Consultant Family Physician, a Fellow of the National Postgraduate Medical College of Family Physicians, Dr. Nimi Ekere is also a child advocate, author, speaker and humanitarian. She has practised medicine in urban and rural areas for over 15 years, and has endeared herself to her patients through dedication to duty, selflessness, empathy and love for people, especially the less-privileged and children. As a proponent of effective and intentional parenting, she convenes different informative and educative programmes for children.
Passionate about combating Child Sexual Abuse through her foundation, the Smile and Shine Children’s Foundation, she has also written four books for children, pre-teens, teenagers and parents on the dangers of Child Sexual Abuse with effective practical remedies. Ekere, who has carried out numerous medical outreaches, free training, workshops and events, partnering other NGOs, both home and abroad, in this interview with MARY NNAH, talks about her latest books written to combat the scourge of child sexual abuse; her numerous exploits and plans for future
You recently published four books. Why so many at a time?
Yes. I had a burning passion to address the menace of child sexual abuse in our society. I needed to educate children and parents on the child protection and ingredients required to build an effective parent-child relationship as this was also an essential ingredient in child safety. I knew that I may not be able to pass the message efficiently if I wrote just one book.
I needed the children to understand the message adequately, so I decided to write age appropriate books, meaning that there would be something for every child to read and get the message effectively. When teaching children about any topic at all, the language and words are very important, comprehensibility is also key. You want to teach a toddler in ways that they can understand, keeping it really simple, straight to the point, sometimes with a lot of pictures or illustrations to catch their attention. On the other hand, a different approach would be used for a pre- teen or teenager.
My books have been written with the children’s age and level of awareness in mind. I want them to protect themselves without revealing too much for the child’s age. The first book is “Some Parts Are Special,” for children aged two to seven, teaches them about their special body parts and how to keep them private. It teaches them not to let anyone see or touch their special body parts and in turn, they should not see or touch anyone’s special body parts. It also teaches them about how to tell mummy and daddy everything. This is because if children are taught to tell their parents everything, it would go a long way towards keeping them safe. Additionally, this book has a section for drawing and colouring, to help the children with their motor skills. It also has a question and answer section to further drive home what the kids have read or been taught.
The second book is “Setting Boundaries” and it is a collection of four short stories. The stories are short, so that the readers do not find them boring. They are stories about courageous children who set boundaries for themselves and never went against all that they had been taught at home, by their parents. They had one thing in common; they were smart and courageous enough to say no to predators and they really meant it when they said No. They went ahead to tell their parents and guardians and the predators were punished. At the end of each story, there is a section for questions and answers to further help the children comprehend what they have read. This book has sections for word puzzles and glossary, as children would also have to improve their vocabulary.
The third book is “Sparkles at Dawn” and it contains eight empowering stories for teenagers. The stories in this book are intriguing and educational. Each story has deep life lessons to draw from. The stories are riveting, enlightened and illuminating. More importantly, they are relatable. Also there is a section for questions and answers to further buttress all they have read.
“Into The Light” is my third book and it is an exposé for parents and guardians. It is a veritable guide for good parenting, child management, and perpetual vigilance. It opens the reader’s eye to the scourge on child sexual abuse in the society, the trauma it causes families, practical steps to take to prevent it from happening, the danger signals to look out for, and what to do in the unfortunate event of abuse. This book also discusses the ingredients for building an effective parent-child relationship.
What is the inspiration behind those books?
I wanted and still want to combat the scourge of child sexual abuse. It has done so much to children and if we don’t nip it in the bud, it would leave our children with so much trauma and stigma which will affect them in all ramifications, now and in the future.
The books summarily address the menace of child sexual abuse; what it is about, signs to look out for/ red flags and what to do in the sad event of an occurrence. It also emphasizes the importance of an effective parent-child relationship and how to make it happen.
How long did it take for you to put these books together?
It took me a long time. I would say, more than two years. I put in a lot of hard work, sleepless nights to see it become a reality. I would just write down my thoughts regularly and leave them there and later put them together. I love to write. Writing for me is therapeutic.
Now, I want my readers to know that child sexual abuse is as real as it is evil. I want them to know that it could occur in places where they least expected and by trusted people. No one has the right to see or touch your special body parts and you should not see or touch anyone’s special body parts. You are bold enough to say no and mean it. Your parents deserve to know everything about you including those “secrets” that people have told you not to tell them.
And to parents, you shouldn’t be too busy for your kids. No one can take care of them like you. You have to build a wonderful relationship between you and your kids and it doesn’t come by wishing. It comes by taking steps to build and nurture it. You don’t have to be perfect but you can be an excellent parent. You have to be careful who you bring to the house and who you leave your kids with.
To teachers and educators, there are signs to look out for in children that have been abused. Sometimes, these signs are subtle, other times they are obvious. You must pay attention to details. You must do your background checks thoroughly before you employ staff to care for the children as some children are abused in schools as shown in some stories in my books.
Some of these books we hear have been approved by Lagos State for use officially at school. How do you feel about this? And what does this have to do for you?
I am so grateful to the Lagos State Ministry of Education and would like other states to follow suit. As much as I feel happy, it is a call to do more. Every milestone calls for more hard work and that is exactly what I am doing. I want schools to use these books as part of their curriculum. I want children to be safe and until every child in Nigeria is safe, I will not scream Eureka yet, neither will I rest on my oars.
You also run an NGO. Can you tell us about it and what its focus is?
It is safe to say that I have two functional NGOs. The first was founded several years ago and it caters to the needs of young children and the indigent in our society especially vulnerable women. It is called Ekom Charity Foundation. We organise training for young women who are very poor and desire to have some skills. They have been empowered in snack making like cake, bread, meat pies, chin-chin etc. We also organise free medical outreaches in communities where medical services are almost inaccessible.
We also organise parties in the slums for children who otherwise may never have known what a party or Santa Claus looks like and I dare say that it has been amazing as well as fulfilling.
My new Foundation is the Smile and Shine Children’s Foundation. It was conceived as a result of my journey with abused children. The foundation helps children and parents prevent child sexual abuse while providing primary care and interventions to victims and those at risk, including members of their families. In the course of my practice, I have become very close to child sexual abuse survivors and I realised that our culture of “don’t tell anyone” has made this children develop a lot of issues and complications as there is really no one to help them heal adequately.
These children end up being dysfunctional and most times, the cycle continues. I decided to come in and help them, together with their parents and other family members. We educate them on how sexual abuse can be prevented and then offer emergency care in the event of an abuse. This would include but not limited to medical, legal and psychological care. We also rehabilitate victims to ensure that they are fully integrated back into the society without carrying with them the trauma and stigma. This is collaborative (as we are still growing) for now as we work with other NGOs to help the children.
Your foundation focuses on a very sensitive area where the society hardly talks about. Tell us what the inspiration behind picking interest in such an area is.
I have always been an optimist and as far as I am concerned, nothing is impossible. This said, I love children a great deal and having seen a lot go through traumatising and agonising experiences, as a result of this menace and also seeing that a lot of people in our society shy away from the subject, I decided to be a voice. I am a doctor, don’t forget and using the privileges and platform, I decided to go all out. I am happy that I am not alone in this fight. A lot of people are doing well and we are demystifying the cultural dogma that has been held on for some long as regards this subject. We are not yet there but it definitely is a fight that we must win.
Did you have any personal experience of sexual abuse, probably the reason you picked interest in this.
No, I wasn’t abused as a kid. At least I can’t remember being sexually abused as a child, maybe because I was so vocal and talkative however, I had very close relaives and friends that have confided in me about their ordeal( sexual abuse) and it is heartrending to say the least.
Can you share some unique challenges you have encountered in trying to achieve your goals in pursuing your passion about combating child sexual abuse?
I haven’t had much difficulty with children speaking up. They almost always tell me everything, even things they will not tell their parents. The children in all honesty are hurting and yearning to be heard but they still have a lot they are grappling with and must be sure you are worth confiding in. The problem I have had would be from the parents who are always mindful about being judged, looked down on or stigmatized. They would like it settled amicably and like they say “treated like a family matter “. Many times, poverty is contributory to this.
Can you talk about one memorable experience on this journey of rescuing the vulnerable and sexually abused?
The most memorable is the case of a teenager from a very rich home who had been serially molested and misjudged by her parents. She was on the verge of committing suicide when I saw her. After some courses of psychotherapy and counselling, she is so positive about life and now has a good relationship with her parents. The relationship isn’t perfect now but totally a great transformation from what it used to be.
What are some of the memorable moments in your life and career?
The birth of my oldest son was the most memorable day of my life. He is growing up so fast and each time I remember how little he was and how excited I also was as a first time mom, it leaves me with so much joy. For my career, it would be passing my fellowship examination to become a Consultant Family Physician.
Who or what do you consider the greatest influence in your life?
Growing up was fun. My mom brought out the humanitarianism in me and my dad made me love to write. He always gave me newspapers to read and made me listen to the news (9 o’clock news at the time).
My greatest influence apart from God would be my husband. He has been my support system and I am a better person because of him. He is an amazing husband and father to the children.
Tell us about your recent activities.
I am currently a consultant Family Physician at the Reddington Multi Specialist Hospital and I totally look forward to going to work as nothing compares to the joy I have being a doctor. I love my profession with everything in me. I also love being a child advocate and try to create time for them with activities that are transformational. I intend to have a programme for kids aged 10 to 18 on the 27th of May, this year to keep children off all forms of vices. We hope to invite people from different sectors, to come speak to the children. We are very open to sponsorship as it is going to be a great event.
There is the issue of gender based violence that has eaten deep into the fabrics of society. Truly, women are prejudiced in this part of the world in so many ways and I am happy that we have a lot of NGOs and advocates working so hard to see that there is gender equality.
How would you advise women living their dreams and being at their best?
My advice would be; aim for the top, equip yourself with the right skills, training and education, if you have to. Never settle for less. Work very hard and always aim for the sky.
