Thank you Mr ‘A’ for your email and comments on the first part of this article. Quoting Mr ‘A’, “The BE-DO-HAVE principle is akin to discovering the innate gifts we have, asserting them and becoming achievers in this regard. It might not necessarily be a skill but a character trait e.g. selflessness and service to mankind etc”
How right you are! Preacher and writer, Jesse Duplantis, in his Book, The Everyday Visionary said, “The poorest man is not the man without a Nickel but the man without a dream”
The woman who is allowed to live her dream of being a homemaker, always at the door to say bye and welcome home to her husband and children is as fulfilled as the career minded woman who comes alive in the boardroom living her dream of running the affairs of a big corporation.
Last week I explained that, the ‘BE’ is your purpose, ‘who am I and what is important to me?” The ‘DO’ is the steps/action needed to ‘HAVE- the results and outcomes- this then becomes our goal.
Again I ask you this question, ‘who do you want to be?’ Anthony Robbins, a renowned personal development authority once said, “It is not only the questions we ask ourselves, but also those we fail to ask ourselves that define our destiny.”
The following questions should help you start the journey of self- examination- ‘Do you recognize what you’re good at and what energizes you? Do you fully utilize your most enjoyed skills? Does your work further some interest or issue that you care deeply about? Do you view most days with enthusiasm? Are you taking the necessary skills to live your purpose?
If you are true to yourself, sincere answers to these questions could set you free!
Another fact that Mr.‘A’ raised which I promised I would address is the issue of ‘constraints’. He wrote in his mail to me, “Constraints however, can be a major impediment in the principle. These could be cultural, finance related, government policies et al.”
I totally agree with this statement. A lot of us do know what we want to ‘BE’ but paralyzed by these so called constraints, we settle to live our days in frustration and disillusionment.
Philip Andrew Adams puts it this way, “Most people can do extraordinary things if they have the confidence or take the risks. Yet most people don't. They sit in front of the telly and treat life as if it goes on forever.”
These constraints/obstacles can be grouped into three categories,fears, considerations and roadblocks. (I help people deal with these during my ‘Pathway to Business Success’’ and my ‘Game of Success’ boot camps. You can be part of the next one taking place March/April in Nigeria.)
FEAR-it’s been giving the acronym ‘False Evidence Appearing Real’ but I like this version even better-‘Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real’. That’s really what a lot of our fear is-fantasized. We think ourselves into frenzy!
As Mark Hansen says, “Most of the time, fear only exists in our mind. Our imagination is powerful. Small issues often get blown out of proportion and we create mental pictures that are ridiculous when compared with facts.”
Reminds me of my experience as an untidy young girl; I had packed my Saturday washing unto a chair in my bedroom, too lazy to fold them away, I woke up in the middle of the night and I thought I saw a silhouette of an evil being waiting to pounce on me if I dared to close my eyes.
I forced my eyes open virtually all night, but as twilight came, I saw what it actually was, an untidy pile of clothes! Just as I closed my eyes in relief, my mum’s voice boomed through my door to get ready for school!
Fear is a feeling and it stands like a great brick wall in our path. Common fears are, fear of failure/loss, uncertainty, rejection, making major decision, conflict, lack of knowledge e.t.c you hear people saying, “I have a fear of failing” or “I need more information before I can set out.”
Please show me one great man/woman who had not made a mistake at one point of their journey to greatness and I’ll show you how to grow money on trees!
Fear is part of life; you feel the emotion when you start a new project, make an important/life changing decision or just put yourself out there. The way forward is to acknowledge that fear exists, but don’t let it stop you from taking the necessary steps (DO) to being who you want to ‘BE’.
When you find yourself dragging your feet, it’s time to find a quiet place to sit and ask yourself these librating questions: “What am I afraid of-both now and about the future? Write the answers down. Then focusing on each one, ask yourself “what can I ‘DO’ to overcome this?” …to be cont’d
Gbonju Akintola is a UK based certified professional personal & small business performance coach, trainer and international speaker. She qualifies through the Chartered Institute for Personnel Development (CIPD) and the Coaching Academy. For more information on how you or your organisation can benefit from her services, visit www.peakpeopledevelopers.comor email gbonju@peakpeopledevelopers.com