“He who finds a wife, finds a good thing”. Proverbs 18:22
From the beginning of creation, God created man and created woman to be his helpmate. The Lord knew that the man, as strong as he was created is not able to function properly without a help, so the Lord created the woman as his helpmate.
Woman is God’s gift to man! and it is according to the word of God for both parties to stick to their roles.
In our society today, the role of the man and woman has been reversed. Today, you find many women occupying the position of men at home and in the office. A lot of women are forced to take up the role of breadwinner in their marriages.
This of course has created problems in many marriages, in some cases this has even resulted in the dissolution of the marriage. Many single women (divorced, widowed, matured singles), who have come out of such marriages will tell you that they have no desire to remarry simply because they don’t want to get into the situation of assuming the role of the man in a marriage again.
Some women were victims of emotional and physical battering in their marriages hence they feel the need to protect their heart from being hurt again and hence stay unmarried.
Proverbs 31: 10-31 gives us the description of the perfect virtuous woman.She is a great wife, mother, housekeeper, business woman, cook, who never seems to get tired.
These verses along with others in the book of Proverbs (Provevbs12:4) and (Proverbs19:4) talk about, and praise the woman in the role that she does best; the role of the woman as a wife.
Isn’t it interesting that there is no where in the Bible where a single woman is acknowledged and praised for being a virtuous woman, except for Ruth who was widowed and later remarried?
This means that the proverbs 31 woman is an example of what God wants us women to be, complete in our roles as a wife, mother, and helper.
There is a category of women who just can’t be bothered with marriage.
There is no doubt that the majority of single women today are single because they are still believing God for their life partners, but there are some women, who are single, and do not want a life partner because they do not want to take up the responsibilities of a wife and mother and some others who are not looking for marriage because they are just comfortable with themselves the way they are.
Permit me to say that whilst there may be nothing wrong with this category of women, such women are not only out of God’s will; they can never really fulfil the mandate that God has created them for as a woman.
Another category of women are those who refuse to submit to spousal authority
The Bible tells us to submit to authority-spousal authority amongst others. This has been a problem many women have faced in marriages but the truth is, the inability to submit to their husbands is out of God’s command.
Some women rather than submit would stay on their own but God is a God of order.
The truth is, if you will not submit to man’s authority, you can never submit to God’s authority.
For some women God has opened a new door for them by providing a new opportunity to be happy again. This means it is God’s will for them to be married.
However some of these women end up staying out of God’s will because of their inability or unwillingness to submit.
The truth is that living the will of God can sometimes mean enduring some personal suffering or discomfort but it always brings a reward. Each of us must seek God and be sensitive to His leading.
Fear is a tool that the devil uses to keep a lot of single women in their comfort zones. Many refuse to go into marriage because of the fear of being unloved, but a confident woman does not fear being unloved because she knows that first and foremost that God loves her unconditionally.
Once you have ascertained and walk in this fact, you will go into a marriage knowing that your husband is just a human being like yourself, and therefore he is not perfect, so there is no way his love for you can equate the love of Christ to you.
Many women who have remained unmarried because they believe that they are self sufficient and do not need any man, are actually operating from fear of taking up another relationship that may not work.
Just because it didn’t work with Tunde does not mean it won’t work with Tunji. Stop looking regrettably at the shut door and start looking with optimism at the new door that the Lord will open to you if you believe Him, because He honours Faith.
Once you put your confidence in God, He will not only love you, He will provide other people who will truly love you and knowing that you are loved by someone that you can trust is the best and most comforting feeling in the world.
The saying goes that: “what a man can do a woman can do better”.
Another category of women are those who have been able to achieve.
Many women have succeeded in their paths of chosen careers, some have even exceeded their male counterparts in their fields, some women have been able to achieve, by whatever means, a level of financial independence in their single lives and for this reason feel that they do not need a man to boss them around or teach them what to do, most of all they do not need a man to help spend their money.
This means that rather than control money their money controls them.
But no matter the height of success achieved, your success should not replace the role of a man in your life. That is not the will of God!
For such women, money has taken the place of love and values. In some cases, these women resolve to different men to meet their needs. This is a very convenient arrangement for them because they are not under the covenant of marriage and so can get up and go as they wish, but invariably, the men assume the role of a controller in their lives.
This is because the woman remains at the mercy of the men, because of what she is getting from them. She feels indebted to these men because of how they meet her needs.
So in reality, the freedom that she thinks she has, in not wanting to submit in marriage, she looses in submitting to men/man that have no legal or moral responsibility towards her.
The Bible says “Honour the Lord with your substance and with the first fruit of your increase”------Replacing the love of a husband for the love of money is not honouring the Lord.
If you fall into this category, you need to break the control of money over your life, you have the liberty to do this but you have to be determined to do it.
There is also the category of women who are too used to the company of their single female friends.
Such women go about partying with their female friends ever so often that they think all life has to offer is attached to these companies. Such women need to breakaway from this type of association in order to forge ahead to fulfil their dreams.
Finally, in whatever category you find yourself you need to pray for God’s guidance and as His spirit leads you, ask for the grace to obey.
The average single woman will always want to do things that will please God but albeit we always find it difficult, but one sure way I know is to make Jesus the Lord of your life, He would walk with you, be it through the mountains, the valley, the fire, and the water.
He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother. If you want to give your life to Him now, please pray; Lord Jesus I come to you as a sinner, confused, broken and misguided.
I have lived my life according to my own plan and purpose, forgive me of my sins and accept me into the kingdom of your own dear son. Thank you for loving and saving me. Amen
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God bless you
Guest columnist: Modupe kazeem.