LOUD WHISPERS
That was the question one fine woman came to ask me o. You see how you will just sit down, and temptation will now come and meet you and make you open your mouth and answer something that can lead you into self-exile.
I pretended like I didn’t hear, but she insisted, “Do you like the President?” She asked. I say, wait, let me ask Pastor Adefarasin for advice on Plan B. You know that one is the custodian of Plan B the way Asiwaju is the custodian of the Lagos master plan. But pastor no pick. So, I look at this extremely beautiful woman, and I tell her straight- it is not a question of like or not liking but that of pity. Yes o, I pity baba, I swear if he knew it would be like this, he for just jejesiddon with his cows.
The whole thing seems to be unravelling before his very eyes without no real road map to pull it back altogether again. My greatest regret in all this is not collecting the number of one manwey follow me enter a supermarket in Ikeja. I just noticed that the guy was just following me. I say see this one, he no even sabi follow person. Instead of him to be watching American gangster film, I sure naYoruba film he dey watch, when I don tire, I walk up to him say oga hope no problem. He says, ‘you have nothing to worry about Duke of Shomolu’. I shout, you know me? He say yes na. I work in the Presidency, and I have served three Presidents. We know you; we enjoy your writings and as long as you don’t insult anybody, you are ok. I say thank you and I say if you are truly from Presidency, pay for my food. He start to frown. So if I had collected his number that day, I for send am to Buhari.
This thing is not rocket science. Your Excellency, you have to break out of your cocoon and come direct to the people. I do not believe you are getting the best of advice from your people. I think you should, as a matter of urgency, embark on a nationwide tour, meet the people directly. Engage them, feel their pulse. I can escort you if you dey worried say dem go pour you pure water. Spend like five days in Owerri and you will see how things will calm down. Come to Lagos, go to Sokoto, fly to Uyo eat some afang. Ask your people what is going wrong. Feel their pain, share in their sorrow. This one you are doing is not it o and this is why things are falling apart. Na beg, my lord just try this thing I am saying and you will see what will happen very quickly.
Like I say, I have nothing against you, I will probably not invite you for lunch but you remain our leader and the custodian of the essence of our nationhood and we must all support you. I am with you, let’s get this motor running again sir.
