As I was watching footages of the mayhem being unleashed in Calabar, I suddenly remembered my Mummy that I had not heard from her in a bit. So, I placed a call and she picked and I was relieved. Mbok, you should eat her afang at that her place on Victoria Island and you will understand my trepidation. She was fine but was preparing to go into the creeks to meet with the Bakassi boys, saying that if those ones start their own, it is not palliative looting we will be seeing.

She was excited and energetic and I was happy for her. She invited me to join her on the trip. I say no thank you, my mandate no reach that one before one funny rebel will go and pluck my eyes. I wished her well and told her to call me when she come back that I will be waiting. She laughed and said, ‘This my son, what will I do with you?’ I say mummy just come back and tell your girls to send me the afang you promised.

I am not Buhari, I do not have 15m votes and Adesina is not my spokesman, just give me my own afang and that is my own palliative. Mummy I have not heard from you since. I hope you are still not inside the creeks and if you are still there, I hope you have signal on your phone to send to your girls that I will be there on Sunday. Please nothing must do my afang, like I say, no be me get national mandate. I cannot suffer when him day for Aso Rock dey pick teeth. Thank you.

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