Loud Whispers

Let me write openly to this very lovely mummy. You see, recently, we have been seeing news reports online saying that you have been giving the full glory to God for your fantastic good fortune in life. I even saw another one that quoted you as saying that you became a billionaire without going to University. You see, your case is like that of taunting a man after losing his wife to his Gardner. Mummy, please just allow us be, let us remain in our corner to lick our wounds for being born in such a society where arbitrariness happens to be the rule of the day. Or how can we explain how by your own admission ‘God gave you an oil block. Oil block ooooo!!!!! Not bowl of rice. A real oil block. Only in a country like ours can God come down and choose just one person out of the teeming millions for an oil bock. I really thank him for his favour towards you and your family and that is why I am saying let us be o. We are very fine and we do not need to know how you ‘made’ it without going to University. This one is not good as it would mislead our youths who will be expecting this kind of miracles which only happens to favoured seamstresses and not everyday people and when they don’t get this oil block they will now start doing drugs and the rest. So madam, we remain very happy for you, but yours is not a motivational story, it is a fairy tale that I do not think can ever happen again in this world. So we thank you for your concern, kindly allow us o. We are very fine. Thank you, enough of the stories, God bless you.

DAPCHI – Tragedy of a Nation
You know, if I come down harsh on Buhari, what will it achieve? Nothing. If I jump on him, tear his clothes and scratch his face, I will just join the statistics in one of our prisons thereby not achieving anything. So I will just do the next best thing which is to take his picture and be saying what is really on my mind. So over 100 of our girls are missing once again and we are doing APC NEC meeting amongst other mundane government activities? You know when you are so hurting, you just sink into what I want to call heretic laughter. You will just be laughing at the wall while tearing up inside. What kind of country is this na? Once you think you have seen the worse something else happens. How can these people anytime they just feel like or need ‘wives’ will just enter any school and pick our young children and go. We are supposed to have the largest and most powerful Army in black Africa o, we have been spending real money in acquiring weapons and Jets o and our soldiers are walking around with well starched uniforms, feeling proud of themselves and be doing power man for bus top and yet we cannot protect the vulnerable in the society. Kai, how can this keep happening and the regularity and ease is really heart rendering. Police will now be stopping me at Ojuelegba and be asking me for ‘particular’ when they cannot stop this. For me, the army and police from the highest to the lowest should stop wearing their Caps until every one of those girls are returned safely home. Me, I will no longer greet, pay for food, smile or even talk to any soldier till these girls are returned. As I no fit shout na, that na my own silent protest. Abeg, enough is enough. We are not interested in press statements or buck-passing, just go get the girls; period. Buratai, this is to you. Thank you Sir.

Ashafa for Governor
This baba used to be my friend o. I once was in his office at Magodo, Lagos trying to ‘market’ him for business as a stockbroker when I casually flipped the newspaper in front of him as he took a phone call. What I saw in the paper ran a cold chill down my spine. That time as a young man still playing the field, one of my ‘people’ had gone to the paper to proclaim her love for ‘popular investment banker – Joseph Edgar’. My people I just died in front of the distinguished Senator o. These girls can kill person o. The thing we are talking in the dark, come and see my picture with this person o . Full colour in City people. As the oga finished his call, my madam started calling, I knew if I picked the call, I will die. I tell you, you should never try an Egba woman in anger. The phone was just ringing and the nice Senator not knowing what was going on, gently asked me to go ahead and pick the call, thinking it was out of courtesy I was not picking, if only he knew. I was sweating and shaking as I told him I will handle it. The text messages started coming. My people, I no fit tell una wetin I see for my phone that day, let us just say that I was more or less a corpse by the time I finished the meeting. The fact that I got the business did not do anything to help my situation. Kai, which kind person I be? See as I expose myself instead of talking the Senator matter. I am sorry my readers but you people too like gist but nevertheless, my egbon has just denied wanting to be Governor, na lie o. that is what they do to test the water after this Ambode’s last term. Egbon is getting ready for a push after Ambode, no problem as long as he does not attempt to rock this Ambode Boat. He should allow the incumbent finish our discussions on my Isale Eko show before attempting this his project, otherwise, I will go to igbo igunnu for him o. Na joke jo. Ashafa remains a true son of Lagos and is well positioned for the highest seat in Lagos and I am happy that he would bid his time and allow common sense to prevail. Ambode is doing well and I remain with him; no shame in that. Ambode is my man. Remember we both lived in Shomolu so that is it. Thank you and God bless. Make I go chop abeg. I am hungry.

The New Wind at Wema Bank
Please permit me to plug this bank on this page today. When people or organisations are doing well, we must encourage them, it is the best thing to do. I have been watching the transformation of this bank from the travails it had gone through in recent times to a serious player for some time now. You see the transformation even goes beyond just the branding but also in service delivery. As a retired banker, I should know what I am talking about. The way they have coralled a particular demographic and designed products for that sector pushing it with vigour and passion remains a very excellent story to be told and me I am a weakling for good things. I met one of the people leading this transformation; Funmilayo, a very lovey lady the other day and her insights on the new found purpose of the institution blew me away. You see the fact that this is the very first truly indigenous banking system not derived from any colonial structure that has lasted this long should be given not only our praises but support. Well-done Funmi and team, you guys just like our Female Bobsled team Rock. By the way, are they married? No be me  dey ask o na Mudi say I should ask.

Barrister Jideofor Ezeofor – A Lawyer?
I know many lawyers o. my best friend Ishmael is a lawyer . They are always wearing black suit and black shoe and be arguing up and down the place. Quoting one thing or the other and when police catch you, they will be running to open book, instead of quickly negotiating, shouting Human right. Well, this my friend is a barrister with a difference. He is a highly talented fashion designer. If you see what this Lawyer does with fabric you will be amazed. No wonder most Governors in the South East adorn his creations with relish, infact on any given day, at least one Excellency is wearing one of his stuff. I was at his Ikoyi show room and I was amazed at the creations. In the midst of his Law books, this father of seven, yes o seven from his lovely wife-I saw her picture. These were some of the most exquisite designs this my eyes have ever seen, his works are usually complemented with his crocodile skin shoes which he makes out of his Enugu factory. That I really admire this young man and his Partner James who happened to be my course mate at the University of Ibadan cannot be contested. We still have hope for this country I tell you. Welldone my brother, keep up the good work.