When Marriage Vows Transit to Death Sentence

MANAGING RELATIONSHIP

With Adegboyega Labiran

The  word “death” as used in the headline is different completely from the context in which it will be situated if a couple were getting married in a registry or according to a religious injunction.   

…”Till death do us part” portion of a marriage vow means or was intended to wish a couple would live long in a marital relationship until a ripe old age when death on the altar of inevitability would separate them physically. At what point can a marriage vow transit to a death sentence? Obviously, when one of the two spouses dies through a method that can be described as not natural.

 Every marriage experiences a mountain at some point and a valley at another point in time. There are issues too numerous to mention that could trigger a fight or anger between a couple. This could be as a result of either of them trying to prove a point or assert a position which the other party is refusing to accept. Going a little down the memory lane, you had issues with listening to a second opinion. You were always right in your own eyes.

Your spouse at some point struggled to secure your attention in an attempt to prove a point with quantitative and qualitative references before you reluctantly consented to another point of view on a subject germane to the survival and progress of your relationship. You were at different times advised that you do not have to win an argument all of the time.

The other day, your wife suggested you should drive the children to school, a routine she hitherto handled. It was in her bid to arrive her office well ahead of resumption time. At different times, she had arrived late to work. You reluctantly consented to that new assignment. You are self-employed and nobody gives you a query if you arrive behind the traditional 0800 Hour deadline.

You insisted your husband should drive you in his car to your sister’s house when he had earlier explained he needed to catch up with an important meeting where he was invited to discuss what he could do to secure a contract. You maintained you were also important. He drove you there, but missed out on the meeting. The contract offer went to another person who handed in a bid for the contract and also attended the meeting. You were advised to learn driving but you lacked boldness to continue your driving lessons. Hence, you depend on him to drive you around anytime the opportunity presents itself.

In place of negotiating a considered opinion into reality, you would resort to a mood swing or keep unusually quiet and refuse to talk to people around you. There were times in the past when you lost your cool and shouted at your spouse during an argument. You were beginning to wonder why you consented to a marriage proposal. In your viewpoint, she/he is no longer what you thought she/he was during your many months of courtship.

You need an independent mind to get across to you that your spouse is a principal stakeholder and hence deserves the right to know the details on a couple of subjects as they affect your marital relationship. You know your spouse’s sources of income and consequently his financial capacity but you would rather make demands outside of what he could afford.

You did not work on your capacity to trust before getting married. This informed the way you suspect your spouse is having an affair with some persons with no evidence to prove a good point. You have listened to the counsel of unmarried friends and those who could not keep their marriages. This development coupled with your impatience and lack of ability to weigh available options worsened your short temper.

The Nigerian legal system had recorded several cases of altercations between couples. Whichever one of the two was found guilty of murder was promptly sentenced to death by hanging. On Monday, January 27th, 2020, the High Court of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja convicted and sentenced Maryam Sanda to death by hanging for killing her husband, Bilyaminu Bello. In her defence, Maryam claimed a fight broke out between her and her deceased husband after she saw the picture of a naked girl on his phone. She started with the threat of cutting off her husband’s private part with a knife. She eventually succeeded in injuring him in the back, in the thigh and the heart region. Bilyaminu died from the wounds of the knife attack from his wife.

According to Justice Yusuf Halilu, Maryam was convicted in accordance with Section 221of the Penal Code. This was in reaction to the plea for allocutus otherwise known as the plea for mercy. Justice Halilu asserted Maryam Sanda should reap what she had sown. That was not the first time a court of law will convict and sentence a spouse to death. In another development, an Ikeja High Court sentenced a 51-year-old dockworker, Mr. Shonde, to death by hanging for beating his wife, Ronke, to death at their Lagos residence. According to Justice Josephine Oyefeso Mr. Shonde was guilty of murder in a two and a half hours judgment.

And that Mr. Shonde should be hanged by the neck until he died. The judge held that the prosecution proved its case beyond reasonable doubt in the light of overwhelming evidence against Mr. Shonde. He killed Ronke when he overheard her on a phone praising the sexual prowess of a lover. In her judgment, Justice Oyefeso held that the sentence was in line with Section 223 of the Criminal Law of Lagos State, 2015. A Plea for mercy was turned down irrespective of the two children his deceased wife Ronke, left behind.

Please be informed that short temper will deal with you if you fail to deal with it. Some persons are dealing with their short temper behind the bars of maximum prisons in the bid to serve obligatory jail terms. Let your spouse be your best friend. You should be ready to win some arguments and lose some other arguments.

The only way out of this is to reassure your selves that you are still in love consequent upon which you should ask your spouse to count on your loyalty. You had attitude problems which included inability to listen when your spouse is speaking. You were in the habit of preempting the outcome of a position negatively hence the many alterations you had. As part of the road map for 2020, listen more; consider all the options available before responding.”

If your marriage has not worked, you are the reason for its failure: Observers of developments in marital affairs have maintained that an individual did not get married because of himself/herself. A Spouse must be ready to service someone else’s needs before anyone can service your own needs. Your Parents were there for you and your siblings before you got married. Expectedly, you should be available for your spouse and your children before and after they get married.

Provide solution within your financial and material capacity. Cultivate the habit of listening more, thinking more, considering other available options and suggesting the way forward in a friendlier atmosphere. Be friendly with more married persons, listen to their stories and follow good examples. If you lose your marriage, some persons will be happy you are now a single and unmarried person, but would be among those who would blame you later for not making your marriage work.