That Uncommon Slap

Godswill Akpabio
Godswill Akpabio

Did she just say she slapped my minister and former governor? My emperor and lord? I have watched that clip so many times hoping that it was a glitch or some form of editing error by purveyors of fake news. But be like say the woman talk am true-true o. That my lord had a ‘plan B’ and she gave him the slap of his life.

The worst kind of fight you ever want to get into is the one that bro is in right now. These people – before they attack me for discrimination- are experts in this ancient roforofo fight that is everything goes. Akpabio himself is giving as good as he can, informing us that four men have gone through her. It was after this that she came back with the story of ‘plan B’ and the ‘guest houses.’ Bro, according to her, always wanted meetings in his ‘guest houses’ and on one occasion had strayed and she gave him a dirty slap.

Well, all these fairy tales are just mere comedic distractions. The woman is not a teen but according to Akpabio an experienced hand in the art of the bedroom, so she is able to take care of herself. As for Akpabio with his uncommon talent, I am sure women to lay is not his problem. So, let us focus: where’s our money? That is the wahala, not all this pant-and-bra talk. Let’s focus.

Bro, the woman has thrown some very powerful accusations bothering on your ‘love for lucre’ – focus, forget her NYSC or her alleged threesomes. Give us the answers. I just knew this thing will end like this. The way you ran Akwa Ibom, my state, with uncommon talent moving around like an emperor, I just knew you would bring that talent to the ministry. Abi? Is this why you refused to re-contest your senatorial seat when you saw the immense possibilities of the ministry? Why we keep recycling these types beats me. I listened very carefully to your talk on the radio with your strong Annang accent and did not hear anything concrete, nothing I can hold on to for hope but instead na her NYSC and four husbands we dey hear. Please, sir, if you do not begin to focus and answer these direct accusations just maybe you deserve much more than that the ‘slap’ that would not give you the opportunity to have a ‘plan B.’ Nsuto Nkpo… only Ibibio people will understand that one.