Dating: Common Mistakes Women Make

28 Dec 2012

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Albert Einstein said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” This seems especially true when it comes to dating. You may show up late for a date for the second time running. You may wrongly assume he hung up on you (No thanks to the Telecom industry). You might pay him far less attention when you are with your friends. Blunders and bloopers happen—that’s life. But some women make mistakes by not thinking ahead and not being aware of what they’re doing at the moment. Here are some of the most common ones:

1. Talking about long-term commitment too soon

Although, it is untrue that all men are afraid of commitment, most of us prefer to ease into the subject slowly, most especially after plenty of time spent getting to know our partner. It is a mistake to fish around for clues as to how your date feels about “your future together.” The first weeks and months of dating should be devoted to getting acquainted and enjoying each other—without the pressure of “what lies ahead.” If dating is destined to grow into a long-term relationship, you will both know when the time is right to bring it up. No need to force the issue or try to foretell the future.

2. Unloading past relationship baggage

By the time you begin dating as an adult, you have probably had your heart broken a time or two. It is painful. We vow to learn from past wounds and never let it happen again. But dating is a chance to meet someone new. Talking about past relationships, and all the ways in which you were mistreated, invites old ghosts to join you on your date. What was supposed to be a quiet, romantic dinner can suddenly seem very crowded. The time may come for you to discuss your past experiences, but be judicious and cautious about sharing too much too soon.

3. Conducting a “job interview”

I am naturally inquisitive. I was talking with a girl two weeks ago and sometime into the discussion she said: ‘don’t you think you should have studied law?’ At that time I began to feel like it was time to slow down with my questions. It is natural to want to know as much as you can about your date: his tastes, experiences, career, and hobbies. You may want to know about his family and past romantic relationships. But probing too far too fast can come across as nosy and intrusive.

4. Being ungrateful and unappreciative

Some women don’t realise that planning and pulling off a date can cause lots of anxiety for  men. It takes guts to ask someone out, and it takes careful consideration to orchestrate a nice evening. Show gratitude for the effort. The words “Thank You” go a long way.

Mistakes come in all sizes. Some dating fumbles can even be charming. A little awareness can help ensure that yours won’t be so big as to rule out future dates.

5. Being Clingy

Even if you were formerly a Siamese twin and have an outstanding personality; you aren’t getting anywhere with a guy if you are clingy. The fascinating thing about this is that most women don’t even realise they are clingy. There are many ways to be clingy, but I’ve listed the most common below:

Telephone. Your guy should be calling you at least twice as many times as you call him. If he is supposed to call you at 5pm, don’t pick up the phone at 5:02 when you haven’t heard from him. If this is completely out of character for him and you are afraid something may be wrong, you can call him in an hour. This rule is especially important at the beginning of a relationship. Let him be the one to call you and make plans. Don’t call him everyday, and always have a good reason to call him (don’t try to make one up - you will sound so very lame). Also be sure to hang up with him before the conversation goes stale. Oh, and when he calls you let it go to voicemail once in a while!

Personal Displays of Affection. Let holding hands and kisses come naturally when you are out in public. Some guys are not comfortable with this at all and will be turned off if you force PDA. At the beginning of the relationship, always let him make the first move so you can scope out his level of comfort. As you get more involved, you may reach out for his hand first ONCE IN A WHILE.

Dropping By. Never make it a habit of dropping into a guy’s place uninvited (even if you are really just in the neighborhood).

6. Always Saying Yes

At the start of a relationship, be sure not to seem too available. Keep up your other friendships and go out with your friends once in a while. Never cancel previously made plans to go out with a guy you like. Simply say, “I’m sorry, I already made plans that evening, can we do it another night.” Also have a deadline of when you will accept a date for the weekend. If a guy calls you after Wednesday to make plans for the weekend, I suggest you say no (even if you want to and have nothing else to do). We like to know that you have your own hobbies and life. We get very nervous when we think we are solely responsible for entertaining you all of the time.

7. Hopping into the Sack too Soon

Men love sex and most of us will undoubtedly try to get some from you, but that doesn’t mean we want you to say yes. Confusing, I know, but the type of women men want to settle down with are the type of women who are picky about being intimate. Everyone can think of a situation where they or someone they know has been dumped soon after starting a sexual relationship with a guy.

The reason waiting to have sex is so important is because you want your guy to be attached to you emotionally before you are intimate. Give yourselves plenty of time to get to know each other before you have sex. When the guy is head over heels for you before you make love it will only deepen and strengthen your relationship, not tear it apart.

It is also much easier for a woman to walk from a relationship if she has not been intimate with a man. If it doesn’t end up working out and you have never had sex, no problem, just move on. No emotional attachment, no strings attached, and no notches in your bedpost.

Tags: Dating, Life, Life and Style, MISTAKES, women

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