Me I don’t even know what to say or do again. This whole thing don tire me. If you see the fear in my body you will pity me. I am not looking handsome again as my skin has gone ashen with worry. This virus just keeps growing. We are now at about 1,532 as at the time of writing and with the easing of lockdown only God knows how many will be knocked down with this thing. As usual I have tried to black out all Covid news for my sanity. I am a hypochondriac which means that even when I no sick I go dey feel sick. All the symptoms of the Covid, I have seen everything finish in my body and more. So for people like me, it is more of a psychological trauma which in some cases could even be worse than those who have come down with the illness. Fear let me to go and drink TCP because I was feeling I had sore throat and my Kabiyesi friend told me he had been using TCP to fight sore throat from his mother’s womb. I forgot he said gaggle my people na so I go drink o. I almost die. See me, want to kill myself even before the poor people wey get the Covid. Anyways all these stories is to tell you guys that I did not bother to listen to the President’s address, I was not in the mood for slow motion talking. I just cover myself under duvet they pray to God to help this country. Confusion want to kill us.
First, they say face mask cannot help, now they say we should all wear face mask. They say na 14days symptoms now they say some people no get symptom but will just be passing it down the line. So you can imagine my state when I saw the speech and learnt that we were doing an easing of the lockdown and then imposing dusk to dawn curfew as if the virus was a coup plotter. I just tire for this country; don’t they know that the virus is invincible and as such cannot be regulated or entered into a negotiation? All the funny talk – time to go to market, time to close from work, kinds of companies to open, numbers of staff to attend as if we have an agreement with the virus and he has a copy of the agreement and will abide by its own terms of giving waivers to the people with permission to move. We have not started o. So virus will see you on the road and you will now say, ‘sorry sir, its 10am you can’t catch me’ or ‘sorry sir, I am a banker and as such I have permit to be outside so pass by’. The confusion is scarier than the illness and I am not blaming anybody talkless of the Government who has really tried if you must ask me. Just that this virus is a tough customer. We will defeat it but till then, The Duke is under his duvet. That is what I told the Duchess who went to go and be wearing skimpy thing to come and try me because of lockdown- I just say every man to himself o. This lockdown is not for that one, please leave me go and bring the dettol let me drink instead be like say my throat dey itch. The TCP did not work. I will not come and carry Covid. I no dey house.
MURIC‘S STATEMENT OFF THE MARK
If someone talk too much, they might go and be doing fatwa on someone head and that is why I will choose my words. The statement that has been credited to this body by reports that I have read is to say the least quite unfortunate. They have been quoted as saying that the thing that is happening in Kano is such that it has been aimed at reducing the Muslim population. If not that I do not have power for fight, I would have come out blasting but because of the situation in the country let us just let this one pass with small retribution. My brother wey dey for MURIC this has nothing to do with Muslims or anybody for that matter. These are lives needlessly being lost over some funny leadership.
We do not know what they are dying of, no official explanation and all we are hearing is that they are relying on ‘verbal autopsy’ whatever that means I am yet to understand. Please as a very strong voice, you should be rallying your members who happen to be leaders in this state to stand up and be counted. Kano can destroy the rest of this country if whatever is happening there is not culled or abated urgently. I stopped analysing this pandemic when it entered Kano for very obvious reasons. We have not seen the effectiveness of a Sanwo-Olu in kano or the determination of a Makinde and the smartness of Fayemi talkless of the creativity of that short guy in Cross River in kano. I don’t even know what we are seeing in Kano, all I just know is that this has nothing to do with the statement that has been credited to you guys by various reports. Kindly stop playing games and come to the table so we can work together. Pease if someone cough twice in the night wetin that one mean?
MUBARAK BALA – LET GOD FIGHT HIS BATTLE
It is beginning to look like Facebook is a dangerous place now. As I was about to write this column, the news of the arrest and arraignment of one journalist who had ranted about something against some government officials on Facebook just hit me. Me I don’t even know how to use the thing sef. I am just looking at them. Now this story of this Mubarak fellow who says he is an atheist and went ahead to form one society like that in support of his views. They say they have arrested him for blasphemy. That some of these things still happen in Nigeria of today is baffling. I have read the write up and the man did not mention any God’s name o. So for all you know he could have been talking about the stone he is worshipping in his bedroom at least the one I read o. Maybe he has mentioned a specific God in other write ups that is leading to all these.
I don’t even want to go to all that matter of freedom of speech and constitutional right to worship as long as he was not forcing or killing people who do not believe in his position. I just want to say sorry. Please leave the boy alone. We have more problems in this country than carrying this one to add to it again. The man say he no believe in God, let God deal with him na. Let us not fight for God. You can see that I am refraining from using the other name to call God before they come and carry me to join the boy. The God I am refereeing to here is my own o. The one that says, let me fight my own battles. I hear he has been receiving death threats prior to this. Himself get mind, how can he be looking for this kind of trouble at this time? I hereby appeal to the respective state governors, the Federal Government and anybody in authority to kindly step in and save this boy from impending doom. Na beg. Thank you.
TONYE COLE’S ULTIMATE SEARCH
I had not heard from my brother since he went into self-isolation so I reached out. The man no answer my calls or chats, I just leave am. I was sure he was ok since nothing had been reported. Then suddenly he reached out and talked about all he was doing at this time to support government in sending out palliatives. The discussion then as usual went straight into the need to carve out a new wave of leadership for the country. He talked very passionately about enthroning a new crop of political leaders that would be driven by ideology and the need to craft policies for the common good. The idea now took root – collaboration between his Foundation and the Duke of Shomolu to convene the largest virtual discussion on new leadership as a way forward for the giant of Africa.
This session would pull speakers from all over the world and would not be partisan. It would be mostly academic as it would aim to fashion out an ideological framework that is home grown and would better direct political discuss and movement going forward. I was happy and he was happy. The sad thing is that my job is now to bring out an initial framework that would guide the planning and my brother, the fear that is in my body now ehn has paralysed my thought processes. Shebi I just told you guys that Duchess swing pass me, I just look am like person they look cold food. No energy. The fear of Covid has killed the libido. Please if person get headache small for one side of him head, what is that? Should I call NCDC?
APOSTLE SULEMAN – STOP THE DANCE
My brother can you just stop? This is no time for grandstanding and playing to the gallery. Jumping up and seeking permission from government to go cure Covid patient is to say the least irresponsible talk. It is making a mockery of an illness that has killed thousands globally and is ravaging our land. Some of these games should have limits na. If you truly can cure the patients, do you need permission? Shebi you will work into the place and do your wonders na. But why is it that you are seeking permission for Covid? Have you finished curing the other illnesses that abound abi is it the WHO grant or the private sector donations you are eyeing since obviously tithes have fallen? Oga, please carry this your break dancing and go somewhere else and play it. This is not the time for jokers. We have a serious problem in our hands right now. Shebi the witches and wizards have answered you go there and fight. Real joker.
MODION COMMUNICATIONS – SOARING HIGH
This agency owned by my brother Odion recently clinched the globally acclaimed SABRE Awards Africa 2020, the most coveted prize in public relations as I hear. Their gripping teaser activation for Leadway Assurance, tagged #seeFinish, was adjudged the winner for ‘the Sabre Award for Superior Achievement on Brand building’. The second award came on the back of their work in crisis management for their Gokada Account which gave them recognition in the Reputation Management category. According to Odion Aleobua who is the CEO of Modion and my very good friend- my very good friend o- the award puts his firm on the spotlight of African Public Relations. Mbok the boy has tried and I witnessed his professionalism and creativity recently when this same firm handled our just concluded Virtual Summit which was the largest ever convergence of people to discuss the Nigerian economy. The summit pulled such heavyweights like Kola Adesina of the Sahara Group, Gabriel Ogbechie of Rain Oil, Ken Etete of Century Group and former Presidential Candidate Mr. Tope Fasua. The publisher of the Leadership Newspaper group, Mr Sam Nda -Isiah gave the opening remarks. Welldone my brother, more power to your elbow.
Mudi’s Face Mask
That is how I saw a picture of Mudi looking like Spiderman. The man had designed a sweetly tailored face mask which played a powerful ascetic game with the bowler that he was wearing. The man had blended the two lines of fashion and safety to arrive at this very compelling style. The need for us to remain safe especially with this virus which is no respecter of anyone cannot be over-emphasised but in so doing, the need to also appear quite trendy and sophisticated has not been lost on this boundary pushing lamp post of the fashion industry. He has just launched a new line of matching bowler hat/face mask combo for the discerning power broker as he begins to take his meetings on the back of the relaxed lockdown. I have ordered one for myself without the bower hat though because I will still have to showcase my dreadlocks. Yes, I can be vain like that. Well done Mudi, well done.