Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR

Olusegun Obasanjo: Happy Birthday

During the week, the great Chief Obasanjo reportedly celebrated his 88th birthday. Well, it was Chief Amosun, the former Governor of Ogun State, who threw in doubts as to Baba’s real age at the book launch heralding the birthday. So that is who we should hold to account.

He revealed at the book launch that while we were officially celebrating Chief Obasanjo’s 88th birthday, he believed that the real age is closer to 100.

Anyways, it was a huge event and almost every powerful ex-warlord was in attendance. I saw Senator Wabara, Chief Ben Obi and so many yesterday’s people that I almost lost count. Peter Obi walked in with that same black cloth he has been wearing since the last election; pretended to sit in the audience – I don’t know why he likes doing that thing – as if he is humble. Na lie, it’s just another attention-seeking gambit. Anyways, he landed at the high table which had Chief Adebutu, the flamboyant Governor Adeleke who was looking so fresh and very eager to perform, former governor of Osun, Oyinlola, and others.

It was a grand occasion as the whole hall was filled to the brim and the birthday boy, resplendent in white, reminded all that his classmate in primary school who was also in attendance stole his “epa” in school. The hall burst out in laughter. At the reception were different types of delicacies including amala, ewedu and gbegiri. Let me wish one of Africa’s greatest sons a huge birthday greetings even as we pray for longer life and continuous good health. Thank you.   

Ebenezer Obey: A Wonderful Meeting

Still on Obasanjo’s birthday. As we walked into the reception hall within the giant complex of the Chief Obasanjo Presidential Library, the sweet melodies of the Juju music Commander-in-Chief Ebenezer Obey hit us.

I immediately turned my head and saw the legend. Chief Commander was live on the band set. He was seated in a very comfortable cushion seat, dressed in white, and with the microphone, looked very regal. I quickly begged to take a picture with him. His voice was still as melodious as ever, the tunes aligning with his rendition and the power of his engagement was unmistakable.

It was a huge surprise for me because as a small boy in Shomolu, his tunes didn’t miss me. I didn’t understand his Yoruba but the sounds used to just mesmerize me as they wafted through the giant loud whispers of the record sellers that dominated the Shomolu of my youth. It was a powerful reunion I tell you as I sat beside him and put my arms around him. A great Nigerian, I tell you, a great one.

Akpabio vs Natasha: The Beat Goes on

This pantomime is still going strong. Senator Natasha appears in the Hall with her obviously overwhelmed husband in tow who now proceeds to plant a kiss on her.

Kogi women hit the streets demanding Akpabio’s resignation, Akwa Ibom women hit the streets asking Senator Natasha to leave their son.

Senate officials hit the media to defend their boss. One goes on ARISE TV and in a very heavy and thick Igbo assent proclaims – I was in the car ooooo, I didn’t see or hear Senator Akpabio harass her ooo.

Female senators have also hit the airwaves. The Senate committee calls her petition – dead on arrival, she stands up on the floor to continue her bullying of the Senate President who in a brittle attempt to correct her, gets shouted upon by this fiery damsel.

More people are coming out who claim to have suffered same fate as Akpabio -Reno Omokri. It is now looking like, at this pace, only Catholic priests would escape this allegation and in all of these, the Senate is distracted.

Not only distracted but also losing focus, as the Senate President was also reported to have kissed his wife too in retaliation.

Finally, Akpabio has now presided over his own case and Senator Akpoti-Uduaghan has now been suspended in nothing but a disgraceful gang up against a collective irritant. Na here we all dey with our popcorn oo.

Ita-Giwa: A Matriarch Weighs in

You see life. Mummy suddenly closes down Echoes of Calabar, her ubiquitous restaurant in Lagos where fresh afang is served. You all know my love for afang, hence my attachment to that restaurant. The fish served there are “imported” from Oron waterside.

Anyways, she suddenly packs her bags, relocates and promptly stops taking calls. Then all of a sudden, she surfaces on ARISE TV to speak about this ongoing sex scandal.

Well, she is eminently qualified to speak as a woman, a senior senator and a politician of repute. I must say that she made a lot of sense. Her understanding of the standing rules of the Senate was very evident and from her submission, it was clear that this “eaglet” senator was just stepping on rotten tomatoes as she plodded along.

On the matter of the sexual harassment, Mummy made a point: a female at that level cannot be shouting harassment as it shows weakness. I agree, but social media people did not o. Come and see abuses. Please someone should kindly beg Mummy not to go near comment sections, she will lose appetite.

The abuse and attacks were overwhelming but her point was clear – you could not have fought such stridently to emerge and now be shouting sexual harassment. It shows weakness, lack of comportment and carriage, and it’s true.

For those of us who are in this women matter, the first rule is comportment. There is a way you carry yourself with dignity and elegance that even the vilest of predators will think hard before engaging.

This is my position but it is more or less what Mama Bakassi was trying to say in that interview and if there is anybody to beat on this position, please let me know because I have her contact. Make una leave me alone.

Seyi Tinubu:  I’m Getting Real Confused

Ok, me I don’t know again o. People have been sending me videos of this “fine bobo” arriving with the full compliments of security, getting fêted in Kano by a large crowd with musicians proclaiming him as a saviour and also with him visiting soon-to-be Nobel nominated author, IBB.

People are wondering exactly what is going on. What is the game plan? They are calling me to ask and I am wondering why me. I don’t know the man o; never met him and not in any way interested in whatever concerns him.

But this last one that I saw really drew my attention. Breaking fast in Kano with both APC and one other party people and arriving like Donald Trump is giving us mixed signals o.

I really hope we are not beginning to get another biblical Absalom matter on our hands o because if Seyi continues like this, he will be more popular than his father o and we may start to hear “give us Seyi.”

My advice to the young man who seems to be very eager to etch his name in our national psyche is to ignore the political gatherings and matters and face philanthropy. I tell you, my brother, that is where the mass is. Use sports, music and philanthropy as vehicles to reach the masses and then move the huge goodwill gathered there to influence political outcomes.

Imagine if you hosted an international football tournament in Kano and brought in world-class teams like Real Madrid, Juventus and Arsenal to play Kano Pillars and Rangers of Enugu. Just imagine how the whole place will scatter.

Imagine hosting that Anthony Joshua world title defense in Abeokuta with local young boxers taking turns to train and spar with the world’s best, or bringing Jay Z and Davido and the rest to jam in Uyo.

Jim Nwobodo and MKO Abiola used this strategy to the end and see where it got them – one governor and senator, the other the undisputed icon of democracy.

So, all these appearances in political gatherings with bodyguards “plentier” than the ones guarding the King of Saudi Arabia, and taking salutes on parade grounds is making people to wrinkle their nose and say “what is wrong with this one?”

Just try this my style and see the wonders it will do for your image, political weight and the rest. Thank you.

Folake Soetan: Heroine of the Power Struggle

I didn’t believe it when the first clips of the attack on the Ikeja Disco office started rushing out. Then reports started flooding in that some military personnel later identified as operatives from the Air Force Base in Ikeja were the ones responsible for the attack. As the day unfolded and the whole thing started being clear, I started to panic.

Folake Soetan, the Managing Director of Ikeja Disco is a childhood friend and the woman is too beautiful and delicate to be left to a marauding number of Air Force personnel who although find it hard to attack insurgents would quickly rush this assignment with glee

I placed a call to her and she picked and said: “Edgar, it’s being sorted”. Brave woman and at night, her hubby Dipo, reached out that she was now in the office. My people let me not say what’s on my mind on this matter.

How is an attack in defenceless civilians who are working around with screwdriver and testers going to solve whatever is the rashes on the backs of the Nigerian Air Force?

Granted there are sensitive military equipment on the base that need power but at the same time, the company also has obligations to keep itself as a going concern.

So this attack, reminiscent of the mad-dog incident of the MKO Abiola fame, is now to mean what? Will this now solve the problem of the debt or even make you a more respected fighting force? This is an act of cowardice, beating and maiming civilians as reported.

Mbok, the luck there is that I was not in Lagos otherwise the story would have been totally different, I tell you. Whatever happened to amicable conversations and communications, all these misdirected gra gra can just be very annoying.

Too many battlegrounds to fight o, but it’s always at bus-stops, in beer parlours and places like this that we will be seeing full power.

This is not in any way good abeg. Please the authorities should look into this matter and kindly help us make sure it never happens again o.

Our MD is too delicate for this kind of wahala- person wey fine like Bianca, na him una dey pursue go inside car booth as we hear.

Not good, embarrassing and quite shameful. Oya come and beat me too. Mshewww  

Ibrahim Babangida: Greatest of All Time

Now I wanted to title this – IBB the GOAT. But I know that before I reach Shomolu I would have received thousands of koboko. I don’t even think Editor sef know the meaning and that is why I quickly just write am in full.

See, we do not know how to sell ourselves. Instead of abusing IBB all around for writing that “crap,” we should repackage him and his book and sell it right to the world.

See, IBB is the biggest-selling author of all time in the world. How many people have written one book and raised N17billion at a go? Oya answer na. James Hadley Chase? Barack Obama? William Shakespeare? The Clintons? Oya talk na.

No book has attracted more attention than this “wahala” wey he called a book.

How many books have caused me more heartache, tears, regrets, and curses than this book? Even Salman Rushdie’s controversial book no reach this one. IBB should be nominated for a Guinness Book of World Records slot.

One book, one thousand earthquakes, one book garnering the total budget of Taraba State in one sitting. One book bringing together archenemies to sit on one table and be smiling. It’s like when Pele came to Nigeria during the Civil War and they did a detente for him.

Tinubu and Atiku postponed their fight, OBJ postponed shelling Tinubu and everybody gathered to praise the author.

I think a strongly worded letter should be written and signed by our President to those people that used to give the Nobel Prize to immediately announce IBB as the winner of this year’s Nobel in fictitious literature.

Mbok, the man try and I am sorry to go back to it again. I am writing inside Ibom Air on a flight to Abuja and as the turbulence hit me, the economics of the book hit me – N17bn for a book written by a ghostwriter with IBB picture on top? Mbok, where is the Guinness Book of World Records o? Nigeria has another entry; not only Hilda Baci with her afang can enter this book. We have another one o. Kai.

Umaru Kwairanga: An Assured Destiny

Alhaji is the Chairman of the huge NGX, the main stock exchange in the country. You guys know that I used to be a stockbroker so I still remain very interested in happenings there. Alhaji with his team, comprising some of the most brilliant ever capital market operatives – Temi Popoola whose suits used to shake me those days, Nonso Okpala, a possible successor to the sweetly talented Tony Elumelu, and Mohammed Garuba (if you have not met this market expert, you will not understand the markets) – have all combined to work magic at the exchange.

Come and see their latest results. Everything going up by over 100%. The figures are massive, leading to a declaration of historic dividends for shareholders.

See, there is nothing transparency, clarity of purpose and capacity cannot do in an enterprise. They took over a sick giant – a giant that was suffering epileptic fits with its best hands jumping ship almost daily – and with a clear sense of purpose, they effected a massive turnaround that has made the NGX one of the most profitable in the world.

These are the kinds of people that should write a book that we can read, not some gap-toothed person. Mbok, congratulations Alhaji Kwairanga and your team. Let me also mention my brother Tony Ibeziakor before he calls me and say “Edgar, why you no put my name?” and also Clifford, their image maker who I consider one of the very best in this country.

Well done guys, this is what Nigeria will be when the next generation of leaders emerge. Hope still dey.