COUNTERPOINT
By Femi Akintunde –Johnson
I strongly suspect we got it wrong from the very late seventies, when many new parents veered from the tried and tasted ways; choosing, without recourse to traditions and common sense, to chart their own definitions of modern parenting. Incidentally, the same period coincided with the beginning of the second republic on the political terrain. We may have to seek the enlightened opinions of sociologists and political economists to better understand the contributory link between the 1979 return of power to civilian politicians and the tipping point where family values, parental guidance and such foundational improvisations suffered the initial devastating blows.
Today, 40 years down the road, with two or three generations sired since then, the vivid consequences of the collapse of quality parenting within the average Nigerian family is being “celebrated” all over the world in its sickening glory. Our young ones, at the prime of their lives…mostly the children of the 80’s and 90’s are wanted by the American aniti-crime octopus, the Federal Bureau of Investigations, FBI, for credit card scams and other sharp white-collar practices; some are on death rows across less pussyfooting Asian and Middle Eastern countries whose draconian laws against drug trafficking and socio-economic sabotage have been foolishly violated. Others are hiding in bushes and dingy holes, after abducting innocent people, often times in brutal and deadly operations, seeking ransoms from their relatives without regards or scruples about their capacity to pay some of these outrageous ransom sums. Yet, the tribes, nationalities or religions of such victims are immaterial to the mostly young killer-kidnappers… they carry their evil activities beyond their immediate communities, regions, and even deep into other countries…spreading pains, anguish, restlessness, demonizing the name and stature of Nigeria, while shredding personal and general economies.
These tragic activities have merely taken the lead in what is currently beleaguering us as a nation, and stoking the resentment and suspicion of other countries against ordinary law-abiding Nigerians; our other troubles and calamities have not abated. The Boko Haram war is still raging, both as occasional spitfires between our military and the well-armed rascals, and as cowardly ratlike incidents of suicide bombings, flash ambush attacks, propaganda victory parades, etc.
Yet, we have deadly battles between rival cult groups originating in so-called citadels of high education; slanging bottle fights between rival factions of motor-park touts and their evil godfathers… We still have disappearances and abductions, unexplainable vehicular manslaughters allegedly traced to ritualists and their imponderable obsession with getting rich by whatever means. The sob list, unfortunately, has not been exhausted.
When you review this sordid panorama of shame and terror, and the crippling fear that there is not much the authorities in charge of security and safety can do to eradicate them, beyond reactive measures and scapegoating anyone unfortunate to be caught, the concerned observers may have to work hard on how to regress the slide…stem the flow. We must begin to re-orientate today’s parents to upgrade on the elements that produce a wholesome child (and not escape from “their wahala”) such that 10 to 25 years from today, we may witness an influx of purpose-driven, visionary, crime-hating young men and women whose attributes and imaginations will starve this passing unscrupulous generation.
The hope of shifting the gears on our national psyche begins with understanding the depth and robustness of the challenges we face today; and perhaps by appreciating how we got into these troubles, we may stumble out of it. We need to take the surgeon’s scalpel to our current core values, and comprehensively shave off diseased matter… however long and bloody it gets. People of good conscience, whether passive or active contributors of poor parenting, or shining examples of quality parenting, must brace up for whatever it takes to legally and sensibly take our country back, restore peace in our communities, and give our younger offsprings the chance to prosper and live right.
When I was growing up in the 60s and 70s, it was always fascinating watching the acts and lives of leading entertainment providers. Some of their virtues which robbed off even on dewy-eyed admirers watching from the fringes, included being hard-working, obviously very talented, very disciplined, especially about timing and quality control. Many were not exactly pillars of moral probity, but they somehow provided some sort of cocoon, to prevent losing control and moderation. Many of the stars of yore had large families, with many wives and children (a throw back to our more “ancient” parents who sired large families to make farm-work less daunting, and increase potential for expansion). So, it’s not as if stars of yore were modicum of sexual celibacy, far from it. The clear difference is in their sense of responsibility and inventiveness – they, more often than not, made their “Baby Mamas” their wives, of sort – and sometimes, part of their showbiz enterprise: Hubert Ogunde, Kola Ogunmola, Moses Olaiya, Sonny Okosuns, Fela Anikulapo Kuti, Bobby Benson, Akin Ogungbe….some of these folks had more than 10 wives!
Today’s stars appear to be easily frightened by the mention of “wife”. The more disturbing reality is that having Baby Mamas (adoring fans who are willing to spread their legs for minutes of stardust, even when the result is much bulkier than dust) is now a thing of pride…a joy to partake, and flaunt without a care. Sadly, there are more aspiring Baby Mamas waiting to rumble and tumble with their idols; and it’s now commonplace to watch “lucky” Baby Mamas dissing and cat-fighting in public places, on popular social media platforms and shindigs for the attention of their ever mobile Baby Daddies.
Leading lights of this dubious pedigree is the one reportedly tagged the “father of many nations”, Innocent “Tu-Face” Idibia whose solid wife used to be one of his three Baby Mamas…he has reportedly spawned seven children through some sort of controlled paternity. Abolore “9ice” Akande is supposedly working to supplant Tu-Face as a prolific father on top of his game: he has not rebutted the report that he has four children from three women – and that’s perhaps beside the son with ex-wife, Toni Payne and a set of twins with another Mama!
Other stars have also contributed at least two kids from at least two women: names easily dropped are Flavour N’abania (Chinedu Okoli) – two from two pageant winners; Wizkid (Ayodeji Balogun – three sons from three women) who famously penned a tweet on one Mother’s Day: “God bless them (Baby Mamas) for my boys”; Davido (David Adeleke) who reportedly denied there was a third child from a third Mama; rapper JJC Skills (Abdulrasak Bello) otherwise known as Funke Akindele’s husband, and sire of three from three other women.
Like a fast growing cancer, the cankerworm of “BabyMamarism” has spread to many of the children of 80’s/90’s who now dominate the artistic space, and are seen as “role models” and inspiration by the millennials. More notable names dot this unflattering landscape where abnormality is dressed as the “in-thing”, the modern “correctness”. Singer OritseFemi (2/2), ex-Super Eagles star, Obafemi Martins (3/3); Fuji star, Pasuma (notoriously regarded in this ‘hot society’ with “drops” allegedly closer to a dozen); Olamide Adedeji (his first naming ceremony even had as guest, we were told, the then Lagos governor, Raji Fashola…Olamide has since quashed the rumour of a second child, but no word yet of the Baby Mama becoming his Mrs).
The symptom of our decadence and the speed we have fallen down the rungs of spiritual understanding of the cosmic dimension is epitomised by a message posted by this young man, the Marvin Record’s D’Prince when his son with girlfriend, Inorie Fotso, was born in 2015: “There comes a time when a boy has to become a MAN. The love of my life just gave me a bouncing baby boy. To God be the glory. Now I feel my life has a purpose. To live for my boy.” Really?! What a patient God!
Note that we are not ignorant of the fact that this phenomenon may be even more widespread in other professions, and the society as a whole. The “glasshouse” strategic position of creative people in the imaginations of consumers of creative materials fast-tracks the implications of the acts and foibles of entertainment practitioners. They are saddled with expectations and inspiration we often times unfairly assume they should carry with grace, wisdom and gratitude. First port of failure!
Wise parents know to constantly break into the dreamy connection between their wards and their creative interests the critical need to understand that these stars are not role models, only role players… Let us lock down the cold difference in their impressionable hearts, in words and images they can relate with.
And the lessons continue.
