A LETTER FOR THE NEW YEAR

0

Thank you Lord for the gift of a New Year.

Thank you for surviving the harsh economic condition. For escaping kidnappers, herdsmen and criminals.

Thank you for life in good health.

Thank you for our family and friends and those who are important to us. Thank you for our departed loved ones.

Thank you that bad fortune has been left behind.

That good fortune is now going ahead.

For the fake prophets that told us in the beginning of 2019 that it was our year thank you o!

Thank you Nigeria. Thank you that you are still in one piece. Thank you for everything that is unique about you. Thank you for getting the “prize” for the poverty capital of the world.

Thank you for “You fall my hand,” and “Ah you fall my leg join”. Thank you for never-ending fuel importation, never-ending fuel subsidy and never-ending corruption. Thank you for border closure and Nigerian rice with the stones. Thank you for minimum requirements, minimum sentence, and minimum wage.

Thanks for internally generated revenue, internally generated problems and internally displaced people.

Thank you for doctors brain drain.

For one doctor to 6000 patients.

For “no bed space.”

For “drugs out-of-stock”, for “doctors out-of-stock” and for “nurses out-of-stock.”

Thank you for the snake that swallowed N36 million.

For the monkey that swallowed N70 million.

For the National Assembly complex that will gulp N37 billion, when pupils are taught under trees.

Thank you for Sowore, Dasuki, DSS, FG, the United States of America and the rule of law.

Thanks for the still awaited “change”, for “Next Level” and “ground no level”.

Thanks for tribalism, nepotism, cronyism and “iberiberism”. Thanks for electricity distribution companies without electricity.

For Bar Beach without the beach.

For democracy without democrats.

For GENCOs, DISCOs, NERC, NEPA and “Crazy bills”.

For Nigerian bad roads and road worthiness certificate. Thank you for LASTMA, Road Safety, “Yellow Fever”, “one-way”, and reverse from Mile 12 to Ketu.

Thank you for “Ijapa”, “Pencil”, “Regular”, “Big For Nothing”, and “Baby Boy”. For “Muscle”, “End of Discussion”, “Discussion continues”, and “Evil Spirit”.

Thank you for school fees, after-school, “home runs”, and “school runs”. For truckload of assignments or home-work to stress parents.

For stubborn rat and “kill and dry”.

For mosquitoe and “otapiapia”.

For stubborn child and “doctor do good.”

Thank you for Moku, Mogbe, Modaran (MMM).

For Wayo Wayo, Yahoo Yahoo, 419 and 41ten.

Thank you for corrective slaps like IFOTI, IGBATI, IGBAJU, and IGBARUN.

For IFAKUN, IFORUN, AKA NTI, URA, and I MACHI NTI.

Thanks for Mr Ibu, Apkororo, Gordon, Mark Angel, Emmanuella, Basket Mouth, AY, and Teju Babyface.

For Aki and Pawpaw, Helen Paul, Chigul, RMD, Victor Osuagwu and Amebo.

Thanks for King Sunny Ade, Davido, Burna Boy, Simi, Phyno, Olamide, 2baba, and Timaya.

For Wizkid, D’banj, Flavour, Patoranking, Tekno, Don Jazzy, Lynxxx and Chidinma. Thank you for Victor Osimhen, Wilfred Ndidi, and Samuel Chukwueze.

For Alex Iwobi, Ahmed Musa and Joe Aribo.

For Asisat Oshoala, Desire Oparanozie and Francisca Ordega.

Thank you for lazy Nigerian youths.

For lazy Nigerian politicians.

And lazy Nigerian elites.

Thanks for “Your miracle is on the way.”

“NTA Channel Jesus New Testament Assembly.”

“Give me a spouse or I die”.

“This beautiful sister must marry me – by force!”

“I smell America – Anointing to travel.”

“I will not leave Lagos empty-handed.”

“Point and kill the witch with catapult.”

“My enemy what are you still waiting for? Die! Die! Die!”

For “Is there life after death? Touch my truck and find out”. “Test your airbag here”.

And “Many Have Gone.”

For Keteke, Keke, Okada, Bolekaja, Omolanke, and Danfo.

For Dangote, Gbongboro, and red BRT alias senior molue.

Thank you for “Laughter junction”, “Laugh wan kill me die,” and “I can’t kill myself o.”

Thank you for Ruga, Coza, “Cold room”, and sex-for-marks.

For “Ze ozer man,” “Ze ozer woman”, and Ze ozer room.”

For questions like “Una get light?” and “They don bring light?”

For “U go on gen?” and “Dem don score?”

For “Wetin dey happen?” “Who dey lead?” “How body?” and “Anything for the boys?”

Others are “You and who?” “I get him time?” and You dey craze?”

For “You wan quench?” “Who you be?” “Dem born you well?” and “You know who I be?”

Not leaving “I no get credit,” “I no get data”, and “Borrow me credit”.

For “Scratch me card”, and “I no bring charger”.

Also, for “You go see”, “I go show you” and “You go hear wehh”.

For “See as e be”, “Show dem”, and “Pepper dem”.

For “na you know”, “Na you sabi”, “Abegi”, and “Biko”.

For “Choi”, “Lai lai,” “Yakata” and “Yeparipa”.

Thank you for Agege bread and ewa agoyin.

For nkwobi, bokoto, and “roundabout”.

For shaki, ponmo and shokoyokoto.

Thank you for “e go better,” “e go be,” and “It’s well.”

Thanks that one day the remaining Chibok girls will all be home.

Thanks that one day Leah Sharibu will be set free.

Happy New Year.

Dr Cosmas Odoemena, medical practitioner, Lagos.