13 SANs is the Only Difference Between President Buhari and Kaduna’s Certificateless Teachers

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With Reno Omokri

First of all, let me seek the permission of my readers to invent a new word. The word certificateless does not exist on the English dictionary. I invented it due to the peculiar situation we find ourselves in, in Nigeria.

The word is created to be a noun which simply means the absence of a certificate in a situation where a certificate is required. For instance, both President Muhammadu Buhari and the 20,000 Kaduna State teachers in the midst of Nasir El-Rufai’s brouhaha are certificateless.

I will state this saga with a true story.
In Edo history, there existed a particular Oba who lived for a very long time. Now his edaiken (first son and heir apparent) was growing tired of waiting for the throne, so he sent his father a calabash with ash in it. His father got the message and sent back the calabash but this time, he mixed the ash with honey, indicating to his son that life was still sweet and he was not ready to quit the scene.

I am a deep political animal. I do not believe that local Kaduna issues are all that has led to the brouhaha of El-Rufai’s threat to sack 20,000 teachers that failed a primary four test and are thus certificateless.

I think that El-Rufai, who has styled himself as magajin Buhari sees himself as something like an edaiken.
You may ask, what type of subliminal message is Nasir El-Rufai passing to Muhammadu Buhari by threatening to sack 20,000 teachers without CERTIFICATES?
Think about it! If a teacher cannot teach without certificate, is it a President that can preside without certificate?

The threat is El-Rufai’s calabash of ash to Buhari and Nigerians in the know are waiting for Buhari’s response.
Be that as it may, The 13 SANs defending President Buhari in his certificate issue should be prevailed upon to also defend the 20,000 Kaduna teachers facing sack. After all, their cases are the same!
And on Monday the 13th of November 2017, the Presidency released a statement declaring that President Buhari supports El-Rufai’s plans to sack the certificateless teachers.

The only difference between President Buhari and the 20,000 Kaduna teachers whose sack he endorsed is that the Kaduna teachers don’t have the money to hire 13 SANs. What is the difference between Buhari and those teachers? Who has a certificate between them? Do these people have any shame at all?
How can Nigeria progress when we sack teachers for not having certificates and install Presidents who don’t have certificates?

It is rather like a company saying a messenger without WASSCE is unqualified meanwhile its MD is in the same boat. How will the company be profitable? You cannot fight certificatelessness in primary school teachers and promote certificatelessness for a second term. Make up your mind. It is either you are fine with certificatelessness or you are not!

Certificateless teachers teach Kaduna children and you are not surprised when they fail. Certificateless President runs your economy and you are surprised when it fails? Can zero plus zero ever equal more than zero?
And the President’s certificatelessness has reverberated beyond Nigeria. He is not considered as someone to be reckoned with in Nigeria by his peers on the continent.

African leaders even respect Rochas Okorocha more than President Muhammadu Buhari. They fly into Nigeria, go straight to Imo to see Rochas and check out without ever going to Abuja. Could such a thing have happened under Presidents Obasanjo, Yar’Adua or Jonathan? That is how irrelevant President Buhari has become even in his own country.

And why will they not think that the President is a joke? A man without certificate who is so backward in his thinking that after former President Jonathan opened the floodgates for women combatants to join the Nigerian Army, this Stone Age despot that we call a President unilaterally overturned the policy ostensibly because Northern Muslim leaders are opposed to women serving in the military.

Can we be surprised about this action from a man who believes women belong in the other room?
And that rightly named Lai Mohammed had the guts to say that President Buhari is cleaning up the Peoples Democratic Party’s Augean Stable. Really?
Which mess PDP is President Buhari cleaning exactly?

* CleaningN87 fuel for N145 fuel
* Cleaning N199 to 1$ for N375 for $1
* Cleaning N8k bag of rice for N18k bag
* Cleaning N1 bag of cement for N4k bag of cement
* Cleaning women combatants from army?

I mean the facts speak for themselves.
And in the midst of the economic chaos that President Muhammadu Buhari has unleashed on Nigeria, his number one priority is not finding out why the United Nations has projected that Nigeria will have more people in extreme poverty than India by February of 2018 even though India has eight times our population.

The President is in re-election mode and has shifted focus from governance (not that he was ever focused on that account).

His latest re-election gimmick is to visit a Southeast that he had never once visited before as President. But the President is making a big miscalculation if he thinks he can buy the support of the Igbo for his re-election.
What the Igbo need is not a Presidential visit. They need to be included in government. There isn’t a single Igbo man heading any of the military or paramilitary forces in Nigeria. They are all headed by Northern Muslim men, except one (Navy) headed by a South-Southerner.

The Army, Air Force, Police, Customs, Immigration and Prisons are led by Northern Muslim men. Only the Navy is led by a Southerner. That is why the policy allowing women combatants was almost scrapped by Armed Forces Council but for the mass protest it prompted, because the North opposes it and the South, which supports it, is underrepresented.

The Buhari administration is a thoroughly discredited government whose focus should be to help the President pack his load and move back to Daura to tend to his cows that never increase in number rather than this focus on his re-election.

This is why I was rather surprised at the surprise of the Ikoyi whistle-blower that he had not been paid.
That Ikoyi whistle-blower should have known better than to expect the Buhari administration to keep their promise to him. Have they kept their promise to Nigerians? If they can’t keep that one is it his they will keep?
In fact, some of the mad people you see on the streets may just be whistle-blowers who blew the whistle for the EFCC. You never know. You just never know!

Now I understand why The Buhari administration has refused to fulfill its campaign promises. It is not their fault. Just like the Ikoyi whistle-blower, they do not want us to get mad if we see too many fulfilled promises. For example, PDP fulfilled too many promises and we got mad and voted for APC! President Buhari is preparing for re-election and does not want that type of madness again!

And as the 75-year-old President Buhari surreptitiously kicks off his re-election campaign, he should not test the Nigerian people, who have borne the weight of his unprecedented misrule, too much.

What we want from him, even if he intends to run in 2019, is a free and fair election.
Already, we are seeing the business interests of likely rivals being dealt a massive blow. If their contracts with the Federal Government are not being illegally cancelled, then expatriate quotas are being revoked. This in a country screaming that it wants foreign investments.

Saudi Arabia has a 32-year-old Crown Prince who is fighting corruption, growing the economy and has now allowed women to drive while Nigeria has a 75-year-old (allegedly) President who has ruined the economy while pretending to fight corruption and has no single youth in his cabinet! Different strokes for different folks!

Reno’s Nuggets
When European Christian missionaries came to Africa, they built schools that our parents and grandparents attended for free. When today’s churches build schools, even their own church members, whose offerings built the schools, can’t afford to send their children there. My own father, who was not a Catholic, was educated by Irish Catholic priests FOR FREE at their school. Come on people. Let us get back to that old time Christianity that was first about service to God and humanity. Church schools may not be free, but they should be affordable for believers #RenosNuggets

One Other Thing
I may not be a Catholic, but I commend @Pontifex Pope Francis, for donating the $200k Euro Lamborghini he was blessed with to charity. Can other spiritual leaders take a cue from this?

  • Yusuf

    Noise maker how Market? Teaching is a profession. Abi to be a president one needs a professional certificate of presidency? Another invented word/clouse!

  • Flint David

    Buhari, Should not be allowed to be a Nigerian President again in life.

    APC please for God sake do not nominate Buhari as your flag bearer for President, You have better democratic people from the North for President.

    Buhari is not a competent person to be given the responsibilities to manage Nigeria.

    I will suggest former Speaker of House of Representative and current Governor of Sokoto State Aminu Waziri Tambuwal. or The current Senate President Bukola Saraki.is brilliant and cleaver.

    Good Luck

  • Eldorado

    You wailers will wail forever.
    Mahma that used to come and visit Akpbio directly to and regularly to ferry Akw ibom money for laundering without bothering to stop see Jonathan you won’t mention.
    That Buhari was enlisted in the army when it was controlled by white colonialists and that he graduated from the U.S. war college which gives him more certification than you in the same U.S. where you reside as a coward feeding on the scraps of your looter hero to keep hope alive for your mentally deranged psycopathic looter ilk who have slipped into delirium tremens after looting themselves out of power.
    So they need storytellers like you to make up fairy tales of how good they were and how they are coming back to power as a soothing balm lest their mental consumption escalates to full blown psychosis where they will confess their crimes against humanity and run naked on the streets.
    At least FOK has the cojones to SPIN his fiction in Nigeria.

    • Dauda

      Eldorado, I did not know there is someone of very low mentality like you. At that, you are fooling some idiots. God forgive your lies.
      Buhari never presented certificate before, but was compelled to do due to electoral reforms that mandated aspirants to present certificates during the time of Jonathan. That was why Sambo first mentioned that Buhari does not have certificate.
      I also have to remind you that the short 3 to 6 months) course Buhari and other of our military men attend in the US is short course and never a university credit course. They are usually awarded certificate of participation. You may read ROTC, the real military education programme that prepared the US soldiers for the position of officers was based in educational colleges, and not in military institutions. . Buhari went and you will know that none of them is
      How come OBJ attended those courses more than Buhari but never got a degree except the one at Open University he recently attended when he left office?
      How come Gowon, Diya, Abubakar Umar, had to go to the university to get academic qualification?

      Before you churn out your lies further, Nigeria had gained Independence at the time Buhari was corruptly bribed into the military short service by Emir, therefore, it was not the white man that put him there, but corrupt Emir

  • Full blooded Nigerian

    CleaningN87 fuel for N145 fuel
    * Cleaning N199 to 1$ for N375 for $1
    * Cleaning N8k bag of rice for N18k bag
    * Cleaning N1 bag of cement for N4k bag of cement

    Your benefactor was the architect of the above.

    All the Moines that shoukd have been used to grow economy were squandered by him and his team.

    Reno, let the anger of losing direct access to loot the treasury subside. Those that have conscience among your lots have mellowed and they are currently and quietly returning what they took and which didn’t belong to them.

    Until you apologise for your childish prank against current Emir of Kano, I would continue to remind you of the deceptive articles you were sitting then, pretending to be some foreign journalist. Olodo

    This is a new era

  • Abdul

    Am disgusted

  • tosin

    Reno has foolishly followed the path of liars like lie M, n others. Cement is 2500-2700 and not 4k. Fuel prices and dollars rates were manipulation by PDP n Okonjo-Iweala. Reno his having mental problem like Fani-Kayode.

    • Toby

      Lies.

  • Zico

    You may say whatever you like Omokri. Fact remains that there is nothing to show that Buhari hired or paid for the services of 13 SANs. The fact that you see many lawyers in a case does not mean a litigant hired them. I recall when Hon. Tambuwal defected to the APC while he was Speaker of the House of Representatives, many of us as Abuja – based lawyers represented him in Court on numerous occasions. We never collected a dime from him. This happens very often.

    As for you terming PMB certificateless, it is common knowledge and well documented that when Buhari’s regime was overthrown, soldiers of the IBB camp invaded Dodan Barracks and carted away Buhari’s personal belongings and certificates. If after attending Mons Officers Cadet School (now Royal Military Academy) and US War College (a masters degree awarding institution) you still call Buhari certificateless, then you need to have your brain checked.

    The same Buhari you refer to as being certificateless, save for his hausa/Fulani accent, speaks better English with strict observance of rules of English grammar than your Kinsman, Jonathan.

    • Member

      Thank you. Lies peddled for centuries and regurgitated for ages will still remain that, lies.

    • ruffcoinz

      Does the strict observance of rules of English grammar you speak of include
      1) West Germany
      2) za oza room
      3) Osinbande
      4) etc etc?

      • olloz

        no mind the yeye man wey come lie for here.

      • abodes_124

        That’s a fuction of different parts of the brain.

    • olloz

      you be lie lie. why he go lie swear oath say the certificate de with army? if he get certificate why e nor show am? if he no get why e lie say he get? wheter he hire the 13 lawyers or not, the13 lawyers de defend am. buhar english no done. you too lie.

    • Toby

      Lousy lies.

    • abodes_124

      Very well crafted and grammatical response from a government spokesman. they should try and employ more like you so that even if one does ns not agree with you they will understand what you have said

    • JayGeeX

      You are clever… but only by a fraction… and it is less than half.

      Your first paragraph is also a pointer to another fact. The fact that there are people with very poor sense of judgment in the legal profession as well. We saw many lawyers carrying banners marching through the streets of Lagos protesting subsidy as well remember?

      As for the second. Did the IBB soldiers also raid the Cambridge servers? I could stop there but the case is not about him having one certificate or the other… the case is about him showing the certificate that he FILLED into the form (under oath) that he had. Breakdown: A field in the for requested for his first school leaving certificate and he responded that it was with the Army Board (another matter for another time)…

      There is SO much to say about your submission but the ones I have marshaled suggest that it is YOU that needs a brain check… (I suspect there will be too little to work with though)

      If you are a counsel to anyone, I fear for that person’s chances in a legal tussle.

    • Dauda

      Buhari and wife have never paid for anything before. He did not have anything, friends gave him cars, houses, gave the wife 40 million watch, bought nomination form for him, etc. We were told he had only two houses, one in Katsina and the other in Kaduna.
      When some of his assets were declared, we were told he has five houses and some were in Lagos, Abuja, land in Port Harcourt, etc, three children studied in the UK at the time he was deceiving Nigerians.

  • Serious issues that needs attention for analysis.

  • u-best

    This man have mercy for baba, 2019 ko make sense

  • Daniel Obior

    Buhari was not even smart enough to realise that by endorsing the sack of the certificateless teachers, he is pointing accusing finger at himself. This certainly is not to say that the certificateless teachers should not go. The certificateless president should not have been. He should go home and spend the rest of his life being hip with himself for coning the country. Quite typical of a con man.

    • Iskacountryman

      a general needs no certificate…only luck…

      • Daniel Obior

        Correct. A general needs no certificate in a jungle or zoo.

        • Iskacountryman

          welcome to the zoo…

          • Daniel Obior

            Prefer the jungle.

        • Iskacountryman

          welcome to the jungle…that general had just left eboe land with damsels, yams and horses…and state granted chieftaincy titles…

          • Daniel Obior

            Congratulations.

          • Iskacountryman

            eboes na mugus fa…but you have to take care of the landlord…or he would send in snake charmers…

      • JayGeeX

        Luck in the form of access to an armoury…?

      • Dauda

        Can a Southern general without certificate have the same luck?

        • Iskacountryman

          the fact that he was born in the south tells me that he has no luck…your question is an oxymoron…

  • austin

    The differences
    The difference between the rich and the poor is information.
    The difference between the boys and the men is in the price of their toys.
    The difference between certificatelessness and certificatefree is 13 SANs. Probably why it is called ‘sans certificate’ i.e without certificate