Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar

Bola Tinubu: State of Emergency, Really?

Mbok, I am not a lawyer and like most Nigerians, have lost tremendous respect in the legal profession. In matters like this, you will see lawyers arguing for and against, throwing more confusion into the space.

On the heels of the declaration, the Attorney General came on air to justify and “better” explain what just happened.

All of his efforts and that of his principals have fallen to naught just the way water dribbles down the feathers of the legendary chicken.

What is happening is very glaring. The need to capture Rivers is obvious and anybody in their shoes will do that. The reason is very obvious. It is Chief Obasanjo that once said, to win the presidential election, you must hold Lagos, Delta, Rivers, Akwa Ibom, Kano and maybe Abuja. The reason is very obvious, oil wealth and population.

Oya, let’s look at Tinubu’s chances in this state of affairs as we head towards 2027 and you will see what I am saying – it took him 45 days to quell a revolt in Lagos Assembly, and in the last presidential election, he lost to Peter Obi. Lagos is shaky, he knows and we all know. Akwa Ibom is PDP today no matter any permutation you want to calculate, Kano is somewhere else, Delta although PDP, is still shaky.

So, you see why Rivers is imperative,  but using this kind of strategy only ramps up their unpopularity and risks the economic health of the nation.

This is why some of us will just shrug our shoulders, hiss and watch end their political careers by themselves. The end of Wike? Inevitable. Go write it down, thanks.

Seyi Tinubu: Dancing with His Father

Aburo has had enough. He was visibly angry and irritated as he railed on stage: “Oh, they come after my family, they come after your father, oh Bola Ahmed Tinubu is the best, he has brought snow to Nigeria and turned Lagos into New York. He even got a royal visit from the Almighty Jesus the other day and has turned Nigerians to super billionaires, and what does he get for all his miracles and effort? Abuse and heckling.” Enough!!!

My brother, laugh wan kill me as I watched the video. You never start o. If this is how thin-skinned you are, you never start o.  Rush back to daddy and let him teach you how to handle criticisms. He is an expert. He once said, “Oh, I don’t read social media, the abuse is too much.” That is the strategy.

But wait, if it is just abuse that is making you lose your cool like this, then what do you now want the man who has just seen his wife die from childbirth because of the dilapidated state of healthcare, while you are busy touring the country in very long motorcades with security that will make Trump’s security green with envy.

How would the man who is watching his kids sit at home because he has been laid off and can no longer pay school fees, while you are wearing a face cap running around the place sharing rice with no meat?

My brother, as we say in Shomolu, na different things dey do us. While you are busy railing against the “coming for your father,” the rest of us are scavenging for food in dump sites and getting burnt beyond recognition trying to scoop fuel from overturned tankers to sell and eat.

My brother, they are yabbing your father? Come and let’s exchange life for one day because even if they call my papa “efulefu,” I will not mind o. This suffering is just too much aburo mi, calm down abeg. You have no problem – you dey buy fuel? Kai!

Tope Fasua: That was ‘Terrible’

Dr Fasua, the economic adviser to the President, is a friend and brother and that is why I will yab him with some restraint. I have just seen his response to the beautiful lass who called our president “Terrible.”

In that response which I am hoping he was misquoted; he was said to have leaned on the report that Lagosians have spent over N60 billion on “runs” girls. “Runs” for the uninitiated like my Editor, is a fun name for prostitutes.

So for him to allegedly say that the girl came to Lagos, to collect her own share of that money only to be calling the president “terrible” is kind of insensitive and rude – remember say Tope na my brother, so the yabs will be measured and calculated.

If it is that other one that they say asked for capital punishment, I would have given him his bath in public. Thankfully, he has recanted.

My brother Tope, if that report was true, then that was beneath you as a scholar of international repute. Why go that low when the woman was expressing her genuine pain? Mbok, my brother, how the cost of a crate of egg moves from N800 to over N6,000 within two years will not lead to worse name calling than “terrible”.

Granted the girl is still under NYSC and as such has no moral or legal justification to do the same, my brother hunger no get regards for by-laws.

Maybe the “attack” came at your office directly since it is your job to advise the president on economic matters, and as such you must have felt that it could be used against you at the next appraisal and you decided to move.

But my brother, your movement na crab movement, opening you up to public scorching. Please, if you really made that statement, kindly retract abeg. I like you too much for that kind behaviour. You are a gentleman o, not a bus stop political operative. What happened?

Umo Eno: I Pray It’s ‘AI’

In these days of high technology, someone must be careful before firing. I saw a clip of my Governor saying something to the effect that jobs should be kept for only Akwa Ibom people in the state. I watched it like three times to see if it was artificially generated or that he meant to say that Akwa Ibomites should be given preference or something.

My people, assuming this was not AI, then my impressions of my Governor as not too far-sighted has been strengthened. This is all shades of wrong. A state that is in bad need of technological transfer, with a poor educational infrastructure, low capacity utilisation, extremely poor commercialisation and although blessed with tremendous natural resources is still wallowing in the pits of underdevelopment, that you now want to turn to North Korea.

Can’t he see the way Lagos is growing? Did he just see the GDP just announced making it number two in Africa after Cairo? Does he think it is only natural Lagosians that have made this happen? Lagos has broken the barriers and opened itself up to investments with its attendant pluses which includes increased infrastructure, technology transfer, human capital explosion amongst others.

Instead of you to emulate that one, you are bringing an afang-induced policy that will cripple the state and turn us into a state of cavemen .

Mbok, who is this guy o?

Asake: A Paddy Problem

If I talk now, they will say I don’t like women but can’t we all see what is happening? During the week, the father of the mega successful musician Asake, cried out that his son hadn’t picked his calls for two years. He lamented his state and begged Nigerians to assist in getting his son to look at his side.

I really do not care about the details of this matter but would like to use the matter to talk to men generally.

Three out of five men will suffer this fate. The world is skewed against us. The mothers have captured the children and get the better from them. They are the ones that are well taken care of and that is one of the reasons the male mortality rate for the average Nigerian male is 52 years, with abandonment being a major cause.

My brothers, no need to indulge in self-pity. Do something. Start planning for your old age without these people – wife and children in your plans. Work hard, invest well so you can afford a better life with or without them. Once you are 50, forget you have children and wife o, just be doing your own things, save, invest and much more importantly, marry a new wife. I am telling you. Once you see the signs, never enter your 60s with the wife o, if not, Asake father’s condition will be far better than yours.

Look for a nice young new wife and let her take care of you. You no see Senator Nwoko, you no see how he fresh? My brother, listen to me o and live a long life o.

God will not let you cry to Nigerians to come and help you feed after spending millions on some ungrateful bunch who label themselves wives and children. Do you abeg.

A Tale of Two Emirs

The lovely city state that is Kano has lost its peace. Today, the rich heritage that is the Kano emirate system has been riddled with sharp practices throwing up a bitter struggle for the highly revered throne.

Growing up, the Emir of Kano was seen with very deep respect. The throne was held in extremely high esteem and the occupant was seen as a god-like figure.

Today, the throne and its institutions are being dragged on the floor as a result of the interference of politics.

The immediate past governor went in, dethroned the Emir but before then had cannibalised it by forming four sub emirates and installing his own mini emirs.

Today, the original Emir was given back his rightful throne and the usurper Emir has gone to court. He seems to have won at the Appeal Court level which has asked for a return to status quo and which the state government is looking to ignore and of which counsel to the other side has threatened to sue for contempt if the Emir on the throne keeps parading himself as Emir.

All of these are just very sad. All of these is a destruction of our heritage, the watering down of centuries old traditions and throwing the whole well-curated ethos down the drain on the slab of personal avarice and ambition

My own is that why is the family itself allowing outsiders- “commoners” to come in-between them to scatter their family and by extension the enviable dynasty?

I pray the royal family come to their senses and rally round and throw away meaningless ambition and begin the rebuilding of their heritage for the betterment of our traditions. My two kobo.

Kola Adesina Blows My Mind

You know my attention span is very brittle. Within seconds I will start losing interest except if it is sex, fashion or theatre, any other thing is five minutes and I’ve moved on.

The podcast, don they tire me and I was feeling one kind because my sister Tosh had put in so much to make sure the thing was world class, so I did not want to let her feel that she had worked for nothing

That was how gentleman Kola Adeshina, the Sahara Group honcho and Axa Mansard Chairman landed on the podcast. Oh, my God the conversation blew my mind. It was philosophical, it engaged, exposed, challenged me to the point that I didn’t even want it to end.

When the podcast was released, come and see feedback. Mr Adesina is cerebrally brilliant and humble to boot. His take on the economy, faith, humanity, philanthropy is just something else. Last time I heard something so profound was when I was trying to convince a woman not to leave me- that is when I am at my philosophical best.

Let me just say that Mr Adesina is a gift to Nigeria and luckily, unlike most gifts like me, Nigeria is recognising him and rewarding him at the same time. Great guy and great mind. Wow, I have listened to that recording like five times so far. Kai.

Omoni Oboli’s Superb Outing

That is how I stumbled on this beautiful work of art. Omoni Oboli’s love in many words. That movie is perfect. From the casting to its lines, to settings, to costumes, these artists really delivered a masterpiece.

See me that cannot even sit in one place for more than five minutes and here I was watching one movie that is not porn like five times.

Wow! The lead actors Uzor and Bamike were just so powerful in their interpretation. The whole movie looked so healthy, neat and a very good portrayal of Nigeria. Although I have a problem with the stereotypes, we were easily won over  with the humour which made accepting it very easy. Mbok, they really tried and I do not hesitate to recommend the movie to all true lovers.

I think Seyi Tinubu should go and see it. It will make him calm down abeg if he has not just yet. Well done my sister and also congrats to the cast and crew. It was a beautiful outing.

Makinde Adeniran: A Veteran Thespian Perches

Makinde carries hair like Wole Soyinka and like the sage, has been in theatre and the arts forever. He was recently elected President of NANTAP. NANTAP is the umbrella body of all thespians in the nation.

Makinde comes well qualified for his job having served NANTAP and the industry in varied capacities. He is also a gifted writer who wrote ‘Awo’ for me, the play we took to London.

Makinde’s job as President of NANTAP is cut out for him, because he needs to very quickly look at the issues like welfare, capacity, funding amongst others that affect the industry and its players.

Very importantly, he must look at much core involvement of the private sector in building the space and this is very imperative because of its capacity for youth engagement, job creation and its effects on other sectors of the economy like media, hospitality, tourism to mention a few.

I have sent him a message to pay me a courtesy call as a major stakeholder, he is doing like he has not received my message. Me that I will soon orchestrate a state of emergency in the place and suspend him and his whole team if he does not come and visit me. Be watching, shebi that is how we were watching Rivers State, see what is happening, na NANTAP remain. Kai. Congrats bro.