markets, creating jobs, improving infrastructure, and opening our economy to international engagement. His imprint is more evident in sports, as his Remo stars continue to be the darlings of the local league. His world-class football academy in Ikenne is renowned as an incubator for budding talent, and what many people do not know is that he also owns a European football team.

I met up with him the other day with my partners, and as usual, left him in awe. His humility, quick brilliance and ease of engagement will always disarm anyone.

I know he will kill me on this one because the man abhors publicity, but then again, can you keep a candle flame under the bed?

Nyesom Wike: A Father and His Sons

Wike and his sons are in Dubai, and social media is mad. Well, when the first pictures of Oga and his handsome sons began to circulate, I was initially quick to join the bandwagon of critics. But then again, I calmed down and looked at it again. What is wrong with giving your children practical experience as you groom them into leadership? As long as it is not on a public purse and confidential information is not released or compromised, I don’t see anything wrong o.

The only issue here is that given how things are in Nigeria, that part of public funds will remain suspect, so, in that regard, I may still join the other side.

Once we are clear of the two issues—public funds and state secrets —there is really nothing wrong with giving them the platform to intern.

Another angle is that, since Wike has decided to be a mentor, he should also open up space for other young aspiring leaders. He should do it as an initiative, so deserving young people can flow through his doors as they prepare for future public sector leadership.

The giant elephant in the room is now: what kind of mentor is Wike? The answer? Mbok, make una leave me to go and eat my afang in peace.

Thibaut Boidin: A Drinking Surge

This is the Managing Director of the giant Nigerian Breweries, and they have just announced top-line profit exceeding N1 trillion. Although costs and other inputs rose sharply, the profit surge remains anything but impressive.

This is more remarkable, especially given that at the inception of this administration, the firm had declared losses. So, this new showing is nothing but a testament to the reforms this administration has brought to place, which in itself has thrown up a contradiction.

It has always been known in the marketplace that communications and drinking ramp up during economic downturns, and this is the case in point. From this result, it shows that Nigerians are drinking away their sorrows as they are buffeted by economic headwinds thrown up by the same policies that seem to be giving the brewery company the lifeline they have grabbed.

Anyways, let me just congratulate Nigerian Breweries on this excellent result, knowing fully well that this will impact jobs and other allied sectors of the economy, even as I pray that this massive economic fallout that is helping them should quickly trickle down to the masses so that we can drink more beer.

Ifure Ufford-Azorbo: Toast to a Wonderful Scholar

Let me quickly congratulate this academic who just got promoted. She is now a professor of theatre. A versatile performer and scholar, she has made a significant impact in the field, and her well-deserved elevation by the University of Uyo is a testament to her contributions.

Here I am, just saying, well done, and many more garlands to this charming and brainy scholar. Watch out for her new play, which I am producing, ‘Makamba.’ It offers a different perspective on the women’s uprising in Akwa Ibom State, which directly led to the Aba women’s riots. Thank you.