The Duke of Shomolu’s New Year Message

Donald Duke

Let me first start by sending an apology for not delivering this speech early enough. Traditionally, I deliver this speech immediately after the President’s own, the aim being to distract Nigerians from the things he didn’t say and give us more hope than whatever would have been said in the speech either written by Femi Adesina or one of the two members of the cabal mummy had so thankfully exposed. Well, this year unlike in the past, I was able to secure tickets to legendary Alibaba’s New Year Concert thru his very beautiful wife Mummy Mary who happens to be a sister. So, I thought it wise, to delay the message since the concert in my own estimation was more important to me than a speech most of you will not even read. So I went to enjoy myself o, come and see drinks, food and very plenty fine girls. With the kind of beautiful women we have in this country, the country can never destabilize.

Those people who keep calling us a failed state should have come to the concert and see things. Well, before I get distracted let me go straight into my message. Fellow Nigerians, this year has been one of the worst in my adult life. We have really suffered as a people, beset by calamities, killings and economic down turn. I hear over 3million people lost their jobs, Dbanj lost his son, our soldiers were killed almost on a daily basis and Dino kept our interest until the very last day. Atiku emerged under PDP, Aisha Buhari showed more credibility than her husband and the Jagaban moved against his ‘son’ Ambode prompting the Duke to shout and jump. This year was totally captured by my brother, FALZ in his very important song/video – This is Nigeria. He so beautifully captured our collective pain and hopelessness remarkably doing this while not wearing a shirt and sweating profusely obviously from not taking a bath for some time. Now is there any hope come 2019? All I can see from where I am seated is just forlorn desperation. With over 50 presidential candidates, the majority of them unemployed people – abi wetin Fela Durotoye dey do or Hamza – looking for jobs and relevance and two major candidates who have thrown up the very important need for us to choose one out of two ‘evils’ we stand on the threshold of extinction.

Our heroes have run away, gone quiet after shouting themselves hoarse without any response. Awolowo sits calmly in Ikeja where his sculptors have put him watching intently and shaking his head in frustration. Nnamdi Azikiwe and Ahmadu Bello struggling to change their nationalities even in heaven ashamed of what their legacy has been turned into by those they bequeathed it to. This is truly Nigeria – a place where dreams die, a place for the visionless and the impotent and barren. A place peopled by dubious clergy and fraudulent prophets churning out kobo kobo prophecies but taken seriously by a vacuous elite and an impoverished populace. This is Nigeria where the blind lead and those with eyes allow themselves to be led by those who cannot see while gleefully singing their praises. This is Nigeria, a country riddled with inconsistencies that beguile even its most ardent supporter. This is Nigeria where ‘two’ unelected but shadowy miscreants’ rule over 180million people who can at best be described as ghosts. This is Nigeria a place that makes George Orwell’s Animal Farm a nursery Rhyme. This is Nigeria where life is short, brutish and labourious. This is Nigeria our Nigeria. The Nigeria of Buhari and his kinsmen. The Nigeria of the herdsmen, Nigeria of Boko Haram and a leprous Nigeria that kills and mauls its own Children; having them for lunch in a senseless cannibalistic feast of the ghouls. This is our Nigeria, my Nigeria. A hope lost. I sit down here on a heap of dirt, naked, stark naked, head in my arms, tears streaming down my eyes as I weep for us. That President’s New Year’s speech didn’t do it for me and the rest of us. Our fate hangs………….