We started this discussion last week and I will quickly round it up today so that we can get back to our series on common mistakes married women make next week. I started looking at the reasons some men of God go through divorce and i hope this helps someone.
1.There is no relationship without communication/relaxation: So many men of God don’t communicate with their spouses. You can’t expect an abandoned flower to thrive and blossom without your attention. I honestly think many of us saddle our wives with church work that they are not prepared for? I don’t believe that a man is a pastor necessarily means his wife must be a Pastor Mrs(my opinion). God’s callings and gifting isn’t by marriage. Many of us need to spend more time with our spouses. I can’t understand the calling that makes a man of God remain in Nigeria while he sends his wife to Germany to pastor the branch of the church over there.
Excuse me you are a human being who needs emotional attention unfortunately that is a reality in many ministries. I need to say that you are a man of God on the pulpit but at home you are a lover and a father to your children so you might learn to drop the Bible and the christianies on the alter so that you can communicate with your wife and your children in human language. Even Jesus spoke with his mother and his disciples and even the crowd in a language they understand. I was invited to a meeting years ago and I asked the ministers there the last time they had a dance with their spouses? I was shocked that most of them admitted that it was during their wedding.
What tells us that God would be angry if you attend Salsa lessons with your wife as a pastor or you think that would reduce the anointing or make you lose respect? Relationship needs communication to thrive and you must learn your spouse’s communication clues, love languages and even personality traits. I think many women’s social lives are dead simply because they married a man who is a pastor and they are being forced to live a life that is not theirs. Unfortunately it is only a matter of time because you can’t hide who you are for too long.
2. Isolation isn’t spirituality – Jesus never isolated himself as a matter of fact he was found in everyday places like our present day shopping malls and movie houses. I see a lot of young pastors who have aged faster than they should be because of isolation. Something tells us that we need to isolate ourselves to receive a word for a people who are being ‘pastored’ only during the service because many of them are really being influenced more by their favorite musician than their pastor. Don’t allow church members turn you into who you are not because if you don’t hang out with your babe they would spread your story when your marriage breaks down. When was the last time you met your pastor in a bus, a mall, a restaurant or a cinema? As a matter of fact when was the last time he was stuck in traffic and you saw him? If you have answered No then most likely your pastor is a spirit. I am aware that we have some top MOGs who could be embarrassed by going to such places but we created that system in the first place. If a man wants to live in isolation he should please not get married so that we can save the body of Christ all these embarrassment.
3.Wisdom is in the city square – If a man of God is inadequate on a particular subject it is not shameful to get help.
As a matter of fact it is humility to look for help from people that have studied that particular subject. Age or longevity in ministry isn’t the same as wisdom. There could be something to learn from someone we have categorized a sinner. So when I hear someone make statements like there is nothing an unbeliever can teach me I often want to ask who taught him how to speak English or understand mathematics. God has created us to be interdependent that is why I would submit myself to the wisdom of my Doctor who is trained to understand the human body as well as my financial consultant who is trained to understand financial intelligence as well as my Marital mentor(who is not even a pastor) because he has ran a successful home for 50years. As a matter of fact he doesn’t have to have spent 50years if he has got the wisdom for marriage it is only sane for me to humble myself.
I think the key word here is humility because most of the reasons we are giving for divorce are selfish reasons which may not really hold any water for the discerning and many of the divorce cases are preventable provided we have submitted ourselves to knowledge.
Only the truth sets a man free and that truth doesn’t necessarily have to come from the pulpit. It could be in a book or from someone who isn’t even a man of God. That people come every Sunday to worship and God has placed us as their pastors hasn’t made us an island of knowledge because there is a lot to learn from those people as well. If a successful career counselor is a member of your church and has submitted himself to your leadership I think it is also wise to submit the career decisions of your church members or even your own to his wisdom because he could have been a Bishop in his field if it were a church.
I believe we need to pray against this wind of marital divorce but I think the problem is deeper than prayers. My honest opinion is the need for us to change our approach from church expansion to kingdom expansion and by that I mean our ability to control the airwaves and what comes out of Nollywood and Hollywood as well as get involved in politics so that we can formulate policies.
That way we would embrace the use of professionals and the Super Star pressure would have been off a lot of pastors so that they can spend quality time with their spouses and do normal things that a normal human being should do without members wondering if the man is still spiritual. You saw what you liked when you married your babe and proposed to her, which she accepted so you need to spend time grooming her as well lest the serpent starts talking to her. Whatever God has joined together let no congregation put asunder. Selah